Self-Empathizing

Can you tell me how many times this pandemic has reminded you that
you’re not doing enough comparing to your other mates? We are going
through this “Do More” phase where everyone is in a race to compete with
each other more than ever. This is causing a lot of people anxiety, stress,
and a lack of self satisfaction.
One reason we resist practicing self-empathy is that we mistake it for self-
pity. We view it as a soft and fuzzy euphemism for self-indulgence. Self-
empathy means being caring and understanding toward ourselves when
we are under stress or suffering. It is the alternative to self-criticism. Self-
empathy is often misjudged as narcissistic behavior. Far from creating a
self-centered view of the world, a self-forgiving attitude is one of the best
defenses against narcissism. You don’t have to be a narcissist to love
yourself when nobody else does. It is very important to practice empathy
towards ourselves. We should be more kind to ourselves rather than being
conditioned to be highly critical of our mistakes all the time.
So, when do we know we need to be more kind to ourselves? Now look at
these sentences -
 When I make a mistake, I tend to be very critical of myself.
 When I look back, I tend to remember the mistakes I have made
rather than the successes I have had.
 I can be really heartless toward myself when I feel down or am
struggling.
 When it comes to achieving my goals, I can be really tough on
myself.
If you can relate, you’re not alone. Many of us were raised to believe that
being brutally self-critical was necessary in order to achieve the highest
standards; which eventually leads to excessive mental stress and post
failure trauma. I guess we are smart enough to know how bad that is for
anyone. Media has a profound influence on our thoughts and feelings.
Seeing posts on social media about making the most of extra time may
create a perception that we should be focused and productive despite the
stressful events around us. It may be a good idea to recognize that when
you’re stressed, you need to take time to calm yourself and recoup. Self-
empathy can also help relieve many mental health concerns such as
anxiety or insecurity. Many mental health professionals help people
develop compassion for themselves.
So how can you practice self-empathy? Here are some ways-
 Talk to yourself like you talk to your friends. If you wouldn't say it to
your best friend, don't say it to yourself. UNDERSTAND!!
 Practice mindfulness to eliminate self-judgment. Along with negative
self-talk, self-judgment hurts you even if you're not conscious you're
doing it.
 Forgive yourself more often.
 Don't compare yourself to others.
 Accept that some anxiety is normal when we are stressed.
The kindness and understanding you express for yourself are the empathic
equivalent to an oxygen mask on a plane.Remember, Before you can offer
empathy and compassion for others, you need to “pull down the mask” and
inhale the oxygen yourself. You can move on from mistakes without
allowing them to pile up and bury your confidence and self-esteem under a
mountain of doubt.
As Alexander Pope once wrote, “To err is human . . .” But let’s not forget
the second part of that quote: “to forgive, divine.”