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 How to Achieve Self-Sufficiency

The following writings and lessons are principles

that I apply every single day. My experience has
proven to me, over many years and through many
trials and tribulations, that the self-sufficient path
is the way to truly live and thrive.

I have the utmost belief this is the case, and I have

no doubt you will reach that conclusion when you
have finished reading and working through this
book.

I said “working” because you will not reap the

rewards without hard work and dedication. If you do
not take notes and extrapolate to real-life examples,
you will probably get zero value from this book. This
is actionable advice and a clearly laid out strategy.
As you read further, you will need to develop the
habit of reserving for yourself “me time,” as I like to
call it: a defined period of the day where you take a
pen and paper and write everything down. Take
notes.

This practice and habit is the central piece of your

transformation.

Visualize everything and deal with it. Take it from

your subconscious mind to your total consciousness
and awareness.

We cannot deal with what we do not know.

Teach yourself about yourself.

Time to get started.

An Important Quick Note:

This book is meant to help show you how you can be

self-sufficient without having to lose your social
circle, and without the pain of having to figure it out
all by yourself.

Self-sufficiency is the state in which a person simply

does not need the help or support of anyone. Also
called “Self-Stand,” or “Independence,” it is the
backbone of happiness because it centers on
eliminating neediness and embracing autonomy.

The path to self-sufficiency, however, is very often

hard to find, and very few are eventually able to
detach themselves from the emotional, financial,
and social support of their surroundings.
In fact, most people who try this end up alone and
kill their social life.

This book will help show you the path to

self-sufficiency, without having to lose your social
circle, and without the pain of figuring it out.
 Correcting Misconceptions

Isolation:

Being self-sufficient does not mean that you must

always be riding solo, on your own. In fact, in order
to detach yourself from other people’s approval and
support, you will need to practice social situations.

Additionally, being self-sufficient should not lead to

a life of loneliness and isolation. Instead, it should
get you to a state where you are able to enjoy time
alone, while also being socially skilled and having a
fulfilled life, without expecting anything from
others.

The more you stay on your own, the rustier your

social skills get. Next time you are at a social
gathering, it will be harder for you to find the right
words to express yourself. By staying alone and
isolating too often, you will develop a fear of others
(to varying degrees) and begin to get stressed by the
thought of being around other people. In turn, that
stress will hinder your social performance and lead
to poor decisions when others are around.

This is why you must regularly meet people, something

we will dig deeper into later on.

Another downside of isolation is the increased risk

of mental health issues that arise. As you remain
alone, you begin overthinking, which leads to
self-imposed negative feedback loops. All humans
need social interactions; you need them as much as
you do water and food. Extroverts know this
intuitively.

Introverts, on the other hand, do not. Therefore, if

you are an introvert, you need to realize that you can
remain true to your nature, but still regularly meet
and interact with acquaintances and friends. The
need for human interaction is so important that
your feelings about them are actually irrelevant.

Quite simply, practice makes perfect. Wash. Rinse.

Repeat.

Eliminating the urge to isolate requires us to break

down the real reasons behind it. We tend to isolate
when feeling despair or unable to deal with others.
This creates a fake comfort where, instead of facing
our fears, we hide. And when we hide, subconscious
complexes are created, leading to severe insecurities
and a negative snowball effect, not only on your
mindset, but most importantly, your mental health.

Take care of yourself. Meet people.

Practice.

Get better. Get self-sufficient.

Keep reading. It will all come together and make sense.

Being Rude for No Reason:

Some people confuse being self-sufficient with

hurting others. This is wrong. You do not need to
hurt others for them to understand that you only
care about yourself. Rather, if you wisely set the
proper boundaries (calmly and explicitly), right from
the start, people will simply accept you for who you
are.

People adapt to those in the front of the pack:

Leaders. If you explicitly tell them you do not need
anyone, they will not rely on you. And, of course,
they will not expect you to rely on them.

They will be happy, however, to lend a hand if you

do call for help. They will do so to please you,
because the less you ask, the more you get. Scarcity
and rarity increase perceived value.

But not needing approval does not mean I do not

want to see you happy. Instead, making people smile
will make you feel better. The problem, though, is
making this a need rather than a bonus. So learn to
use this to your advantage.

