First

Reformed
Scene by Scene Breakdown
By Julianna Hartke
GoIntoTheStory.com

P 1-4: TOLLER (M, 40s), a cleric bent over in pain, tends to the historic First Reformed Church
and its cemetery in upstate New York. As we see still images of various details of the church and
Toller preaching to an extremely small congregation, Toller narrates his journal. He is writing
longhand to reflect his thoughts and as a form of prayer. He says he will keep the diary for one
year, then destroy the diary at the end of that time.

P 4-9: After service, Toller and John Elder, the parish organist, discuss church repairs in the
Vestry, with Toller refusing to ask any more favors from Abundant Live, another parish. As they
argue, Mary Mensana (30s), pregnant, interrupts, asking Toller if he can speak to Michael, her
husband, in place of a counsellor. She explains that Michael has gotten involved with the Green
Planet Movement, a rather extreme group of conservationists, and she’s worried about him. She
also worries that Michael wants to kill her baby, as he claims it’s wrong to bring a child into this
world. Toller reluctantly agrees, later returning to the parsonage to write. He expresses his desire
to stop caring what people think of him and expresses his disdain for himself as he sees his own
pride. He wishes he could pray.

P 10-19: Toller meets with Michael at the Mensana household. Michael talks about how his child
will live in a completely different world, one that is being destroyed. He lists all the ways the
earth will be different and worse because of climate change, going into great detail. He sees no
future for his child. Recognizing that Michael’s despair is for himself and not for his child, Toller
tells Michael about his own son. Toller was a chaplain in the war and, per his family tradition,
enlisted his own son, Joseph. Six months later, Joseph was killed in Iraq. His wife left him and
he, in turn, left the military and took up a position at First Reformed. He tells Michael that
whatever despair he feels about bringing a child into the world can’t equal the despair of taking a
child out of it.

Michael asks Toller if he drinks, to which Toller says he does not. Michael then asks if God can
forgive them and Toller responds that no one can know the mind of God, but to live the righteous
life is to believe and forgive. Toller insists they meet the next day and, although he hesitates,
Michael agrees.

P 19-20: Once again, Toller writes in his journal, this time with a glass of scotch. He replays his
discussion with Michael, thinking of all the things he could have said better. Despair is a
development of pride, but Toller asks himself, “Who am I to talk about pride?” That night, he
urinates painfully as his urine runs dark brown.
 2

P 20-29: Toller gives a single family a tour of the church and cemetery, promoting the church’s
250th anniversary. Afterwards, he meets Esther, an old flame, at a choir rehearsal. They schedule
lunch after Toller’s meeting with Pastor Joel Jeffers (60), head pastor at Abundant Life. At the
meeting, the two pastors plan for the 250th anniversary reconsecration service. Abundant life
staff is handling most of the work, but, the organ hasn’t been fixed. Jeffers isn’t worried and
instead tells Toller Ed Balq, the wealthy businessman who saved First Reformed, wants to meet
them for coffee and cover the reconsecration service in the news.

Later, over lunch, Toller complains to Esther that Balq only wants to cover the reconsecration for
the credit and media attention. Esther doesn’t seem to care and quickly turns the topic to Toller’s
health. Toller insists he made an appointment for the doctor but refuses the idea of someone to
take care of him in his daily life. He says he’s not made for marriage and insists he’s happy.
Esther is skeptical but still backs off.

P 29-32: Mary, frightened, calls Toller to her house. She’s found a suicide vest in the garage; a
project Michael has been working on in secret. Toller takes the vest to dispose of it but promises
he won’t call the police on Michael. After making sure Mary feels safe, Toller leaves with the
vest, promising to see Michael the next day.

P 33: That night, Toller narrates his journal as he unclogs the toilet with Drano, only to throw up
in it later. He speaks of discernment and how his “petty ailments” have made him bad tempered.

P 34-40: Toller finds two repairmen fixing the organ. They were told by Ed Balq that First
Reformed was top priority. Toller is interrupted by a message from Michael: he’s changed their
meeting place to Westbrook Park Trail. There, Toller finds Michael’s body, head blown off by a
shotgun. The police arrive, and Toller admits Michael had been fighting depression before taking
his own life. Toller goes to Mary’s house with the police and comforts her after they have left.
He tells her to get rid of any evidence of Michael’s attempts at violent activism. Mary shows him
Michael’s last will and testament and instructions for his internment, left in an envelope for
Toller.

That night, Toller is haunted by nightmares. He wakes up at 3 am with a cry and sleeps on a
church bench the rest of the night.

P 40-45: Toller walks into a youth ministry group at Abundant Life. One teen asks if her father
did something wrong because he got laid off. Toller tells her that Jesus does not teach that wealth
comes with godliness. A third teen angrily interrupts, saying he is tired of “turn the other cheek.”
Later, Toller confides in Jeffers that he doesn’t know how to deal with teenagers anymore.
Everything is extreme and there is no middle ground. Jeffers remarks they are living in a much
 3

more complicated, chaotic world where they want certainty in their lives. The church must be
patient and encourage young members to express themselves.

