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 Module 5: Smooth Sailing
Hey, this is Eric Edgemont and welcome to Smooth Sailing: How to
Avoid Problems and Keep Your Relationship Strong. Now, in this
course, I want to talk to you about problems that come up in
relationships, common problems, and things that throw guys off
track as well as what keeps a relationship strong and moving it
forward.

Strong in the sense that she wants you, and only you. Strong in the
sense that she'll never want to leave you. Strong in the sense that
she'll never cheat on you or even consider another guy. Strong in
the sense that she's still strongly attracted to you and craves sex
with you and wants to have a great sex life with you. Strong in the
sense that she admires you and believes in you and is in your
corner and wants the best for you and wants to please you and
keep you happy. And strong in the sense that you know how to
give her what she wants and what she needs in the relationship, so
you're not in a position where you're screwing things up without
realizing it or confused about her behavior or you don't know what
to do.

That's what I mean by strong. When you have the answers to what
leads to a strong relationship where you avoid problems and it's
just smooth, that's really where we want to be headed with any
sort of relationship. All it takes is just some realizations.

The beautiful thing about realizations, and the reason I teach in the
form of giving you realizations about relationships and women and
attraction, is that once you realize something you will never un-
realize it. You'll always know it; you'll always have it. It instantly
programs itself into you down to the deepest core level, and you
have it forever.

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That's why teaching through realization is always how I want to do
things, and that's why I explain things in the way that I do, so that
it instantly wires itself into you. And even if you're not thinking
about it consciously, you're constantly just naturally doing the
things that lead to success and strength in a relationship.

So, I want to start this out by kind of talking about the progression
of a relationship when it's on track: what it looks like and how it
comes about. We're going to start from the beginning of a
relationship with a woman.

So, if you're in a relationship with a woman, you can kind of think

back and track your trajectory over the course of your relationship
and see how what you've been experiencing and what you've
witnessed in your relationship and how you've gone about things,
to see how closely it matches with this. Because this is the pathway
that tells you your relationship is strong and headed towards more
good things.

When there is a stage that's off, that is actually a good thing for
you to notice, because this course is going to give you everything
you need to know in order to solve the problem. So, if you notice
that one of the stages of your relationship was off or is off, then it
shows you where you need to make the correction and where
things are going wrong.

That's why I want to start this course out with this piece of
mapping out the milestones, so if you recognize that there was a
problem in the relationship that you're in now, you can diagnose it
and you can fix it immediately. None of this stuff is really that hard
to fix once you know where to drive the car to.

Essentially, I'm telling you what the real targets are and what really
leads to a good relationship. Once you know, you're naturally going
to drive towards that target. I believe that everybody does the best
that they can with what they know at the moment, but if you don't
know what really leads to a good relationship or you don't know
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what really could be screwing up a relationship, then you might be
doing the best that you can and you might even be working
extremely hard, but you're never going to have that confidence of
knowing that your relationship is going to be headed in a good
direction.

So, that's going to make a lot of guys worry is that they never
really know if they're doing it right. That's one aspect. Another
aspect is even though you might be working hard, and even though
you might really care about your relationship, even if it's really
important to you and you're doing the best you can, if you don't
know the things that make no difference, the things that hurt your
relationship, and the things that help your relationship - if you don't
know those things, you're kind of taking shots in the dark. You
might be wasting a ton of energy thinking that you're doing the
right thing, but you're actually poisoning the relationship or you're
making no difference in it.

I know that for years, when I didn't really know what was really
driving the relationship, I put in tons of effort, but it wasn't in a
helpful place. Sometimes I was sabotaging the success of my
relationship in my efforts to help it. So, now I'm going to go
through the stages of a relationship when it's on track, and how it's
on track, and you can follow along and realize this is the trajectory
that you want to be moving towards and staying on.

So, in the beginning of a relationship, it's characterized by you and

her spending time together, and you're enjoying each other. You're
laughing a lot. There is sexual and physical chemistry. So, that
doesn't necessarily mean that you're having sex, but there is a
sexual and physical chemistry between you.

You're comfortable around each other in each other's space; you're

comfortable touching each other. That doesn't mean sexually or
even making out or anything like that, but it's like it would be
comfortable for you to put your hand on her arm for a moment. It
would be comfortable for you to hold hands. It would be
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comfortable for you to give her a hug, these kinds of things. You
have a sexual and physical chemistry and comfort with each other.

In the next stage of a relationship, after that very beginning stage,

and I'm talking very beginning. This can be as little as the first 30
minutes of you knowing her, or it could be the first couple of dates,
but we're talking really beginning stuff.

Then that stage is what I call seeing each other. You're seeing each
other at this point. At this point, you do things you love together.
So, you might listen to music together; you might watch movies
together; you might do activities that you love together; you might
talk and have conversations that you really love talking about.

But, you're doing these things together, and you're introducing

each other to people in your life. So, she might be introducing you
to her friends or maybe even family if her family is very closely
integrated with her life and they live locally and stuff like that. It's
quite possible you might meet members of her family. You might
meet her friends.

An important thing to note here is you have fun together even

during the boring moments. So, even when you're driving
somewhere, or even when you're waiting for something to happen,
or even when you might be together and you might be with people
and they're planning out what's going to happen in the night and
they're working out the logistics. You're even having fun during
those moments. So, that's what seeing each other looks like when
things are on track.

Now, let's talk about dating. This is the next stage. So, you've been
each other for a little while. Again, seeing each other could last - it
could be the next two or three times you see each other. It could
last a couple of weeks. It could even last a month. It really depends
how much time you're putting in, and just the nature of your
relationship and how you operate.

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And, you might have even had sex with her at this point. Generally
speaking, I usually end up having sex with a girl on the first date. If
I were to average it out, I usually sleep with a girl within the first
four hours of me knowing her, whatever knowing her looks like. I
might meet her for 15 minutes the first time, then we'd go on a
date of some sort, like we'd get a drink and we'd walk around a
little bit. If you add all the time up, it's about four hours.

That's for me. That's based on how things work out for me and how
I'm comfortable with it.

I wouldn't mind if things worked out in such a way where I didn't

sleep with her in the first four hours and we went on two or three
dates. It's not that I have any hurry or I need to prove something
to myself or other people when I say I generally sleep with a
woman within four hours. It's just it's how it works out, it's natural,
and I'm okay with it.

Four hours is not a big time investment if you're looking at it. I

don't look at it from the standpoint of I'm in some kind of a race or
I'm trying to invest minimum time in order to sleep with a woman
as quickly as possible. But, I bring it up only because it's a question
that a lot of guys ask about and they're curious about what kind of
results I get.

That's the stat for me, but the truth of the matter is I don't really
care. What I really care about when I'm with a woman is is it fun
and enjoyable for both of us? Do I enjoy the time that we're
spending together? Is the quality high? That's the most important
thing to me at this point.

Years ago, I used to be concerned about things like how hot she
was, or I didn't feel like there was anything worthwhile until I slept
with her and things like that. I just had a bunch of stuff built up in
my head before I really started getting success.

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I think I stopped caring about those things when I realized I really
could trust this material. I could really trust this system that I
worked out, and I didn't have to worry if things were working. I had
those kinds of concerns about how quickly am I sleeping with her
and how hot she is and can I get the really hot girls I want and all
that kind of stuff.

So, I had those beliefs. I had those ideas running through my head,
because I wasn't fully confident in the system. I didn't fully trust
that I knew what I was doing. I was constantly evaluating and
measuring what was happening in my life and measuring my
results because I didn't think I could really get what I really wanted
at that point.

All that stuff fell away when I realized that I could have anything
that I wanted. So, really it was just a choice of what would be most
enjoyable for me? What do I want the most?

And, ironically, when that stuff fell away and when I realized that
for me all I really was concerned about was how much I was
enjoying it and how much quality was present in the interaction
between me and the girl, how much we were both enjoying it -
when I started approaching things like that, that's when my results
massively, massively took off. It became effortless to hook up with
a girl. There was no discomfort on either side. It just very naturally
and very quickly always just ended up driving towards us hooking
up, usually pretty soon.

So, that's a quick tangent about hooking up and what's possible

when you're using this stuff. I'm not telling you that that's how
things should be for you. For you, you're going to let what feels
right and feels good and feels enjoyable and feels inspiring and
feels happy, you're going to let that - those feelings that you feel -
be your guide on what's right for you.

For you, you might want to wait two or three dates until you sleep
with a woman for whatever your reasons are. You might want to
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sleep with a woman within one hour; maybe that's what you want
to do. It's not my business. It's nobody's business. The only thing
you should be concerned with is how it feels to you, and the quality
of your interaction with her.