Radiate joy and people will mirror joy. Be the one

that lightens the room; be the one everyone wants to
be around because they do not need others to be
happy. That said, being “rude,” so to speak, is
sometimes a necessity. But when is that the case?

People’s intentions are the key variable to determine

whether you must attack or downshift into chill
mode. This requires examining the words people
use, almost forensically. It will become natural over
time. If they use offensive language and do not
express an open mind, then they likely mean to
offend.

And their offense requires a strong defense from you:

strike back; counterpunch. But how?
Simply tell the truth. Sow doubt within them and
force them to question themselves, by telling them
every little thing that they do wrong and that other
people hate about them. This will push the right
triggers, no doubt. The cherry on top is that you will
be right. And they will absolutely hate that.

This is why you must make sure that you never

regret what you say to people. No one regrets the
truth; people only deny and refuse it.

Denying Emotions:

Healthily handling your emotions requires sincere,

frank honesty with yourself. Denying and
suppressing them will lead to stress, anxiety, and
even serious mental health conditions. These
conditions are like quicksand. You will find it even
harder to pull yourself out the deeper you sink.

Further, such emotions often transmute into

physical reactions. And suppressing physical
reactions will result in physical pain and the
inability to properly function. Now, just imagine not
being at your best physically: How can you ever
pretend to deal with your mental issues?

Without the proper process and channels to

correctly express your emotions, things will
inevitably backfire. Suppressed emotions come back
and kick you in the teeth even harder. So you need to
deal with your shit.

All of it. Plain and simple.

Rather than denying your emotions, you must
recognize and transmute negative emotions into a
ferocious, productive fire. Channel them properly
and thrive.
Controlling your emotions:

The one thing most people fail to do is take control

over what they feel and how they react to it.

Yet, this to one ability is the fine line between

successful people and the ones struggling to create
something meaningful in their lives.

While some will tell you to put your ego aside, I will
tell you that ignoring your inner voice will lead you
to be influenced by whatever surrounds you.

Opening up to yourself and your conscious,

emotional side is the only solution to take control
over it.

Self-awareness.
While not reacting will allow you to avoid trouble,

Reacting on the other hand will help you point out

and discover yourself to higher and deeper levels.

Doing so, allows you to not only experience yourself

but also learn and tailor how you will react in the
future.

If you suppress your emotions and bury them deep

in your soul, you will create complexes and
insecurities that you will not be aware of.

Things that will shape and influence your behavior

without you even realizing it.

Slippery slope.
People need to understand that there is no better
teacher than life experiences itself.

Reality being that the human being is made of both

emotional and logical sides.

Blending both will help you transcend.

Negating one of them will keep you limited.

Acknowledge your emotional side, learn how it

works then train it.

There is no secret recipe.

There is only you and how you react to your

environment.
And you can train yourself to be whatever you want
to be.

Aim for regulation not suppression.

After all, intense emotions aren't necessarily bad,

quite the opposite they define your most honest
feelings.

The real you.

For as long as you will be able to know and forecast

your reactions, you will be able to control them.

Some good ways to do so are to allow yourself space

and accept that you, like anyone else can make
mistakes
Don't be too hard on yourself in your quest of
self-awareness as there is nothing wrong with being
whoever you are as long as you work on reaching
your best version.

Stop beating yourself out and get to know yourself

instead
When your emotional reaction is over, reflect on it
and realize:

- What you felt

- Why you felt it
- Why you reacted the way you did
- What shaped your readiness to react that way

Just like people judge others, judge yourself with

detachment to blend your logical side with your
emotional one.
Give yourself space and time to better yourself for
no one will know you or understand you more than
yourself.

Most importantly: Love yourself!

Destroying Social Relationships:

Because we touched on social isolation earlier, this

part will be straightforward and to the point. First,
we must correct a widely spread misconception:

Being self-sufficient does not mean that you should

not care about your social interactions. You should
not burn bridges simply because you are able to stay
on your own and do not require the presence of
others.
 Becoming self-sufficient will help you to deal better
with your social life, rather than destroy it.

Remember, you do not need to be nice to everyone.

