Professional Documents
Culture Documents
Coaching Program
“Ask Me Anything”
Coaching Call
Transcript
Wednesday,
November 17, 2010
Created By
Ross Jeffries
The “Guru of Getting Some”
www.Seduction.com
For the smart guy who refuses to resort to bullying, begging, buying,
B.S. or booze, in his seduction of women.
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While this transcript contains information, tips, tools, and strategies that are
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the purchaser or reader will achieve success with women, or in any other endeavor for
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Ross: I want to talk this morning about an interesting question, which is,
“How are you challenging the women in your life?” One of the
things I learned early on is that women love a challenge. The more
attractive the woman and the more options a woman has, the more
effective your challenge has to be.
The third aspect of manipulation, which is the one I think a lot of the
pick-up artists use, is pushing down on her pain buttons, like her
lack of belief in herself, her shame, her guilt or her fear. These are
things that we all want to avoid. These are not the kind of
challenges we want to give. This is not how we’re going to keep
women.
Set a frame that offers a reputation for her to live up to, like being
adventurous or being honorable.
She won’t be able to put it into those terms. Understand that yes,
there are four vibes that attract women, but it’s not that the women
you’re interested in, and are going to be sleeping with, have
consciously figured this out. Nonetheless, it will appeal to them.
They’re going to be trying to figure it out.
There is one more thing before we get going. By the end of next
week, we should have my seminar schedule for 2011 up and
running. We’re going to be going to some new cities, including
Munich, Germany, Montreal, Canada and Chicago. I haven’t been
to Chicago or Montreal in a long time.
The other piece of good news is that I’m working on a special two-
day seminar on mastering your inner game and breaking through
fear. I know there are some guys who are really still deeply stuck. I
want to teach these guys how to really, truly, deeply master their
inner game.
Let’s take the first call. I think it’s my friend, Matthew. I did get your
message. I think we should probably schedule our first Skype call
for next week.
For those of you who don’t know, Matthew was in such a bad way.
His story really touched me, so I’m going to be working with him
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Ross: How many times have you found yourself making those kinds of
statements?
Matthew: Many times. Whenever I see some girl that I think I can’t have, it’s
almost like a switch. I can’t even believe it goes off so quickly.
Matthew: I am, consciously. I see the pattern. It’s pretty loud. It’s probably
embedded subconsciously.
Ross: One of the big turning points when I work with people is when I can
get the client to see their patterns rather than just automatically
doing them and looking through them. When you can see your
patterns rather than being forced to look through them, then you
begin to set yourself truly free.
One of the points I’ve made to you from the beginning, and that I’ll
continue to make because you appear to see through these points
and make them real for yourself, is that the challenges you’ve had
are mostly about the programming you’ve been reinforcing up until
recently in your own mind.
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Have you been challenging the statements in the way I told you to
do with, “Up until now it was the case,” and “Now I claim my”? Have
you been doing that bit?
Matthew: Yes, I’ve been doing that. I’ve had to write it down. Sometimes I
forget because my mind is so conditioned to think the other way. I
have to remember to reaffirm “Up until recently” because it’s tricky.
Ross: It’s “Up until recently” and “Now I claim my practice, my power.”
Have you been adding in the “and” statement?
Matthew: Yes. “My satisfaction is mine. I’m completely satisfied in every way
now.”
Ross: Good. Here’s the thing. In addition to doing things differently in the
world outward with other people, we want to redo your emotional
and cognitive infrastructure.
Imagine a city with the roads and bridges all crumbled. Before I can
show you how to drive the car, we need to rebuild the roads. What
we’re doing is reforming your cognitive and emotional infrastructure
Have you been working at all with the Shinzen Young material, or
at least listening to it?
Matthew: I’ve been listening to how you produce four different emotions and
how to call out the different emotions in your body. For me, it’s all
images. It’s all visual, not so much noise or talking. I replay these
bad images in my head of these women doing things I don’t want
them to do.
Ross: Obviously. One of the assignments I’m going to give you is to take
all the bad programming you’ve been doing to yourself and imagine
sticking it into the head of a stranger.
