5 Ways To Date Yourself eBook-Complete

5 WAYS TO DATE YOURSELF, . . .
AND 1 BIG REASON WHY YOU SHOULD!

So many times we think of “dating,” as something we do with another person.
Learn the value of loving yourself first and some fabulous ways to make
yourself feel like a queen!
P.J.
affectionately referred to as
the love guru
Whether married or single, this book is for you – because when you learn to love yourself first,
1
ALL your other relationships will flourish, too!
Contents
Introduction 3
Ch. 1: Physical 8
Ch. 2: Emotional 21
Ch. 3: Spiritual 35
Ch. 4: Intellectual 61
Ch. 5: Creative 74
Ch. 6: 1 BIG Reason Why 91
Ch. 7: Final Thoughts 110
Thank You’s 113
About the Author 117

Ladies, . . . It’s time to take yourself out on the town! Ready?!
5 Ways to Date Yourself, . . . and 1 BIG Reason Why You Should! 2

Introduction
So many times we think of “dating” as something we do with another
person and, traditionally, that is the case. However, times have
changed. We’re all so busy, running and doing, we even substitute real
relationships with virtual ones through social media, for example.
And the one relationship that gets sacrificed most is the intimate connection we should
have with ourselves!
Sacrificed?! Eek! That’s Awful — “awful” for the woman giving up so much of her
intimate connection with herself!
YOU live in a time, right now, when your life experiences hold more untapped potential
and opportunity than an individual—especially a woman—has ever had, historically!
Personally, I am incredibly excited because the beauty of a healthy and happy woman is
unmatched. The value a truly connected woman brings to any relationship, business, or
community affiliation is remarkable!
“The world will be saved by the Western woman.”

~~~
“Women have the capacity to lead us to a more peaceful
world with compassion, aﬀection, and kindness.”
— H.H., Dalai Lama XIV

• Thank You for Receiving This Gift •
The Truth is Found Within

Your Journey Begins Here
You are valuable, you are important, and you matter!
There is no one else on the face of this planet who has

ever been just like YOU!!! You are unique. And as a
man, raised by a woman, I greatly appreciate women
and the life you bring to our world. Thank YOU!
I wrote this book because I genuinely want you to be

free! I want you to truly live and love without limits!
————————
Within these pages, you will find an array of activities,

which you are encouraged to explore alone. Yes, by
yourself!

You are in for a treat—there are so many fascinating
options in this mini-book that even if you are unable
to do all of them, for whatever reason, . . .
You will still open your mind to the opportunities that

exist to truly enrich your life and get to know yourself
even better!
Likely you and I don’t, yet, know each other, so I

know nothing about your psychology, emotional
Be Alone
intelligence, physical strength, balance, and
Eat alone, take yourself on dates, sleep
dexterity.
alone.
I know nothing about your interests, creative In the midst of this, you will learn about
expressions, fears, worries, and/or doubts. yourself.
You will grow, you will figure out what

And it goes without saying your greater perspective
inspires you, you will curate your own
on life, morality, and spirituality are areas I am not
dreams, your own beliefs, your own
currently privileged to, so if anything I write or stunning clarity.
suggest doesn’t resonate with you—no problem
whatsoever! And when you do meet the person who
makes your cells dance, . . .
What you are reading is not a course or program,

YOU will be sure of it because you are
instead it’s a primer for you to begin pushing a bit
sure of yourself.
outside of your comfort zone, so you can more
deeply and more intimately explore how you — Bianca Sparacino
believe, think, and feel about yourself, others,
relationships, and intimacy in all its many facets.
My hope is you will begin to fall in love with yourself,

in an effort to open you up for a genuinely healthy
and happy and deeply loving romantic relationship.
To be honest, . . . I hope this mini-book inspires a greater love and compassion for all people
—and that you find an unmatched joy and reverence for life!
5 Ways to Date Yourself, . . . and 1 BIG Reason You Should! 5

My beautiful friend, there are lots of opportunities, here, for personal growth and
many of these solo–dates have been designed to challenge you to face your fears and
grow beyond them, so you begin to create and live a completely free life—with
nothing holding you back and everything ahead of you to embrace and explore!
I want to clarify something, too. While I

imagine many of you are going to want to
have your girl friends with you, these are
“solo-dates.”
And as you might think of these as, quite

literally, alone, many of these will take place
near, or around, or even with others. The reason I define these as solo-dates is simply
because you’re largely engaging in them alone—some of these will be 100% alone and
on your own, but not all of them.
Please know, too, with everything in me I
want you to be safe: physically,
emotionally, spiritually, socially,
intellectually, and financially.
I teach women’s self-defense classes

because I genuinely care about women’s
happiness and safety, so I encourage you
to challenge yourself with these solo-dates, but only so far as you’re consciously and
intentionally protecting yourself—especially if one of the dates has something
particularly physical involved.

You should absolutely be safe based on my ideas; however, I fear I would be remiss if I
didn’t simply say and remind you, . . . . “please only do what you are competent,
confident, and safe engaging in, . . . including creating your own solo-dates!”
Ultimately, please enjoy life, and . . . take care of yourself, so you have years ahead of
you to love, laugh, and enjoy!

With all of that being said, . . . “what are you doing this weekend? Do you have any
plans? If not, . . . I was wondering IF YOU wanted to go out with YOU?”

Explore to Love More
Women are radiant beings—even more experience than most others. Honestly, . . . it’s
naturally so when you take time to truly quite beautiful and filled with an elegance—a
nurture yourselves. grace.
The feminine energy has a wonderful way As you know, there is a real deliciousness to life
of moving through and exploring life; when when it is sensually experienced. Modern day
open-and-receptive, it’s as if you’re drawn life tends to really distract us from this deep,
or gently pulled through every moment. personalized, and intimate engagement.
Your 5+ senses are all turned on, and you This small book is designed to very simply
are having a completely different reintroduce YOU to YOU! That’s all.
Where You Are Going

What You Will Be Doing
This book is broken in to 5 chapters all designed with 3 solo-date ideas for YOU to begin
exploring more about yourself. The intention is for you to reconnect with
your own thoughts, feelings, ideas, and interests.
Each date has 3 parts for you:

Date Details | What to Focus On | Follow-Up
They are fun, sometimes challenging, and intentionally introspective.

Ideally, you’ll begin to really listen to, and honor, your body, mind, heart, and soul!
I hope you will enjoy these and even more importantly, I hope you will be inspired to design
your own dates with yourself — I promise you will be glad you did!

Chapter 1
While there are so many aspects that make us up as humans—our

physicality is really the base of this life we’re experiencing, which is why
I’ve started here.
Plus, I thought it might

make this idea of “dating
yourself,” more, initially,
palatable and inviting.

Remember these solo–
dates are intended to be
fun! Yes, they will
challenge your strengths Play is not a luxury.
of body and mind—and Play is a necessity.
they will allow you, in — Kay Redfield Jamison
some cases, to even look fear in the eyes, . . . and choose to play anyway!

I sincerely hope you are as excited for your first solo–date as I am for you!
Have Fun!

* Remember, it’s always the best option to consult your doctor or physician
before engaging in any physical activities.

• Solo-Date 1: Park-n-Play •
“It is a happy talent to know how to play.”

“I can’t do that! What — Ralph Waldo Emerson
will people think and
Go to a neighborhood park and play for a day!
say?!”
And by play, I mean challenge your balance, test your

What does that matter, dexterity, and exercise your muscles!
my beautiful friend?!
You are encouraged to climb trees; slide; crawl around
“They" are not on a on, and play in, the playground equipment; swing on the
date with you, . . . swings; jump from a swing like we did when we were
kids and thought we could fly; hang from the monkey
YOU Are!
bars—hang with both arms, hang with one, hang upside
down, don’t accept limitations—climb anything you can;
go up the slide the wrong way; practice moving on the
various balance beams; take your shoes off and let your
toes dig in the sand; lay down in the grass; just play!
Explore ALL the features and options available, . . .

even if that means pushing the limits of “appropriate.”
You are being invited to open up and re-embrace

the sheer joy of innocently playing for the simple
sake of playing.
What are you feeling as you read the suggestions

— exhilaration, a real desire to go out and actually
have unrestrained fun, or panic and tension?
Are your thoughts saying, “I can’t do that; what will

people think and say?!”

What does that matter, my beautiful friend—“they"
are not on a date with you, . . . YOU Are!

In an effort to maximize your joy and reduce any
chance of embarrassment by running into someone you may know, you are encouraged to
choose a park different than “your” park for this particular date—after this, if you decide to
go on this solo-date again, you are welcome and encouraged to choose any park you like!
The first time you go on any of your solo–dates gets to be about your personal experiences,
thoughts, and feelings — if others you know are there, you might not allow yourself to truly
play.

I strongly encourage you to find a
public park with a playground and
climbable trees.
You may be interested in also

bringing a small backpack you can
wear as you play or place it down
near you.
In it, you can bring water, of course,

along with your journal and favorite
pen, ear buds, your phone with
access to some fun music for you,
even a personal development book
or audiobook.
And finally, stay for every bit of 2.5 hours, and then
go for a favorite decadent treat afterwards. I’m a fan of smoothies, but you may slip into a
chocolate store briefly and emerge with a half–dozen chocolate covered strawberries—it’s
100% your treat!
The only requirement is simply enjoy—allow yourself the opportunity for this deliciousness!
Focus On: Play, laughter, lightness, simple joy, exploration, challenging yourself,
smiling a lot, bringing the playful, explorer energy—don’t wait for the universe to
make you happy; instead find genuine joy inside you first!

Follow-Up (optional, but encouraged):
•  Journal about your date: what you did, how it felt, what was the best part,
would you do it again, and what did you learn about yourself?
•  Add another play-inspired solo-date to your calendar within the next month.
Choose something fun to do alone!

• Solo-Date 2: Ready to Rock?! •
Trust me, . . .
“I am not beautiful like you,
I am beautiful like me!”
There’s a method to my — Unknown
madness.
Find an indoor climbing gym and see if they have a
“bouldering” area or a low climbing wall to practice
Bouldering is hard, and climbing skills.
you should be
prepared to fall a lot— For those non-climbers—before you skip this date and
but getting back up proclaim, “Oh, climbing is definitely not for me”—I
would strongly encourage you to embrace this date; let
and doing it again is
this opportunity challenge you to explore your body,
great emotional mind, courage, curiosity, your will to learn, your
fortitude training. creativity, and your puzzle-solving skills.
Climbing, especially bouldering, will challenge you—and

I said in the Introduction you would be challenged.

Listen, if you’re not a “climber,”
and you don’t know what
“bouldering” is, allow me to offer
a very simple explanation.
Bouldering is not this on the left!
Bouldering is a low-level, very

close to the ground climbing
practice. Honestly, it’s easier to
climb the indoor wall with
someone belaying you than it is
to boulder.
Bouldering is a lot of low level

climbing with angles and
overhangs—and lots of cushion
below you.

Trust me, . . . there’s a method to
my madness. Bouldering is hard,
and you should be prepared to
fall a lot—but getting back up
and doing it again is great
emotional fortitude training.

If I simply encouraged you to go
to a climbing gym and find
someone to belay you, you
wouldn’t be connecting with
yourself, you’d be mostly
interacting with your climbing
partner.

Bouldering is an
independent sport, which
will test your physical,
mental, and emotional
muscles—I would even
suggest it tests your
spiritual fortitude not to
quit, but to press on
despite current challenges.
Again, it will be hard, and
simultaneously, . . . it could
be the most fun thing on this list, too.

While this is a “solo-date,” please don’t deny or resist any kind of help, support, or
suggestions from others—especially because this is very likely the first time you’ve
ever even heard of bouldering, let alone going to a climbing gym and actually
playing.

Personally, I LOVE climbing—and I’m a bit envious of this date I’m proposing because
bouldering and rock climbing are not something I can do independently, due to my
physical disability, so climb around a bit for me, will ya?!

Listen, I would love to offer you some climbing tips, but self exploration and engaging
in challenges is part of this.
Generally speaking, though, most people think of climbing with their arms—this is not
quite proper technique. A more accurate explanation would be to tell you that your
arms are primarily used for keeping your chest close to the wall, while your legs do
the primary “climbing” below you.
Bouldering, however, is not always that easy; in fact, bouldering is used by

professionals to gain strength and practice certain techniques. Yes, this sounds
difficult, and it will be, but it could be really fun, too.

And if this happens to be a less than
ideal date, remember, . . . even “bad”
dates have some real opportunities for
growth.

How long should you stay?!
Until your arms and/or legs are spaghetti.
Rest when tired, and then re-attack that

wall with great fervor, enthusiasm, and a
real desire not to be defeated!
3 Pieces of
Encouragement
1) Just like in Date #1, treat yourself

to something truly delicious; however,
Let yourself be silently drawn
the caveat here is it must be 100%
by the strange pull of what you
Vegan and Gluten-Free this time! I
really love.
would suggest an incredible smoothie
while you drive to your favorite—or a
It will not lead you astray.
new Vegan—restaurant for lunch or an
— Rumi
early dinner.
Why Vegan and Gluten-Free?!
A lot of reasons really—three primarily, though:

a)  Nutritionally-rich,
b)  An all vegan diet has been demonstrated to help heal the body after
physical exertion faster than meat-rich diets, and . . .
c)  Gluten is considered toxic and poisonous to some people—so I thought
one meal without it could be good.

2) Bring your journal and favorite pen. If you find yourself afraid, tired, or frustrated—
even if you’re not done, but taking a break—consider journaling through the emotions:
Journal about what you’re learning about

yourself, what you’re enjoying, and how
you’re going to let this inspire you in your
life and relationships.
IF you are here and struggling for ANY

reason, and you’re in tears, or feeling like
you’re on the verge of crying—journal
about that. Right there in the gym.
Open up, let your unconscious mind and your spirit talk with you about your fears and/or
your internal resistance. Get it out, get it ALL out!
Then, in your journal, talk about who you REALLY are at your core: strong, confident,
loving, generous, kind-hearted, loving, patient, . . . whatever is true for you.

Then when you feel better from getting it out—and your powerful spirit has been
released from the fears and limitations of your unconscious mind, . . . get back on that
bouldering or practice wall!

You can do it! I COMPLETELY BELIEVE IN YOU!!!
And . . .
3) Sit and watch, the other climbers—truly inquisitively!
Watch and study others’ movement.
Run through, in your mind, what their body is doing, but instead see it and feel your
body doing it. Mirror it in your thinking and muscles while watching. Watch with
genuine curiosity; really watch to learn, . . .
Then get back on that wall!!!

Focus On: Smiling and sincerely enjoying the physical and mental challenge.
Approach the hand holds and foot plates as if they are a puzzle, and you are figuring
out how YOU—with your strength, flexibility, and intellect—can map-out and define
a route YOU CAN CLIMB!!! Yes?!
Think, and accept, small successes!!

Focus on not being overcome and dominated by fear and/or frustration; instead look
to the fun of the challenge and truly enjoy!!
Remember: YOU ROCK!!!

•  Sit in a simple meditation—nothing special—after climbing and feel the
energetic power flowing through your being.
This doesn’t have to be at home, nor in the gym, . . . you can sit in your car
before driving, if you’d like, and with your eyes closed and a smile on your face
that emotes a suggestion and feeling of satisfaction, simply breathe in-and-out
and feel a sense of gratitude for the power you’re now feeling throughout your
body!
•  Immediately after your meditation, please journal how you’re feeling—

physically, energetically, and emotionally—and identify what you worked
through and released.
•  Lastly, based on the outcome of this date (including post smoothie and
delicious vegan meal), . . . identify a new found commitment! Who are you
now, and what kind of internal transformation has this solo–date inspired?

• Solo-Date 3: Nature and Nurture •
“Self love is the very first romance.”

— Unknown
Pack a DELICIOUS and calorie-rich lunch because you-and-

you are going on a longer than usual bike ride. And I
would say you’re going to want to pack a little more food
than you typically eat and definitely more water!

Remember, these “physical dates” are designed to be
both fun and physically, mentally, and emotionally
challenging! Again, I believe in you!