And you also do not need to be rude to most people.
Often, it is better to say nothing, rather than being
rude arbitrarily and without reason.

Even those who irritate you should be ignored.

Rather than fighting small and fruitless battles, be
above it all. Do not fall into petty games, or it will
only hold you back. Do your own thing. Focus on
yourself. And, without question, do not intentionally
commit social suicide. There is zero upside to that.
 Introspection:

As discussed at the outset, the full potential of this

guide to self-sufficiency can only be revealed
through real work. Pen and paper are your weapons
to slay the dragons of self-doubt and negative
thought. And this is especially true for this section in
particular. Although I will explain what to do, you
need your own words to reach the real,
life-changing conclusions.

What Bothers You in People:

Before dealing with your own needs, you must learn

to detach yourself from the behavior of others. Most
critically, you must understand that whatever they
say or do has absolutely zero value in the grand
scheme of things.
Your grand scheme of things, that is. Now, let us
examine and note everything that bothers you in
other people, and figure out why you feel that way.

Example: “I hate people that talk too much.”

Alright, why?

- “Because I cannot stand not being the center of

attention.”

Yes, do not hold back at this stage in the game (vs.

continuous self-talk, which we will explore later).
You must be as honest and brutal as possible.

If anything bothers you, it is likely because

something else frustrates you. Most of the things
that rub you the wrong way have a direct correlation
with your own feelings. That is, what bothers you in
people is a projection of your own frustration and
insecurities.

Embrace and take control of them, because they

define who you are and you cannot hide or run away
from them.

Now, how am I going to deal with someone that

talks more than I do? There are two solutions:

1) Talk more than them

2) Avoid them

Both of these seem like weak options, so there is a

third one. Ignore them!

Do your own thing, and if they talk too much, they

probably do not have much to say anyway. If they
monopolize attention, talk to the people that have
more interest in you than them. Ignoring these
problematic people willingly and strategically is the
only way to go.

Remember, whatever bothers you has a solution,

and that solution is to be above it all:

“You are so self-sufficient that other people’s behavior

does not impact or affect yours.”

Everyone looks after and is motivated by their own

self-interest. By allowing someone else’s behavior
to bother you, you give them exposure and extra
reasons to continue that behavior. If you care about
someone talking too much, it means you are actually
listening to them, giving them the extra attention
they crave.
Do not play their game. Play your own. Ignore them
and expect them to ignore you. At the end of the day,
you want to be around those who appreciate your
presence. And they will.

Assassinate Your Neediness:

Find everything that makes you needy (lack of

affection, need for attention, over-reliance on
others) and get rid of it. Assassinate it!

Next, write these needy internal thoughts down. You

must realize them and consciously decide to move
on. Importantly, if you can move beyond simply
thinking about these negative thoughts, and
willingly declare that they are not true, then you
have already done most of the work.
More broadly, there is absolutely no reason for you
to need anyone or anything that you cannot provide
yourself. Understand that nothing lasts forever and
that no one will think about you more than you think
about yourself. In order to attain self-sufficiency,
you must eliminate thinking in terms of what other
people can provide for you.

- Need love? Get a pet.

- Need joy? Put on your favorite music and go for
a drive

Do this for everything. Fulfill you own neediness and

replace people with self-centered practices. Develop
the ability to respond to your own neediness on your
own. By doing so, and slowly replacing social
neediness with internal “me moments,” you can
become completely detached from anything people
can offer you.
 Even better, you will never expect anything from
anyone.

Your expectations and desire for external help will

evaporate and you will realize how powerful you are,
because you have experienced the first taste of
self-sufficiency and realized your true strengths.

Say this aloud right now, and write it on the first

wall you see in the morning: TAKE FUCKING
CONTROL OVER YOU OWN LIFE.

When you can pinpoint whatever makes you needy,

you can also realize what your weaknesses are. In
turn, realizing your weaknesses and insecurities
puts you in front of your main problems.
Look into why you feel the way you do. What events
in your life created such mental complexes? Who
was behind the apparition of those scars and
trauma? Ask the right questions; learn to
understand your reactions and their origin.

- Why does it hurt so much?

- Should it hurt me that much?
- What does it have that much impact on me?