Okay, so let's talk about dating. So, when you're dating, she's your
girlfriend now. You've established with some sort of talk or
understanding that she is your girlfriend, and at this point you have
inside jokes with her. You kind of have an inside communication
with her that other people are not in with you. You let each other in
what the other one is thinking.

You have intimacy and you're comfortable with each other. Things
are all fresh. They're new. They're exciting. You're still learning
about one another. You're still introducing things about each other
to each other, but you have that quality there where you've got
just this inside communication and inside jokes. You let each other
in on what each other is thinking, and you just have this inner
world between each other.

Now, as you continue to date the woman, and this can happen over
a month or two months or six months that you might be dating,
and again, it's personal. It really depends on you and the dynamic
of your relationship and how you and her operate together, the
timeline of it.

But, eventually, you're going to be in this stage I call relationship

which is she's part of your life and routine now. You're both laid
back and not worried whether or not the other person is going to be
there. You want the other person to be happy, and you realize that
part of that includes being your best self every day and making
your mood the number one top priority in your life.

So, she's part of your life and part of your routine, and at this point
you start to realize that she's there and she's part of your life. You
like her there, and you want her to be happy, and you enjoy her,
but you realize that your happiness is your responsibility.
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Happiness is not something that you extract from the world;
happiness is something that you bring to the world.

So, in other words, when you look at your relationship, you don't
look at it from this point of "Is my relationship making me happy,"
or "Is the woman I'm with making me happy?" You shift your
understanding of things and you shift your realizations about the
world to a point where you say "I'm happy with her. I want her to
be happy. I like being with her. She's part of my life; she's part of
my routine. And, I realize that my happiness is entirely my
responsibility. It's entirely under my control in how I relate to my
thoughts, how I relate to my life, my world, my circumstances
moment-to-moment and all that kind of stuff."

So, you really make that shift powerfully when you're in the
relationship stage if you haven't already in your life. Hopefully,
after listening to my courses, you will make that shift earlier
because when you make that shift you're going to just have
tremendously more success with women and attracting women and
relationships and all that kind of stuff.

Now, the next stage I want to talk about is what I call long-term
relationship. Now, the relationship stage, I would characterize that
to being anywhere from six months to two years. But, after that
point, you're going to cross into this stage that I call long-term
relationship. Now, long-term relationship, you might not enter that
with her. You might not enter that stage with her until you marry
her, for example.

There is a reason that I didn't put marriage in as a stage here,

because marriage is not a relationship step; it's a legal step. It's a
social paradigm step. If you want to get married, that's on you.
That's your decision; that's fine. I'm not against marriage. I'm not
for marriage. It's a personal choice. But, it doesn't affect the quality
or not-quality of your relationship. Your relationship is not on a
piece of paper; your relationship is in your moment-to-moment
relating to one another.
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So, in terms of this stage, the long-term relationship stage, she's a
regular part of your life and your lives are intertwined. It's just
assumed that you'll be around each other when you're not
specifically engaged in something only involving you like work or
visiting a friend, etc.

So, if you're having breakfast, it's assumed that she's going to be

there with you for breakfast. If you're watching TV, it's assumed
she's probably going to be there or around while you're watching
TV.

She's integrated in your life. She's so part of your life that unless
you're doing something specifically that involves only you like your
job or visiting a friend or doing something that's specifically you
only, it's assumed that she's probably going to be around and with
you. So, that's the main thing I would use to characterize the long-
term relationship step.

Now, of course, I'm not exhausting every single fact and truth
about each stage of a relationship. I'm giving you what's relevant
to what I'm about to go into, and what makes a relationship strong
and stay on-track. That's how I characterize that stage of a
relationship.

Now, finally partnership. Let's talk about this final stage of

relationship that I want to talk about. You and her have a deep
understanding of each other. You support each other's dreams, you
encourage each other, and you see each other's best self and you
help guide each other back on-track when you fall off-track. You
know how to help each other get back to your happy place,
whatever that happens to look like. You just know how to do that.

So, that's the partnership stage of things. Now, this is not the first
time I've talked about this as a concept, but what keeps a
relationship on-track and keeps a woman delighted and happy and
attracted to you, involves two things. I'm going to give you two
major things.
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The first thing is you take responsibility for your mood. You make
your mood your number one priority, and you make sure that even
if your world is falling apart, you find a way to engage with what's
happening right at the moment in a way that feels relaxed and
comfortable and happy and enjoyable and inspiring. No matter
what life is throwing to you at that moment, that's how you're
going to relate to the moment. That's how you orient yourself to
the moment. So, that's one of the things.

The other side of it is you don't frame things in your relationship as

problems. What do I mean by that? Well, that might be she might
be doing something and you think that your relationship has a
problem and you need to fix the relationship. Or, if she's talking to
you about something and you think of that as a problem that needs
to be solved.

So, when it comes to your relationship, you don't view anything

within your relationship as a problem that needs to be solved.
Instead, you're going to approach it where you accept what is
happening at the present moment, and you find a way to engage
with it in a way that feels comfortable, relaxed, enjoyable, and
inspiring to you and brings that energy out in her.

So, for example, when she talks, just listen. Don't try to solve what
she's talking about. One of the major things that guys fall into as a
trap, and it's crazy how much I see this, and it's very easy to solve.

But what a lot of guys will do is they think when a woman is talking
to them about a problem or about something she's complaining
about or she had a bad day, they listen to it as if she's telling them
a problem that they want solved. They're listening to her as if she's
asking for help to get a certain problem solved.

And so they listen in this mode where it's like they're listening to
the problem, and they feel this resistance building up inside them,
almost like they're holding their breath or suffocating because they
can't wait to just solve the problem. "Oh, just do this. Just do this
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and it'll solve it. Do this and solve the problem." It's like these
guys, they're so locked into this mode of "Oh, that's a problem?
Solve it. That's a problem? Solve it. That's a problem? Solve it."

That mindset helps us in business, and I think that's why a lot of

guys fall into this trap in a relationship. But, in a relationship,
you've got to think of it more like it's the weather. If it's raining,
you take out an umbrella because that's what you do when it's
raining. When it's sunny, you enjoy the sunshine on your face. But,
the weather isn't a problem that you need to solve. Your response
to the weather is what is going to determine whether it's a good
thing or a bad thing.

If it's raining outside and you say "The weather is dreadful outside,"
well, it's not the weather that is dreadful outside; it's your response
to the weather. So, in the context of a relationship, if she's
complaining about something, just listen and don't try to solve it.

I'm going to give you the perfect response to anything negative a

woman ever says to you. You listen. You nod. You give her the
space to get it all out. You don't take on the energy or the mindset
or perspective where you need to jump in with a response and
solve it and attack it. You listen. You give her space. When she gets
it out of her system, and all the complaining and all that stuff is
just out there, and you gave her the space to do it and she's just
done, you say, "Wow, babe, that really sucks."

That's all you say. I've used that tens of thousands of times,
probably, in my life. She's going on and on about her problems and
whatever. I say "Wow, that really sucks." Sometimes, "Geez, wow,
that sucks." That's all you've got to say. She feels heard. She feels
like she got it out of her system, and then it's on to the next thing.

The value of a relationship to a woman is that she feels that love is

there. And how she feels love is there is you want her to be happy.
You don't make it your responsibility to make her happy, but you
always want to guide her back onto her track of what feels happy to
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her, what feels comfortable to her, what feels inspiring to her. You
always want to help her back on that track.

If you try to help her and it doesn't work, that's fine, too. That's
okay. The fact that you care, the fact that you're oriented in that
way, is what she's really looking for from you.

Now, when I say she's looking for love and she wants to feel love
from you, you might not be at the stage where you're telling her
that you love her yet. You might even just be hooking up with this
girl. It doesn't matter. If you want good responses from a woman,
if you want her to please you and make you happy in every way
that she can possibly please you and make you happy, relate to
women in this way and they'll give you everything you could
possibly want, whether it's sex; whether it is a relationship;
whether it's fun and just having a good time together; whether it's
her being in a good mood. Relate to her in this way.

Now, I want to bring up a topic that a lot of guys ask me about in

terms of their relationship and things that affect their relationship.
This is one of the major questions I get from a lot of guys, although
they ask me in private. For whatever reason, they don't like to ask
it in a public forum.

The question is "When should I tell a girl that I love her? Should I
tell a girl that I love her? Are there situations where I should? Are
there situations where I shouldn't?"

So, let's talk about the whole love word thing, because it's really
not as big of a deal as you think it is in terms of breaking through
to a place, if you want to look at it like that, where you tell a girl
that you love her in terms of your relationship. It's part of the
whole deal if you want to be with a woman long-term that
eventually you're going to tell her that you love her, but it doesn't
need to be built up into a big, dramatic thing.