On this solo-date you will pack a picnic (no basket required
—backpacks make a nice modern day alternative).
In this picnic, as I mentioned, choose delicious, fun foods.

Ensure these snacks are nutritionally-rich—so no cheese
puffs—and bring extra liquid: water or some electrolyte-
heavy alternative.

Double Check the Weather
and Your Bike Tires
Now choose a beautiful nature trail and bike path

that is approximately 5 miles long with a picnic area
to enjoy your lunch.
If the distance concerns you, please feel completely

free to choose something slightly shorter in length— Allow nature’s peace to flow in to
remember, . . . challenge yourself, but remain you as sunshine flows in to trees.
mindful to take care of yourself first. — John Muir
“Loving yourself isn’t vanity;

it is sanity.”
— Katrina Mayer
After you arrive, scope out a great place to picnic,

then either sit down and eat, find a great place to
pull out your book and relax, or pull out your camera
and start exploring!
Adapt the pace of nature:
her secret is patience.
While this solo–date sounds like a standard picnic– — Ralph Waldo Emerson
for–one, it’s more about photography and capturing
images that speak to you in some way.
These images you capture can be artistic, wide

sprawls, or close-ups—100% your choice. Whatever
captures your eye!
If you enter and explore the park with sincere

feelings of awe, wonder, curiosity, appreciation and
Get lost in nature,
gratitude, and other similar emotions, I’m confident and you will find yourself.
you’ll find something fascinating and worth capturing — Unknown
—who knows, maybe, you’ll see some beautiful birds
and/or interesting animal behavior!

In Your Backpack
•  delicious and fun, nutritionally-rich snacks

•  water and/or electrolyte drink(s)
•  blanket for your picnic lunch—please
choose to sit on the blanket on the
ground, instead of at a table
•  fully charged camera
•  your journal and favorite pen, if you’re a
writer
•  a book, if you’d rather read—preferably
fiction, and . . .
•  your fully charged cell phone
Focus On: The relaxation. Smile a lot and feel that sense of wonder and gratitude
nature often inspires within us.
Seek the stillness and quietness of a mind at rest. Allow yourself to become
increasingly more open–and–receptive to both your own self and the natural world
around you. Can you feel the “Presence” that connects you with nature?

•  Simple, . . . just smile the rest of the day thinking about how nice it was to
simply have some down time to relax and enjoy yourself.
•  I might also invite you to call one person AFTER you’re home, again, and tell
them you called ONLY to tell them you love and appreciate them! The
conversation doesn’t have to be long, . . . just intimate—meaning connective!
And . . .
•  If you’d like to share some of your pictures, . . . I’d love to see them! All my
contact information will be at the end of this book.
I hope you really enjoy the “Presence” you’ll feel on this solo-date!

Chapter 2
Emotional
Emotions are the language of our soul, crying out sometimes for more
juicy-delicious life experiences and guiding us back on track when we’ve
become lost from our soul’s integrity. Emotions are rich, they’re the
pigment on an otherwise blank palette of life. We all know they don’t
always feel good, but most of them, at least, make us feel alive.
These emotional solo-dates are intended to establish a range of emotions.

Pour yourself into each one of them! Commit fully, and be very careful not to
close your heart—in an effort to protect yourself—but instead promise yourself
you’ll allow yourself to feel ALL the emotions that might flood your mind and
body, heart and soul on these solo-dates.

• Solo-Date 1: Bringing Love Home •
“Emotions are the language of your soul.”

— P.J.
“True Compassion
means not only feeling You deserve a richness in life—a variety of options to
another’s pain, but . . . encounter, explore, and embrace fully for their deeper
meanings and messages.
Being moved to help

When you’re madly in love, what is your soul saying?
it.” When you’re lost, lonely, or confused, what’s the
— Daniel Goleman message? When your courageous in a moment you
should be scared, what’s the depth of your BE–ing telling
you in that moment?
The more we communicate with this beautiful living

tapestry, the more we’ll live in the truth of who we are,
what we want, and what brings us the greatest joy.
And most often, . . . when we’re in joy, . . . so, too, are

our loved ones!

Will You Commit?
Before we even get started, I want you to know, this

solo-date could be profoundly emotional.
And feeling emotions this intensely can be incredibly

powerful.
I challenge you—of ALL the solo-dates in this book—I

challenge you to embrace and commit to this one,
especially if you believe in compassion. Unexpected kindness is the most
powerful, least costly, and most
underrated agents of human
Sharing the Love change.
— Bob Kerrey
Spend an afternoon volunteering at a women’s

homeless shelter. If you’re given the opportunity,
share a meal with them, get to know them, have a
conversation with them, maybe even sit down and
play games with their children.
Consider what it might be like to be going through

the trials of what they’re going through. Allow your
natural emotions to come up and out.
Do things for people—not because
My hope is you’ll find profound compassion in your of who they are or what they do in
heart for these women and children. return, but because of who you
are.
— Harold S. Kushner
Explore this, and I’ll bet you’ll find both a deep,
sincere gratitude within you for everything you have
and a strong commitment to create more abundance
and empowerment for yourself in this life.
There are so many unfortunate reasons a single mom could end up in this situation, and it is
my intention with this solo-date to touch the deepest parts of your heart and soul, and
inspire you to do everything you intentionally can to avoid falling in to, and/or getting
trapped, like so many women and single moms. No judgment—just heart!

Embracing the Challenge
Now listen, I’m going to continue to challenge you

here, this could be a long day—I ask you to commit
to everything this time, INCLUDING the Follow-Ups
below because I desperately want you to really feel
the depths of your heart and soul!
Sometimes there’s nothing like it!

Continuing on with the challenge just a bit more, . . .
Eat a fair amount of protein—plant or animal (your

choice) in the morning before volunteering.
“If you want others to be happy,
practice compassion. If you want Then after that, please eat very little during or even
to be happy, practice compassion.” immediately after volunteering, UNLESS 1) you’re
— H.H. Dalai Lama invited to eat at the shelter or volunteer support area,
or 2) you have to eat due to hypoglycemia, diabetes,
or ANY medical condition—diagnosed or not.
First and foremost, take care of you, so you can take care of others. If you must eat,
please eat whole foods, (not processed, if possible), and eat enough to allow you to
continue to function physically, emotionally, cognitively, and socially.
Please allow me to clarify—I do not want, nor encourage, you to starve, but being a LITTLE
hungry is good, until AFTER the final Follow-Up below. It will create an opportunity for
appreciation and gratitude. All of this being said, . . . please take care of yourself, first!
Listen, this may not be easy—and it might not be easy to find a shelter that will even
allow you to volunteer, but if you can, . . . please do!
And, if for some reason you cannot find a women’s shelter you can spend a day
volunteering for—please consider other options: orphanage, homeless teens, soup
kitchen, going with a local group to pass out food bags and toiletries to people living on
the street. My first suggestion is above with the homeless mommies’ shelter; if that
doesn’t work, you have options—just be safe!

Focus On: Gratitude, compassion, appreciation, patience, listening, opening-up and
connecting, and allowing yourself to be vulnerable. I encourage you to really see and
listen with your heart!

•  Go into a church, a sacred place of worship, or outside in nature somewhere, and
offer prayers of gratitude for everything you are and have. Please include prayers for
others—known and unknown.
Then sit quietly practicing Tonglen* meditation (details found on the next page).
How long should you practice it? Until you’re complete; you’ll know when you’re
done—you’ll feel it.
•  You are very likely going to need and want to eat something after this—please do.
Keep it all natural, quick, easy, and light.

•  Once home, turn OFF your phone, grab a blanket and some tissues, place your
journal and favorite pen where you can reach them, turn off most of the lights, and
watch the 1992 movie, City of Joy with Patrick Swayze. Let it touch you deeply!
After watching it, grab your journal, and write about who you are at your core,
where you want or need to shift in your life, who you want to be from now on with
specific people (you’ll know in that moment whom you want or need to write
about), and write a letter in your journal to God, Source, the Universe, your Higher
Consciousness committing to live more-and-more authentically..

What is Tonglen?
* Tonglen meditation is a Tibetan Buddhist practice designed to transmute the negativity and
darkness of another’s suffering into light, love, and positivity.
There are a number of ways it can be practiced. I will share with you my most common way
of practicing and teaching it.
Please note, . . . you will be breathing in others’ attachments, energy, pain, and suffering;
HOWEVER, you will not be clinging to ANY of it—you will be transmuting it to light and
love and general positivity—so you can then breathe it completely OUT of you and back
into them.
In this activity, you are simply a catalyst, transforming negativity into loving-kindness and
positivity. If this—in any way—does not sit well with you, skip it, or do your own version.
Practicing Tonglen
To ensure this practice feels natural for you, I’ve simplified the process. For this meditation, you
will be breathing “in” through your nose and “out” through your mouth.
Think of anyone you know who is struggling—can you see, feel, or get a sense of their pain? As
you slowly and intentionally breathe in—whether you can sense their pain or not—imagine your
inhalation pulling their pain and suffering from them.
Draw their negative energy in to your heart area to allow your love, kindness, gentleness, and
compassion the opportunity to “transmute”—turn, change, shift—their pain, suffering, and
negativity into light, love, health, energy, and positivity. Remember, you are not taking on,
keeping, or allowing anything to attach or take root in you.
After transforming their negative, simply exhale as if you’re intentionally blowing new life, light,
power, health, energy, kindness, compassion, and love directly back in to them.

It may not all purify on the first pass, so run it through your heart, until only loving-kindness, real
positivity, and total light can be seen and felt in them. Then, go on to the next person, family, or
group.
Go until you feel complete, or you begin to tire—trust your own energy levels.

• Solo-Date 2: Holding the Future •
“Self–love is the source of all

“Wisdom comes only our other loves.”
— Pierre Corneille
with innocence.”
This may be your all time favorite solo-date—and
— Nirmala Srivastava
whether it is or not, I’m confident it will reveal and
expose certain truths about, and for, you.
Please be sure to bring your journal and your favorite

pen with you to be used almost immediately following
your date.

Volunteer to hold babies at your local hospital. Hold all
of them you can.
Pour as much love and joy and positivity in to them as

you can.

And while holding them or
watching them, pray for
their health, safety, and
happiness throughout their
life.
Talk with them so they can

get used to hearing the
soft, soothing, naturally
loving feminine voice.
Be aware, too, of how much they’re impacting you! What is your heart doing? How
does your body feel? What are you thinking? Is this influencing your dreams and/or
desires for your future?
I’m not attempting to manipulate you in any way here—whether you want children of
your own or not—I’m just hoping you’re experiencing an emotional date, a truly
beautiful moment to intimately connect to life and love, and your true commitments—
children or not.

Stay as long as you can—you’ll know when you’re done because, I imagine, you’ll be
either highly energetic and just buzzing with life, or you’ll be exhausted and ready for
food, a nap, and/or an adult conversation and interaction.
Focus On: Joy, love, gratitude, hope, enthusiasm, and real prayers for them.

•  Immediately following your date, please find a quiet place inside or outside the
hospital and journal about your experience, beliefs, thoughts, and feelings.
Listen to your heart and spirit very clearly. Did you enjoy this? If so, what did you
enjoy, or why was it not enjoyable?
Has this left you thinking and/or feeling any way in particular?
Please journal all of this.

• Solo-Date 3: Open Mic Night •
“Laughter: when a smile has an orgasm.”

— Unknown
While the idea of stepping out in front of an audience

terrifies so many people around the world, this particular
opportunity in the “Emotional solo–dates” section is
going to give you a chance to face that fear and
exchange it for another emotion!
This specific date could very well have been put in the
“Creative” section, and I chose to put it here because it
really allows you to explore and potentially interact with
a significant range of emotions—feel them deeply and
watch how they impact and influence you.
On this date, you will have two different options to

choose from—if you’re courageous go on both solo-
dates!

What is an Open Mic Night?
Open Mics are opportunities a neighborhood bar, university, or coffee shop, usually,
set up for local performing artists to come out and share their talent, for example: a
poet might come and read a poem or two, a “slam” poet might perform their latest
work, a singer might share their favorite song, a guitar player might perform her
most recent piece of music, an actress might do a monologue, a professional
speaker could offer some wisdom, a comedian might tell a few jokes, a storyteller
might weave an interesting and captivating tale, etc.
Generally, open mic night’s tend to be eclectic

gatherings to be sure!
They’re also lots of fun—with incredibly kind and

supportive souls attending!
Have fun with this and understand, upfront, suggestions for this section. With this
this may really test your emotional fortitude. first suggestion you are encouraged
to . . .
At the very least, it will give you a chance to
stretch what you may have previously Identify one of you talents and muster
thought were non–negotiable activities for the courage to share it publicly at a local
you to do in public. Open Mic Night.
And that might have put a damper on your And, if you’re thinking, “Talent?! What
relationships and limited your capacity for talent?! I don’t have anything I can share
real enjoyment in the past. or perform;” that’s no problem, . . .
And, now—by saying “Yes” to this solo-date I encourage you to identify something
—you may be removing any previous fears you’ve truly wanted to do for a long
you’ve had and embracing the fullness of time: poetry, sing, play guitar, mime
what life and culture and relationships truly lessons. You’re choice!
have to offer!
Just don’t back out—challenge and
I am excited for you! encourage yourself! Go to an Open Mic
Night, or two, and get a feel for what
This is the first of two (2) solo–date others are doing.

On this date, you’re creating significant space
to express a deeper part of your mind and
soul and further explore the things in your life
wanting a voice and, possibly, an audience.
These will likely be activities that are creative

and fill you the most with life and love and
enthusiasm and excitement and joy.

Most people will not do this.
Most people will allow their fears or their sense

of, “I don’t know what to talk about or what to
do” stop them.
This is EXACTLY why this date is appearing in

the Emotional dates’ section, instead of the
Creative dates’ section.
I understand this is more of a “creative”

expression; I also realize this will create a
significant amount of emotional resistance in
most people—and a profound amount of
emotional release and freedom for YOU, if you
are courageous enough to step up and go on
And while I may not know you,
I Do Believe in YOU! this solo-date.
I KNOW we often want our family and/or friends around when

we’re about to do something we feel is risky and scary; however, . . . this would not be a
solo–date, as I define it, if you brought someone along. So, . . . take a deep breath,
smile, and commit!
And while, I may not know you, I Do Believe in You! [wink]

Personally, I am excited for you to actually challenge yourself and take yourself on this
particular solo–date, so you discover more intimately your deeper, internal values you
love, enjoy, and can share with others.

Now, this second Open Mic Night option may either fear or excitement—then I put this
be even scarier, but how incredibly exciting, solo-date in the right spot!
too, to push beyond the paralysis of fear and
open into the natural freedom of joyful,
humorous expression.
For this option, you will find-out what night is

amateur, or open mic night, at your local
comedy club.
Here are the paramet

ers, . . .
•  you must write al
l your own jokes,
•  there is no “must
complete” date, so
take your time and de
velop some
great material,
•  study—study your
favorite comedians
method of delivery,
and . . .
•  research and stud
y what makes
something funny an
d how to become
Yep, I’m encouraging you to perform a funny even funnier than yo
u already are.
stand-up routine at your local comedy club’s
amateur, open mic night.
Is your heart beating crazy fast right now?

Are you experiencing a shortness of breath?
Are you thinking something like, “NO WAY IN
H@‡‡!!!”

If you are, then you must go on this date!
You’re lucky I didn’t say, “First! You MUST Go

On This Date, First!”

All dates are optional, and if you’re
experiencing a real emotional response

And realize, please, . . . this particular date is not just about the date—think about the skills
you’ll develop for having fun with family and friends.
Humor really tears down walls and builds connection (provided it’s not at another’s expense).
I think amateur night spots are only about 10-minute sets, so one of the benefits, here, is you
don’t actually have to write a whole lot of material—just enough to be able to deliver for that
evening.
This is the ONLY solo-date you can have someone—or multiple

“someones”—attend and support you; however, . . . you must
arrive, walk in, and register alone!
You must work on the material alone, and you must show-up to
the amateur’s open mic night all by yourself!