Yes, the answer to all of those questions is that none

of it matters. You are now able to realize what makes
you weak and understand that there is no reason to
be. You are past it. You are strong. You are above
everything and anyone. You do not have insecurities
and weaknesses anymore. You have partly killed
your subconscious.

Therefore, you are close to attaining a level of

self-awareness that will lead you to self-mastery. (i)
keep pushing for your own triggers before someone
else does, (ii) understand what triggers you and
decide that you will not react, and (iii) decide that
you are above everything that could hurt you. You
are not immune to your past insecurities. You are in
total control.

Building Self-Esteem:

Capitalizing on Your Wins:

If you have been reading me for some time, you

know that I consider everything a win. Every small
positive is worth capitalizing on.

- Did I wake up on time? Yes, WIN

 - Did I have fun? Yes, WIN
- Did I fulfill my promises? Yes, WIN

People tend to focus on the negatives and hide

behind being “realistic,” which is an absolute
delusion. There is nothing real besides what you
decide to focus on.

Later in your day, as things wind down, it is time to

think back on your wins. Note them all down; use
this time to enjoy them a second time. The objective
here is to realize how good of a person you are and
how good you are at everything you do.

Building self-esteem helps you build

self-sufficiency. During this reflection time, it is
absolutely useless to think of anything you did
wrong that day. Let me tell you: YOU DID NOTHING
WRONG.
If it helps, start by writing down this one sentence
before noting down your daily wins.

Positive Self-Talk:

The way and manner in which you think and talk to

yourself influences the way you behave. Plain and
simple. Self-criticism is rarely constructive. More
often than not, it is heavily detrimental to your
mental health. If you want others to value you, you
must value yourself.

Use affirmations the right way. Replace hope with

certainty.

Instead of, “I hope everything goes well,” (which is

already quite positive), say: “Everything will be
perfect.” Condition your mind to optimize its
performance. Using shorter sentences, full of
certainty, will help you do everything with
confidence, and even help you do it in a better way.

If the word “perfect” is stuck in your mind, for

example, you will act following that mindset as you
will have conditioned your brain to aim for
perfection. In contrast, overly worrying and
negatively reflecting on oneself destroys
self-confidence.

If you are being too harsh on yourself, then no one

can save you. Understand that no one is coming to
save your ass. You will need to pull yourself together
on your own.

If someone talked negatively to you, you would

probably get mad at them. If so, then why would you
talk poorly to yourself? Are you your own enemy? I
did not think so!

You are your own best ally, my friend.

I recommend the following resources for continued

reading on this topic. Use them to enhance your
self-talk:

- Terminate:
- Alpha Affirmations:

Do More of What You Enjoy:

A great way to increase your self-confidence and

self-esteem is to do things you actually enjoy.
Instead of forcing yourself to endure events and
activities you do not like, multiply the moments of
joy and satisfaction.
 Do it your way and enjoy it.

How does this help your self-esteem? The secret

behind this is that you condition yourself to be in a
better mood. By doing so, you allow yourself to
approach life with more optimism, and also build a
considerable basis to reach your objectives.

Improving your mood will help you get more shit

done, which brings us to our next topic.

Get Shit Done:

One of the greatest ways to build your confidence is

doing everything in your power to accomplish a
goal: doing whatever you have to do to get shit done!
Procrastination leads to disappointment, which
leads to decreased self-esteem. A book that has
helped me overcome this is Day 1 Mentality by Evil
Saint:. It outlines an actionable strategy for building
momentum and accomplishing more without ever
procrastinating.

That said, we both know that the secret to fighting

procrastination is being proactive, not reactive.
Anticipate consequences and visualize the
satisfaction of completing your goals.

By doing so, you will be able to enjoy the satisfaction

three times over.

All of this compounds into building your

self-confidence and self-esteem as you sense and
feel your wins more frequently. Before we close this
chapter, I want you to remember the following:
- You are not your circumstances
- You are more than what has shaped your life up
until now
- If your circumstances define your hand, your
actions define how you play it
- Remember, even the worst hands in poker can
still win the pot!
 Successfully Dealing With Others

Exercising Assertiveness:

Everyone wants you to be sincere until that sincerity

and frankness hurts their feelings. But what about
what you want, my friend?