P 45-47: Michael’s memorial. Mourners gather at Hanstown Kills, a heavily-polluted stream

outside the Hanstown Paint Factory. Toller presides over the service, sharing that Michael chose
this place as a repository for his ashes. Mary, accompanied by friends and family members,
dumps Michaels ashes into the stream as Esther’s choir sings and John Elder plays his keyboard.
It is solemn and surreal.

P 47-52: Toller, Jeffers, and Balq meet in a pancake house. Balq shows off fancy booklets for the
reconsecration service and Jeffers goes over the order of introductions at the service. Balq is
concerned about political messages, showing them a page from an Environmental Action
website: Michael’s memorial played as a political event, and both Abundant Life and First
Reformed are mentioned by name in the article. Balq insists it was a political act even though
Toller was simply honoring Michael’s last wishes. Amidst Balq’s protests, Toller asks Balq if
God will forgive them, repeating Michael’s own question to Toller. Toller calls out Balq, saying
they need to protect the earth, as God commanded. Balq shoots him down, accusing Toller of
causing Michael’s death.

P 52-56: Mary and Toller cycle along a bike trail and, for the first time, Toller smiles. After, he
helps Mary box up Michael’s belongings and Mary tells him she plans on moving in with her
sister and brother-in-law, possibly relocating. She also confides that Michael wasn’t religious
like her. As Toller goes through Michael’s files, he reads through files and books, all research on
environmentalism and information on big polluting companies, such as Balq Industries. He
drinks as he reads, and, in voice over, says he can no longer ignore his health. He has postponed
his checkups too often.

P 57-63: Toller finally visits the doctor and has many tests done. The doctor us unsure if Toller’s
tumor is cancerous and wants to run more tests. He prescribes pain medication and nutritional
supplements in the meantime, insisting Toller’s moderate drinking needs to stop. Later, Esther
confronts him, saying she’s worried, but he pushes her away. He yells out she reminds him of his
failings and he despises her.

P 64-67: Toller has lost weight and his skin is yellowing. He pulls out Michael’s suicide vest
from the closet and begins researching how the vest works. As he does so, he pours Pepto
Bismol into a half-full glass of scotch and drinks it. He sleeps on top of the blankets, still dressed
and wearing the vest.
 4

He makes his way to Balq Paper Industries, taking the tour and examining the buildings. He’s
almost caught by security; the vest is in the backseat in a partially open bag. Because he is a
pastor, he’s allowed to leave, and the vest remains hidden.

P 68-71: Mary shows up at Toller’s parsonage. She’s frightened and anxious. She tells Toller she
and Michael used do a “Magical Mystery Tour,” where they would smoke a joint, lay on top of
each other fully clothed, and try to get as much body contact as possible, staring into each other’s
eyes and breathing in rhythm. She and Toller perform the strange rite and as they slip into a
meditative trance, they levitate off the floor and the parsonage disappears. Soon, they are floating
across the wonders of the earth and the polluted dumps created by human beings.

P 72-75: Alone in his room, Toller sews a handmade patch of two environmentalists onto the
suicide vest. He puts a loose shirt over it and it’s barely noticeable. Wearing the vest under his
shirt, he drives throughout the streets, eventually ending up at Hanstown Kills. He wears the vest
to the soup kitchen as well, but no one notices.

P 76-79: The day before the reconsecration, Jeffers calls Toller into his office inquiring about his
health. People are worried, and Toller doesn’t look good. Still, Toller doesn’t admit anything is
wrong. Jeffers sees through him and tells him not to confuse PTSD with “Holy Agony.” Jesus
doesn’t want suffering. Toller turns the conversation toward God’s creation, pointing out that the
church remains silent as the government denies climate change and big industries pollute the
earth. Jeffers says it’s not their place and tells Toller that he should go to rehab or a medical
institution. Toller insists he be a part of the ceremony and introduce Jeffers.

P 80-81: Toller sees Mary off as she’s packed for her trip to Buffalo. She tells Toller she’s
staying for the ceremony, but he tells her he doesn’t want her to be there. Although confused, she
relents.

P 82-87: Reconsecration Sunday. TV media is parked outside, and uniformed security watch the
church. As a crowd gathers inside the church, Toller straps on the suicide vest and arms it,
carefully lifting his clerical cassock over it. Glancing outside, Toller watches the guests when he
spots Mary. She’s looking for him. Panicked, he races to his journal, writing “Last Will and
Testament” then replacing it with “Statement of Purpose” then “Magical Mystery Tour” before
crossing that out as well. Jeffers looks for Toller, but Toller remains silently in the parsonage.
Jeffers gives up and begins the ceremony without him.

Toller removes the vest and disconnects the wires. Instead, he grabs a roll of barbed wire,
wrapping it tightly around himself. He puts on an alb and white stole on as music begins to play
from the sanctuary. Toller grabs Drano and pours a drink. He brings it to his lips as Mary enters.
 5

He drops the glass and the two embrace, kissing in slow motion as the camera moves for the first
time. The camera dollies forward and around until it suddenly stops. The screen goes black.