Your family, friends, and support network can meet you there, after you’ve arrived and signed-in.
One last thing, . . . have someone, at least, take a picture; it would be better if you got some video, also!
I understand this is not actually you being by yourself; however, it does take preparation,
connecting with your emotions, developing a fun sense of humor, stepping out there on
stage—by yourself—in front of a crowd ready to be entertained, and telling your jokes, and
virtually all of this, in essence, is something you’re doing alone, so I’m A-OK calling this a
solo–date!
Have fun and remember, . . . nervousness is simply excitement you

haven’t let out, yet! Once you let it out, it ceases to be nervousness.

Focus On
Focusing outward. There’s a saying that holds true here, even for this particular date,
“when in doubt, focus out!” Sincerely care more about the audience receiving
something AMAZING from you, than what they might think about you—think about
giving, not getting.
And smile, if that’s part of your performances!
Focus on your authentic expression and your desire to share and/or entertain.
Practice letting the nervousness out and as you’re releasing it, transform it into
excitement.
Follow-Up
(optional, but encouraged)
•  Simply Celebrate! You Did It! Really-and-truly celebrate! Go get a great meal, or
your favorite takeout and a really great glass of wine—with friends, family, or solo
—or binge watch the latest session of your favorite, funny show! It’s your success
and, consequently, your soiree, celebrate in the way that feels best for you!
•  Go on your favorite social media site(s) and tell people what you just did and how
you felt before, during, and now! You’ve successfully faced your fears and had this
experience—how do you feel now?! Share, at least, one picture and/or your
video, too!
•  Journal the impact saying “yes” to this date had on you, and how it will influence
and/or inspire you moving forward. Please be specific, not general.

Chapter 3
Spiritual
How deep can you go? How much do you want to know? For many
people this is the foundation everything else in life is built on. And
while
spirituality
means
something
different to
everyone using
the word, . . .
generally
speaking, it
references the
connection we
have with, and to, a Higher Consciousness, the universe as a whole, and
everything in it—including our own personal consciousness.
“Prayer is speaking to God, meditation is listening, and

ecstasy is the marriage of our soul with the Divine!” – P.J.
These “Spiritual” solo–dates are intended to be humbling and empowering, simultaneously.

My hope is they’ll be life–changing—even exhilarating just thinking about the possibilities.
If you choose any of these solo-dates, I strongly encourage you to fully commit, even more
than the others. Embrace the guidelines completely, release the fears holding you back, and
surrender yourself entirely to the experiences—you never know the wisdom, intuition, or
deep, true insight you might receive! Get Connected and Enjoy!

• Solo-Date 1: Day of Pure Silence •
“Listen to silence,
It has so much to say.”
— Rumi
Before you say “No” because it looks, and sounds, like
too much, please read through the entire date—it’s really
quite simple and profoundly impactful!

This date will require approximately 32 hours because
you cannot speak for 24 hours straight—and this starts,
in essence, the night before the actual solo-date starts.
You are to choose a complete vow of silence for 24-

hours from the time you wake-up one morning to the
time you wake up the next morning.
The reason I suggest 32 hours is because I am

calculating in the night’s sleep before your solo-date
actually starts the next morning.

In Preparation
This requires a bit of preparation, so I created a checklist to ensure you’re 100% ready to
go deep! If possible, please follow this to the letter:
1.  Plan 5 completely raw, vegan meals—whole, natural, preferably organic ingredients
—simple or intricate. Start with “FullyRawKristina” and the “Raw Chef” on YouTube
for some delicious ideas! Consider preparing your meals a day or two in advance, to
minimize all distractions—unless it’s a snack or meal of fresh fruit and veggies.
2.  Please choose only water, teas, and pure juices to drink. If you are a regular coffee
drinker, you may still “need” your caffeine bump—please try green tea first, and if
that doesn’t work, just allow yourself a cup of java.
3.  Plan for, at least, 2 all natural snacks—again whole foods versus processed snacks.
4.  Please let the important people in your life know you are going on a complete media
fast, including from your phone(s). Let them know you’ll be available the next day
after a certain time, so they don’t worry or come over and interrupt.
5.  If you live with anyone, either arrange for them to be gone for those 32+ hours, or
find another place or time for this date.
6.  This is designed and intended to be prayerful and meditative, so if you have any
sacred texts you’ve wanted to read please collect, borrow, buy, or print them out.
No digital or audio books today. And . . .
7.  Please turn off ALL of your potential distractions the night before, and leave them off,
until the morning AFTER your 24-hours of silence. These include, but are not limited
to: phone(s), TVs, radios, alarms, iPads, Amazon’s Alexa, Google Home Assistant,
and any other AI home support you use.

You may be wondering why 5 raw meals and not just the 3 for the actual day of your solo-
date. This is because I’m asking you to allow your last meal—the night before your
spiritual date—and the first meal—the morning after your date to also be raw.

Stepping on to the Path
You will be living, in essence, the life of a nun for

these 24-hours. If you’ve never done this before, I
am confident you’ll love it. This is just a warm-up for
the more committed 10-Day Silent Retreats you’ve
probably heard about—and possibly even
considered.

Your activities will be limited to a few things like:
•  meditation,
•  prayer,
•  yoga,
•  gardening,
•  writing, and . . .
“The quieter you become, the •  reading spiritual and sacred texts
more you are able to hear.”
— Rumi The intention of these 24-hours is to allow your mind
time to slow down and even become still, so you can
begin to go deeper in your own connection with yourself, your soul, life, and God—
Consciousness, Presence, the God Force, Source, the Universe, the Quantum Energy Field,
or whatever you choose to call it.
Einstein suggested nothing changes, until something moves. And while I agree with
Einstein from a very physics–based perspective, I like to say, “Nothing changes until you
become still—deeply and profoundly still—then EVERYTHING Changes!
“Nothing changes until you become still—deeply and

profoundly still—then EVERYTHING changes!” – P.J.
With this understanding, I further encourage you to do everything on this solo-date slowly
and mindfully. I encourage you to walk slower, eat slower, slow your breathing and be more
intentional with each breath—breathing fully in and breathing fully out.
Feel your breath, feel the floor beneath your feet, feel how your clothes touch and rest on
your body. If you’re sitting outside, can you feel the wind on your skin? If you’re
gardening, be intentional, methodical, present.

Another benefit of slowing down—physically and mentally—is
we begin to witness, more intimately, all of our senses.
When we slow down—and intentionally amplify our level of

sensitivity and awareness—we hear subtle sounds we normally
miss; we see colors, shapes, and light differently—more
completely; we taste layers of flavor in our food; smell the
richness of aromas—flowers become especially rich; and we’re
more intimately connected with our bodies and Presence, the
consciousness within both our bodies and all things.

This really is a GREAT DATE!!!

Please start your date with prayer and meditation—in this order.
Become intimately aware of how both of these feel and for the
remainder of your date practice feeling this way—even deeper
and more connected, when possible.
Explore what it means to be in the “Presence,” and then

choose to be aware of it, and connected to it, as much and as
deeply as possible.
Remove any mental or emotional filters and purely witness what

real connection is.
“Being in the present is limiting.

Being in the Presence is liberating!” – P.J.
Spend your 24-hours largely in prayer, meditation, and spiritual

study.
If you do pray, today, please allow your prayers to become

increasingly more intimate—and notice how actual words are
unnecessary to convey your greatest intention—feelings more
fully convey one’s genuine gratitude and love.

Before eating or
drinking anything,
please take a few
moments to sit in
gratitude for what
you’re about to
consume.
Study it—what are

the colors, shapes,
smells, tastes,
textures of your meal?
I encourage you to feel and express a deep, sincere, “specific gratitude.”
Meaning: before eating, really consider—and be grateful to—everyone and everything

that made this meal possible for you to eat and/or drink in this very moment.
How many people had a hand in making this possible for you to eat? What inventions
and technology made this possible; who conceived of it, and then who made it? How
many hours, days, weeks, months, years, even generations have had an impact in
bringing this food or water to you?
Allow the moments before, and during, eating and drinking anything to be sacred, at
least, today!
“Food for the body is not enough.

There must be food for the soul.”
– Dorothy Day

Many times people believe
they have to be physically
still to meditate and/or
pray—and while you are
welcome to be, there is
something called “moving
meditation,” which is also
available to you.
Moving meditation is
simply moving
intentionally and slowly
enough to be present with your breath and your 5+ senses simultaneously while active, or
in-motion.
Many times, in retreat centers, the moving

meditation happens while walking with the other
participants clockwise in a circle. Sometimes
you’re invited to practice moving meditation out in
the garden, or even in a labyrinth—if they have
one.
Please understand and embody this concept—allow all of your actions to be prayer and/or
moving meditation; unless, of course, you’re actually practicing a still meditation.
Please stay at home, especially if you live alone, so your mind doesn’t get distracted from
your Day of Pure Silence (which includes internal silence), I realize you might feel called to
go for a walk, spend some time in nature, or connect with a sacred site. Save those
yearnings for the following day, or upcoming weak, please.

I do encourage you spend some time outside on
this day—no matter the weather—especially if
you have a private yard or a lot of land. Just
connect with nature while in this prayerful and
meditative state.

Please spend no money on this day; your experience will be supported by having
everything you need already prepared—you may feel as if you NEED candles, or sage, or
incense, or tobacco for Native American-style prayer ties—and maybe you feel as if you
only need food, water, and your favorite sacred text. The choice is yours.
Having “everything” you need and available,

includes the spiritual and sacred texts you are drawn
to, like: the Torah, the Talmud, the Kabbalah, the
Bible, any of the lost books of the Bible, the Gnostic
Gospels, the Dead Sea Scrolls, the Qu’ran, the
Bhagavad-Gita, the Upanishads, the Rig Vedas, the
Dhammapada, any of the Buddhist Sutras, the Tao Te
Ching, the Kitāb al-aqdas, etc.
There are countless sacred writings—enjoy and allow

yourself to go deep—really connect!

Remember the only reading permitted for these 24-
hours will be sacred text.

The only deviation of the “sacred text” reading list is
the poetry of Rumi and/or Hafiz. You can read all the
Rumi and Hafiz you want.
* Please stay away from book “introductions”—and

other people’s interpretations—because I want your
spirit and soul to be touched and nurtured, not
necessarily your intellect for this solo-date.

Meditation Lesson
Meditation is a key component of this date, so we’ll want to get you familiar—and ideally
comfortable—with, at least, two or three kinds of meditation. This will give your spirit
options to choose from and possibly keep your mind from wandering.

Whatever meditation(s) you choose, it must be a silent meditation—just for the purity of
this particular date. So no “voiced” chanting, no music, and no guided meditation—again,
just for this particular date.
If you don’t know how to meditate without music or a guided process, you have a number
of options—and this is by no means an exhaustive list:
•  Zazen It’s only 24 hours, so whatever you can

•  Box Breathing familiarize yourself with will be wonderful.
•  Counting Breaths
•  Silent Mantra Repetition (you can Truthfully, meditation can be as simple as
come up with your own mantra, use one sitting comfortably—eyes open or closed—
from another spiritual tradition, or repeat a and paying attention to, or feeling, your
verse from one of the sacred texts you feel
relaxed and natural inhalation and exhalation.
connected with)
This is often called “watching your breath.”
•  Tonglen
•  Breathing in to Your Chakras
•  Visualization, sometimes called Watching Your Breath
“Creative Visualization”
If you’re sitting in meditation, and your
•  Fast-In, Slow-Out (fast in through the
watching your breath, and your mind
nose with a slow exhale through the
mouth) wanders off—simply and gently bring your
•  Slow-In, Slow-Out (ideally so slow a attention back to watching and feeling
down feather wouldn’t move from your your breathing—in through your nose, out
breath, even if held right in front of your through your mouth, repeat.
nose and mouth)
•  Isolated Nostril Breathing, and . . .
Your mind may wander off a lot—simply
•  the list just continues on . . .
feel joy for catching it and bring its
attention back to your relaxed and natural
My suggestion is you simply choose one, breathing cycle.
two, or three you’re familiar with and
commit to any, or all, of these. It’s really this simple.

Final Thoughts
If you’re a writer, please feel free to journal, especially if you’re releasing and letting
go of attachments, hurts, sadness, etc.

Take notes, if you’d like, as the wisdom is connecting with you from your readings,
prayers, meditations, and/or insights and epiphanies. And like Rumi and Hafiz, you
are welcome to write your own sonnets or love poems to and/or about you, God, the
Universe, or Source energy. You can write other poetry, too, if the flow is coming
through and the Muse has come to visit.

Phew! Long, I know. See how it’s overall very simple—I complicated it by wanting to
spell out every detail. EEK!
Focus On: Slowing down—slow down physically and slow down (even silence, if
possible) your mental chatter; begin to listen with more than your ears—listen with your
heart, body, soul, intuition; be genuinely curious, patient, calm, open, and grateful. Truly
feel, and be in, love; practice an acute awareness of the present moment—and even
more importantly, . . . focus on the “Presence.”

•  Simply say a silent prayer of gratitude at the close of your 24-hours.
•  If you wrote in your journal during the event, there may be no need to document
anymore, unless you genuinely want to, and if you closed your 24-hour solo
spiritual date with a raw meal, . . . you’re set!
CONGRATULATIONS, YOU DID IT!!!

• Solo-Date 2: Shamanic Journey •
“The first peace, which is the “Certain things catch your eye, but pursue
most important, is that which only those that capture your heart.”
comes within the souls of — Native American Proverb
people when they realize their Get ready for a journey.
relationship—their oneness—
with the Universe and all it’s Shamanic Drumming, from any tradition, can induce
powers. trance-like states and liberate your spirit to journey,
explore, even transition you through stages of suffering
And when they realize at the —healing you completely on the other side.
center of the Universe dwells
the Great Spirit, and this center Enter this solo-date with a real willingness to allow spirit,
is really everywhere—it is the Greater Consciousness, and your unconscious mind
within each of us.” to show you things you may not have considered before.
– Black Elk
In preparation for this journey, you will need to find a
drummer and/or guide; ready your body and mind; and
familiarize yourself with specific breathing techniques.

45
Exploring Your Options
Are you excited about this solo–

date?! “Yes?!”
You are not alone—there is a

growing interest in Shamanic
Journeying, around the world!
There are three ways this solo–date

can–and–will happen, naturally.
First let’s remember, . . . you’re in need of a drummer—and possibly a journey–guide.
Ideally, I would encourage you to find a Shaman, or someone studying to be a Shaman, that
you trust in your area, or within an acceptable driving distance and do this in-person, one-
on-one with them!
You could do a class with others, if you’d like, but go by yourself to honor the “solo” aspect
as much as possible. Doing this one-on-one and in-person gives your journey guide a
chance to set the stage and help you shift into the most beneficial state before slipping off
into the spirit world on the rhythm of the drum da-dum-dum, drum da-dum-dum, drum da-
dum-dum, drum da-dum-dum, . . .
If that’s not possible, purchase a course online. There are some really neat spiritual training
courses tied to indigenous, shamanic practices and training. In these courses, I’m sure there
will be guided journeys with drumming and possibly even certain breathing techniques to
create peak states of receptivity! Look around, read reviews, and even contact some of the
reviewers.
And the third option is to do a Google and/or YouTube search, which honestly could be as
good as purchasing a program. When I did some research before writing this section, I
found several really good drumming and journey–guiding options free online. And with
modern technology today you can really hear—and feel—the drumming, as if your drummer
and journey–guide is right there in the room with you, especially if you’ve got good earbuds
in! You will have a much better experience with earbuds and/or good headphones.

46
Prepare Your Body and Mind
The second aspect for you to consider before going on this solo-date—no matter which
methodology from above you commit to—is the preparation of body and mind. I would
strongly encourage you to:
•  reduce (I really mean halt) your intake of caffeine, alcohol,

tobacco, sugars, salts, and processed foods,
•  turn-off all media as completely as possible—TV, radio,

music, podcasts, news, social media, YouTube, internet
searches, etc. I would even encourage you to keep your
phone off and only check it two or three times a day.