Ideally, you would be able to speak your mind and

say whatever you want without them getting
offended or upset at you. Is this possible?

Of course. Taking an assertive tone and manner of

speaking will give you exactly that: the ability to
communicate your internal truth without others
taking “offense” or getting angry. But what is
assertiveness? How can we define it?
 Assertiveness is being totally honest and sincere about
your feelings in a calm and composed way.

Rather than letting your emotions dictate the way

you talk and the feelings involved, being assertive
allows you to openly express your feelings. And
putting words to these feelings without letting those
emotions impact the way you behave. Consider this
example:

Instead of getting angry at a random person for

doing a random task incorrectly, simply tell them
that you do not believe they are capable of handling
that task: again, in a calm and composed manner.

Your calm tone will prevent the person from bursting

into an emotional reaction, which will make
constructive dialogue impossible. Thus, in
attempting to mirror your behavior (which is human
nature), they will try to remain calm and simply
accept the criticism at hand.

Note: Do not censor yourself. Say it as it is: it is

important to avoid filtering what you say depending
on the perceived positivity or negativity of it. In the
end, what matters most is that YOU speak your mind
and get whatever you have to say off of your chest.
Take care of yourself!

Learn to Say “No”:

This is THE MOST IMPORTANT PART of this book.

Learning to say “no” will not only build your
confidence, but also eliminate your neediness and
reliance on others.
Do not do ANYTHING if the sole purpose is pleasing
someone else. Do what YOU feel like doing when
YOU feel like doing it. Learning to say “no” will
reduce your regrets significantly. Additionally, the
feeling of refusal is quite satisfactory in its own
right. Make your words worth something by simply
expressing them.

Most are too scared to say “no,” especially to their

loved ones. However, if they get offended is it their
problem. They did not deserve your approval. Make
your approval hard to get!

Making your approval hard to get, increases the

demand for it. But it also gives credence and value to
those positions and opinions.

Do not let anyone impose their views upon you. Stay in

control, all of the time
Do Not Give Without Getting Something Back:

It is axiomatic that nothing is free: that there is “no

such thing as a free lunch.” It is often said that
something that is free either has no value or there is
a hidden cost behind it. This is wrong!

Do your actions have value? Of course. Why would

there be a hidden cost, then? Learn to say the
following: “What is in it for me?”

Get used to asking this question more often. Do not

let people abuse your goodwill and help, because
they absolutely will.

If you explicitly say that you do not expect to give

anything for free, others will first try to find
something to offer you before asking for help. What
does this have to do with self-sufficiency? I thought
you might ask, my friend.

Well, if you do not ask for anything in return, it

simply means that the approval of that person is
enough for you. By doing so, you position yourself in
a place of neediness. If anyone accepts without
asking questions, they are obviously trying to fit in
and please.

If you are aiming for self-sufficiency, which you are

if you have reached this stage of the book, you must
reject anything that may signal you are seeking the
approval of others.

The only approval you need is that of your own

Spend Time With Different People:
It is established that neediness results from a feeling
of comfort and a habit of being around someone.
The more time you spend with someone, the more
you get used to this person, and thus become more
reliant upon their presence.

Never let yourself become needy or reliant on someone

else’s presence

Doing so is the first step toward decay and further

reliance on others. I have intentionally kept this
discussion until late in the book.

Most of us will slip into this cycle subconsciously.

We like someone and begin hanging out with them
frequently, regularly, and then 24/7. One day, some
event occurs and that person is no longer in our life.
Well, you know the rest of the story, my friend, or
else you would not be here. So here is the solution.
Make as many friends as possible. Hang out with all
types of people, whether you appreciate them or not.
Variety is the spice of life. Multiplying social
interactions with help you do two important things:

(1) Practice your social skills

(2) Eliminate the need to be with a specific person

This practice will not only help you detach yourself

from others (and their corresponding approval), it
will also greatly improve your social skills, and add
perspectives you would not have reached if you had
not been around many, varied types of people.

In many ways, if our purpose on earth is to see and

experience as much as possible, it would be stupid to
limit ourselves in that regard. Even socially.
So, my friend, go out there and meet many new and
different types of people. You do not need other
people to meet new people, though. The only person
you need is yourself.

