W04 R.A.

M Reflection Practices 1

W04 RAM Reflection Practices

Ann Nielsen
BYU Idaho
 W04 R.A.M Reflection Practices 2

“The Balance of all five bonding dynamics determines the healthiness of your relationship and
the clarity of your perspective.” [ CITATION Epp07 \l 1033 ]

I have never followed the RAM (Relationship Attachment Model). I grew up being told to never
break the law of chastity and to date in groups and that was pretty much it. However, I grew out
of the group dating thing, I would go on dates, and I clicked with a few but it never lasted and
now that I look back at these experiences with the RAM model in my hand I can see why.
This week I learned that RAM is “an interactive model that portrays the different forces that
create bonds in relationships” [ CITATION Epp07 \l 1033 ]. There are five different forces: Know,
Trust, Rely, Commit, and Touch. Each one of these forces on its own gives to how we bond,
they are related to each other; they are each part of a whole and one plays off the other. If you
want to understand what is going on in your relationship you can look at the RAM model and
plan out the bonds of a relationship. When you do this, you can start to see where you are and
what you need to do or what the other needs to do.
I have always been one of those that put all my trust in my partner and that was a mistake
because first of all I was so clueless and second, I ended up learning the hard way. One example
was I started seeing a guy and we totally clicked. We got along great and we fit perfectly. It was
important to me to keep the law of chastity and it was important to him…..well, at least that is
what he said but saying and actually doing I guess are two different things. We started talking
about marriage and he introduced me to his family and bishop, but the weird thing is that his
bishop was not happy to see me and I did not know why. After that encounter, the bishop called
him in, and he was not allowed to see me anymore. I was so broken hearted and upset and
confused. We kept the law of chastity so why would the bishop tell him to stay away from me?
Well, to make a long story short, he was not keeping the law of chastity with someone else and
that lady was pregnant.
John Van Epp teaches us that when we put all our trust in someone then we develop strong
feelings for them. This is great if the other partner has done the same thing and you bond closer
together however, when the other partner does not, you end up hurt and an emotional mess.
I met an eighty-seven-year-old woman who was healthier than me when I was thirty-five at the
time. I asked her what her secret was, and she said that you need to keep everything balanced.
Never bite off more then you can chew and when something bad happens in your life accept it
and take care of it one nibble at a time. This wise advice is the same advice that Epp gives us
with the RAM model, he says that the number one rule is do not let a level get higher than the
previous. Do not trust someone more then you know them or get involved in the physical realm
beyond the other areas.
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References

Epp, John Van., (2007) How To Avoid Falling In Love With A Jerk., McGraw Hill