Then I want you to journal what you think the daily experiences of
that person will be 90 days from now, after having that
programming in their head for 90 days. How do you think they’ll
look? How do you think they’ll stand? How do you think they’ll
interact with women? What do you think they’re going to feel like?
Matthew: That makes sense. That’s kind of why I have this position. When
something doesn’t go my way 100%, I’m volatile.
Ross: Did you hear that? “Up until recently, it had been the case that I
was volatile. Now I claim and choose my skill, practice and ability to
choose how I feel about situations and events.”
Matthew: I really like the question you posed of how we can challenge the
women. I had one date with this Philippine stewardess last
Saturday.
Ross: Let’s slow down. Tell me how you got this date.
Matthew: I met her at Roth’s. I think I told you once. I just went up to her and
started commenting, “I like your nose ring.” We exchanged
She called me back immediately. The next day, I was able to get a
date with her.
Ross: Let’s slow down. You did something really well. Are you aware that
you did something well?
Matthew: I was willing to speak my truth and not talk about getting in her
pants.
Matthew: Immediately.
Ross: When you claim your ability and step up to do things, it works
what?
Matthew: Immediately.
Ross: As you start to make what works as real, or even more real, than
what didn’t, you’ll begin to see even more progress. Can you feel
me?
Ross: No. Whenever you say, “I want” or “I am,” you’re going to watch it.
Instead of saying, “I want,” say, “I claim.”
Matthew: All of that work, from texting to getting her on the phone to getting
to a date, was minutes. We went on the date. We had a drink.
Ross: Can I slow you down? Did you do any kind of preparation period?
Before you went out, did you prepare your state?
Matthew: Yes. I did a 10-minute grounding exercise that you had given me. I
couldn’t believe how f***ing nervous I was before. When I was in
the date, I was fine, but prior, I was really surprised how f***ing
nervous I was.
Ross: Slow down. Let’s go slowly so I can be thorough with you because
that’s what you want. Did you work with the nervous energy using
any of Shinzen’s stuff?
Matthew: Wow! I was very nervous. I couldn’t believe how nervous I was.
Ross: Let’s redefine it. “Nervous” is not a good definition. Let’s just say
there was a lot of energy flowing through your neurology.
Matthew: Absolutely!
What are all the ways you can find to name things and assign
meaning to things in a way that’s still truthful but serves the
direction that you want to go in? If you say, “I was nervous,” that’s
one thing, but you can say, “There was a lot of energy flowing
through my system.” That’s true, isn’t it?
Ross: It’s positive in terms of telling your mind the direction you want to go
with your learning.
The more you step up, stop being a victim and stop saying, “It’s
happening because of this,” and the more you see how you take an
active role in creating your responses, the more attractive you’ll be,
even prior to getting the social skills. I’m not saying you shouldn’t
get the social skills, but you can have attractiveness of a different
kind.
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Matthew: She showed up around 9:30 in Pasadena. We got a drink. She was
playful. I did some quizzes. I did the Snack Quiz.
Matthew: She responded playfully. I was trying to anchor back some of her
body language responses. It didn’t seem to work. I’m not quite sure
how to do the anchoring yet, but I tried.
One thing was strange. Around 11:45, she said, “Are we going to
leave soon?”
Ross: Dude! That meant she wanted to go home with you. Do you
understand? She wanted you.
Matthew: To f***.
Matthew: I’m sorry, Ross. I want to believe that, but I didn’t see any signals
that that was true.
Ross: She said, “Are we going to leave?” What do you think she meant?
Matthew: She had to go home early. She was bored. I don’t know!
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Ross: Listen to the difference between, “I don’t know!” and “I don’t know.”
Ross: Listen to me. I’m going to continue to insist that you take
responsibility, meaning response-ability.
Here’s the thing. With women, you don’t know. With my current
girlfriend, I didn’t see the signals that she wanted to f*** me. I just
invited her up to my room. She was hiding it. She said, “I was
dripping wet, but I didn’t want you to know.” Sometimes you just
don’t know, depending on the girl.
