The Time that I Would Like (…)

Fabio Volo

14

She (who came into my life)

Love is like death: you never know when it will hit you. Death can’t be avoided, but
you can have some control: for example, you can decide the moment. Love no/But
not love, it is not possible to plan it, you can’t decide to love. You live without being
able to know when the woman or the man who will devastate you will enter your
life. She could arrive, like what/which happened to me unfortunately, when you are
no longer even capable of loving/not able to love anymore. There are times when
you would like to be devastated by someone, but your desire alone won’t
necessarily make you meet them. It’s like when you go shopping, driven by the
desire to buy something, but you don’t know what. It could be a book, a scarf, a pair
of glasses or a perfume, but sometimes “I didn’t get anything, because I didn’t find
anything interesting.”

Before meeting her I was involved with a thousand girls, had a thousand affairs
going. I liked living that way, the charm of novelty was for years like a drug I couldn’t
give up. Then she arrived and I felt that something different was happening. Many
details let me know that with her it was not like with the others; one of these was
that when I spoke to her I didn’t feel like choosing my words, but just saying what I
felt. With her I understood/realized that I would have to stop, but then, instead of
loving her all the way, I realized that I would have to pay the consequences. I
discovered that I was no longer able to love. If someone had asked me if I loved her,
I would have said, “yes.” However, at heart, I didn’t know if I really loved her.