Breaking Free

Reflecting on my childhood, the only world I knew was my parents- what I saw, heard
and felt all around me. It’s not till I grew older and had other influences, positive and
negative, that I began to see the world for how it is, and how I was meant to fit in.
My parents, after living in Chicago for a short time met, fell in love and made a family –
me, my brother and sister. My father worked, and my mother stayed home to raise the
children. As toddlers, my brother and I only spoke Spanish. My Mom would sit me in
front of the TV and say, “you need to learn to speak English. You’ll be starting school
soon.” Watching TV shows was how I was introduced to the English language.
Some of my favorite shows were The Brady Bunch and reruns of Bewitched, and I
Dream of Jeannie. A common theme I noticed was that the girls were blonde… most of
them anyway. Bewitched had a cousin, Serena and Jeannie had an older sister
named Jeannie II – both were brunette like me. Soon, I started to notice a lot of blonde
around me. Barbie, baby dolls and The Bionic Woman were all blondes. The most
popular of Charlie’s Angels was Farah Faucet, a blonde. In American TV shows, I didn’t
see a lot of representation of what I was… a Hispanic brunette.
Growing up, my parents raised us as bi-cultural. Everything we did, integrated both our
Puerto Rican heritage as well as growing up an American in the states. The programs on
TV, newspapers and magazines in the house were in English and Spanish. For many
years, I thought this was normal. I thought all families spoke at least two languages.
My parents eventually purchased their first house, and we were so excited! Before, we’d
lived in an area of the city that was predominantly Hispanic. Our new neighborhood was
different. Families were mostly white from Italian or Irish heritage. One day at school, I
was talking to one of my new classmates in an attempt to make conversation. “What
other language do you speak at home?” I innocently asked her. “What are you talking
about? We only speak English! In America, you only speak English!” she responded in a
huff. Wow… as young as I was, I remember wondering what did I say that was so wrong.
I talked to my Mom about it when I got home. My Mom listened and said, “not every
family speaks two languages. Make sure to speak English when you’re at school, Spanish
is for when you’re at home.” After that, I became shy and wouldn’t speak up much at
school. I felt I could never be truly who I was as I might offend someone.
My parents raised us the only way they knew, which was with Hispanic values and
traditions. When I share this, I’m referencing what this was like for me as a child
growing up in the 70s. In traditional Hispanic culture, the male gender was superior to
the female. Typically, females weren’t encouraged “to be all you can be, to speak up or
stand out.” Females are meant to be domesticated and obedient. This form of
programming had gone on for generations.
These experiences from when I was growing up, played on my emotions in a way that
kept me small for many years. When the time came, I was confused and lost and had no
real direction about what I wanted to pursue in college. I had no role models; not in my
family nor the media. In the 80s, I was in college for a few years focusing on general
studies and eventually dropped out when “life” happened – marriage and a baby.
It took a few years through counseling to release those thoughts of feeling lost and
invisible. The feelings of not being significant or confident were embedded deep within
me. Feeling this way, I could never envision what my true potential was. I remember
feeling trapped within myself, never really knowing how I belonged or what my purpose
was. I was lost for many years going through the motions, never knowing the true
feeling of joy.
Once I was able to let go of my limiting beliefs, I was able to let in the people and
opportunities that benefited me. As I gained confidence, I began to follow my gut and
pursue the things I am passionate about and finally knowing the feeling of joy. I have
much more clarity and determination about who I am, what I want to do and who I am
meant to serve.

Breaking Free

Not encouraged “to be all you can be, speak up or stand out.”
Kept me small.
I let go of my limiting beliefs and allowed in the people
and opportunities that benefited me.
I’m no longer lost and invisible.
I have much more clarity about who I am, and who I am meant to serve.

Breaking Free
Releasing limiting beliefs.
No Longer invisible.