Replace all of these distractions with meditation, prayer,
nature walks, visiting sites that are sacred for you, and
reading books on spirituality and shamanic journeying
stories,
•  really and sincerely practice listening—not just to others, but

to everything. Begin listening even to the subtle thinking in
your mind and the emotional shifts you’re having throughout
your days,
•  keep ALL conversations to a real minimum,
•  avoid negativity—from others and yourself,
•  establish a regular meditation—even 3-minutes, three

different times a day for the preceding week would be
incredibly beneficial. And . . .
•  ensure good sleep for, at least, the three days before your
journey.
You could even benefit from fasting, if this is the route you’re interested in—remember,
consult your doctor before initiating any fasts.

Commit to these suggestions for, at least, one week before your Shamanic Drumming
date. Leaving this world to explore others becomes increasingly easier when you release
your attachments to this world and the distractions it offers.

47
Breathing Techniques
— primer for your brain, body, mind, and spirit —
Breathing techniques are the third, and very important, piece to this journey.
If you’re working with a shaman, or medicine person, you won’t need to focus on this
section as much because they’ll guide you through their process.
If you’re utilizing a training program or something free and available online, you’ll want to
ensure you have a breathing technique or two or three that will support your journey.
You will utilize any one of the techniques found on the next page immediately before lying
down and the actual drumming and journeying begins! These act as a primer for your
brain, body, mind, and spirit.

I think you’re ready. Again, if you’re with a Shaman, or a Shaman’s Apprentice, they’ll guide
you from here. If you’re not, and you’re by yourself—wonderful and congratulations! This
is a beautiful experience, and I will guide you very simply from here.

Let’s ensure you’ve got everything prepped and ready: confirm all of your ringers, alarms,
bells, whistles, and notifications are turned off; do you have a comfortable place to lie
down, maybe on some nice, soft blankets; do you have the drumming and/or drumming
with journey-guide audio queued up; and are your earbuds plugged-in and in your ears?
Yes? Great! Let’s get started.

Before lying down and starting your actual journey, let’s initiate, or prime your brain, body,
mind, and spirit with some powerful meditative breathing techniques. In your preparation
for this solo-date, did you find a breathing technique, or meditation suggestion you want
to use for this purpose? If so, sit comfortably on your nice, soft blankets and begin this
meditation and/or breathing method.

If you didn’t, no problem because I’m going to share my favorite three—for this sort of
activity—in order.
On the following three (3) pages are three very precise practices I created, refined, and use
regularly. You are welcome, and strongly encouraged, to choose any one of these three
breathing options below—again, immediately before beginning your journey:

48
Breathing in the Heavens

Sit comfortably, put your palms together as if in prayer, and close your eyes. For this technique,
you start by breathing in through your nose.
As you breathe in through your nose and lift your face towards the sky, feel how your mouth
instinctually wants to open to release any tension in your jaw. This is the natural transition from
breathing in through your nose to continuing the inhalation through your mouth.
Try this three or four times now, so you get the feel and rhythm.
Notice, too, in the images below there are corresponding “opening exercises” you’ll be doing
with your arms as your cycling through your breath.
In an effort to synchronize your arm movements with your breath, please note—your inhalation
will continue through until your arms are fully open. At this point pause, until your body is
naturally ready to exhale.
Then exhale slowly as you allow your arms to float down to your sides and naturally glide back
together again in to the prayer–like position in front of your heart.
Notice the hand positions and the path your hands and arms take during this inhalation–and–
exhalation cycle. These opening and receiving exercises are powerful compliments for the
“Breathing in the Heavens” meditation. Feel as if you are opening up to fully receive the life
force and energy of the heavens.
* I suggest you practice this deeply-and-sincerely for 20-minutes, then lie down and begin your
journey.
Palms are up and open here.
Inhale ends / exhale begins.

49
Racing to the Top of the Mountain

Sit comfortably and close your eyes. For this technique, you start with one sharp, fast, and full
inhalation through your nose.
Then, without a pause, do four (4) exhalation bursts through your mouth; you will find the first
three exhalation bursts through your mouth will not fully empty your lungs, so allow the fourth
exhalation burst to be elongated and prolonged as you exhale everything else from your lungs.
Again, without a pause, do one sharp, fast, and full inhalation through your nose—starting the
cycle again.
journey.
** Please Note—this WILL make you light–headed, it’s intended to—if this becomes too much,
simply stop the “Racing to the Top of the Mountain” breathing, lie down, breath normally, and
begin your journey.

50
Diving in the Deep

Sit comfortably and close your eyes. This technique is the exact opposite breathing style to
“Racing to the Top of the Mountain.”
With this meditation, the breathing technique starts out with four (4) quick, sharp inhalations
through your nose—your lungs WILL fill completely doing these; in fact, your fourth inhalation
sometimes might be pretty small because your lungs may have already filled almost completely
with the first three inhalation bursts.
Then you’ll simply do one long, forceful exhalation through your mouth; breathe out completely
before inhaling your next four inhalation bursts.
Just like the previous breathing style, there are no pauses between the inhalations and your
exhalation.
journey.
** Please Note—this WILL, likely, make you light-headed faster than the “Racing to the Top of the
Mountain” technique—if this becomes too much, simply stop the “Diving in the Deep” breathing,
lie down, breath normally, and begin your journey.

51
How to Journey
Focus On: Letting go of the mental chatter and need to control anything. Let everything
go—just be completely present.
If your mind wanders in the breathing technique(s), simply bring your awareness back to
your breath. Immediately following your “priming” meditation, it is time for your journey
to begin.
Earbuds in, turn on your audio, lie down, and begin to feel the weight of your body—the
gravity pulling you down—and lose yourself to the sound of the drumbeat.
Let the drums, da-dum-dum simply and naturally carry you away.
If your audio has a journey-guide—follow their directions. If not, . . .
Simply follow the drumbeat—it will lead you—if you will follow.

•  When you come out of your journey, sit quietly. If possible, spend a few hours being
quiet and present with your thoughts and feelings. Maybe sit quietly with some tea
contemplating your experience and message(s).
•  If you wish to capture the journey and lessons you were given or understood, feel free
to journal, writing what’s important for you.
•  If you’re not interested in capturing your experience—for any reason, like you dozed off
or nothing significant happened—please also sit quietly. I encourage you to use this
quiet time for a very simple, quiet prayer, and/or a very simple breathing in through the
nose and out through the mouth meditation, just to aid in you transition back.
•  You will likely only do this once during this solo-date. However, IF you decide to go
again—please give yourself some transition back time with quiet prayer and meditation
before going in to the next journey. You may even want to shift your energy completely
by getting up, moving around, maybe even grabbing some food, water, even walking
outside briefly. And, lastly, if you do go on a second journey, please choose a different
breathing technique for your priming.

52
• Solo-Date 3: Are You Courageous?! •
“Beauty begins the moment you decided

“If you look into to be yourself!”
your own heart, — Coco Chanel
and you find This particular solo-date is expanded out into three
nothing wrong different opportunities, and each one will give you the
there, . . . opportunity to really look at who YOU are—veils and
distractions removed.
What is there to
worry about? You are not expected to do all three in one day;
however, you are invited to do all of them at some point.
What is there to
At least, the ones that call to you.
fear?”
– Confucius
These may really test your courage and adventurous
nature, and they could be exactly what you’ve wanted to
do for a while and just haven’t done, yet. Either way, . . .
Plan on being cold, wet, and in the dark.

What Are YOU Made of?!
3 Ways to Look Inside
These three choices are brought together in this one

section for a couple of reasons: 1) I’m not convinced all
options will be readily available to everyone reading this
book, and 2) all options give YOU the opportunity to
really look into your heart, mind, and soul a bit and
decide what really matters . . . to you!
A unique and profound appreciation
“Love yourself first because that’s who for life begins at 200° below zero.
you’ll spend the rest of your life with.” — P.J.
— Unknown
This solo-date contains some truly unusual experiences,

including: cryotherapy, a deprivation tank, and an
anechoic chamber.
I will describe each of these in limited detail and allow

you to do more research on your own, if you’re
interested.
* Please Note—I do advise you talk to your doctor—

When I stop struggling, I float.
possibly even your psychologist—before you engage in
It is the law.
any of these.
— Unknown

Additionally, I won’t go into much detail about any kind
of preparation because I am not an expert in any of
these areas. Industry experts will guide you when you
call to schedule an appointment and/or gather more
information.
These promise to give you a whole new outlook on life

and some real insight into your mind and emotions. Silence isn’t empty,
Hopefully these, in some way, help you begin to let go It’s full of answers.
— Unknown
of any unhealthy attachments.

Cryotherapy, literally, means “cold therapy.”
There are a number of ways to

engage in cryotherapy—the one
I’m specifically referencing in this
solo–date is the cryocabin,
sometimes referred to as a
cryotherapy chamber.
When you go, you’ll step into a

vertical tube about a third the
size of an average changing
room in your favorite clothing
store. You will then experience a
blast of cold air on and around your body. Your head is above the hypercold air.
Temperatures will drop to negative 200 – 300° F. WHAT???!!! Yes, temperatures drop to as
much as negative 300° Fahrenheit! And you’ll be in there 3 to 4 minutes.
Many people even go in for three rounds—after each 3 to 4 minute session, they’ll step out,
warm up a bit, and then they’re back in, again.

You are under NO obligation(s)!
I’ve added this solo-date to your Spiritual section because when we’re faced with something
that triggers our fight-or-flight response so intensely, we choose life!
And I Love This! This is exactly why I’ve written this book and compiled all of these solo-
dates because I want your life to be filled with more life!!!
The theory—and some growing evidence—is the body responds positively when it is
exposed to extremely cold air for short bursts of time.

Some beliefs, anecdotal evidence, and some research suggest it kills off weaker and dying
cells, which stimulates the body to create new, healthy cells.
Athletes are using it for muscle recovery and inflammation recovery.
Others with skin disorders have used it to help increase the antioxidant levels in the blood
to support their skins ability to recover and ward off additional problems.
People with arthritis feel a reduction in physical pain.
Those struggling with emotional

disorders have found this to be a
natural and effective mood
elevator.
And, now, there’s even some belief

it can help prevent Alzheimer’s and
Dementia.
The only way you’re going to know

how it impacts you is to go on a date with your curiosity and courage.
The door is wide open, . . . all you have to do is step in.

If this sounds like something you’re willing and/or excited about, please contact your
doctor(s) and call your local cryotherapy business for more information.

Sensory Deprivation Tank
The second date option is climbing into a

sensory deprivation tank—sometimes
referred to as a flotation tank.

You’ve likely seen pictures of or, at least,
heard about this practice.
This is known as REST, Restricted

Environmental Stimulation Therapy—and it’s a dark, soundproof, saltwater–filled tank
you lie down in and float for upwards of an hour by yourself.
The water tends to be 95° or 96° F, the

typical temperature of our skin—and after
floating in the dark, and in this salt-dense
water, which literally forces you to float,
for just a few minutes, you supposedly
stop feeling your body and this begins to
liberate your mind.
These flotation tanks were designed to study the origins of consciousness, and by
cutting off all external stimuli, . . . your mind will begin to do what it wants and/or needs
to do. This can lead to an extremely insightful experience.

I am intentionally avoiding adding any of my thoughts, feelings, or research beyond
what I’ve already said—and some of the possible health benefits below—because I
want your experience to be purely you!
The history of flotation tanks is also a history of individuals exploring the frontiers of
psychic phenomena. The weightless state enables deeper investigation of the mind. – Kalyn Wolf

Sensory Deprivation Tank
Some anecdotal evidence and a bit of research

has shown a decrease in general anxiety disorder
symptoms, such as: depression, fatigue,
irritability, and sleep deprivation.
People experience a significant reduction in

stress levels, and many even report a drastic
increase in their mood and optimism.
Others have reported a decrease in physical pain

and better sleep.
Athletes have demonstrated a more rapid recovery post–strenuous exercise by decreasing

the lactate in their system. Some athletes even believe using the deprivation tank has
aided them in re-establishing a psychological balance following intense competition.
Artistic, and more spiritually–inclined, people have purported an upsurge of creativity,

originality, imagination, and intuition.
And still others have suggested an enhanced focus, improved concentration, more precise
thinking, an ease of learning, and more consistent career performance.
It has even been suggested sensory deprivation, flotation experiences, reduce tension
headaches and can improve cardiovascular function by inducing deep relaxation.

In the end, this experience is your choice. It’s still advisable to talk with your doctor and/
or psychologist before engaging in any kind of isolation activity.

Enjoy!
Flotation provides a deep meditation experience, and connects you
to the undeniable and inexplicable magic that nurtures and inspires
evolution in growing perspectives of love. – Kalyn Wolf

Anechoic Chamber
And last, but certainly not least, is the Anechoic Room.

This is a room often utilized by people studying sound, ironically, because it is designed
specifically to deaden sound. When you visit an Anechoic Room, and they shut you in,
they turn off the lights, and not only is it completely pitch black, it also becomes one of
the quietest places on Earth.

In this complete silence and total darkness, the only sounds you hear are the sounds you
make, for example: you’ll obviously hear intentional noises you make, but then, . . . you’ll
also hear the rustling of your clothes as you move, every sound your mouth and throat
make, the gurgling of your stomach, you may hear the sound of your breath entering and
leaving your body, the blood rushing through your head, possibly the pulse of your heart
beating, and some even proclaim to hear the whirring sound of their nervous system.

“Sounds” Incredible—right?! [pardon my pun]

Now, if you do anything online, you’ll likely find some articles stating no one can stay in
these chambers for more than 45-minutes without going crazy, but that’s just not true—so
don’t allow those articles to cause you any concern whatsoever!

Where can you find one of these? Some universities and some corporations use them—
I’m honestly not completely sure how you will go about renting the space and time; I am
confident you will find all of the details after a little local research.

The reason this has been added to the Spiritual solo-dates section is because when
certain senses, like sight and sound, are removed or severely limited, your ability to go
inward and, consequently, deeper increases. This gives you the real opportunity to watch
the behaviors of your mind and how they impact your emotional state—and how you, the
conscious you, can direct those thoughts and feelings. This experience might be a study
in to your mind, and it can simultaneously be an intimate look at your spirit and spiritual
connection.

* In the end, this experience is your choice. It’s still advisable to talk with your doctor and/
or psychologist before engaging in any kind of isolation activity.

Focus On: Stay present—don’t allow your unconscious mind (or your conscious mind)
to project outward and attempt to predict what’s going to, or might happen. Please just
receive your experiences purely and unfiltered through fears and/or expectations.
This is why this solo–date section was shorter and, comparatively, less detailed because I
sincerely want your experience on these dates to be authentic and not influenced by me
—or anyone.

•  Just be present with yourself and listen to your heart and soul for the day—what do you
want to do, if anything; who do you wish to spend your time with, if anyone; go where
you want to go, if anywhere specific; and speak if you’d like to speak and remain quiet
and introspective, if you choose to remain quiet and introspective.
Just do you, 100%, today!

Chapter 4
Intellectual
Challenge yourself to consciously think, test your mental endurance and
clarity, and have fun while doing this! Those we considered “nerds,”
yesterday, are our most respected and fascinating friends and colleagues,
today!
While all of these are

intended to be solo-
dates, they each have
a social interaction
component. Please
don’t shy away from
these interactions,
just go with the
intention of really
pushing your mind’s
strength, endurance,
and capacity for focused intention and prolonged attention.
“Think your thoughts,

don’t let your thoughts think you!” – P.J.
“I do not fix problems.

I fix my thinking, then problems fix themselves!” – Louise L. Hay
“Challenges are what makes life interesting and

overcoming them is what makes life meaningful.” – Unknown
61
• Solo-Date 1: Finding Fascination •
“Learning is the only thing the mind never

exhausts, never fears, and never regrets.”
— Leonardo da Vinci
In many cities around the world, universities, hospitals,
community groups, and the occasional bookstore host
authors, research scientists, historians, physicists,
astronomers, anthropologists, archaeologists, feminists,
techno gurus, medical researchers, and the like to come
in and give talks on their latest works. I don’t know if
you’ve ever done this, but they’re usually fascinating!