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One of the things that I want to get across to any guy who has a
concern about telling a woman that you love her, it's not going to
do anything for you. So, there are a lot of guys that get into a
relationship with a woman and they have a lot of fear or worry
about losing the woman or her losing interest. And so because they
have this viewpoint, this way of engaging with it that causes them
to fear and worry about the relationship, and they look at it like it's
this thing that they could lose and if they lose it they would be less
or their life would be lacking or they would be lacking in some way.

Because they have that viewpoint and engage in things in that

viewpoint, they're constantly like a pinball just bouncing off of
everything and reacting to everything in their mind, and trying to
solve the problem. Now, the problem isn't the things on the
surface: the way that she's acting, or whether or not she calls
herself your girlfriend, or whether or not she has sex with you, or
whether or not she makes out with you, or whether or not she
looks at you in the way you feel a woman looks at a guy when she's
attracted.

None of that stuff is really a problem. The only problem, the

fundamental problem, is how are you engaging with the
relationship you have with her? Are you engaging with it in a way
that causes you to worry and fear and get all upset and look at
things as problems? Or are you engaging with it in a way that
you're relaxed, you're comfortable, you're having fun, you're
enjoying yourself, and you're inspired? How are you relating with
the relationship?

How you relate with it, you're going to feel that in your body. If
you're relating to it in a good way that's going to lead you in a good
direction, it'll feel good to you. It'll feel happy, inspiring, yada,
yada, yada. If you're going in a bad direction, it's going to feel
nervous; it's going to feel nerve-wracking. It's going to feel
worrisome.

15
You're going to worry. You're going to fear. You might get angry.
You might get jealous. Any of these kinds of negative paths where
you're not engaging with it in a useful way, in a way that's going to
lead to what you don't want, it's going to feel bad.

So, guys tend to have this mentality that if bad emotions happen,
that you're supposed to power through them as a guy, or you're
supposed to bottle them up or suppress them or deflect them or
whatever. Use them as a clue. Think of your emotions and how
things feel in the relationship as a clue as to whether or not you're
doing what's going to lead you in the direction and give you what
you want.

Using your emotions as a tool is what the very best, most

successful guys do in a relationship. So, when I say that telling a
woman that you love her isn't going to do anything for you, I'm
saying it from the standpoint of the guy who is frantically worried
about if he's enough for the woman, or if the relationship is good
enough for her to stay, or that she might leave him.

This guy is worried, and so he's thinking "Oh, maybe if I tell her
that I love her, then she'll stay. Maybe that will work. Maybe if I
buy her a ring, maybe then she'll stay."

The fundamental problem isn't the one situation that's occurring at

the moment, or the one solution that they come up with to solve
the problem, which is all in their head. It's all just a perception
game. That's not the problem.

The problem is they're engaging in things in a way that's causing

them to stress out or feel negative feelings, and instead of dropping
that approach, completely just dropping it, they keep trying to
power through it and keep trying to force it into working and keep
trying to solve it as if they're on the right track if they just solve the
problem. They're creating the problem. That's what they don't see.

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So, telling a woman that you love her isn't going to solve any
problem for you. It's not going to do anything for you. Think of it
more as when you tell a girl that you love her, think of it more like
you're saying "I'm happier with you in my life than I would be
without you, and I can't imagine my future without you." That's
really what you're saying when you're telling a girl you love her.

Now, if that's not true for you, then don't tell her that you love her.
Don't say that to her, because the way that a woman's ears are
going to hear it is "I'm happier with you in my life than I would be
without you, and I can't imagine my future without you." So when
you say "I love you," it's like shorthand for saying that.

In terms of how you go about it, if that is true for you, then when
you say it, be casual about it. Don't make it a big thing. It's almost
like the more casual you are about how you say it, the more of an
impact it's going to have on her.

It's kind of like one of those things where have you ever been
around a person who wants you to think that they're funny? So
when they tell a joke, they look at you expectantly, expecting a
response, wanting you to laugh and stuff like that, and you just feel
this creepy energy of pressure and just discomfort because they're
so desperate for your response?

Whereas there are other people who don't really care what other
people think of them; they're just going around being themselves,
and yet they're incredibly funny. There is no pressure on you to
laugh. You're laughing because you just enjoy them, but they're not
doing things to try to make you laugh or to try to get a response.

So, in the same way, when you tell a woman that you love her,
being casual about it is the most powerful way to go about it.
You're not trying to do anything or get a response from her or
change things; you're just kind of casually saying it because that's
what you feel. That's what you feel like saying and that's how you
feel in the moment.
17
Some guys want to create a dramatic effect. They want it to be a
special thing, and they want to do it in a way that is romantic and
turns the girl on. You know, something that creates a really
powerful memory.

So, if I'm going to tell a woman that I love her, I like doing things
in a way that is smooth and memorable and has impact and stuff
like that, but I'm not doing it because I feel like I need to. I'm
doing it because I think life is more fun to do things that way.

So, when I tell you this tip, I'm doing it because this is what's fun
for me and it creates a big impact, because it fits with me and it fits
with my personality. This is something that any guy can use. It's
not over-the-top. It's not weird. It's not something that's going to
be stepping dramatically outside of whatever type of personality
you have.

So, what I'll do is I'll throw on a romantic song, a song that I like
but it's a romantic song. So, I don't choose one that's romantic and
I hate it. I choose one that I like, and it just happens to be a
romantic song that women like too and find romantic. So, I'll have
that on my playlist or something like that, or I'll throw it on or
whatever just casually, because I'm usually listening to music
anyway. I love having music on.

So, I'll throw on a romantic song and women typically love songs. If
you're wondering about what is a romantic song, what's a good
love song, women typically love songs and are turned on by songs
that talk about the theme of how a strong man is struggling
internally because he realizes how much he loves a woman.

When you have a song that has a theme that it's about a strong
man, he's a strong man in the world, but it's like he's dealing with
this struggle internally because he realizes how much he loves a
woman, music that covers that theme really turns women on. It's
just a funny thing. That's what turns women on. That's what
women love in songs like that.
18
So, if you can find that theme in a song that you like, if you can
think of all the music that you like that could be a romantic song
and you can think of one that kind of covers that theme, then
you're going to be good with that. And so when that song comes
on, you can just casually say "I like this song. It reminds me of how
much I love you." You can just casually say it and go on and do
whatever it is that you're doing.

When you do it like that, so casual and just so part-of-the-moment

and like it's no big thing, she'll look at you as if you're like her dog,
and her dog started talking. She'll look at you with this look of
shock and amazement. "Oh my God, did you say you loved me?"
The connections will be made in her head, and she'll get really
excited.

It's a dream moment for women to have moments like that where
it's like the guy just casually says it, like it's so normal to him. It's
so matter-of- fact, it's so part of his life, and yet he has this. He's
expressing that she means something to him. He's expressing that
emotionally he likes having her there and he wants her there.

There is so much power in the subtlety and the casualness in which

you express it that I know it might sound counterintuitive, but that
will make a huge impression on her. She will never forget it when
you go about it that way.

Now, contrast that to what you see in movies, or what guys do

when they screw it up where they try to make this big presentation
and they buy jewelry and they bend over backwards and they
spend tons of money and this crazy stuff. It's not about that. That's
what guys do when they feel like they aren't enough on their own,
or it's like they have to sell the woman on their love.

You know what I mean? Think about how silly that is. If your love is
the greatest thing in the world, and you just casually mention it,
she's going to be elated. But if you think your love is something
that's not good enough for her and you have to sell her on it, then
19
the more and more you amp up the gesture to try to sell her on the
love, the more creeped out she's going to feel and the more
uncomfortable she's going to feel.

So, casual is the way to go. It's just one of those weird things, but
it works incredibly powerfully. I think when you try it, when it's the
right moment in your life to try it, you're going to be shocked at the
response you get. She's going to respond in a really powerful way.

And you can use this, even if you're in a relationship now. You can
use it casually, and it's going to really wake up a lot of good
feelings in her and a lot of good will towards you. She's going to
want to keep you happy, because it's one of those scenes, I guess
you could call it, in life that women are desperately craving to have
with the man that they're with.

Now, let's talk about things that throw relationships off and really
simple ways to avoid it so that it never happens to you. So, one
way that guys end up screwing up their relationships is he gets into
the relationship. He's in the relationship stage. They're in each
other's life, and he starts making everything else in his life his focus
and priority. His head is always elsewhere; it's always somewhere
else.

So, even though he might be physically with her, his brain, his
mind, his attention is always somewhere else. So, if you remember,
in other courses I talk about how giving her your full, clean
attention and really being present with her in the moment is what's
really going to turn her on and attract her. When your mind is
constantly somewhere else and your focus and priorities are
constantly somewhere else, you are choking the life out of your
relationship. You're choking the attraction out of your relationship.

