LIL Quark-Part One 1/22/01 8:49 AM Page 71

T h e Wo r l d a s O u r M i r r o r • 71

you have been feeling very angry and critical toward yourself late-
ly. Or perhaps you will discover that a part of you is upset because
you haven’t been paying enough attention to yourself. When other
people want more from you, it’s usually an indication that you want
more from yourself. It may in fact be a signal that it’s time to show
up and be more present with your own needs and feelings.
Interestingly, other people in our lives often start feeling better
when we become more present with ourselves.
A friend of mine discovered that her boyfriend had been see-
ing another woman and lying to her about it. She was very hurt and
angry, particularly to discover the dishonesty. They had a long talk
in which she was able to express her feelings to him. Then she took
some time alone for a while to sort things out on her own.
When she was alone, she asked herself, “Is there some way I’m
lying to myself, some way I’m not being totally truthful and honest
with myself, that would cause me to attract a dishonest man?” She
let go of thinking about it and went to work. By the end of the day
she realized she had often felt this man was not fully present with
her, was not being real with her. But in the past, she had denied and
covered up these feelings because she was afraid to confront him
with what she felt and intuitively knew. Thus, she effectively lied to
herself and supported him in his deceptions as well.
She realized this was a lesson in learning to trust her feelings
more and to have the courage to express and support them. She
started to do this more with her boyfriend, and they eventually
worked out a more honest, communicative relationship. She might
also have chosen not to continue the relationship. What matters
is that she received the gift from it — learning to trust and