Dear Abby,

My child seems to be uncomfortable with new situations. I was shy as a child, and I
don't want my child to be the same way. How much of our personality is innate, and how
much is formed through our environmental experiences? Are there things that I can do
to help my child become more accepting of new situations? Could my parenting style be
contributing to his shyness or personality traits?
Bashful in Bahamas

Dear Bashful in Bahamas,

Thank you for reaching out, I truly understand your concern it is hard being a parent watching
your child does not feel comfortable in a new situation. Every child is different for some child they feel
comfortable right away in a new situation for some are not. Your child is not going to be shy forever I
assure you that. Whatever your daughter behavior right now is vey normal, kids experience that since
they were very young. It is hard for us to noticed specially when they can not say the words, and we
cannot read their facial expressions because they were still a baby. Your child’s shyness is her
personality development, and that has something to do with her temperament. “Temperament is
defined as the biologically based core of individual differences in style of approach and responses to the
environment that is stable across time and situations” (van den Akker et al., 2010, p. 485). That is what
your daughter experiencing right now. Regarding your question about how much our personality is
innate, our personality is both influence by our genes we inherited from our parents and the
environment we are in. Nature and nurture are both intertwined. Both nature and nurture influenced
our personality. Hebb (1980) remarked that behavior is determined 100 percent heredity and 100
percent by environment. My advice to you are be sensitive to the needs of your child, show her that
you care about her. Support her, respond to her emotional with care. Make her feel safe and it is ok.
Children tend to mimic behavior, if they see us that we are not comfortable in the situations they will
feel they same. Teach your child to be comfortable by letting her feel your comfortable with new
situations in other words set an example for her.

Hope this helps.

Abby
Dear Abby,
I work at a child care facility. I'm worried about a child that is left in our care. When his
mom drops him off each morning, it seems he’s unsure of how to act. Sometimes he
looks confused and upset. Other times he cries hysterically or hurts himself. His mother
seems a bit cynical about his behavior and laughs about it. How would I know if he has
an attachment problem? He started coming here when he was very young. Does child
care create attachment problems? What advice would you give for preventing or
correcting attachment problems? Can it be fixed at any age? If he becomes attached to
me, will that make it even more difficult for his parents to form an attachment? I’ve
heard synchrony is important to forging bonds with children. What is synchrony and why
does it help?
Cautious in Catalina

Dear Cautious in Catalina,

Thank you for reaching out, I totally understand your concern. It seems that the child is going
through some attachment problem, it is very normal for a child to experience it. They are different types
of attachments. Insecure- avoidant attachment when a child avoids connection with the mother or
caregiver, it does not affect him when moms leaves. Secure attachment when a child receives comfort
from the mother being present, when the mother leaves child pauses is not happy. Insecure- resistant/
ambivalent attachment is when the mother leaves child gets upset and when the mother return child
will resist and sees contact reunion. The last type of attachment is disorganized is when the child is
cautious and when the mother leaves child may look confused, scared, child is inconsistent with her
reaction. There most likely attachment problem with the child, and him being in the day care make the
situation worst. Maybe the child did not get enough attention at home since his mom works a lot
because he is been in day care since he was very young. Early parents’ interaction is very crucial it helps
the child develop social skills and shape the child’s behaviors and develop bonding between mother and
child. Synchrony is mutual exchange that requires split- second timing (Berger, 2018.p 198). During early
development, synchrony involves a matching of behavior, emotional states, and biological rhythms
between parents and infants that together forms a single relational unit (Leclere et al., 2014).

Hope this helps

Abby.