And if she's not feeling that attraction and connection to you, she's
going to lose interest in sex; she's going to lose interest in you.
She's going to be craving that masculine attention, and in a worst-
case scenario she'll start looking for it elsewhere.
20
So, when you're with her, you want to give her your full attention
and be with her. That's not to say when you're watching a movie
together, you're staring at her like a creep. You're watching the
movie together, but it's like you're aware of her presence. You're
with her. You're feeling her presence as you're watching the movie
together. It's something that you are aware that she's a part of
with you.

Now, the reason that guys fall into the trap of making everything
else in their life important, and making everything in their life a
focus and priority and then she just falls to the wayside because
you take her for granted that she's always going to be there, is the
guy has an orientation towards life where everything is in the form
of problems and solutions.

So, we live in a very mind-dominated society right now, especially

in the Western world. I live in the United States, so it's very
present and apparent in the United States that everybody
constantly is dealing with ideas in their mind and thoughts in their
mind about what are the current problems in their life, and how are
they going to solve them? That's where most people's minds are.

Very few people know how to tap into just being happy in the
moment and looking at happiness as something that they bring to
every moment. That no matter what's happening in the outside
world, they're engaging with their life in a way that feels happy and
inspiring and comfortable to them.

Very few people know to do that. They don't know the importance
of it, but those are exactly the men that are the most attractive to
women by far. We're talking a night-and-day difference.

Think about the difference between night and daytime, and that's
the difference between how attractive a guy is to a woman whose
head is constantly thinking about problems and solving them versus
a man who just enjoys life and just enjoys engaging with life and is
inspired in how he engages with life. He's just in the moment and
21
comfortable with engaging with life that way. That's the kind of
difference you're going to have in terms of attracting women.

So, you don't have to look at life as problems and solutions, as if

you're suffocating yourself and holding your breath while a
"problem" is happening, and you can only take a breath or you can
only relax again after the problem is solved. Just about everybody
goes through life that way, but the reality is what makes you
attractive as a man is that you don't go through life that way. You
don't think of life that way. You don't engage in life that way. You
don't look at life that way.

The way you look at life is life is a game of finding a way to engage
with every moment exactly as it's happening, even if your world is
falling apart. Even if you just took a massive loss, you're engaging
with it in a way where you find the path that feels happy and
inspiring and comfortable. Even in those horrible moments, you find
that place. You find how to engage with things in that way.

So, that's one way that guys screw it up, and that's one way to
improve it. Guys screw it up by making everything else in their life
a focus and a priority, because he's oriented towards everything
being a problem that needs to be solved and then it's on to the
next problem and he's constantly thinking about that stuff. You get
out of that by you engage with every moment in a way that feels
happy and comfortable and inspiring to you.

Now, the next thing is in relationships. Guys who are susceptible to

this, this becomes worse and worse and worse throughout a
relationship the longer that you're with a woman if you have this
bad habit. This absolutely destroys relationships. That is guys who
hold on to resentment or they withhold something from the woman
to punish her, or they withhold from the woman to gain control
over her.

So, for example, she does something the guy doesn't like and so in
order to change her behavior, he withholds telling her that he loves
22
her or he doesn't look at her or doesn't text her back. He
intentionally doesn't do something that he knows is part of their
pattern, because he knows it'll trigger a feeling of insecurity in her
and he believes that that's going to give him control over her. Or,
that she won't be able to stand the negative feelings, so she'll fall in
line and just do whatever he wants.

It won't work, because what you're doing is you and her are in a
relationship together. So, when you poison her mood, you're
poisoning the relationship. I promise you, when you poison a
woman's mood or you bring a woman down, I guarantee you she
will make you pay for it.

Whatever you did to her, she'll make you pay, and women don't
have a sense of when to hold back or what's fair. You might cause
her one percent of pain, and she might come back with a hundred
times the pain to you. Women don't have a sense of holding back in
terms of inflicting emotional pain when you inflict it on them
intentionally.

So, never have a bad intent towards her. Never hold on to negative
feelings towards her. Never punish her. You can have a person. You
can guide a person to be the way that you want them to be and do
the things that you want them to do without using resentment,
withholding affection, punishing, or any of those negative things.

You're in the relationship together, so when you poison her mood,

you're poisoning the relationship. And, by extension, you're
poisoning yourself. You will regret it if you do that stuff.

The longer the relationship goes on for, if you fall into the trap of
doing any of those things, I promise you it will get worse and worse
and worse until the relationship eventually collapses, or until you've
finally recognized how much pain that pattern has caused you and
you just drop it. One of the two things is going to happen, though.

23
Now, another major pitfall is guys who judge or criticize or
condemn certain behavior from her. Again, this goes back to
bringing her mood down. Guys who are judgmental of things out in
the world or judgmental of her, that makes her feel crappy to be
around. It brings her mood down. Guys who criticize bring other
people's moods down. It's just not an energy that people want to
be around.

I'm not saying that people don't feed into it, but even the people
who do feed into it will still resent you for it. They'll still connect
negative feelings towards you and you'll find them eventually
criticizing you and undermining you, because when you're around,
you're feeding into that energy with them. You're triggering that
association in their mind.

The same with condemning the woman, that she acts a certain way
or believes a certain something or says a certain something, and so
you condemn her. You punish her. Any of these things that are
designed or intended to bring her mood down or to control her
behavior, I promise you will backfire. Because you think you're
being some sort of mastermind trying to curb her emotions or
affect her emotions or control her.

If you want to see someone who gets emotions, and how to control
through emotions, if you think that you can do it better than
women, I've got news for you. You're in for a very rude surprise.
So, trust me, do not try to punish or criticize or judge or bring a
woman's mood down, because she will make you pay hard.

And, it is not the most effective way to get what you want. Not only
are you poisoning the relationship and you're poisoning her mood
and she'll make you pay for it, but when you approach things in the
way that I advise in my courses and in this course, you are bringing
positive energy to the table. You're bringing attractive energy to
the table. You're bringing what she really wants to the table, and
it's wired into human psychology to want to give back to you what

24
you want, for them to want to bring the goodness that you bring to
the relationship.

So, there is a psychological principle. This is even evidenced in

animals. They've done animal studies to show this, so that's how
deeply it's wired into our brains. It's a principle called reciprocity.

If you ever want to look it up on the Internet, it's called reciprocity.

It's the human instinct that when somebody gives you something of
deep value, and giving her the energy that feels positive and
attractive is a deep value - that's giving her something of deep
value - when you do that, it's wired into our psychology that that
person will give back to you.

It's just one of those things. It's one of those pieces of human
nature. So, bringing that positive energy is really going to make
sure that you never poison your relationship and you never poison
her mood in a way where she's going to make you pay.

Now, another way that guys screw up a relationship is that they

don't make their mood a priority in their life. So, they have the
viewpoint that their mood and how they feel at any given moment
is just kind of like this incidental casualty of living a modern life.
So, I'm depressed as hell and I'm angry as hell and I hate my life,
but that's just the world we live in and that's how life is and yada,
yada, yada.

So, guys who feel like this, guys who have this attitude and have
this very negative mood, the negativity that they allow themselves
to participate into and allow to remain as part of their life, that
negativity absolutely destroys their attractiveness. I mean, it wipes
you off the map of being attractive to women.

Now, you might be with a woman who is in your corner and she
loves you and all that kind of stuff. But, when you are feeding into
negative thoughts and negative feelings and participating in them,
and not just dropping them and following a path that feels happy
25
and good, the best that you're going to get from a woman who
loves you is pity.

So, imagine swapping out attractiveness, that you're just this really
attractive guy that she just lusts for and wants and craves sexually.
Imagine swapping out that feeling, and swapping in pity, the way
that she feels pity for an old, homeless man who pisses on himself.
That pity.

There is not a lot of turn-on in that; there is not a lot of respect in

that; there is not a lot of anything in that that's good that you
want. If you don't want the woman you're with to pity you, and
that's the best-case scenario, then don't feed into your negativity
because your negativity is going to destroy your attractiveness to
women.

Now, finally, the last major pitfall or mistake that guys will make
with women in a relationship that throws them off-track and how to
solve it: guys who fixate on pleasing her and keeping her as an end
goal. So, for some reason, they're obsessed with this idea of, "I've
got to please her. She needs to be impressed with me. I need to be
good enough to keep her interested. I've got to keep her." And
that's the end goal; that's their goal.