Others are spectators that you will use to practice your

skills. Get Sharp!

Make Yourself Needed, Not Wanted:

You must understand that without leverage, you

have no value. So let us brainstorm here:

What can you provide to potential “friends?” How

can/should you utilize the social circle? Found it?
No, do not give it to them. Let them crave it.
For example, assume you are great at
singing/playing music. Do not do it unless they BEG
you for it. Supply and demand.

Another example: Find the one skill that your

coworkers do not possess. Develop it and become
very proficient in it. Most importantly, do not teach
this skill to anyone. You are now irreplaceable.

The entire purpose of becoming irreplaceable is

making others need you and your skills. As much as
you do not need them, what you do need is for them
to need you. Make them crave your approval through
your skillset.
 Bonus

PART 1:

It is not because someone cares about you that you

should care about them. And vice-versa.

Let me explain.

Sometimes, genuine behavior can be toxic. People

we think we get along with can sometimes be just
“putting up” with our shit when they do not truly
appreciate us.

I do not think there is anything wrong with that.

Everyone is free to like or dislike whomever they
want for whatever reason(s).

Now, even if you genuinely care about someone, the

feeling may not be mutual. As such, you cannot
expect them to reciprocate the feeling or act like
they do.
It is important to mention that it is always difficult
to make rational decisions, especially when other
people's emotions are at stake.

So, if you are in such a position, where one of your

friends is really annoying you, without doing it on
purpose, you should simply try to distance yourself.

Hurting them is not necessary and, given the high

amount of emotions involved, it can only end up
doing just that. Very few, if anyone, can objectively
understand why someone does not care about them
"back.”

The thing is, no one is entitled to anyone’s mental

space.

Whatever you give to other people, be it material or

spiritual, should come from a genuine will to do so.
If they do not accept or simply do not vibe with you,
it is useless to get offended. Because it is their right.
And it is also yours if you were in their position.

To Wrap This Up:

When you emotionally get involved with someone

(relationship or friendship), it is always best not to
expect anything in return.

Give selflessly because positivity costs nothing; it is

their problem if they do not like it. Your life will
continue.

Understand that everyone does whatever suits them.

Everyone is free to do whatever suits them.

Including you, dear reader.

PART 2:

Fear is an illusion.

It is only one of the many ways our survival instincts

manifest themselves. Fear being the easiest reaction
since it does not involve any action.

But do you know what makes it worse? What grows

your fears past the point you cannot control?

Your lack of reaction and lack of reaction understanding

of your own feelings.

The thing is, it is easy and NORMAL to feel scared or

afraid when faced with stressful situations.

The trick is being able to see beyond the emotional

state and listen to your inner voice, rather than
following up to a fear induced behavior.

It is normal to feel.
 It is not normal to act according to your emotions.

Let the feeling come and analyze its causes, whether

those causes come from the immediate situation or
things that happened in the past (although the latter
often explains the former), and only then decide on
the course of action that makes the most sense.

Assume I fear and feel anxious about talking in

public.

Why?

Immediate Cause: People potentially judging me.

Historical Events: I have seen people get laughed at

or have been laughed at in a similar situation.

The right thing to do in such situations is to

challenge your own beliefs.

The facts are on your side:

 - Those people are human just like you
- You are not the same person as you used to be
when you have had a negative public speaking
experience

Capitalize on your fears by challenging them. Most of

the time, the things that hold us back and make us
fearful are only potential outcomes.

When an actual outcome is negative, fear fades away

and is replaced by memories. When an actual
outcome is positive, fear still fades and is replaced
with satisfaction.

The moral is that fear and anxiety can be eliminated by

action. Since each is a feeling that precedes an event,
the best thing to do is to go right to said event and
make it happen.

Grow past it.

Cancel your fears by challenging them.

PART 3

Doubt and uncertainty are part of life. They will

always be there.

You need to learn to live with these feelings, and not

let it affect your productivity or motivation. More
often than not, we face unexpected events that
disrupt the whole plan we have in mind.

What we fail to realize, however, is that it is not the

unexpected events that most of the time fuck
everything up, but rather our loss of control and
panic.

