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Those that had the biggest impact in my life are highlighted in yellow. Illustrations: Danny Forest
ntoine de Saint-Exupéry, the aviator and author of The Little Prince, said:
“Perfection is achieved not when there is nothing more to add, but when
there is nothing left to take away.”
I’d say the same is true of happiness. I’m a happy man not only for the things I do, but
also for the things I don’t do. In 2019, I set out to say “no” more frequently so I could
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focus my time on the things that mattered to me and the people I care for. It was the
happiest year of my life so far.
I’ve created a list of what you can say “no” to, and how to do it. This guide is
comprehensive, and not everything will apply to you. Because of that, I’m including a
table of contents so you can jump to the things that may be relevant to your life. Read
them, and start taking your life back into your hands.
. . .
Table of Contents
*Feel free to highlight those you agree with or those you want to work on.
Personality
1. Procrastination
2. Negative self-talk
3. Perfection
4. Excuses
5. Comparing to others
Health
6. The snooze button
7. Partying every night
8. Stimulants before bed
9. Food with no quality nutrients
Productivity
10. Reading things you don’t enjoy
11. Completing useless things
12. Tap-on-the-shoulder interruptions
13. Responding to messages ad-hoc
14. Doing things you can delegate
15. Overly long meetings
Relationships
16. Takers
17. Social media
18. Listening to complaints about others
19. Naysayers
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Work-life balance
20. Bad routines
21. Bad clients
22. Spending your work hours doing personal stuff
23. Doing work stuff at home
24. A bad business partner
Environment
25. Clutter
26. Toxic people
27. Spending most of your time with the wrong people
28. Poor sleeping conditions
Other
29. Waiting needlessly
30. Comparing apples to oranges
31. Your phone
. . .
Personality
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Source
Say no to…
1. Procrastination
Stop thinking, and start doing.
Additional resources:
2. Negative self-talk
Be positive. Don’t seek loathing, seek improvement.
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Build your awareness by looking for specific cognitive distortions in other people’s
speech.
Additional resources:
“10 Types of Negative Self-Talk (and How to Correct Them)” (Nick Wignall)
Reinventing Your Life: The Breakthrough Program to End Negative Behavior and Feel
Great Again by Jeffrey E. Young and Janet S. Klosko
Declutter Your Mind: How to Stop Worrying, Relieve Anxiety, and Eliminate Negative
Thinking by S.J. Scott and Barrie Davenport
3. Perfection
Don’t waste time on perfection. Good enough is good enough.
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Set a timer, and don’t let yourself touch what you’re working on after the time runs
out.
Additional resources:
4. Excuses
Ask why three times, and you’ll land on the real reason.
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Additional resources:
“13 Steps to Stop Making Excuses and Take Responsibility” (Develop Good Habits)
5. Comparing to others
Focus on yourself instead of your competitors.
Journal.
Self-reflect.
Additional resources:
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I’m Happy for You (Sort Of…Not Really) by Kay Wills Wyma
. . .
Health
Say no to…
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Focus on achieving your goals, set tight deadlines, and you won’t ever think about
snoozing anymore.
Put your alarm further away so you won’t want to go back and forth.
Schedule many things during your day so that if you push one activity back,
everything cascades (and you don’t want that).
Additional resources:
“The Complete Guide to Insomnia: Symptoms, Causes & Cures” (Nick Wignall)
Atomic Habits by James Clear, which includes advice about sleep habits
Change your environment. Don’t hang out with people who neglect their goals and
responsibilities.
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Additional resources:
Don’t go to bed drunk (you’ll fall asleep faster, but the quality of sleep you’ll get will
be poor).
Additional resources:
Use a service that gives you quality ingredients to cook recipes (Goodfood in Canada
is a good example).
Additional resources:
. . .
Productivity
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Say no to…
Nonfiction:
Set your intention before reading the book. If you don’t see value within the first 30
minutes… skip it.
Read the back cover, intro, and table of contents. Jump to the sections you’re most
interested in.