What ends up happening is guys who take that on, it starts draining
the color out of their life, and I'm going to explain why this is.
There are these guys that'll fixate on pleasing her and keeping her
and keeping her interested and making sure that she still wants
them, because deep down, they don't believe that they are enough
for her. They don't believe that they're good enough for her. They
don't believe that she's attracted enough. So ultimately, again, it
goes back to them seeing what they're doing now and seeing the
relationship as a problem that needs to be fixed.

And so instead of pursuing their passions and what makes them

happy and what feels good to them in their life and living every
moment like that and engaging with every moment like that,
26
instead of engaging with moments with passion and inspiration and
happiness and comfort, they're fixating on pleasing her and keeping
her happy. They're fixating on solving the problem, on holding their
breath then hoping that someday they'll get to breathe that sigh of
relief when they know that they've got her. That's a very negative
energy, which is going to destroy his attractiveness.

Now, here is the biggest reason why that destroys his

attractiveness and destroys the relationship. She wants her role in
the relationship to be the woman who is in your corner on your
journey in life. So, she wants you to have a mission and a passion
in your life, whatever it happens to be. I mean, your mission and
passion in life might be going to parties and being a fun party guy,
but that might really be what makes you the happiest and that
might be just what you feel like you were put on this earth to do,
and that's fine.

But, only you are going to know your passion and what inspires
you, and what you feel your purpose is and what your mission is on
earth. Whatever it is for you, that's fine, but she wants to be the
woman in your corner on your journey. That means you need to
have some direction and passion that you're pursuing. That means
that you need to be putting your energy there.

So no energy should be going into fixating on her as some problem

that needs to be solved or as some woman that you need to pour
energy into to keep around. Your energy goes into pursuing your
passion and loving your life. When you engage with life that way,
you're going to make sure that she stays tremendously attractive.

So that problem that a guy could create for himself by believing

that he's not enough or believing that he needs to keep her
interested, that is instantly solved by him pouring all of his energy
into pursuing his passion and his purpose and his mission in life.

Okay, let's talk now about cheating and cheat-proofing your

relationship so that you never have to worry about her cheating
27
with some guy ever again. So, when it comes to cheating, or when
it comes to you worrying about whether she's going to cheat or not,
it's never about the other guy. It's always about how you feel in
general, and the quality of your interactions with her.

So, one of the things that I see a lot of guys putting energy and
worry into is there is some other guy around, or there are other
guys around, and they feel that that's a threat to their relationship
and that the relationship might go downhill because of the presence
of other guys, or because other guys are around, or because other
guys could be around. They worry that in one way or another, that
other guy is going to have something that they don't have.

Now, usually, when a guy is worried about the other guy, there is
really no such thing as the "other guy." The "other guy" that he
imagines in his mind is actually an amalgamation of all the different
types of characteristics he feels he doesn't have and cannot have,
and he believes that's what the woman he's with wants.

So, the way that guys end up worrying about the other guy, some
other guy, is it's a process like this that goes in their head. First,
they believe that she wants something else than they are and that
she isn't interested in him because he lacks XYZ characteristic, or
because he feels that there is something that she wants and he
can't give it to her, or she likes a certain trait or personality or
whatever and he can't give it to her.

And so the seed of worrying about the other guy starts there. He
believes that he's unworthy. He can't give her what she wants. He
doesn't have something and can't have something that she wants.
Then, his brain creates a symbol, an embodiment, of that feeling of
lack or inferiority that he has. So, it creates this image of this other
guy that has all of these traits that he doesn't and cannot have,
and that he believes that she wants.

And then he starts imagining that that guy starts making moves on
his girl, or that she starts becoming interested in that guy, that
28
image in his head that he created, and that he's never going to be
able to compare. He's never going to be able to compete with that
guy, because he has the traits that she wants, and for whatever
reason, he can't or believes he can't have those traits. He believes
that that's what she wants.

So, this whole drama plays out in the guy's mind where he has this
fear. He gives this fear an image, and then he creates a drama in
his mind that he's going to lose the woman, or he's going to end up
losing somehow in life because of this fear he has.

He thinks it's because of the other guy, or some other guy, but it's
not. It's about his thought process. It's about how he's engaging
with his thoughts. It's about how he's participating in his lines of
thinking, and the types of thinking that he's participating in.

That's really the root of the problem when it comes to worrying

about cheating, or what actually in many ways fuels the fire for a
woman to cheat and fuels the fire for a relationship to go downhill
and kind of drives her towards cheating. Because his fixation on
that fear, on that feeling that's seeded by him feeling like he can't
give her what he needs or wants and that he's inferior or he's not
good enough or he's unworthy, that seed grows into a monster. It
destroys the relationship.

Sometimes, it becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy and she ends up

cheating because one event leads to another, leads to another,
leads to another, and she ends up cheating because instead of the
relationship being good and a source of positive energy and happy
feelings, it's this constant negative swirl, this whirlpool of negativity
and fear and insecurity and inferiority complex.

The seed all starts with your thoughts and how you're relating to
your thoughts, so never forget this. It's never the other guy; it's
about how you feel in general, and the quality of your interactions
with her. So with that said, you can control your mood. That's why
over and over and over again, I say make your mood and how you
29
engage with your thoughts and life your number one priority. That's
where you need your focus and priority to be.

You can't control her behavior, and you can't control anything she
does. You just can't. You think you can. You think you can. You
think that you can influence it, or that if you train her by punishing
her for what you don't want and rewarding her for what you do
want, that you can train her into acting how you want, but that is
all an illusion.

Ultimately, the truth about people is people are going to do

whatever they want for their reasons. You're never going to know
their reasons, and you're never going to know why or how their
feelings led them to do what they do. The only truth that is
important to realize about people is that people are going to do
whatever they want to do, and it has nothing to do with you.
They're going to do it for their own reasons.

So, give up the notion of control, and give up the notion that her
behavior or a certain set of behaviors from her is a problem that
you need to solve. It's not a problem, and you don't need to solve
it. Viewing things as a problem that you need to solve makes them
into a problem, and you can't solve it. The problem isn't the
problem; the problem is you making it a problem.

So, don't make cheating or worrying about cheating into a problem,

because that will more than anything else you can possibly do
create that circumstance. It will most likely lead to, at worst, a self-
fulfilling prophecy that she does end up cheating on you. But, at
best, it will just drain the relationship from its positive feelings and
it will derail the relationship. But, you won't cheat; you'll just be
miserable together.

So, don't participate in that line of thinking. Realize that what she
really craves in your relationship is intimacy and depth of
connection.

30
What does that mean? That just means you're unafraid to go there
with her. So, in terms of conversation, you're unafraid to talk about
anything. You're okay with talking about anything. No matter what
you're talking about, you just know that you're okay, because
you're so habitually used to being okay, you're so used to engaging
with everything with an attitude of "This is okay. I'm happy. I'm
okay. I'm comfortable. I'm relaxed. I feel okay in this moment."
There is no resistance to it.

When you build up that habit, it's very easy for you to talk about
everything and anything, because you know that your happiness
isn't about the outside circumstances and condition. It's what you
bring to the table. It's how you engage with the world, that you
choose the path that feels happy and comfortable and inspiring.

Now, it takes time to build that kind of trust. And once you have
that kind of trust, no random guy is going to come along and
replace that since her thirst for intimacy is quenched. So, what will
happen is since she has that relationship in her life with a man who
is not afraid to go there in conversations, and not afraid to connect
on the deepest level - he doesn't throw blocks up in front of her,
and he doesn't have fears and insecurities that he projects onto her
and then punishes her for his negative feelings and blames her for
him having a bad response to whatever it is that he's seeing in the
outside world.

He just engages with the world in a way where he knows he's okay,
and anything that comes up in a conversation or in a relationship,
he's okay with it. When she has that kind of connection with a guy,
when she has that kind of intimacy with a guy and that kind of trust
with a guy, her thirst for intimacy is going to be quenched and
she's not going to leave the door open for another man in the first
place.

So, think of it like this. Women hunger for intimacy like a meal, but
if they're constantly fed, and it doesn't take energy to feed her

31
intimacy, it just takes you being okay with that. If she's constantly
fed, she's not going to be hungry or thirsty for intimacy.

When you're not hungry or thirsty, you don't go looking for water
and food. You don't need to. You're satisfied. And, if somebody was
trying to force you to drink or to eat, and you weren't hungry or
thirsty, you would almost feel sick to your stomach. You wouldn't
want to do it, because you're already full. You're already satiated;
you've had enough.

So, that's how it feels to a woman when she's satisfied with the
intimacy in her life, and other guys try to hit on her or try to make
romantic moves. She'll almost feel sick to her stomach because
she's already full. She already has the intimacy with you, and so
any other guy that tries is going to immediately make her bring her
walls up. She's going to feel sick to her stomach, and she's going to
feel turned off by them.

