Tolerance

tolerance is “willingness to accept behaviour and beliefs that are different from your own,
although you might not agree with or approve of them.” In real-life terms, tolerance means
accepting that something different has a right to exist, whether or not you agree with it, while
respect means a high regard for that something. Imagine that you believe the Earth is flat. All
well and good, and I might tolerate your belief, even though I might believe you’re an idiot. My
tolerance is not costing me a thing and I don’t have to stress over trying to get you to change
your mind — you have the perfect right to believe anything you wish.

Tolerance is a virtue. It is a version of the golden rule in that, insofar as we want others to treat
us decently, we need to treat them decently as well. It is also a pragmatic formula for the
functioning of society, as we can see in the omnipresent wars between different religions,
political ideologies, nationalities.

Acceptance goes a step beyond tolerance. If a sign of tolerance is a feeling of “I can live with X
(behavior, religion, race, culture, etc.),” then acceptance moves beyond that in the direction of
“X is OK.” You can tolerate something without accepting it, but you cannot accept something
without tolerating it.

The Importance of Forgiveness

Defining forgiveness through the back

door:
 To forgive does NOT mean that you condone wrongdoing.
 Reaching a place of true forgiveness is NOT about you deciding that what someone did
is okay if it was not.
 Forgiving does NOT mean you have to forget (is that even possible?).
 What forgiveness IS: eliminating the negativity that results from hurt by letting go of
emotional baggage.

Why should we forgive?

 Though it can feel very comforting or powerfully releasing to be forgiven, make no mistake: we
do not forgive for the other person; we forgive for ourselves!

 Forgiveness is for our own growth and happiness. When we hold on to hurt, pain,
resentment, and anger it harms us far more than it harms the offender.
 Forgiveness frees us to live in the present. Reliving the wrong that was done to us keeps
us living in the past and missing today’s beauty.
 Forgiveness allows us to move on without anger or contempt or seeking revenge. As
Confucius said about revenge, “Before you embark on a journey of revenge, dig two graves.”
This applies as much to the spirit of anger behind the desire for revenge as much as to revenge
itself. Even if you do not actively seek revenge, holding on to your anger brings you down.
 Forgiveness lets us regain our personal power. Our anger, regret, hatred, or resentment
towards someone means that we are giving up our power to that person. Envision a chain around
your neck, held by the one who wronged you. Until you can forgive, you won’t break that chain
and the person will still have an unhealthy hold on you.
 Forgiveness brings you back to good physical and mental health. The systems of the body
respond to negative emotions, affecting the immune system in ways that would blow your mind.
Releasing those emotions is a good idea.
 Forgiveness clears the cobwebs so that you can see the good again. When you forgive
you will be able to see all the positive qualities in the person who hurt you—qualities that you
loved once—and allows you to accept him or her fully, warts and all, and have a chance at a
long-lasting, healthy relationship.

When should we forgive?

When the pain of holding on to the wrongdoing in the past continues to follow you into the
future, you have a choice. Be bitter or let it go.