Matthew: I’m sorry. Before that, I tried to do that thing with the neck. I’m not
good at that, up until recently. I’m trying to learn the massage thing
on the neck.
Matthew: I don’t get the response that you get. I’m not using my fingers. I’m
f***ing trying.
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Ross: What were the three words I gave you to start with?
Ross: That’s correct. I’m going to keep hammering on you to see how you
have been getting in your own way by affirming your limits, and I’m
not going to permit it.
Matthew: When I did that, she said, “Oh, a massage?” She took off her scarf,
turned around and let me rub her shoulders.
Ross: Stop. That means she did like it, and you are good at it. Women
don’t take off their clothes, expose their flesh and turn toward you
unless they’re enjoying it.
It doesn’t make any sense to tell me that you couldn’t get it to work
or you weren’t good at it when clearly it was working based on her
own behavior. Do you now see how you’re overly interpreting things
in a negative way that’s been stopping you?
Matthew: I do. Up until recently in those situations, if I did go to the next level,
I was pushed away for coming on too strongly. That is why I went
slowly. I did not know.
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Ross: What I don’t understand is, I heard a lot of frustration and upset
when in fact you met her effectively, you got her number, you
challenged her effectively to stop the bullshit, you got her to go out
with you, she playfully responded to what you were doing, and then
she enjoyed your touch so much that she took off some clothing
and turned to get more.
How are you not excited about how good you’ve done up until this
point?
Ross: Now I…
Ross: You’ve got it. You don’t even have to fill in the blank. I want to really
point out as strongly as I can in every possible way how it has been
your own narrow thinking that has programmed you for failure, but
in fact, so far, you’re doing really well, objectively speaking from a
third-party point of view. Strip away the old emotions that you’ve
been dragging around with you
It’s like someone who’s going to run a race, but just before the 100-
yard dash or mile, he attaches 100-pound lead weights and then
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Ross: It’s a f***ing great metaphor. Every time you begin to start to move
to any of those old ways of thinking, you’ll imagine putting 100-
pound lead weights on your ankles and thinking, “This is stupid.”
For those of you who are also on the call, please be patient. I think
you can hear how I really need to challenge Matthew every step of
the way. Keep going.
Matthew: I got the check after that. It was a nice hotel, so I walked her the
long way out by the patio. She was totally cool with that. She was
not in a big hurry. We wound up near the valet.
Before that, I put her arm around my shoulders, gave her a little
salsa lesson and spun her around. She was totally compliant and
into it.
Matthew: I picked her up and spun her around. She totally dug that. Then we
went to wait for her car. I leaned up behind her. She said, “I
shouldn’t have parked my car here.” I whispered in her ear,
changing my tone, and she didn’t pull away.
Ross: Wait. You had the presence of mind to change your tone?
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Matthew: Then she got in her car and asked where I was parked. I didn’t park
in the valet because my car is just a Nissan, so I felt embarrassed.
She felt embarrassed because it was all nice cars, and her car was
a Toyota something. They were all Mercedes and Jaguars.
She gave me a hug goodbye, and that was it. That’s where I guess
I don’t know.
Ross: You’re only missing one more skill. The skill you’re missing is doing
something to actually kiss them from that position. You just need
one more skill. It sounds like she’d like to see you again.
When you’re massaging them, you can whisper in their ear, “Are
you enjoying this?” When they moan or say yes, you say, “Prove it.”
Then you turn their head toward you and kiss them. Lock it on
them.
Listen to me. You did everything right. You got 90% of the way
there. You only need one small skill. I think I just filled in the blank
for you. You’re already getting so good at this that you might not
need that day with me. I think you’re doing really well.
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Matthew: Yes. I guess I’m just more of a perfectionist. I’m looking for the
whole enchilada to really receive the compliment. That’s where I’m
at. Compared to my broken mind up until recently, I like the positive
attributes you pointed out.
Ross: They’re not just positive. It’s being accurate. If you leave out the
positive, you’re being inaccurate. When you include what’s really
there that is positive, you are being simply accurate.
If she had told you to f*** off and walked out, I would have said
something different. It’s about being accurate.