So, that is the ultimate way to cheat-proof your relationship, is that

you engage with your relationship in a way where you're okay with
everything that comes up. You engage with everything that comes
up in a way where it's happy and you're inspired with everything
that comes up, and you're comfortable with everything that comes
up, because that's what a relationship is.

A relationship isn't where you force somebody else to act a certain

way and treat you a certain way and be a certain way, and
somehow that's going to make you happy. What you sign up for
with a relationship is you are making an agreement that you're
going to find a way to relate to each other where you both manage
to feel happy and inspired and enjoy each other, and you're
comfortable with each other. That's what you're signing up for.

And the other part of the deal is you're going to help each other
stay on that track, too, that track of engaging with life in that way.
That's what relationship and partnership is all about, is that
guidance and that agreement that you're going to keep yourself on-
32
track too. That's kind of an unwritten promise you make to each
other in a good relationship.

Now, as a final note on cheat-proofing your relationship, this is

something to be aware of from the beginning. In the same way that
dishonest people, you're going to notice them being dishonest with
others and dishonest in other areas of your life. In those cases, you
can be sure that eventually, when it serves them and when they
think they can get away with it, they will be dishonest with you.

Well, the same goes with cheating. Don't choose a cheater going in.
A woman who will cheat on another guy will eventually cheat on
you if a situation presents itself where it seems like that would be a
favorable thing for her to do.

Now, the cheat-proofing stuff that I just went over with you, that
can help a lot in never having this problem come up in the first
place. But, somebody who has cheated before, they might have
whatever reasons or justifications or excuses for doing what they
do.

I've never met somebody who's done something wrong who didn't
have an excuse or explanation or justification for why they did it
and why it was okay that they did it, and why it was right that they
did it. I've never met someone who did something wrong who
didn't have that.

So, regardless of their excuse or reason for it, if she cheated

before, it means it's in her. It's within her to cheat again if
situations come up and the going gets choppy and she feels like at
that moment, that's a thing to do. She'll cheat. So, if you can avoid
it, don't choose a cheater.

If you're with a cheater, then you can accept the fact that well, she
cheated before. It's a possibility it could happen. It would mean
nothing about me, because she was a cheater before I knew her, so
if she cheats again, it's not about me; it's about her. But, really, if
33
you don't want her to cheat, satisfy her hunger and thirst for
intimacy like I described.

Now, let's say there is a situation where a woman isn't necessarily

going to cheat, but she's thinking of leaving you. Guys will ask
"What are the signs that a woman is going to leave, or thinking
about leaving? And in that event, how do I stop her? How do I
diffuse that? How do I make sure that doesn't happen?"

So, the main thing you want to be looking for as a red light warning
sign that she's thinking about leaving or is about to leave is sudden
changes in her behavior. So, for example, common examples of
that would be things that used to annoy her suddenly don't annoy
her anymore. It's like she doesn't care. Or, the other way around,
things that never annoyed her before are now getting on her
nerves.

You know, if it happens once, or over the course of one night, don't
go freaking out believing that she's going to leave you. But if it's
been happening over the course of maybe a week or two weeks,
then that could be a pretty big warning sign.

Another sign would be if she looks uncomfortable, or even sick to

her stomach, or half-hearted when getting physical with you. So,
maybe you touch her affectionately, or you go in for a kiss and she
kind of shrinks away. Or, you go to hold her hand and it just
doesn't feel right. It feels like she's uncomfortable. That can be a
big warning sign that she is not happy in the relationship and
thinking about leaving.

Another sign, and as with all signs I always say you should be
looking for a combination of these signs. Any one sign by itself
could just be a coincidence, and I wouldn't chalk it up to anything.
Usually, if there is actually a problem, you'll see several of these
kinds of signs.

34
So, another sign would be that she spends a lot of time away from
you. Again, if that's a sudden change, that's even worse. But just
that she spends a lot of time away from you and doesn't seem to
have any desire to spend more time with you, that can be another
sign that she's thinking of leaving.

Another sign can be that she talks to a guy a lot, so there is some
guy that she talks to on the Internet or on their phone or whatever,
and he's hanging around. Women are going to have guy friends.
That's just part of the deal. Nine times out of ten, it's in your best
interest to just be cool with that and understanding and not even
worry about her and her guy friends.

The good news is that most guys are terrible with women anyway,
so chances are if it's just the average guy, you don't have to worry
about him at all. But as a general practice, too, it's better off not to
worry about it. Trust the fact that if she has options and she's
continuing to choose to be with you, you're the best option in her
mind. But if you're noticing these other signs and you're noticing
that she's talking to some guy a lot, that can be a pretty big signal
that something is wrong and she's considering leaving.

Another sign is that she seems to be hiding something. This kind of

goes with what I always say about your gut. When I think about my
own life, and I think about how things have happened in my life,
and I think about times when I've felt something in my gut and I
went against it - I ignored what my gut was feeling - my gut was
always right.

Whether it was I felt somebody was against me or undermining me

or didn't really like me or wasn't being honest with me or whatever
it happened to be, whenever my gut felt that and felt something
was off, I might've wanted nothing more than for that to not be
true. But, the fact of the matter was whenever I felt in my gut that
something was wrong, my gut was always right.

35
So, when you gut tells you that she's hiding something or
something feels off, chances are your gut is right. This comes with
time, but as you integrate a lot of the stuff that I teach you in my
courses, you're going to find that you can trust your gut a lot more.

And your body, when you start really listening to your emotions
and understanding that it's your body and your mind guiding you to
the best possible path to get the fastest results and the best results
possible, in the best possible way - when you start really listening
to your emotions and your body and your mind like that, your gut
is just going to give you incredible insight and feedback into what
you need to be doing. It's going to clue you in when there is an
issue or there is a problem, because you're not going to feel right.
Something is going to feel off; something is going to feel bad.

So, you can pay attention to that and use that to your advantage,
too, and that could be another sign that a woman is thinking of
leaving when you just feel that thing like she's hiding something, or
that something is wrong. Your gut can tell you that.

Okay, I'm going to switch gears now and talk about one of the
biggest, most disastrous mistakes you can make in a relationship. I
can tell you that when I made this mistake in my relationships,
fortunately I learned my lesson, but when I made this mistake I
never was so devastated and screwed up after a relationship than
the relationship that I really did this in.

The rule is the mistake to avoid is never sell yourself out, ever.
Never sell yourself out, ever. What does it mean to sell yourself
out? Selling yourself out is you have a way of being that makes you
happy, that feels like you, that is the way you like to be. It's what
you believe in. It's your integrity. It's how you are.

Now, there are some things about how we are that we know are
kind of our faults. Like maybe if you have a short temper that bites
you in the ass and it doesn't serve you, that's not us; that's just a
bad habit we have that eventually will work out. Or maybe we're
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working a job that we hate right now. That's not us; that's just
something that we're doing at the moment.

But there are other things that are core values and core beliefs and
just core things that make us who we are, and we like that being
part of our lives. It feels good having it be part of our lives. Like,
for example, maybe you just naturally have always felt close with
your family and you love your family, so that would be something
that is core to you. That's something that is part of you and part of
what you believe and part of your integrity and who you are as a
man.

Maybe you believe in working hard. Maybe you believe in intellect

over being emotional or being reactive. Maybe you've never felt the
impulse to act like what all the "cool" or "popular" people acted like.
Maybe you don't really like bars or clubs, and you would rather
have a deep conversation by a fireplace, you know? Maybe you like
to dress conservatively and that is what feels at home and natural
to you.

I'm not saying never step outside your comfort zone, because there
can be some value in trying new things, things that you're not used
to. Actually, let's throw away the term comfort zone. There is
nothing wrong with stepping outside of what you're used to and
doing something unusual or something you're not used to or
something you're unfamiliar with. There's nothing wrong with that;
that can be great for you.

The term comfort zone, I guess at this point in my life I don't like it
because there is a way to do things that are unfamiliar to you in a
way that still feels good, still feels happy, and still feels enjoyable.
Even if it's unfamiliar, it doesn't mean that it needs to be
uncomfortable.

So, there is a saying about how everything you want is outside of

your comfort zone. Well, that's not necessarily true, because you
can be comfortable and have fun and really enjoy yourself while
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you're trying new things. So, everything you want is in the
unfamiliar zone. That is true.

So, there is a way of being and engaging with life, and a way of
doing things and habits, that are unfamiliar to you right now. You're
not used to them right now. Chances are what is going to get you
the best result is actually going to feel more comfortable to you
than anything you've ever tried before.

