TJ Smith Pandemic Journal #4 4-14-20

Earlier the governor of Utah announced that school is officially cancelled for the rest of

the year. Honestly, I was in shock for the first 2 hours after that. I didn’t really process or think

about it at all. I think in the back of my mind I was really worried I was going to get super

emotional and sad, but I was sitting at the piano playing this song called Prelude to the Dance

by David Lanz, and it’s a really upbeat song that I feel like just captures the feelings of things

getting better, and it suddenly just settled in and hit me at the same time. I like to think about

things while I play songs I’ve memorized on the piano, which this song is one of, so I was just

looking back over the last day of school for me this year, and that’s when it really hit me it was

over; highschool, at least the social part, is over! I felt this sudden flood of emotions that I sort

of vented through my piano playing, and then I just sat and let myself feel all those emotions;

and I was surprised how I felt! I feel so happy! It’s not that I hated all of highschool, I actually

feel a deep sad-happy nostalgia simultaneously. I can’t believe how many people I’m going to

really miss, and I really wanted to say goodbye to and spend a little more time with before

saying goodbye. But I think this is just right. I’m completely content with how highschool went. I

can’t think of anything I regret, or wanted to do that I never got the chance to do. That is such a

great feeling! Of course, I am missing some things like Prom which makes me sad, but other

than that everything feels just right!

I feel a lot more able to deal with this pandemic now that I have some clarity about how

the rest of school is going to go. I must’ve been subconsciously really uptight about whether or

not we were going to be able to go back for the end of the year or not, but now that I have

clarity I can actually accept something instead of just sitting in confusion about what was going

to happen. I’m sure the future is going to be just as bright as I had imagined it would be, for me
TJ Smith Pandemic Journal #4 4-14-20

and for everyone who’s trying their best, however it ends up working out, and I’m going to hold

on to that encouraging thought.