Do a Google search for “guest lecturer,” “lecture
series,” and/or “guest lecture series” in your city, local
hospitals, bookstores, and universities to find something
that peaks your interest.

Go curious! This is an intellectually-based solo-date, so
really stay attentive, curious, filled with wonder!

Finding Fascination
If you pay more attention and retain more by

taking notes—please feel free.
If you do better just being present and

genuinely concentrating on the topic, then
honor this way of being. You are on a date
with yourself—how much do YOU want to get
out of this?!
It seems crazy to say, but something in me keeps saying, tell the reader, “please don’t go
if you’re not really interested—go on a different solo date, until someone interesting, or
an interesting topic, is coming to your community.” And now that I’ve written this, I feel
lighter!

These are incredibly fun to go to because it seriously stimulates your brain—far more than
most people’s average day does in a year!

OK, a few more details to consider, . . .

Stimulate your understanding and retention by preparing for this date. I suggest you
spend approximately 30 minutes—on 3 different afternoons or evenings—the week
before the lecture researching this topic to establish a baseline understanding.
And come prepared to ask a question! If you’re really in to this, read the speaker’s book if
that’s what they’ll be lecturing on.
You might even choose to bring your book with

you—if you’d like to get the speaker to sign it.
Learning is a treasure that will follow its

owner everywhere.
– Chinese Proverb

While doing your research, or
reading their book, you will likely
identify 3 questions for the lecturer;
please bring these.
AND be aware these 1) might get

addressed during the lecture, and 2)
you may actually be inspired to ask a
completely different question that
arises while listening to their talk.
This means, you will need to locate the mic

stands for Q&A—and turn on that courage to
raise your hand or step up to the mic, and . . .
Ask that question!
Asking a question—at least, being willing to

ask your question—is part of the date.
Please don’t proclaim “willing to ask,” but refuse to raise your hand, or intentionally avoid
stepping up to the microphone all together, . . . OK?! Be Curious—Ask Your Question(s)!
The other expectation is you will mingle with the other attendees—even talk with the guest
lecturer, if you feel inclined. The guest lecturer is usually available and accessible after the
talk, provided there is a meet-and-greet. And feel free to really mingle, even grab some
coffee or dinner with someone you might hit it off with while mingling.
“The joy of learning is as indispensable in study

as breathing is in running.”
– Simone Weil

Focus On: Remain curious the entire evening—really stretch and strengthen that ability
to turn on, and maintain, your curiosity muscle. Additionally, please be attentive to
conversational awareness and information retention.
Make a genuine effort, also, to remember people’s names when meeting with them—and
introduce them to others if the opportunity arises—while this is an “intellectual” solo-
date, by default it does have some social interaction ascribed to it. Remember, . . . you
are attending this particular lecture alone.

•  In your car ride home, you are encouraged to listen to a non-fiction audio and/or an
intellectually stimulating podcast.
•  Once home tonight—please focus on reading for the remainder of your evening.
Obviously eat, if you’re hungry, but please do it with a book in hand or an audio book,
or as noted above an intellectually stimulating podcast. Preferably non-fiction and/or an
autobiography. In short, read over listening to an audio book, and choose an audio book
or interesting podcast over TV, music, news, YouTube, or social media.
•  And if you genuinely get board from reading, either pick-up a completely different
genre of book, or write—about anything: stuff you know about, insights and wisdom
you’d like to share with the world, your own autobiography, or even a story you’ve had
in mind for some time.
•  Meditate after reading and before settling down to bed. How long? Until your BE–ing
says you’re done.
•  Quick Journal—if you’re a writer:

1.  What were the most interesting topics and/or speaking points for you. Include
both the lecturer, as well as any other intellectually stimulating conversations
you had this evening.
2.  Why? What about these points generated real curiosity and/or a deeper
understanding for you? And, . . .
3.  If possible or relevant, how will you allow these areas of interest to influence
and/or impact your internal and external life?

• Solo-Date 2: Escape Room •
“Identify your problems, but give your

“Whatever the power and energy to solutions.”
problem, be part — Unknown
of the solution. Do you like a good game? How about a puzzle or
riddle? Do you like having your mind challenged and
Don’t just sit stimulated to solve problems, . . . just for the fun of it?!
around raising
questions and Then you’re going to love this!
pointing out
You’re going to join an Escape Room Challenge. An
obstacles.”
Escape Room is an in-person game where you and a
number of other players will be locked in a room and
– Tina Fey
given a scenario that forces you to examine clues to
solve the mystery challenge—usually within a single
hour!
These are both challenging and so much fun!

While this may not be a date where you are completely by yourself—and there will be a
lot of engagement with others—you are encouraged to allow this to be a solo–date by
attending alone. Buy your ticket online, ahead of time, so you can be sure to reserve your
place in the challenge.
In case you’ve never been to an Escape Room before, many places offer a variety of room
challenges, and you should be able to choose online. For me—coupled with a bit of
imagination—Escape Rooms reveal my inner Indiana Jones and Sherlock Holmes.
It will be interesting to see how it inspires you!
When you arrive, you will be put in to a group with total strangers — yesssssss, . . . and
the adventure begins! While you will be with others, they will be people you don’t know,
so you’ll be faced with a number of opportunities to observe how your ego shies away
from the unknown. You’ll also get the chance to shine by challenging yourself to play full–
out! Really engaging your social skills, testing
the various ways to get your voice heard, and
exploring your relationship and comfort level
with assertiveness.
You are strongly encouraged to more deeply

connect with your own wisdom, courage, and
insight—and the opportunity to willingly
exchange fear for curiosity, inquisitiveness
and the sheer joy of real intrigue! If you’re an extrovert, you’ll love this.
And if you’re an introvert, and this terrifies you to do, . . . . I would LOVE to see you
challenge yourself in this solo–date, just a bit, to create some additional flexibility in your
life. You know it won’t necessarily be easy, but for you, it may be worth it.
This solo–date will really challenge your own cognitive skills, giving you the right
environment to test your deductive reasoning, the thoroughness of your intentional
thinking, and your ability to ask questions that produce information-rich responses.

Don’t be in competition with anyone in the room; instead be in collaboration with
EVERYONE in the room!
Practice sincere caring and

compassion—even a genuine heartfelt
love for each of these strangers in
their increasingly stressed out state as
time clicks onward towards your
deadline.
Watch your own anxiety and/or

excitement—pay close attention to
the emotions arising within you, too;
then release them, in exchange for
curiosity and a genuine love and affection for your current cohorts.
And no cheating! Please don’t go online to learn how to move

through escape rooms easier because this drastically reduces the
fun and intention of this solo-date.

That’s it. The primary directives will be delivered upon arrival to
the event. I LOVE These—and it is my sincere hope, you will, too.

If people are going out after—and they invite you; if you want to
go, . . . GO!!! Enjoy yourself—and, hopefully, you’ll make a few
new friends!

Focus On: Curiosity, collaboration, and prolonged intentional thinking—really
challenge yourself—and let it be fun!
Think things through, and share your thoughts—this allows you to explore effective and
efficient communication.

•  If people are going out after this, and you want to go, GO! Have fun! Make some
new friends!
•  This was supposed to just be fun—nothing deep. Ideally, it gave you, at least, a little
insight into how you think, and uncovered a few new angles you can implement when
problem–solving in the future. If you’re a writer and would like to journal about, or
document your Escape Room experience, please do! If you’re not necessarily a “writer,”
per se, but you feel like you grew and learned a thing–or–two about thinking outside the
box—and you want to remember these insights—please open your journal and share
everything!
•  OK, . . . while the memories of “thinking outside the box” are still fresh, . . . journal—
even briefly—about some area of your life, right now, where you’re feeling stuck. And
practice brainstorming completely out–of–the–box ideas to escape, or transform, the
situation.
Remember, brainstorming has no limits—it’s a free–for–all, hodge–podge of ideas. If you

get stuck, think about ideas, as if you were someone else. What if you were in a
different country, or you were in a different socio–economic range (consider the super
rich, and the impoverished person’s perspective).
Explore the fears, limitations, and excuses your mind is creating to keep you stuck.
And do a deep dive into what it means to be stuck, and how it benefits you. Then also
do the reverse deep dive—what would it look like if you were to escape, . . . what would
it mean, . . . and what would the benefits be?

• Solo-Date 3: Who Done It?! •
“Mystery is the basic element

of all works of art.”
— Luis Bunuel
There are so many aspects to being human, and much of
our world—and experience of life—remains shrouded in
mystery. And it’s this drive many of us, as humans, have
to explore, experience, and understand the secrets these
mysteries hold.
While I could wax philosophically here, the simple point

of this solo–date is to continue to push the bounds of
your critical thinking, in real time. And further to link
critical thinking with curiosity and entertainment because
as we all know, we grow so much more when we’re
playing.
This is why I’m inviting you to take yourself out to a

Murder Mystery Dinner Theater experience!

Heighten Your Senses
Observe Everything!
Again, this seems to be a group activity—and

while it is on this surface level—there remains
an even bigger element in motion, . . . your
internal processing. So, your psychology,
observational and situational awareness skills,
and your deductive reasoning are, in essence,
your dates for the evening.
So please be prepared to actively engage in the fun and thought-provoking process!
I’m not sure how it’s going to work, since you’ll be buying a single ticket online—ahead of
time. If you get sat with others, that’s absolutely acceptable!
While there—whether sitting alone or with others—comfortably, and with a slight

amusement and mischievous curiosity, look through the crowd and see what details you
notice about individual people and their interactions.
“Mystery creates wonder, and wonder is the basis of

man’s desire to understand.” — Neil Armstrong
Be discreet and non-judgmental—just observe and

see what kind of knowledge, insight, and real
understanding simple observation with an intention to
understand reveals.
A secret to increasing your success and innate

realizations, lies in becoming so singularly-focused
that your mind stills—except for the one thing you’re
watching for, or person you’re observing, studying, learning about.
You’ll know when your mind is still and your in the flow because your typical mental
chatter is quiet—as if the one responsible for that normal mental chatter has the night off
—additionally your focus will sharpen, and your senses will heighten, in an effort to
capture every subtle detail.

It’s fun to think of yourself as a spy—and nobody, theoretically, knows who you are and
why you’re there—what information you’re gleaning from the individuals and the
collective crowd.
Once the interactive play begins, diligently

stay focused and calculating—even take
notes, if they allow you to, and if that would
support your concentration. Make a real
effort to figure out the mystery ahead of time.
This solo-date is designed to encourage you to practice focused attention and intention.
Much like the Escape Room date, the majority of the directions for this solo-date will come
after you’ve arrived. Enjoy and put on your thinking cap because you’re in for a
wonderfully fascinating evening!
“It is only in adventure that some people succeed in

knowing themselves—in finding themselves.” — Andre Gide

Focus On: the specific words people use. Get curious about vocal tones and the
meanings behind those. Pay attention to non-verbal messages; what’s being conveyed
intentionally versus unintentionally. Be aware of how the non-verbal body language is
revealing information about a person’s beliefs, thoughts, and feelings, unbeknownst to
them. Consider how pieces of information may connect with other details, both known
and unknown.

This will be fun! Remember, . . . observe and notate behaviors and language. Play like
you’re a secret agent and discover more about others than they know about themselves.

If you’re still pumped up, and you want more, . . .
•  Head to a late night coffee shop, restaurant, or restaurant-bar and just begin to people
watch.
Set very clear intentions, so you’re honing one primary skill: are you curious about what
people’s body language is saying; are you interested in power dynamics between two or
more people—who is in control, and why is that person in control; are you able to
identify endearing traits in people that reveal something about their character?
Remember, though, . . . be discreet—no one needs to know your studying them, or

anyone else for that matter. And be cautious of judgment—really focus on curiosity and
wonder, and observation with insight will naturally occur.
•  If you’re interested in mysteries or spy stories, there are some interesting podcasts you
can listen to on your way home, or as you’re lying down to go to sleep. You can also
pick-up a good spy story or mystery—fiction or non-fiction—your choice.

Chapter 5
Creative
As an artist, myself, I believe there is a deep intimacy one experiences
when doing art and being genuinely creative. Connecting with your
Muse . . .
It could be a bit cliché

to think I could just
encourage you to take
out some inexpensive
watercolor cakes you
probably painted with
as a kid and . . .
that would be a delicious solo–date

for nurturing your creative side!

And while that could be a wonderful
way to spend an afternoon, or evening, I wanted something different
though, for you. An opportunity to challenge yourself and experience
the rewards that arise from facing your fears and engaging in something
new.

So I hope you’re ready to be inspired and enlightened.

• Solo-Date 1: A Day With Clay •
“Art is something that makes you breathe

“Man cannot with a different kind of happiness.”
remake himself — Anni Albers
without suffering, Like a couple of other solo–dates, you have options with
for he is both the this one, too.
marble and the
sculptor.” You are going to be working with clay, either “throwing”
– Alexis Carrell it on a potter’s wheel, or sculpting a block of clay into a
beautiful expression of your soul!
Honestly, I love art—and self–expression—so I’m very

excited for YOU to “dig in!”
If you’re remotely concerned about your skill level, . . .

Please don’t be. Everyone was a beginner at one point,
and art is simply another medium of meditation—it’s a
soothing session for the soul!

Getting Started
Occasionally, local art studios have open hours for

community members—sometimes Parks and Rec Centers
offer these. You could schedule and attend a one-on-one
session, attend a sculpting and/or pottery class, or you can
get brave by watching a few YouTube “how to” videos,
buy some clay and begin sculpting.
While I love sculpting, as an artform, throwing clay on a

potter’s wheel calls to my soul—so I want you to realize
you always have a choice.
Please note, . . . neither is easy, so if pottery calls to you—

and you’ve never done it before, you might take yourself
on a solo-date by getting a one-on-one lesson at a studio
with the equipment because it can be expensive.
Sculpting, on the other hand, can be expensive, too, to

get deep into the various tools, but it can also be as
inexpensive as a block of clay, a wire coat hanger, and a
cup of water.

As you’re probably aware, both of these are messy, so if
you’re going to work from home—know that ahead of
time. This is why I’m suggesting an open studio time, if
you want to go on this solo–date, but not have to clean-up
or purchase as much.
“Art simply makes me feel better.” — Unknown

Learning to Listen
Clay is magical and, once you wet your hands

and begin to touch it, . . . if you listen, . . .
it will talk with you.
Michelangelo was once asked (about stone)

“How do you know what to carve out of that
stone?”
And Michelangelo reportedly said, “I don’t, I just

cut away what isn’t art.”
In essence, he simply began to remove pieces that felt as if they were hiding, or covering
up, the essence of the sculpture within the stone.
“The great artist is the simplifier.”— Vincent Van Gogh

You get to do the same with sculpting and reshaping your block of clay.
In some of these solo-dates, I’ve encouraged you

to be crystal clear about your intentions, and with
this one, . . .
I’m going to encourage you, instead, to come

with an open, quiet, humble, almost meditative
or prayerful mind and heart.
Come ready to talk with and communicate with your clay. Learn to listen to it. This
begins the sensuality, the intimacy, of sculpting and pottery.
If you find you’re standing there not knowing what to sculpt, . . . good, . . .
NOW, you’re ready to stop trying and actually, simply, and naturally . . . start listening with
your heart, mind, body, and soul in perfect unison.

Encouraging Communication
One technique you can engage in to wake up the

communication, the open connection, between you and
your sculpting clay—not for pottery—is to wet your clay,
and your hands, and simply begin to draw out the light
areas and sink, press in, remove, or hide the dark areas.
I am not saying clay is going to be multi-tone, but rather

look at how the light gently reflects off the clay and other
parts of the clay seem to subtly hide or retreat from the
light? Explore this.
At first, it’s not going to look like anything—at this point,

you’re just massaging the clay, nurturing it, and delicately
reshaping it.
You’re giving it options to explore as you stretch its understanding of itself. As you
liberate it’s oppression from the processing wrap, you’re giving it breath—life—every time
you shift it from its former position; in essence, you will be creating and encouraging some
suppleness, some flexibility, some expansion, some opportunity for the clay and your
creativity to explore together.