Listen to me. When you write a screenplay, you want to make sure
the actors say your lines, right? You don’t want them to memorize
the wrong lines and only get it 50% right. You want them to be
accurate.
I’m just being accurate in describing what’s going on. When you
were only being negative and not saying what you were doing right,
you were being inaccurate. That’s not what a good writer does.
Ross: What does that mean? I don’t know what “kind of” is.
Matthew: We texted last Saturday back and forth. I said, “Do you want to
meet up for a glass of wine?” She said, “Okay, if I don’t get too tired
because I have homework to do. Are you out with your friends?” I
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Ross: She was asking you to come over and give her a massage.
Matthew: Wow. I’d love to believe that. How are you reading into that? Can I
ask?
Ross: Why would she tell you her body aches? You’ve given her a great
response, and she really responded. Then she was telling you her
body ached.
Matthew: It was a week later. Maybe she forgot the massage. It was a very
short massage.
Ross: You certainly don’t lose anything by saying, “Let me come over to
take care of you.
Matthew: In my mind, I would think that’s creepy and too forward. That’s
where I’ve lost so many girls.
Matthew: I would have thought that, and I would have proven it by scaring
girls away by what you just said, by coming in way too stealthy and
too strongly.
Ross: It’s up to them to decide whether it’s too strong or not, not you.
Don’t block your own cock. Believe me, if you’re coming in too
strong, they’ll tell you. You never have to worry about being too
strong.
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Ross: Listen to me. Shut up. She’s interested. She liked your massage.
What you don’t want to do is get too obvious and offer at this point.
You could have offered a massage then. Now it’s too late. Say,
“Let’s hang out again and see how much we can enjoy each other’s
company. I can come grab you, and we can go for a walk, watch a
movie or whatever.”
Then without verbalizing it, just start rubbing her neck again. Don’t
talk about it. Just start doing it again. Say, “How are those
shoulders feeling?”
When you see her really responding, whisper in her ear, “Are you
really enjoying this?” When she says yes or moans, turn her head
and say, “Prove it,” and then kiss her.
I’m going to go to the next call. Geez, it’s like pulling teeth. Thanks
for being patient.
Ross: Did you hear? I had to wrestle that guy to the ground. I think he did
pretty well.
Ross: Sometimes you just have to sit on these guys until they see that
they’re making progress. What can I do for you?
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I don’t know how it came up, but she told me she likes sketch
booking. I said, “What is it about that that you like? How does that
make you feel?” She looked at me and said, “That’s a stupid
question.” It caught me off guard, like boom!
Ross: Anyone who needs to be insulting in the way she expresses that
she doesn’t like something—what is she, 15 years old? How old
was the girl?
Ross: She was telling you something about herself. “That’s a stupid
question.” I would never talk that way to someone.
Ross: I would say, “Do you kiss your mother with that mouth? Grow up
and treat people with some respect,” and walk away.
This stuff is a gift to the women who are able to receive it. This is
what Matthew doesn’t get yet. He’ll get it, but what he’s offering is
not anything other than a gift. It is a gift to speak to women in this
way and to touch women in this way. This Matthew guy is so close
to getting laid.
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Jason: How would you use Speed Seduction® on a woman at work, like at
a retail place?
Ross: I wouldn’t use it on her. I would use it with her. What I would do, by
the way, is parse it out over time. She only has three minutes. You
can’t do it full time.
Ross: I have a girlfriend whom I’m in love with. I don’t mess with other
girls. Nonetheless, I still practice. I don’t do anything with it, but I
still practice.
She actually called me the other night and chewed my ear off for 45
minutes. Nothing will happen with this girl, unfortunately for her,
because I’m in love with my girlfriend and I don’t want to be with
any other woman, but I still practice.
I love hearing women get juiced up over the phone. I was just
playing. I was not really interested in any way. I just parsed it out
over the two or three times I went in there.
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Ross: I went through a year. I wouldn’t call them all losses, but they
certainly weren’t up to my stuff before I met Christina. I probably
could have done it sooner by doing a little bit more ritual or ritual in
a different way, but there you go.
Ross: She could be a keeper. She could be the one who ends my single
career. I don’t know what that would do for my business, if that
would hurt business or what.
