Becoming a resilient partner during the

COVID-19 Pandemic

As the global world is struggling to meet up the immediate needs of the COVID-19

pandemic, this crisis is challenging the state authorities to consider the unavoidable trade-off

between saving lives and controlling economic loss or preserving jobs and continue

livelihoods. Governments around the world are considering options for restarting their

economy and putting back their citizens to work while experts are considering what recovery

might look like after the virus is contained and how countries can use this recovery

opportunity to achieve longer term resilience goals. Countries like South Korea, Japan,

Singapore and even China have almost contained the pandemic and already back to business.

Meanwhile, in Nepal with the assumptions that this pandemic will take longer time to be

contained and also to avoid economic losses and showcase its citizens the presence of the

state bureaucracy, government has changed the lockdown modality by giving mobility to

certain areas of profession and asking public servants back to work.

This lockdown has changed our lives in many ways. With this lockdown, many realities in

between a husband and wife or the couples have surfaced that has raised many questions.

This corona virus lockdown can actually test a relationship among the couples. It brought to

light many facets of life as well as made us face some ugly realities, which we had never

imagined to be possible. From discovering our inner strength to accepting our weakness as a

member of society, this is a period of self-discovery.

According to Kolkata-based clinical psychologist Anindita Chowdhury, the lockdown has

turned into an ordeal for many couples. “There are no external factors at play. There are no
escapes,” she said. “I’ve heard couples say they can’t stand each other any longer during the

lockdown,” Chowdhury said in an interview for The Hindu daily.

In a recent article published on 17 April 2020 in the Telegraph, a housewife stated that this

lockdown has actually exposed her husband of not having interest in her and their children.

Another article published in Times of India, a woman shared her story of how she found out

her husband’s extra marital relationship during the lockdown. Coming to Nepal, a civil

servant shared in a Nepali language newspaper on how his wife’s behaviour to him has

changed in the fear of the virus as he rejoins his civil duty. These stories have a different

concern as much as their differing cultural context. Whatever the concern or the context is,

without showing agreement or disagreement to any; all these three stories from Nepal, India

and United Kingdom highlights that this pandemic has exposed the crisis in between the

husband and wife.

With the Nepalese local government implying strict lockdown measures in place to control

the spread of coronavirus, you may be spending more time with your partner than ever

before. While the couple spends a considerable amount of time with each other at home, it is

most likely that they are engaged with their own work and less about the households and

family.

Already there have been reports of a spike in divorce applications in the Chinese city of Xi’an

after couples were forced to quarantine together in close quarters, and divorce lawyers in the

US and UK are forecasting a similar phenomenon later this year. Domestic abuse experts

in Australia have warned that isolation will trigger an increase in violent incidents,

while Women’s Aid in Ireland has reported that its helpline is receiving calls from women

who have had to sneak out to their cars to call and get support during this crisis.
Unsurprisingly, some influencers and even your own close friends are covering your social

media posting photographs of their beautiful homes and garden, wearing fancy dresses,

preparing yummy dishes, doing workouts and yoga and showcasing their hidden talents as if

to make social isolation look like a luxurious spa retreat and those never-to-be perfect couples

trying hard to become one just to become viral online. If you’re both working from home,

and with nowhere to go out to in the evenings, there’s a chance you might start to get on each

other’s nerves. Perhaps it’s happening already. The sink is full of utensils to clean, the

bathroom is untidy and the empty tea cups are in your front room and many things are on the

wrong places. This is normal; particularly given the increased stress and uncertainty, we’re

all feeling right now. Some might even question themselves that isn’t this the time you

dreamed of where you do not need to wake up early and rush to work. You begin to wonder if

there’s something wrong with your relationship, if you can’t survive simply being in your

home together. The answer is big NO. This is not the time of Honeymoon to feel great

throughout the day and night. It is completely okay to feel anxious, stressed and angry. Many

people need privacy and seclusion to function well. Some people’s mental health and

happiness is depended on their routine, hobbies and the social lives which has been upside

down due to this lockdown caused by the COVID-19 pandemic. However, you are not a

failure or a bad partner if you could not enjoy in a confined walls in home with one person,

you are just a human-a social being indeed.

As a way out, you can just accept this would be challenging and ignore the mess as it’s the

period of social distancing and no one is going to come for a visit as most Nepalese bother

cleaning their homes just to show others. This gets exposed when you are on the video call

with your colleagues and your partner bumped you from behind yelling at you.

But since we could be in this dilemma for a while yet, it’s worth taking steps to ensure we get

through this period with our relationships intact. We might even be able to come out stronger.
How we talk to one another is absolutely critical. What do I feel, what do I need? I think

we’re in an economic crisis and socio-emotional crisis. I think there is or isn’t anything we

can do about it. Don’t attack the other or look for how the other is not behaving OK.

Many Nepalese work in corporate or development sectors and they are aware of planning and

review meetings. Also, myself being a sociology student, I would recommend that couples

have a kind of such management planning and review meeting once a day or two to review.

Thinking about what has worked and what not and planning for the following day is

important for survival during this pandemic. It’s a bit like the army. Though all Nepalese do

not have a military duty and never might need to go for it, the couples should now treat like a

war situation where the teams review each day, learn lessons, and plan for the next day.

Another idea could be talking to one another about how they are feeling. The important thing

here is to be focused and not to attack or criticize your partner. Put any anger,

disappointment, or unfulfilled expectations to one side or stop, if possible. If a wife, for

example, feels that her husband is not pulling his weight, now is not the time to dive into it.

This may help to understand one another’s coping mechanism and if not understood well

could lead to conflict. For example, being anxious, my father ends up watching every

COVID-19 related videos in YouTube, but for my mother, having seen him watching

continuously, it became an anxiety-inducing factor for her. Thus, if not addressed well this

situation could make people feel distant and unsupported to one another.
References:

Chakraborty, D. (2020). Why Singles are Doing Better Than Couple in the Lockdown. The

Huffington Post. Retrieved on

https://www.huffingtonpost.in/entry/singles-couples-

lockdown_in_5eb7a851c5b64711c0c9281b

The telegraph. (2020) Lockdown has revealed my husband's lack of interest in our children.

The Telegraph. Retrieved on 17 April 2020

https://www.telegraph.co.uk/family/relationships/lockdown-has-revealed-husbands-lack-

interest-children/

Time of India. How I found out about my husband’s affair during the lockdown.

Retreived Online on April 14 2020

https://timesofindia.indiatimes.com/life-style/relationships/love-sex/how-i-found-out-about-

my-husbands-extramarital-affair-during-the-lockdown/photostory/75137916.cms