Trust me, . . . the clay is alive in your hands from the beginning,
sometimes it simply doesn’t know it’s allowed to express itself, yet.
Stay connected and prayerful and openly intentional with it; this is an act of making love—
in a manner of speaking, . . . all art is an act of making love—an expression of natural,
unbridled freedom.
I am confident—right from the beginning, . . . you will love this date.
“In a manner of speaking, . . . all art is an act of making love

—an expression of unbridled freedom.” — P.J.

Progress and Pleasure
— not perfection and permanence —
Please be aware—as the clay begins to

articulate what shape it wishes to take, your
perfection-mindedness may kick-in,
aaaannnnnd . . . you will likely “try” to take
over.
Give that ego, that need to control, the night

off, . . . don’t “try,” ok?!
Just sculpt. Just feel the clay. Just dance and move with the clay. See with your heart
and soul, not your eyes, nor that judgmental mind.
Whatever is created on this solo-date doesn’t have to be completed in one sitting—just

like dating, you don’t have to get married, give birth to 2.5 children, and live happily ever
after on your first date—you can have a second, even a third date with your Self and your
sculpture, if you like.
Heck, that’s my intention—even after you get in to a long-term committed relationship,

my hope is you will continue these solo-dates; this book is just my effort to get you in
exploratory motion, so you can have a life of rich experiences and learn more–and–more
about who YOU really are at your core.
“True self discovery begins where your comfort zone ends.” — Adam Braun
“The greatest challenge in life is discovering who you are.

The second greatest is being happy with what you find.” — Unknown

Moving Meditation
Now if you’re feeling brave—and/or genuinely

excited—and you’re looking forward to working
clay on a potter’s wheel, here are a few tips:
•  First—listen to your pottery teacher and

tutorials before me! [wink]
While I am joking, I am also completely serious—

there is a very real reason I put this first.
An initial pottery lesson will incorporate how to

work the equipment, where and how to place the
clay on the wheel, and how to work the clay
successfully, so your pot doesn’t fall and force
you to start all over, again. This will happen,
though, so prepare yourself, emotionally, for it.
Learning these skills will be instrumental in your success with pottery—and finding
everyday applications for these principles will allow you to approach life and relationships
with a greater sense of artistry and presence.
•  Second—be present with the clay. Be mindful of how your personal interaction with the
clay, either subtly or dynamically, impacts the clay and reshapes your design immediately.
Realize you have power and influence and identify clearly when, where, and how you want
to leave your imprint—because with every movement, every touch, your clay will be
reshaped. And . . .
•  Third—listen to the clay, and have a conversation—a dialogue with it.
There will come a time when you may take it too far, and it falls, causing you both to have
to start over, together, again. Listen to the clay, but . . .

continue having a conversation because this has
now become a relationship—a collaboration—and
you both get a voice, an artistic expression!
There may come a time while shaping it fear

arises in you—for any number of reasons—and
you pull back, almost instinctually.
This is probably smart because it gives you a

chance to reassess your position—and your wants
for this project.
In these moments, you’ll need to go inward and

check, . . . what are you afraid of?
Do you want to continue this interaction, this connection, this fluid relationship with
the living clay, or . . . do you want to let fear cut everything short, this side of
perfection?!
Ultimately, you get to decide! Here is what I suggest, though, . . .
Simply slow down, pull back, become more intentional, and create a real spiritual
connection — a oneness — between you, the clay, and the co–creation you’re both
engaged in.
Remember, . . . that limit, that distance, that depth, that shape, that magic you’ve
made together must come from, and be decided upon by, YOU, . . . not your fears of
messing up and watching your creation fall again.
Simply realign, refocus, and move forward with the sharpness of you intention and
the genuine expression of your heart!
And when you are done, . . . you will know!

Focus On: Being present with your self—your own heart, mind, body, and soul—and
with the elements involved: the clay, the water, the table(s), and tools, no matter which
date you go on!
Additionally, go with courage and, again, curiosity.
Remember, it’s clay—you cannot “break” it; at least, not until, or if, you fire it. If
something falls, or you’ve removed too much clay., . . . it’s flexible, simply start again, or
add some clay back in to your creation.
And lastly, . . . do not “try” to do or make anything, . . . . just truly be in love with the
process. Let the truth, and the creative Muse, flow through you. Be the conduit for
natural expression. And shift back to this natural state, and this spiritual connection,
every time you realize you are effort-ing.

•  If you enjoyed this, sign-up for ongoing courses; learn and express and create more.
•  Go to your favorite tea or coffee shop, after your studio time is up, and take your
favorite journal and pen, order something truly delicious—maybe even decadent—and
journal about what you felt during this process.
° What were you thinking and/or feeling?
° What were you going through emotionally?
° Was there anything you let go of, and how are you feeling as a result of that
release?
° Will that letting go impact you, or your relationships, in any way? If so, how
and when? And . . .
° Did you learn anything about yourself, and your relationships, in this whole
process?

• Solo-Date 2: Sumi-e Painting •
“To understand nothing takes time.”

“To the mind — Zen Proverb
that is still, . . .
There is something innately nurturing about stillness.
The whole universe And something ironic, too.
surrenders.”
– Lao Tzu While the mind is still, the spirit feels the fullness and
flow of the universal life force permeating all things. An
awareness of complete connection, inherent belonging,
and unquestionable unity arises within one’s awareness.
To be fully still is to awaken to Presence . . .
And for many people the traditional Japanese Sumi

painting is a path to this awareness.
It has been said, “the obstacle is the path,” and I am

inviting you to explore this idea through Sumi-e.

What and Why?
What is meant by “the obstacle is the path?”
And why am I inviting you to explore this idea?
I know, it’s funny—I’ve got Creative solo–dates

that seem Spiritual in nature, and Spiritual
solo–dates that clearly have a Creative aspect
to them. What’s going on?
“What you think,
I’ve said, repeatedly, throughout this book, I
you become.
want you to truly enjoy your life. And, yet, one
of the many factors in life is resistance
—”obstacles.”
What you feel,
you attract.
Many people shy away from these because
they focus on the resistance, the obstacle What you imagine,
blocking their path, or the resistance, the you create.”
obstacle interrupting their routine. — Buddha
This creates suffering, . . . but it doesn’t have to!
When you understand “the obstacle” is simply a reminder to relax, a reminder to release
attachments, a reminder to release resistance, then . . . you are opening to the path.
The true path is letting go. So these obstacles are teaching us to release the resistance, and
once we let go and open up, we instantly—without pause—begin to receive that spiritual
connection, which allows us to feel whole and connected again.
Art is a moving meditation and serves as a respite from the everyday chaos. Most of the
Japanese arts are this way; they’re not just “creative” practices or technical processes, but
spiritual disciplines.
And Sumi-e is no different.

Allow this solo–date to be more than just learning a cultural painting style. Allow it—the
obstacles, the frustrations—to be a way of relaxing, finding your center, and connecting with
spirit.
Sumi-e
Sumi–e is a fascinating art form that utilizes the

various gradations of black ink—from pure black
to the softest shades of light, light gray possible,
simply by dissolving the ink in water.
It’s simple, . . .
Well, the idea is simple, but the practice requires

real dedication, which is why I’m encouraging
you to find someone whom can teach you for this solo–date, or find a beginner’s seminar or
class.
“Sumi” means “black ink” in Japanese and “e” represents “painting.” It allows the student of
Sumi–e to study how subtleties make huge differences in life. It provides the student with a
living framework to understand and successfully engage in life and relationships. And stillness
is a key element for learning Sumi–e as both an art form, and a way of life.
One of the core tenants is simplicity—more

specifically, it is the natural sensibilities of the
student to identify and capture the essence of
what they are painting.
What matters, . . . and what can be released?

What is essential, . . . and what is a trap?
One seeks for their expression to be “alive.” If

your piece moves, captivates, or inspires the viewer emotionally or spiritually, . . . you’ve
captured the essence and given it life!
Fear is an obstacle—will you let it lead you or liberate you? Find a Sumi-e Sensei in your area
and allow your essence to awaken . . .

Focus On: Releasing any fears, concerns, or old stories about your artistic abilities.
Enter this solo–date with the intention to fully embrace the way . . .
Seek stillness through meditation and “mindfulness” the week preceding your lesson.
The meditation and the “mindfulness” are two different practices intended to get you into
that same still state—that state where your mind is quiet and clear, and you’re simply in a
state of Presence, . . . a deep awareness.
Meditation allows your mind to become quiet because you’re focused solely on your
breathing—often times. And “mindfulness” encourages you to be aware of all the
subtleties your senses are taking in, at the same time, WITHOUT labeling or attaching to
any of them.
A tip that may help is to physically relax your body, soften your gaze, become aware of
your breathe, and innocently ALLOW your 5+ senses to share what they’re bringing in.
Attempt to be aware of the information your senses are hearing, smelling, tasting, feeling,
and/or seeing simultaneously. It’s a fun activity.

• J ournal Entry: what did you learn? About the art, life, or yourself? Did anything speak
to you philosophically, spiritually, socially, or egoically? Did you, at any point, begin to
experience that connection, or stillness? If you did, what did it feel like, and where will
you seek to bring that feeling in to your life?
•  If you plan on taking another class with this, or another teacher, look at your calendar
and schedule your next session. If this isn’t the art for you, go online and do a little
research to find something more aligned with your natural creativity, then look at your
calendar and schedule your first class.
If Sumi–e is not your thing, or there are no instructors near you,

consider Ikebana, Japanese flower arranging.
The benefit will be equally as wonderful.

• Solo-Date 3: Japanese Taiko Drumming •
“Life is not as serious as

“Ten years from the mind makes it out to be.”
now, make sure — Eckhart Tolle
you can say you Let me be clear, right from the start, . . . face painting is
chose your life, not a “requirement” of this solo–date.
and . . .
Although going to a Japanese Taiko drumming class is!!!
You didn’t just
settle!” Oh My Gosh, I’m SO EXCITED for YOU!!! This date
promises to be one of the most challenging and one of
– Unknown
the most rewarding!
There is nothing like a Taiko drumming ensemble

performance—and classes where you’re right there with
the drums and other drummers FEELING the power and
PARTICIPATING in the rhythm is . . .
LIFE CHANGING!!!

Commitment
While Taiko has a long history with

communication, warfare, and court–style
entertainment, none of those compare to the
mind–altering performances of today!
The best ensembles produce phenomenal

shows that are part music, part dancing, part
trance–inducing, and part life–influencing—
you will go home a different human being!
This solo–date isn’t just about watching, . . . it’s about getting in there and connecting with
your deeper self! And this is definitely going to happen!
On the previous page, I mentioned this will be one of the most rewarding solo–dates on your
list, and if you love this and decide to pursue it as an art form—or even a new way of life—it
promises to also be one of the toughest exercise regimens you’ve ever imagined because to
be the best you’ll need to develop speed and endurance because Taiko is often hard and fast.
Additionally, you’ll develop new ways of connecting with people and reading their energy
because, in many ways, . . . you’ll be communicating through the rhythm of the drumming.
Taiko groups are all different with their own

music, dances, songs, and use of various
traditional instruments.
One thing they tend to have in common

are 4 Principles they focus on.
And these principles influence more than

just how they show–up and play together
—these principles, like other Japanese art
forms, have real–world, practical wisdom.
Some groups make the understanding simple: sound, body, mind, and spirit. And others
offer a slightly more esoteric description: attitude, kata (form), technique, and ki (energy).

Sound / Musical Technique: At it’s core, Taiko is
about creating rhythmic sound—and this is
greatly enriched when drummers are exercising
good form, they’re focusing on their task, yet,
still very much aware of their fellow drummers,
and their energy is at it’s peak!
Body / Kata (form): Utilizing the proper stance

is both powerful and graceful, simultaneously.
Combine foundational kata with holding your sticks correctly, an awareness and connection
to the rhythm, and your sincere commitment, humility, and full expression, your natural
energy just explodes out of you!
Mind / Attitude: Having the right mindset will demonstrate respect for the art and prove
you to be teachable. An enthusiastic attitude will help you learn music faster and
implementing proper techniques will unleash the power in your body for constant and
never–ending improvements!
Spirit / Ki (energy): The very life force that runs through all of us—that force that connects
us to the deeper wisdom and the sound of the drum. When your energy is high, your
natural ability and willingness to use kata correctly will be enhanced. And, obviously, this
will improve your connection to the music and your fellow drummers!
It’s quite difficult to separate these out and speak just about one of them. They‘re
interdependent, and it’s this collective that creates exquisite art. Within the drummer as an
accomplished artist, they’re interconnected; and within the ensemble, they’re interwoven in
a way that allows for the phenomenal music to be shared!
By aligning with these 4 Principles, you will develop and find new
ways of expressing strengths, skills, personal growth, and a real
love of life! In essence, adhering to these principles, . . . YOU will
be celebrating life!
If Japanese drumming is not your thing—or you don’t have a Taiko

group near you—please still go on this solo–date, just explore
drumming through another cultural opportunity: African, Brazilian,
Native American, American drumlines—YOU Choose! Just please
commit to this date, . . . you’ll be glad you did!

Focus On: Your excitement to be joining a drumming group, at least, for this
particular date. Re–read the 4 Principles on the previous page—and look up the
4 Principals for the dojo (training hall) you’ll be attending.
Practice amping up your energy and enthusiasm levels on command.
Smile regularly and let the waves of life force energy just exude, and/or pulse, out
of you during these smiling sessions!
You might even prepare by doing some endurance exercises, specifically to

improve lung capacity and to create both strength and endurance in your upper
body. Add a few wide-stance squats and lunges to create more flexibility, in an
effort to honor and respect proper body postures when drumming.

•  After drumming your first time, your energy’s going to be super high, and you’re
likely to be exhausted, too. So, . . . no specific follow–up, tonight, unless, . . . you
want to drum with them, again, then simply sign–up and schedule your next
drumming session!
EXCITING!!!
•  Maybe enjoy some YouTube videos of other Taiko groups, like the world famous
group, KODO. If you’re really going back, . . . Take a look at how good you can
get!

Chapter 6
1 BIG Reason Why

Congratulations! You’ve made it this far. And this makes me excited for
YOU!
Before I make the BIG

reveal, though, I really
want you to know, . . .

YOU MATTER!!!

And I Genuinely Want You
to have a Truly Beautiful
Life!
“At some point you just have to decide, . . .

to BE that woman you have always known you could be.” — Elyse Santilli
Dating is such a wonderful opportunity to get to know another human and, yet, so many
people don’t like it, at least, at first.

Yet, we seem to be excited about, and love, going out with our friends—even if this
“friend” is a new friend, and this is our first time hanging out together!
Ro consequiae lauda inum dolum ha-

So why do you get so nervous, worried, or uncomfortable about going out on a date?!
rum nata nonectisque nem essi!

“Be gentle with yourself.” — Unknown

•  Expectations.
•  Hope.
•  What you make the “date” mean.
•  What you let your unconscious mind say to you,
and about you.
•  What you say to yourself.

And the list goes on–and–on–and–on.
When you spend time with a friend—

again, even a new friend—you don’t have
the same nervousness; even if you are a
bit nervous, it’s significantly less—and
definitely different.

“Yes, but on a ‘date,’ we’re usually trying
to get to know someone for the first
time.” It’s true sometimes—and how is
that different from talking with that new
“friend,” also for the first time, and trying to get to know them?

Generally speaking, . . . it’s the same basic process. Conversation and, maybe, doing an
activity together.

With that new “friend,” you’re not attempting to force anything. You’re just having a
conversation. Sure, it can be awkward if you’re struggling to find something to talk about,
something you’re both interested in; aside from that, there are usually no real expectations.

The sentiment about hanging out with a potentially new friend might be boiled down to a
single thought, . . . “I was fine before I met this person, and if I don’t like them—or they
don’t like me—my life, fundamentally, won’t change; I’ll continue to be fine.”

If it’s a “date” though—for most people—something changes; something’s different. What?
What’s changed; what’s different?

It’s very simple, . . .

Your thinking.

Your thinking has changed and because of this, the experience of making a new friend and
dating feel completely different.