What stops us is not the new parameter, it is failing to

act accordingly.

The longer you take time to react, the more likely

you are to get discouraged.
When faced with doubt and uncertainty, when you
are not sure things are going as they should, focus
on remaining on target.

At the end of the day, our best guide is our destination.

Sacrifice plans if need be.

Adapt to whatever you face.

Rigidity strengthens uncertainty, flexibility allows

you to go around it.
PART 4:

Anxiety is your brain trying to alert you from

possible danger. It is a primitive response and a
survival mechanism.

Anxiety results from either past experiences or a

natural instinct when faced with stressful situations
or uncertainty.

Most will fall into a vicious cycle of anxiety. So much

so, that it takes over their lives and becomes so
strong that the emotional weight of it impacts one’s
everyday life in negative ways.

Besides the mental blockage, anxiety can even have

severe impacts on your health.

So how do you handle anxiety effectively?

Look at it this way: If your mind is trying to warn

you, then there is an underlying circumstance that
causes you to feel the way you do.
What most people do, and what sometimes leads to
panic attacks, is dwell over the feelings rather than
the source of them.

This dwelling creates snowball effects and pushes

anxiety and stress to uncontrollable levels.

Here is the trick:

If you are an anxious person, you already know how

it feels and can pinpoint when you are feeling it.
The right thing to do in such situations is to simply
get away from people so you can focus on your
thoughts and control your emotions.

Take a little break and go somewhere isolated (if you

cannot, you can simply close your eyes and ignore
everything around you).

Now that you have somewhat eliminated stressful

and possibly distracting elements, it is time for you
to try to control your breath and slow it down. Do
this even if you do not feel like you are losing control
of your breathing.
The aim being to regain control over the body so
that controlling your thoughts becomes easier. Once
done, focus on the reason you are feeling the way
you are.

Stop thinking about the stress and start pointing out

elements of the situation that have led you to that
feeling.

- Why am I uncomfortable?
- What is really stressing me out?

You will soon notice that simply pointing out those

things will lift a huge weight off of your shoulders.

- Now, can you solve said parameters?

- Are you in control of such things?
- Do they simply need time?

If power and control are not in your hands, then you

will have to simply realize that you can only wait and
see how the situation develops before acting on it.

What if you cannot point out what is stressing you out?

Then maybe you are simply overthinking it. If no
apparent reason can be drawn, then there is
probably nothing worth worrying about.

How do you force yourself back into feeling strong and

at ease?

With all the previous elements in mind, you know in

what direction you want to direct your thoughts.

Simply use adequate affirmations until your mind

accepts what you are telling it:

- "I am not worried"

- "I am patient and will wait for further
development"
- "I have no reason to feel anxious"
- "I do not feel anxious"
- "I am well aware of all the reasons and I will do
something about it"
- "I will get past this feeling"

Those are simple examples; try to contextualize

them.
Now, people often ask me if they should say
affirmations out loud.

Why not?

You can think of those affirmations and repeat them

in your mind, but you can always say them out loud
if you feel like thinking is not enough.

This should take a maximum of five minutes (which

is certainly not a waste when it is self-care).

Take the time to understand yourself, and then take

the time to correct yourself.

There is nothing wrong with feeling anxious as long as

we do something about what we feel is threatening us.
PART 5:

I have said it many times and I will say it again:

There is no better way to refuse than to simply say
“NO.”

People tend to be ashamed to say those two letters.

Yet, for most people, it could have saved their day on
many occasions.

The reason you feel embarrassed when you refuse is

that you think you owe people an explanation. Flash
news: You DO NOT.

In fact, the more you try to justify, the more you

look like a fool. Afterall, if there are excuses, there
must be solutions.

As you give reasons for your refusal, your

interlocutor will see a breach. If you try to justify,
you try to get their approval for your decision. This
is exactly why you will not get it. Their interest
obviously does not lie within your refusal. They want
you to say yes.
The only way out of this vicious cycle is to never
open the door for discussion. When you say no, it
must and should be the end of the conversation. Do
not open any door to anyone. If you do not want to,
nobody should try to change your mind. You do not
owe anyone an explanation.

That's it. It's that simple