Jason: Come on, now. You’re not going to get married, are you?
Ross: I might. You never know. I don’t know yet. I wouldn’t mind having a
family. I’m old enough to be at the point where I want kids. I’m 52. I
wonder what would happen if I actually got married and streamed it
live over the web. Probably everyone in the worldwide seduction
community would tune in for that.
Ross: We’ll see. It’s too early in knowing her, but she has all the qualities
and characteristics of someone who would make a good life
partner.
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Ross: I don’t know. I’m not saying it will or that I necessarily want it to go
there, but it is a thought in the back of my head. I thank you much.
Let’s go to the next caller. It’s Matthew again. He’s going to whine
at me.
Matthew: Is there a way, besides saying, “Let’s hang out again and see how
we can relax and enjoy each other’s company,” with the Philippine
girl to challenge her, like you said in the beginning of the topic?
Ross: I would do exactly as I told you in this case. I want you to rehearse
out loud and with the actual body movements what you’re going to
do to do the closing.
Matthew: That’s a great idea. I’ve never thought that far ahead. That’s great.
Matthew: “Are you really enjoying this?” Turn her face. “Prove it.”
Ross: Then kiss her. When she responds, stand up, take her by the hand,
and lead her into the bedroom. Here’s what’s going to happen.
You’re going to get laid, or she’s going to jump you. You’ll get laid
one way or the other.
You’re going to f*** her senseless all night long. Then you’re going
to call me and say, “Wow!” Then I won’t even have to work with you
anymore. You’ll just have to f***ing come over to record your
testimonial. You owe me a testimonial. Remember, you swore.
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Ross: When you sell that f***ing script and have a party, you’d better
f***ing invite me, turdball.
Ross: I don’t know if I believe you. All right, asshole, I’ll talk to you soon.
Brian: Autism.
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Ross: I do live coaching, but let me be very clear. I am not trained to deal
with things like autism. That’s not my field. That’s not my specialty.
There are people who can help you, but honestly, I’m not going to
claim things that I don’t know how to do. By the way, my nephew is
autistic but very high functioning as well.
Brian: No, it’s not. I’m at the point where I’m really good at everything. I’m
just starting to notice that I want to get a girlfriend, but I’m new at it.
Ross: That’s the real key barrier or hurdle to get over. If you were not able
to do that, then I could not help you. That would be something that
would require training.
I’m only asking a question. I’m not challenging you. I’m asking a
question, and that’s all it is. How do you know, or what is your
evidence that lets you know, that you are good at reading people’s
emotions? I’m not saying you’re not. I’m asking how you know.
Brian: Mainly by their vocal stuff and how they express themselves. It’s
hard for me to describe stuff. I know what I want to get across.
From your experience, it’s pretty clear to you that you can read
people’s emotions and that you don’t get lost in it. You are able to
read where they are, correct?
Brian: Yes.
Ross: Are you under the care of any professional caregiver, psychologist
or social worker who is working with you?
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Ross: If I’m going to work with you in any capacity, including letting you
participate in the coaching program, I have to know from that
person, who is a licensed professional, that in their opinion you’re
able to participate.
At least you’re in luck. Any other company you could have called
would have said, “Sure, come to the boot camp. Give me your
credit card.” They wouldn’t care. I do care, and I want to make sure
what I do falls within all the legal standards and guidelines.
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If you can get someone like that to write me an email and say that
they’ve evaluated what I’d like to do with you, they’ve evaluated
you, and it would be okay for you to attend, then you can come as
my guest.
Brian: The main person you would want for that would be my
administrator.
Ross: You’ll have to explain it to them and ask them to write me an email.
You should have my email address, but you can send it to
RJ@Seduction.com.
If it makes you feel more confident and comfortable and it’s really
cheap, I would get it. Otherwise, I would just ignore it.
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Ross: I hope you guys can see from that last caller that I really am
dedicated to doing all of this in a responsible, effective way. For
me, the most important thing is to ensure that I give the help people
need.
I think any other company would just take that guy’s money, but I
actually have standards because I want to help.
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