In fact, if they feel different, it’s because . . .
you, literally, ARE different, . . . in these
moments.

Your hopes, expectations, internal dialogue,
internal monologue, self–judgment, and the
meaning of a “date” versus the meaning of
just “hanging out” are all different inside your
heart and mind!

These differences cause a completely new biochemical cocktail to be created within your
body and brain—these hormones, peptides, neuropeptides, and neurotransmitters (and
who knows what else) immediately begin to shape how you feel!

They change you—and powerfully influence how
you interact and engage with the outside world.

And unchecked, . . . these changes most certainly
can lead you to feel nervous and/or unnatural.

This is why I wrote this book—I want you to feel
comfortable, confident, and free, especially when
dating! Dating yourself gives YOU this wonderful
opportunity to connect at a deeper–than–normal
level with yourself.

You get to learn to date and allow it to feel fun,
adventurous, exciting, even filled with wonder and
awe. You get to explore, experiment, uncover–and–
discover the activities YOU enjoy!
And YOU get to decide who YOU are; who YOU want to be; and whom YOU want to get to
know.

I understand “dating yourself” doesn’t necessarily
strengthen your people skills, nor does it teach
you how to create and carry–on conversations.
What it does, however, is to create a level of
confidence within you greater, deeper, and more
authentic than anything you might have felt before.

And this confidence will carry through in all other
areas of your life—in varying degrees, of course.

Seeking an Internal Transformation
While “thinking” is the primary principle I’ll be

addressing in this chapter, there are two unconscious
factors that heavily influence your thinking—your initial
programming and your unconscious beliefs born out of
this programming.

As a result of their profound influence on YOU, I will
address both of these briefly in this chapter, also.

If you’re reading this book, it’s safe to say you’re not
completely satisfied with the results you’ve gotten, or
where you are, in your life so far.
In this chapter, I’ll layout the simple 5 steps you may

want to explore, in order to create a more pleasing
outcome, or result, in your life.
Then I’ll return to discuss “thinking,” clarify in a bit more detail why I’ve written a book on
dating yourself, and finally I’ll reveal the “1 BIG Reason Why You Should Date Yourself” and
the value it brings to your life!

Hopefully, this structural breakdown will offer some unexpected and unintended insight in
to other areas of your life, also. In many ways, this is just the study of results, and . . .

If you don’t have the results you want—in any area of your life—there is an empowerment
issue somewhere in your life; I’ll get into that in just a bit.

First, let’s reverse engineer your results.

When the results in your life are not what you want—barring
any “acts of God”—you can celebrate because the discomfort
and unhappy feelings are signaling for you to take different
actions!
Even if your results were the “act of God,” you can celebrate
for the exact same reason!
These are not moments of failure, but instead, these are moments of
feedback! And feedback is Gold!
What you have in your life are the direct and indirect
results from the actions you have been—or haven’t been—taking.
And because you are 100% responsible for your

actions—or should be anyway—looking at these actions
and behaviors you’re directly and indirectly engaging in—
or not engaging in—will uncover lots of insight regarding
what life is currently like for you!

Now, the word “behavior” is interesting because when
we think of it, we usually think of it as an action
instigated by an emotion.
And that’s exactly what it is: an action following an

emotion.

So it’s valuable for you to understand this concept—all of your
actions are, in essence, the behavior of your emotions—your
actions are following the direction of your emotions!

95
With this very simple understanding, . . .
YOU can immediately impact the outcome of your life and relationships instantly!
If you want different results in your life, then you get to take the
actions necessary for you to achieve the particular outcome
you’re seeking.

In order to do that, it stands to reason, you will need to control
your emotions.

Since your emotions influence your actions, and your actions
both directly and indirectly create results and outcomes in all
areas of your life, . . . you must control your emotions.

Believe it or not, controlling your emotions is really much easier
than you might “think.”

And it starts with simple awareness, . . .

“What thoughts, physical feelings, and/or emotions am I having
or experiencing, right now?”

Awareness of your present–moment thinking is quintessential because your THINKING
gives rise to your emotions—whether YOU are thinking something intentionally, or your
UNconscious mind is pushing out thoughts.
This knowledge, understanding, and awareness

will give you the opportunity to choose whether
you want to be processing that particular
thought in that particular moment.
This allows you to positively effect an internal

transformation—a new psychology, if you will—
which WILL initiate an emotion of your
choosing.

This emotional state will be the inspiration for the actions you take and, consequently,
create an almost predictable outcome, or result.

So as long as you’re aware of what you, or your mind, are thinking, you have the privilege
and the right to transform how you’re feeling—because what you’re thinking is the
precursor to what you’re feeling—hence an internal transformation.

Becoming Empowered
Be aware your thinking and emotions are intertwined. They are inextricably linked in an
interesting—yet subtle—loop.
You’re going to want to learn to control this loop, so you’re not

controlled by it.

Your emotions can be born, or shaped, by the thoughts you’re
having, as you know. Most of your thoughts throughout the day
arise directly out of your unconscious mind, which then creates
a corresponding emotion—which tends to be subtle, at first.

Then as the emotion takes hold, your conscious mind can get
brainwashed, further empowering the emotional state with
supporting thoughts, . . . and these may not always be positive.

These “supporting” thoughts elevate the emotion, and the looping pattern is established.

This is why I teach my one–on–one clients, and audiences from stage, to . . .

“Think your thoughts,
don’t let your thoughts think you!”
Remember earlier, I suggested if you don’t

have the results and outcomes in your life
you want, you’ve got an empowerment
issue? Here’s why . . .

Let’s look at a scenario with two distinct thought patterns—place yourself in the thought
pattern before answering:
1.  You wake up one morning and, for whatever reason, you feel scarcity within you:

Not enough money, not enough time, all the “good men” are already in committed
relationships, you’re not really doing what you want in life, and you’re certainly not living
and feeling the way you want to be living and feeling.

For some reason, you have to go downtown, and as you’re walking along the sidewalk, a
homeless person, is sitting on the ground, leaning against the wall.

Do you:
A.  Stop and give them some change, or . . .
B.  Stay stuck in your head and your issues and keep walking?

Not that you’re cold–and–heartless, just that maybe you didn’t see them or, maybe,
the emotion of scarcity is causing you to hold on to your change that day.

Are you thinking your thoughts, or are your thoughts thinking you?!

2.  You wake up one morning and, for whatever reason, you feel scarcity within you.

Immediately you recognize the emotion—you don’t like how it feels—so you consciously
and intentionally ask yourself what you’d rather be thinking and feeling, instead; and you
hear: gratitude, patience, excitement, joy, kindness, compassion, and love.

For some reason, you have to go downtown, and as you’re walking along the sidewalk, a
homeless person, is sitting on the ground, leaning against the wall.

Do you:
A.  Feel a sense of compassion for them and gratitude for who you are, where you are,
and what you have in life, and kindly and lovingly stop and give them some change,
or . . .
B.  Resort back to that initial thought and feeling you had of scarcity and not having
enough when you woke up and just keep walking?

Now tell me, . . . are you thinking your thoughts, or are your thoughts thinking you?!

Of course there are many other options
and factors to consider—those scenarios
are designed to just quickly illustrate my
point.

If you don’t have what you want in life,
it’s because you’re not taking control of
your thinking.

Now, I could stop here and get to the “1
BIG Reason Why You Should Date
Yourself,” but . . .
And even though you know what you

could be or should be doing, . . .
YOU just can’t seem to get in motion.

In short, YOU can’t muster the willpower
—emotional energy—necessary to get
yourself to take action.
That would cheat you, and I believe in You cannot seem to get yourself to do
giving you as much as possible to truly something you don’t want to do; or do
enrich your life. something you’re uninterested in, scared
of, or embarrassed to do—even though
Besides, . . . I’m going somewhere with YOU KNOW it could, and would,
this, so stay with me. produce a better, more preferred,
outcome than your inaction or
Most of the time YOU KNOW when you procrastination will. Ugh! Why?!
don’t feel like taking the “right” actions
needed to create the best outcome and Remember, most of your thoughts arise
results for your life? from your unconscious mind.

And your UNconscious mind has been
running MOST of the show your entire life.
In that time, it’s developed a bit of muscle.

Whereas, your conscious, intentional,
critical thinking mind is a bit weaker
because most people don’t actively think
for long periods of time.
It takes real effort to go against the unconscious

stream of thoughts keeping you from real transformation.

Can you see the “empowerment issue?”

Wait a minute, . . . if most of your thoughts are unconscious
musings, then who or what is the Muse itself?!

Great question!

Machine or Mind
What you’re really asking is, “WHO is the UNconscious

thinker?!”

“WHO or WHAT is making YOU—the conscious you—believe, and buy into, the stories
your unconscious mind is weaving throughout the day?!”

Simply put, . . .

The “Muse” filling your head is your UNconscious belief system—the one thing in charge
of how you see yourself, others, and the world. More specifically, WHAT you believe about
yourself—good, bad, or indifferent.

It’s also in charge of what you believe about men, relationships, money, love, and virtually
EVERYTHING else you can, will, and do experience throughout life!

Wow, that’s a LOT of Power, Control, and Authority for one part of your brain to have!

One part?! HA!

Your beliefs are tied in to ABSOLUTELY every
aspect of life—unless it’s a completely unknown
area—but even then you’ll come with some
related and/or peripheral beliefs because
beliefs make sense of the world.
They tell YOU, the conscious you, how the world works.

Where did this “authority” rise from?!
Who “programmed” it?

EXACTLY!!!! Who indeed . . .
Programmed . . . your beliefs?!
Those very beliefs that cause you to think,

feel, and act, . . . or not, . . .
You’re smart—so you know those old

beliefs are not going to drive YOU to get the results in your life YOU, the conscious you,
say YOU want.

And so I come back to the empowerment issue, . . .
“Are you thinking your thoughts, or . . . are your thoughts, beliefs, and programs (from
Mom, Dad, friends, family, former partners, bosses, teachers, etc.) thinking and controlling
YOU?!”

Hhhhhmmmmmmmmm, . . .

Food for thought, as I bring us back to the dating world, as a whole—dating yourself more
specifically—and the “1 BIG Reason Why You Should Date Yourself!”

Please Consider:
•  HOW have you been programmed, and

WHAT have you been programmed to
believe about dating—yourself or
others—versus hanging out with a
friend?
•  Where does “your” thinking regarding

dating come from?

•  What thoughts tend to come up when you think about dating—or before going out on
that first or second date? And . . .

•  How does it feel? Are you nervous? Does that nervousness, or excitement, cause you to
behave, or act, in a particular way?! Whatever your answer, that’s neither good nor bad,
just an opportunity for a little observational awareness.

More awareness equals more opportunity for choice! But “choice” alone is nothing more
than a set of options; it’s the decision—the decision to take action—that transforms
everything!

“You know you’ve made the right decision when

there is peace in your heart and freedom in your soul!”
– Unknown
For you to have everything you want in this world—including, but not limited to that
beautiful relationship you imagine—YOU, the conscious you, will need to take charge back.
You will need to make the decisions and take the corresponding actions, . . . not your
unconscious mind.

Your unconscious mind is concerned about you getting hurt, and so it’s programmed to keep
you safe—and that means wiring fear in to YOU!

Because your unconscious mind, throughout your history, has been programmed to identify
and categorize ALL of the areas you’ve been hurt before—and/or could be hurt in the
future—that nervous feeling you get before going out with someone on that first or second
date is your unconscious mind saying, . . .
“Are YOU SURE we want to do this?! YOU KNOW

we could get hurt, again; right?!”

This same unconscious belief, and thought, may have
caused YOU, at some point in your past, not to
commit fully—even though you were in a
“committed,” full–time relationship.
Or, at least, not until you knew your partner was fully
committed to YOU, first.

Again, . . . “it,” your UNconscious mind, is doing
everything it can to keep you safe.

Unfortunately, that fear it’s producing—in an effort to protect you—is exactly what could
cause you to get your heart broken, again.

If you cannot commit to someone you’re in a relationship with, . . . they’ll feel that—and
start to think, . . . “how can I commit to this person because they’re not committing to
me?” That’s a scary place to be for both of you.

Then you’ll feel their fear and, in a manner of
self–protection, you will pull back a bit to keep
your own heart safe. And then they’ll feel you
pull away—and out–of-fear and self–preservation,
. . . they’ll do the same.

It’s another terrible loop. And this is how many,
many, many relationships fail.

It’s a classic example of a “disempowerment” issue.

Becoming Empowered
Living with a “disempowerment” issue can create a

myriad of potential problems.

When you are “trying” to make decisions from a
disempowered, nervous, fear–based space, you cannot
make decisions easily—and some people cannot make
decisions, at all, from this place.

It is incredibly difficult to make decisions for yourself
and others when you’re feeling fear, worry, doubt, and
uncertainty. And when you do, I guarantee you will
question your decisions over–and–over–and–over
again; constantly wondering if you made the right
decision.

Even when your decision turns out ok, your mind will
most likely return to that question again–and–again, “Did I make the right decision?”

On the other hand, . . .

When you’re feeling connected, aligned, and
empowered, . . . decisions are significantly easier to
make!
Even if the decision happens to be the wrong one, or

less beneficial, your natural reaction will be one of
immediate acceptance, followed by a willingness to
shift and grow and make another decision, right
there, on the spot.

Can you see, at least, some value for living from a
state of empowerment?!

Before you answer, let’s explore what
“empowerment” is and isn’t, and where it comes
from.

Empowerment is simply, and naturally, that state when you
feel comfortable, capable, and willing to make decisions
that shape your life—and sometimes the lives of others.

It’s not a power “over” anyone or anything; at least, not
the way I see it, nor the way I am using it.
Instead, it’s a power, an energy, an ability “for” YOU, the

conscious you, to positively influence your environment,
life, and relationships—it’s a strength within you and for
YOU!

It’s designed to serve you and support you against the
fears and limitations of the unconscious mind and allow—
even encourage—you to explore, discover, love, laugh,
and experience.
It nurtures and supports your growth and freedom of

expression in this life—because YOU are allowed, even
intended, to enjoy this life!
YOU are allowed,
Please realize, . . .
even intended, to
No where am I linking this enjoy this life!
power to your ego, or
masculinity only, or any sense of being smarter or better
than anyone else — not now, not ever!

Can you be empowered if you prefer your femininity,
instead of your more assertive, masculine side?
Of course! Absolutely! Feminine power and persuasion is

some of the most important, and healthiest, expressions of
power on this planet.

What if you’re a little more quiet and reserved; what does
empowerment look like then?

Honesty, integrity, and quiet conviction.
For quiet or more reserved women, your power could

manifest as dedication, a deeper, more authentic
connection to a smaller, close–knit group of friends,
family, and colleagues.
Possibly it will manifest as an impressive ability to focus—

but my definition doesn’t matter as much as your ability
to identify, and live from, your power!

Embrace the power within YOU, . . . PLEASE!!!

HOW?!

“How,” finally, is getting to the 1 BIG Reason Why.
“How” is our bridge, and this is why I’ve spent so much

time on how your conscious and unconscious minds work
for YOU, and/or against YOU.

How are you supposed to embrace this power within
you? Ironically, . . .

By letting go, first!
1 BIG Reason Why You Should!
Remember, . . .

“Seek not to love more, instead remove the obstacles separating YOU from LOVE.”

This, alone, is everything.

If you simply remove, release, and let go of ALL your obstacles, fears, worries, and doubts
separating YOU from LOVE, . . .

What do you believe and think will reveal itself—and be fully accessible to you?

Very Simply and Very Naturally . . . LOVE . . . in ALL its
beauty and grace.

And one of the most important and valuable
components of love is “self–love!”

Self–Love is . . .