Fiction:
Recognize that if the book can’t hook you in the first 30 to 60 minutes, chances are it
never will.
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Don’t force yourself to finish a book from a series just because you hope the next one
will be better. It probably won’t.
Additional resources:
“Nancy Pearl’s Rule of 50 for dropping a bad book” (The Globe and Mail)
Additional resources:
Ikigai
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With your colleagues, set rules for when it is and isn’t okay to interrupt you. (For
example, if I’m wearing my over-ear headphones, my colleagues know to leave me
alone.)
Do your core work before or after most people are at the office.
Additional resources:
“How Startup Founders Can Take Advantage of New Coworking Trends For
Maximum Team Performance” (Crunchbase)
Specify blocks of time in your week to reply to messages. (I do this at 2 p.m. every
day.)
Don’t dual screen for tasks that don’t require two screens (most don’t).
Additional resources:
“4 ways to turn off annoying notifications on your Android phone or iPhone” (PC
World)
You know someone who can do it better and faster? Delegate to them. Return the
favor later.
Consider this question: What would you be doing if your time was worth $1,000 an
hour?
Additional resources:
Require an agenda.
Additional resources:
“How to stop wasting your time — and everyone else’s — in meetings” (The
Economist)
. . .
Relationships
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Source
Say no to…
16. Takers
Say “yes” to givers. Be a giver yourself.
Additional resources:
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Schedule a block of time when it’s okay for you to use social media.
Additional resources:
“7 Proven Ways to Spend Less Time on Social Media and More Time in the Real
World” (Saint Belford)
“10 Tips To Spend Less Time On Social Media & More Time With Humans” (Mind
Body Green)
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Detect it and make it clear to others you don’t want any part in it.
Additional resources:
19. Naysayers
If someone doesn’t have time for you, don’t find time for them. Relationships are mutual.
After three “no”s on the same subject from the same person, stop trying.
Additional resources:
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. . .
Work-life balance
Say no to…
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Spend time each month to design a routine that works for you.
Additional resources:
“How to Build a Strong Morning Routine: The Essential Guide” (Danny Forest)
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If you’re currently working with a bad client, finish the contract peacefully and don’t
renew it.
Additional resources:
“How To Deal With Difficult Clients (And Avoid Them Altogether)” (Practice
Ignition)
“How to Avoid Bad Clients: 12 Red Flags I Look for to Dodge Nightmare Projects”
(Hartley Brody)
Additional resources:
“How to Enjoy Your Work — Even When You Don’t” (Psychology Today)
“How To Love Your Job Even If You Don’t Like It” (Forbes)
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Plan smarter.
Additional resources:
“Taking Work Home With You? 12 Easy Ways to Leave Work Where It Belongs” (Inc.)
Make sure that you can communicate professionally with a potential partner before
saying “yes” to them.
Additional resources:
“15 Warning Signs a Business Partnership Might Not Work Out” (Small Business
Trends)
. . .
Environment
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Say no to…
25. Clutter
Have a clean workspace, both physically, mentally and on your computer.
Take photos of your space and send it to someone who’ll keep you accountable
weekly.
Additional resources:
. . .
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Find a mentor who’ll help you remove yourself from toxic people.
Additional resources:
“You are the average of the five people you spend the
most time with.”
— Jim Rohn
How to say no to spending most of your time with the wrong people:
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Additional resources:
“7 Strange Questions That Help You Find Your Life Purpose” (Mark Manson)
Additional resources:
“The Complete Guide to Insomnia: Symptoms, Causes & Cures” (Nick Wignall)
. . .
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Everything Else
Say no to…
Meditate.
Journal.
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Respond to emails.
Additional resources:
Additional resources:
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Put it in grayscale.
Additional resources:
“These simple steps will help you stop checking your phone so much” (CNBC)
. . .
Learning to say “no” is a skill. Practice it. Master it. Say “no” to the right
things now and you’ll be happier for it. You can do this.
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. . .
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