But in the context of selling yourself out and what does that mean,
let's say that you grew up playing video games. You just love video
games. You love intellectual conversation. You love smart people. If
a so-called nerdy or geeky conversation comes up, you just love
talking about whatever that thing is. That's what you love, and
unfortunately the media and all sorts of influences in today's
modern world will tell you that if something is so- called "geeky" or
"nerdy" then it's uncool and women won't be attracted to you and
that it's a bad thing.

So, there is this implied message that you should hide what you
love and that you should mask and shield your excitement over
things, because loving something in life is unattractive somehow.
Or it's only okay to love certain things, but if you love things that
aren't popular or things that are weird or things that are geeky,
then somehow you are unattractive in that women will never want
to have sex with you.

And so I remember times in my life when I sold myself out. I had

tastes in music. I would have my own private playlist of songs that
I liked listening to, but I didn't want to be embarrassed because for
whatever reason it wasn't cool music to be listening to, but I really
loved the music. I would have the secret playlist.

The way that people dressed, it never made sense to me. I never
really liked it. It didn't do anything for me. I never felt any major
impression about fashion, for example, but I felt that there was a
certain way to dress and if I didn't dress that way then I wouldn't
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be acceptable. And so I would dress how I felt would be a cool way
to dress, and I would act in a way that I felt that people would
accept me and like me and make sure that I didn't act in a way that
was nerdy or uncool or didn't fit in or weird or whatever.

And so what I was doing was instead of listening to what my body

and my mind was trying to guide me to the best way of being for
me, that would get me the best results for me, I was looking into
the outside world and trying to do an imitation of what I thought
people wanted. I was miserable in selling myself out. I was selling
myself out, and I wasn't getting the results I wanted either.

So, that's examples of selling yourself out in terms of trying to

impress other people or trying to be a certain way because you
think that's what people are going to accept and that's what is
going to make a woman attracted or whatever. Really, what you're
doing is you're draining your attractiveness, because your body
wants you to be attractive. Your mind wants you to be attractive. It
makes the things that are going to make you, who you are,
attractive. It makes those things feel good to you and feel happy to
you.

But, instead of listening to our own natural intelligence and our

mind's vast subconscious intelligence that knows how to get us
what we want, instead of listening to that we listen to stupid
movies written by stupid people and stupid TV shows written by
stupid people and stupid songs written by stupid people. People
who don't know anything about what is good for you and about
what is going to get you what you want out of life.

Your body and your mind knows how to get you those things, and
it's going to automatically work to get you those things
automatically if you just follow the path that feels good and happy
to you, and engage with life in a way that feels good and happy to
you.

39
But let's talk specifically about what it looks like to sellout in a
relationship. In a relationship, maybe she wants you to be a certain
way that you're not, or she makes you feel bad for a way that you
like being, a way that makes you feel good and happy and relaxed
and inspired. Maybe she makes you feel bad for that.

Or, maybe she wants you to be a way that feels uncomfortable and
not right and unhappy to you. Instead of paying absolutely no
attention to it and not even making it into an issue at all, you make
it real. You believe that it's actually significant. You believe that it's
a real thing, that these things that she says she wants or these
things that you believe that she wants or these things that you
think you need to do or be in order to turn her on are
requirements.

If you don't do them, or if you don't act like them, or if you can't be
them, then you'll lose her. And if you lose her, then you'll lose
yourself.

And so you have this fear of loss, and it cause you to start doing
and being and acting like things that you don't want to do. What
that does is it constantly drains your energy. It takes energy to be
someone you're not. It takes energy to act a way that you don't
want to be, a way that works against your nature, because your
body is screaming "Don't do this. Don't take this path. This is wrong
for you. This is not going to lead you where you want to be."

So, your body is trying to force you not to do it, and that's why
your body drains you of energy when you push against is so that
you can't go too far in the wrong direction. Your body is actually
trying to help you.

But, when we ignore our body's signals that are telling you "You're
on the wrong path. You're not going to get the results you want
from this path." When we ignore that, we end up feeling drained
more and more and more by the relationship. It's a subtle energy
drain, but it adds up more and more and more over time.
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We spend all this energy trying to be a second-rate version of
someone else, someone that we're not, instead of just following
what feels good and happy and natural and working on our
strengths and becoming more and more awesome each day.

So, when you sell yourself out, you drain your energy. And what
will happen is as your energy drains, so will your attractiveness,
and eventually she will lose interest in you and she will leave you.
Your attitude in your relationship needs to be you enjoy her. You
want her to be there, but you can't sacrifice what makes you
happy.

If being with her means giving up what brings you happiness, or

being with her requires you having to feel uncomfortable and that
it's a core thing, that being with her is just an uncomfortable
experience, maybe that she's negative all the time or she wants
you to be a way that just feels crappy all the time. If that's what it
takes to keep a relationship going with her or to be with her, then
it's not going to work out and you're going to have to end things.

Really, there's not a choice there, because it's going to happen one
of two ways. Either you're going to try to force it to work and
you're going to sell yourself out and that's going to be a constant
energy drain until she eventually leaves you after losing attraction
to you, but if that doesn't happen and you maintain your happiness
and you try to force it to work with her, she's going to be
constantly fighting with you. It's going to be a constant battle with
her, because you don't want to give in to whatever it is she's
pressuring you into doing, or her presence is pressuring you into
doing.

Or, you can just accept that it's a bad match, and you can avoid all
that heartache and drama and just leave. And that's okay. That's
honestly the best thing. I wish I knew that years ago.

I want to leave you with a thought. A man is only devastated when

a woman leaves in proportion to how much he sold himself out. In
41
other words, if you don't sell yourself out at all with a woman and
she leaves, you'll be completely okay when she leaves. You'll be
completely fine.

But, if you've sold yourself out a lot and she leaves, then you're
going to be completely devastated when she's gone. You've got to
trust me on that. And watch in the world, too. You'll notice the guys
that are most devastated when a woman leaves are also the guys
who sold out the most when they were in their relationship with
her.

Now, on another subject, guys will ask me about how do you deal
with other guys in the picture? This kind of goes back to some of
the stuff I was saying about cheating, and that you really don't
have to worry about other guys, because the other guy isn't the
problem. How you relate with her and how you relate with your
own life is going to be either the problem or the solution.

So, don't view guys as competition. View them simply as people.

You being secure and trusting that no matter what comes up in life,
you're going to be okay, you're going to find the path that feels
happy and enjoyable and inspirational and feels good for you.

When you're secure in that belief, it's a turn-on for her. Your
attitude is that you can't control her, so if she cheats, that's what
she wants and it's time for you to move on. It doesn't mean
anything about you; it just means that she's not right for you. You
don't let it affect your mood since your mood is your attractiveness.
You're good with things. You're okay with things. You're okay with
how life is. And anything that happens, you're okay with what
happens in life.

If you have a good time with your woman when you're with her in a
way that lights her up, you form a protective barrier around your
relationship. The more your relationship lights her up, the more
protected your relationship is from other guys coming in and
interfering with it. What lights women up the most? A happy,
42
comfortable guy who loves life and loves pursuing his passion. And
when he's with her, he gives her his 100 percent attention and is
unafraid to go there and is okay with talking about anything.

So you can hear in that statement, and I'll read it again just to
make sure it's wired into your brain. You can hear that that's just a
coming together of everything we've been talking about in my
other courses and in this one, that really it's not about competing
with other guys; it's about protecting what makes you the most
attractive guy possible, and making sure your attractiveness is
unwavering. That means making your mood your top priority.

If you have a good time with your woman when you're with her, in
a way that lights her up, you form a protective barrier around your
relationship. The more your relationship lights her up, the more
protected your relationship is.

What lights women up the most? A happy, comfortable guy who

loves life and loves pursuing his passion. And when he's with her,
he gives her his 100- percent attention and is unafraid to go there
and is okay with talking about anything. So, I said that twice
because it's so important and I really want to wire it into your
brain.

Now, just to cover another aspect of what guys will ask me about,
"How can you tell when a woman is lying? And how can you make
sure she's going to tell you the truth as a habit? That she's not
going to lie to you."

Well, like I was saying earlier, your gut is right, so listen to your
gut. You don't have to search for her lying to you. When it comes
up, your instincts will instantly notice. It's great. Evolution has
programmed us to be excellent at noticing when somebody is being
dishonest with us.

But this isn't going to work if you're in the habit of being paranoid.
That means if you are in the habit of feeding into negative thoughts
43
regularly, it's going to dull your ability to recognize when something
is off because you're constantly feeding negativity into your
perception of reality.

So, when something actually is off, and it's not some paranoid false
alarm, you're not going to be able to discern is it your paranoia?
Your regular paranoia and habit of feeding into negativity. Or is
there really a problem?