•  An alignment with your Soul Integrity
•  It’s the connection between your heart, mind,
body, and soul
•  It’s having a tenderness—a real gentleness—for
yourself, even when you make mistakes, or feel
lost and lonely
•  It’s being in the Presence and having the
courage and authority to choose something
YOU want
•  It’s Truth, . . . choosing and engaging with life from your Authentic Self
Again, . . . how?! How do you discover, accept,

willingly embrace, and naturally embody: self–love,
alignment, connection, tenderness, Presence, and
Truth.

First, it takes releasing any internal judgment about
yourself—no matter where it came from. Then
you’ll need to muster the power and courage to
choose YOU first—not at the expense or detriment
of another—instead, so YOU can be the most full,
and truest, version of YOU!

And you do this by learning more and more about
yourself—hence, 5 Ways to Date Yourself.

The more you learn and genuinely embrace this
true nature of yours, the more incomparable
freedom you will begin to experience within your
life and relationships.
And an unparalleled joy and gratitude will begin

to animate you—and exude from YOU!

The more you let go of, . . . the more a Divine Innocence will radiate from your BE–ingness!

As you identify what you deeply want and enjoy,
you will become increasingly more aware of
who you truly are—and the less you will get
trapped wearing the “clothing” and “imagery”
of obligation.

You will release that constricting “need” to be
accepted, or “part of the tribe,” so you feel like
you really and truly matter, in the deepest and truest sense—spiritually!

These core insights set free the authentic expression of your heart, mind, body, and soul!

And this leads us to the 1 BIG Reason Why You Should
Date Yourself, . . .

Authenticity!

Authenticity is the very essence of who YOU deeply and
truly and really are—and integrity is the outward (and
inward) expression of that authentic nature; that truth!
And it’s in these moments of authentic expression when

you’ll return to being innocent, childlike, free—and when
you’re here, standing in appreciation, gratitude, self–
love, and Presence, . . .

You will INSPIRE others to do the same! This brings up a very important topic.
And, very naturally, you will begin to attract While it’s wonderful to date yourself as a
people like YOU to you— means of self–discovery and connecting with
the deeper, truer you! your authenticity, don’t allow the idea, or
belief, that NOW—finally—my loving life
partner is going to come strolling in to my
life.

He, or She, Might; They Really Might!
And . . . they might not.

In case you’d like to take a proactive
approach and be a contributing factor in
speeding this process up, I feel it’s very
necessary to remind you to Keep Your
Standards High!
The standards you hold for yourself, that

soon–to–be romantic partner, and for
friends, family, and work relationships—
these standards all get to remain high.

Possibly, . . . even probably, . . . Now, your standards might shift the more
your romantic, loving, life partner! authentic you become. You may find, you’ll
get more committed to them, the more
committed to the true you, you become.

My ONE suggestion, . . .

Focus on your true integrity—take actions
that are ONLY in accordance with your
deeper, truer, authentic self! Check-in with
yourself, regularly, to ensure your being
genuinely authentic and operating with
sincerity—integrity— otherwise, . . .

What’s the point?!

Chapter 7
Final Thoughts
This is your life—not mine, not your mom’s or your dad’s, not a sibling’s,
nor a mentor’s, and it’s certainly not your former romantic partners’ or
previous love interests’.

It’s yours, and this means
there’s a certain amount of
responsibility you have, and a
certain amount of freedom
you’re afforded.

Even this “responsibility” hosts
its own access to freedom—
what needs to be done, does
not always dictate how or when
you do something.

“Freedom is the oxygen
of the soul” – Moshe Dayan
“Intuition is the lighthouse of a woman’s soul.” – P.J.

Digging a little deeper for clarity, you might
even ask yourself, “responsibility to what, and
for what?” This is a responsibility for yourself
and your life—from this point forward begin to
shape your life, and your relationships, in ways
that feel good—to YOU!

As you know, life is not always going to be easy
—and it may not even feel fair sometimes, but
it will always be filled with opportunity—and
that’s all you need.

With a little opportunity, a vision, and the
courage and curiosity to be resourceful, . . .
virtually everything is possible!

How, what, where, when, and with whom?

YOU DECIDE!
Opportunities and Next Steps
How you acquired this book, I don’t know. What I DO KNOW is I am grateful you got it
and, at the very least, started making your way through it!

Hopefully, you’re this deep in to this book because you’ve legitimately made your way
successfully through it, had some wildly enjoyable and insightful dates with yourself, and
you’ve truly fallen in love with your “True Self,” along the way!

If you haven’t yet gone on even a single date, please . . . don’t cheat yourself!

And if you’ve had a few dates, remember, . . . the greater the challenge you accept and
successfully move through, . . . the more you know who YOU are, what you like, and how
YOU want to, and get to, shape your new life!
P.J.

Follow and/or Contact Me
If you like what you’ve read here — and

you have questions or comments; you want
more; you’re curious to talk with me; or
you’re ready, and you know you want to
work with me directly . . .

Please use these links to connect with me
and get more out of life!
•  P.J.’s Speaker’s Reel:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6MP3m8ilUqs&t=15s
•  Scheduling a FREE one–on–one call with P.J.:

https://calendly.com/pjloveguru/truelove — or —
http://www.pjswisdom.com/make-a-connection
•  P.J.’s website:
http://www.pjswisdom.com/
•  Facebook:
https://www.facebook.com/pjswisdom
•  Instagram:
https://www.instagram.com/thepjswisdom/
•  YouTube:
https://www.youtube.com/user/pjdixon (content being added regularly)
•  LinkedIn:
https://www.linkedin.com/in/pjswisdom/
P.J.

Thank YOU!
Thank YOU!!! You and your happiness mean so much to me that I am
humbly grateful for your interest in this project. This has truly been a labor
of love and would have missed its mark without your heartfelt search for
the most beautiful emotion of all:
LOVE!
“Raise your words, not voice.

It is rain that grows flowers,
not thunder.” – Rumi
P.J. at Jishu Jinja, Shinto Love Shrine in Kyoto, Japan
“Love is our true destiny. We do not find the meaning of life

by ourselves alone — we find it with another.” – Thomas Merton
I’ve had this idea for a couple of years—and finally the Muse found and encouraged me to
share this idea of dating yourself—I Love It! And I hope you will, too!

You’ve likely heard the saying, “no man is an island;” meaning no one person exists and
operates alone—we are interdependent—and this project is no different.

The World’s Greatest Mom
I am who I am because of my Mom! She raised me, and shaped me, into the man I am
today with love, encouragement, and a healthy dose of challenge!

She would never let my sister and I quit—until we had legitimately really tried. We were
constantly encouraged to try new things and praised for our efforts—not just for “doing a
good job.” When my sister and I were young, and one of us would say, “I can’t,” my mom
would either say, “can’t doesn’t live here,” or “can’t never did a thing.”

Mom also regularly quoted Henry Ford, “if you think you can, or you think you can’t, . . .
you’re right!” And while these responses, statements, declarations, or quotes may have
frustrated my sister and me when we were young, . . . Mom’s dedication and commitment
to these lessons powerfully shaped our minds!

Without her—and her love, courage, and affection; without her wisdom—I wouldn’t be the
man I am today! And I genuinely love, respect, and appreciate myself! I am sincerely
grateful for my character and integrity!

There’s no one in the world, like my Mom! And I am incredibly fortunate!

“Dunkin’, without YOU I wouldn’t be half the man I am! Truthfully, I might not even still be
here—and I LOVE life so much that I am eternally grateful for all of your nurturing, nursing,
coaxing, and encouraging! For every lesson. For every tear. For every hug. For every laugh.
For every challenge!

Every time my life and attitude have inspired another—it was you! Every conversation I’ve had
where someone felt better, healthier, happier, loved, cared about, and uplifted was because of
you! Every presentation from stage that resulted in laughter, awe, or tears of gratitude and
admiration, . . . again, . . . you! Mom, every one–on–one coaching session I have had—
anywhere in the world—when a client or friend was in need, and they came out feeling whole,
healed, healthy, connected, seen, understood, and as if they mattered in this world was
because of your influence on my life, my heart, my effort, and my intention!

And ALL the kindness, love, wisdom, or insight I have ever shared with, and for, another was
just your kindness, love, wisdom, and insight channeled through me!

Mom, . . . Thank YOU for every breath, every heartbeat, every smile, every moment of my
life!!! I LOVE YOU!!!”

The Best Childhood Playmate
My sister, Carie, has always been fearless! She never let anything ever stand in her way;
when she saw something she wanted, . . . she focused, committed, and achieved! She’s
brilliant and unquestionably knows who she is and what she wants in and from life!

Carie’s confidence stems from an unapologetic commitment to her own heart–and–soul,
and I have always both admired—and been in awe of—her courage, resourcefulness, and
dedication to her vision!

When she was born, I was 5, and I remember thinking she was the most beautiful thing I
had ever seen—even now as I type this I’m in tears thinking about how much I truly loved
her, . . . even though I might have wanted a brother! God knew better, though, and I truly,
truly, truly feel blessed to have her as my sister and childhood playmate! We had lots of
fun together as kids, and we’ve got plenty of stories to prove it!
I’m the older brother and, yet, . . . I’ve always looked up to her!

“Carie, . . . I Love You!
I cannot imagine my childhood without you—or that mischievous smile that caused me so
much turmoil when playing Star Wars! I don’t know if anyone has ever told you that you had a
constant sparkle in your eyes when you were little—and that sparkle, . . . even today, . . . melts
my heart! The feeling I get when I think about how you, as a little sister, would look at me as
her older brother, both honors and humbles me and, once again, honestly just brings me to
tears!

Carrot, you’ve been the best sister, unparalleled supporter, and childhood playmate a brother
could’ve ever had! At such a young age, you were my strength, letting me use your shoulders
when I felt too weak and unbalanced walking up–and–down the driveway; you were my
shadow, living YEARS being known mostly as “P.J.’s sister;” you were my mirror, constantly
reflecting my behavior and reminding me to be a better, kinder, more patient and loving
person; and you were my inspiration and my light, challenging me to read Siddhartha by
Hermann Hesse when you knew I hated reading—your persistence led me to both the light of
wisdom and understanding, and to the real joy of learning!
Thank YOU . . . for never giving up on me as a Brother!!! I LOVE YOU!!!”

Friends
There are, at least, two other ladies I would like to thank, briefly, for both their contributions
to this specific project and for their friendship that has made me a better man and served
to improve my life in more ways than I can count! Thank YOU—you have both inspired me
to be a better human being, friend, and businessman!

Michelle Mann directly contributed to this project by kindly being my “movement model” on
page 49 in Chapter 3, Section 2, entitled: Shamanic Journey.
She has been one of my closest friends since—2014—I believe. She’s kind, loving, patient,
silly, so playful, and deeply, deeply wise. Her spiritual understanding and healing abilities far
surpass most spiritual teachers and healers I’ve met throughout my life. If you feel as if you
need to heal from some things in your past—before or while you’re dating yourself—I
absolutely encourage you to connect with Michelle! There’s no one better!
http://www.authentic-choices.com/

“Thank You for your ever–present love! I am truly honored, humbled, and grateful for you!”

Kalyn Wolf was kind enough to donate 3 pictures for Chapter 3, Section 3, entitled: Are You
Courageous?! Additionally, her quotes appear on pages 57 and 58 enlightening us on the
spiritual and psychological benefits of floating.
Kalyn opened Cloud Nine Flotation Center in 1985 and continues to be a leader in the
flotation, and deprivation, tank industry. And while we’ve only known each other for a short
period of time, we’ve certainly engaged in some powerful dialogue that continually reminds
and encourages me to be a better, more patient, and sincerely inquisitive man! Her courage
and honesty are commendable—as is her commitment to her clients and product
development. If you’re looking for products infused with love and Reiki energy—or you’re in
Tucson, Arizona, USA and want to “float,” definitely visit: https://floattucson.com/

“Kalyn, thank you for turning on the light when I’m in the dark!”
AND, I’d like to extend a VERY SINCERE and GENUINE THANK YOU to ALL the
Photographers and Models—too numerous to name here—who TRULY made this project
possible—and BEAUTIFUL! THANK YOU for so GENEROUSLY SHARING your art,
photographs, and images across the DollarPhotoClub, Pixabay, Pexel, Unsplash, ShutterStock,
and iStock platforms! HONESTLY, . . . Without YOU—each one of you—this project would’ve
been much less beautiful! Thank YOU!

About P.J.
P.J. is a Lifelong Motivational Speaker, and
an International Transformational Coach
—who focuses on results!

Despite his disability, which was expected
to take his life by 7, he chose to live, and
live well! P.J. truly lives an extraordinary
life: sailing, outdoor skydiving, indoor
skydiving, trapezing, ziplining, hiking,
mountain climbing, snow skiing, water
skiing, aqua jetpacking, and the list goes
on!
He's a former wheelchair athlete, international traveler, amateur

watercolorist, founder of two non-profit organizations and four disabled
sports programs, a published author, 10th degree black belt, martial arts
and women’s self-defense instructor, and a meditation teacher.

Additionally, P.J. has been inducted into the National Hall of Fame for
People with Disabilities and was nominated to carry the Olympic Torch
through Tucson in 2002.

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5 WAYS TO DATE YOURSELF, . . .

AND 1 BIG REASON WHY YOU SHOULD!

Ch. 6: 1 BIG Reason Why 91

Ch. 7: Final Thoughts 110

Thank You’s 113

About the Author 117

5 Ways to Date Yourself, . . . and 1 BIG Reason Why You Should! 2

“The world will be saved by the Western woman.”

5 Ways to Date Yourself, . . . and 1 BIG Reason Why You Should! 3

The Truth is Found Within

There is no one else on the face of this planet who has

I wrote this book because I genuinely want you to be

Within these pages, you will find an array of activities,

5 Ways to Date Yourself, . . . and 1 BIG Reason Why You Should! 4

You will still open your mind to the opportunities that

Likely you and I don’t, yet, know each other, so I

You will grow, you will figure out what

What you are reading is not a course or program,

My hope is you will begin to fall in love with yourself,

5 Ways to Date Yourself, . . . and 1 BIG Reason You Should! 5

I want to clarify something, too. While I

And as you might think of these as, quite

I teach women’s self-defense classes

5 Ways to Date Yourself, . . . and 1 BIG Reason You Should! 6

Where You Are Going

Each date has 3 parts for you:

They are fun, sometimes challenging, and intentionally introspective.

5 Ways to Date Yourself, . . . and 1 BIG Reason Why You Should! 7

While there are so many aspects that make us up as humans—our

Plus, I thought it might

5 Ways to Date Yourself, . . . and 1 BIG Reason Why You Should! 8

“It is a happy talent to know how to play.”

And by play, I mean challenge your balance, test your

Explore ALL the features and options available, . . .

5 Ways to Date Yourself, . . . and 1 BIG Reason You Should! 9

You are being invited to open up and re-embrace

What are you feeling as you read the suggestions

Are your thoughts saying, “I can’t do that; what will

5 Ways to Date Yourself, . . . and 1 BIG Reason You Should! 10

You may be interested in also

In it, you can bring water, of course,

5 Ways to Date Yourself, . . . and 1 BIG Reason You Should! 11

Climbing, especially bouldering, will challenge you—and

5 Ways to Date Yourself, . . . and 1 BIG Reason You Should! 12

Bouldering is not this on the left!

Bouldering is a low-level, very

Bouldering is a lot of low level

5 Ways to Date Yourself, . . . and 1 BIG Reason You Should! 13

Bouldering, however, is not always that easy; in fact, bouldering is used by

5 Ways to Date Yourself, . . . and 1 BIG Reason You Should! 14

Until your arms and/or legs are spaghetti.

Rest when tired, and then re-attack that

1) Just like in Date #1, treat yourself

Why Vegan and Gluten-Free?!

A lot of reasons really—three primarily, though:

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Journal about what you’re learning about

IF you are here and struggling for ANY

3) Sit and watch, the other climbers—truly inquisitively!

Watch and study others’ movement.

Then get back on that wall!!!

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Think, and accept, small successes!!

•  Immediately after your meditation, please journal how you’re feeling—

•  delicious and fun, nutritionally-rich snacks