So, when you're doing everything else that I explained in my

courses, by being okay and happy and comfortable and relating to
life in a way that's inspiring and feels good to you, then you don't
have to worry about scanning to see if she's lying because your
normal way of living and engaging with life is going to feel good to
you. So, when something is off, you're going to instantly notice that
shift in energy, that something doesn't feel right.

People tell you the truth when you are easy to tell the truth to.
When you're somebody who makes others walk on eggshells or
you're in the habit of condemning others or attacking others or
judging others as a habit, then you're not the type of person that
people want to tell the truth to.

So, you are part of the solution here. When you're easy to tell the
truth to, when you're okay with people saying anything to you,
then it's very easy for you to hear the truth. It's very easy for
people to tell you the truth, and people aren't going to be
motivated to lie to you or be dishonest with you.

Don't make her walk on eggshells. Be okay with her saying

anything to you. It doesn't mean anything about you. It doesn't
mean anything about your capabilities as a man or your
relationship. Be okay with her saying anything, because the
alternative is programming her to be dishonest or to hide things
from you. When you're easy to tell the truth to, you can be
confident that she will want to tell you the truth, and that will be
her normal behavior.
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Now, on a final note, I'm going to talk about the Red Alert
Relationship Rescue Method. This is to be used if a relationship is
falling off-track and you need a plan to stop a woman from pulling
away and pull her back, even after a breakup, with open arms and
devotion in her heart. With her wanting to be with you; with her
being enthusiastic about a relationship with you.

So, the first thing that you need to do is you need to give up.
Similar to what I said about long-distance relationships, you need
to give up on the relationship. It doesn't mean you don't care. It
doesn't mean you go cold. It doesn't mean you act mean to her.
What I mean is that you have this continuous drama and struggle
in your mind of having this perception that here is the problem, and
I need to solve the problem, and you're going to hold your breath
until the problem is solved.

Give up on that. Lose. Give up. Let it go. Because what that's going
to do, is that's going to free up all that energy. The problem is that
it's so hard to let go sometimes, even from something that's
poisoning us, because we're so used to grasping tightly onto it and
we believe if we let go or we give up, then we've lost. Then we're
going to be lacking. Then we're going to be less than we were.
We're going to lose.

It's an illusion, but if we don't see it as an illusion, if we believe that

it's actually real, then it's a very powerful illusion and one that
prevents us from being able to unshackle ourselves and being able
to fix the actual or the real problem. And the real problem is
participating in the struggle and the drama and believing that it's
real.

It could be really easy to fix your relationship when instead of

participating in the struggle and the drama, and having this
perception that you need to "fix your relationship," instead you
reconnect with your passion and the things that make you happy
and love life. And you have an attitude towards your relationship
where you let the chips fall where they may. You stop caring.
45
Instead of feeling like you can tinker and mess with and adjust and
fix the relationship, your attitude is "Well, if I'm happy, and I'm
passionate, and I engage with life in a way that I'm really, truly
enjoying myself and it's just pure, true, real happiness, then that's
going to unlock my maximum attractiveness."

If she's not attracted to that, if she doesn't want to be around that,

then that's it. That's all there is. That's all I can do. There is nothing
else. But, since it's automatic and it's out of my hands, and it's not
about me doing psychological acrobatics or super tricks that some
guy on the Internet hinted exist even though they really don't,
when you realize it's just about you engaging in life in a happy,
natural way, then you can trust that, that that's doing the work for
you. You don't have to do anything, so you can just let the chips
fall where they may, because that's what's going to happen.

If it can work out, it will work out. If it can't, it's not going to, but
you're going to know there was nothing else that could've been
done. So stop stressing over it. Stop caring about it. Give up on it.
That's what I'm saying.

Now, sometimes a relationship will fall off-track because you

somehow screwed up, and you need to reboot the relationship. You
need a reset button to kind of reboot things so you can get it back
on-track, because you feel like she's never going to be able to
forgive you for whatever it is you did, or that you made too many
mistakes.

So, what you can do is a little method I like to call the reboot
method where you can tell her - I've done this before, where I tell
her I had a dream, or I tell her that I realized something about how
I've been, and the mistakes I've made and how I want to make
things better. The thing is I didn't do this as a tactic. This was
sincere, but it worked, then I was like "Oh my God, it really
worked. This is great. I've figured out something that works really
well."

46
So, there was this time that I was with a woman and I had had a
dream the night before. When I woke up, I was like "That's just like
my relationship. That's like what I've been doing, and I didn't even
realize how destructive that was in the relationship."

I told her that that night. I was like "You know, I had this dream,
and it made me think about the relationship, and it made me think
about how I've been. I didn't even realize it, but I've been making
things worse. I've been making things really tough for you, and I've
been destroying the relationship without realizing it. I didn't mean
it. It wasn't my intent, and I want to be better. I want things to be
better."

That's how I said it. She cried and she hugged me and she said
thank you and things got a lot better. I did screw something up,
and that fixed things. Because it's kind of like what women really
want to have happen in a relationship is if you screw up, they want
to know that you know you screwed up and that you really do care
about making it better, and that it's not going to be something that
keeps happening again and again, or that you didn't care or
something.

And so having that kind of a conversation, framing it in that way,

does all those things for you. It hits all the checkmarks in her brain
that she needs to hit before she can forgive you. So, it's one of
those weird, psychological things.

I was just talking about psychological tricks from the Internet, but
it's true. There is something about the psychology of people that
when you frame something this way, you tell them a story about
how you came to a realization and about how you want to change
and be better and be different, that it causes people to forgive you
and give you another chance.

So, don't abuse this, but you can use it to great effect in your
relationship if you really screwed up and you need to hit the reset

47
button on your relationship so that you can improve things and
things can get better.

Now, with all this said, and this is all in the context of relationship
repair, treat your relationship as if it's the last day you have on
earth. So, this is it. There isn't going to be a tomorrow, so you
don't have to worry about fixing your relationship. You don't have
to worry about if something is going to fix it, or make things better
down the line, or if you're making things worse or whatever.

You're just going to enjoy the moment you have with her right now,
however big or small. You're just going to enjoy yourself with her.
You're going to have fun. You're going to be with her.

You're not going to draw out some drama or resentment that you
had. You're not going to try to win some fight. You're going to
lower your weapons. You're going to lower your walls and say
"Look, this is what we've got. This is our time together. Let's have
fun. Let's enjoy each other. Let's have a good time. Let's make
things good."

And that can do a lot to repair a relationship, because a lot of guys

will get stuck either feeling like they have some sort of a battle
they have to win against the woman that they're with, which is very
destructive, or they have this complex, this fear, that there is a
pass or fail test going on at every moment.

And either they pass and they make their relationship better, or
they fail and they make their relationship worse. They get so much
anxiety because everything is building up and they don't know
what's going to happen. Jesus, you've got to just relax. Calm down.
Be in the moment, and enjoy the moments that you have with her,
because that is going to do the most to repair the relationship.

She wants to feel that happy and enjoy inspirational energy being
with you. She wants to feel good being around you, and that's

48
going to happen. You feel good and just enjoy your time with her,
and don't work yourself up into this emotional place.

Now, finally, as a final note on repairing your relationship, and as a

final note on this course, women don't evaluate the relationship
based on one big thing, one big gesture, one big moment. So, if
you really screwed up or your relationship is going downhill and you
buy her a $5,000 necklace or you buy her a new Lexus or you buy
her a house, that one big gesture in terms of her loving you is
going to matter just as much as one tiny gesture.

The way that women work, and the way that women evaluate their
relationship, isn't based on how big your gestures are or how big
your displays of love are. It's based on how frequently, how often,
you do loving things. So, a thousand little, tiny, miniscule, loving
things is worth a thousand points. You can think of it like that. One
gesture, even if it's the biggest gesture in the world, is only worth
one point.

So, you can think of it like you're scoring way more points if you're
just doing little, affectionate things in the time that you spend with
her. That could be as simple as just you putting your hand on her
shoulder as you're grabbing your keys, or giving her a kiss before
you leave, or saying something affectionate towards her, or
appreciating her for doing something that she did around the
house, or whatever. All these little gestures add up.

The more that she feels that you want her to feel happy and
inspired and be on her track of enjoying her life, the more that she
feels that, the more love that she's going to feel. And the more that
you do these little gestures, little notes, touching her and saying
nice things to her, little thoughtful gifts and thoughtful acts and all
these kinds of things, spending quality time together where you're
present with her and you being in a good mood, all these little
things add up and that's what creates that feeling of love that she's
hungry for.

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That's what creates that feeling that she has the relationship she
really wants, that she's satisfied in, the one that she's really
attracted to being in. That's the secret. Being in a good mood,
engaging with life in a way that feels good to you, and all the little
things adding up.

So that seals it up for this course. Thanks for listening.

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