BUSINESS COMMUNICATION BUSINESS MESSAGE HOMEWORK

COMMUNICATION CHANNELS: Suggest the best communication channels for the following messages.
1. You need to know whether Elizabeth in Reprographics can produce a special brochure for your
department within two days.
2. A prospective client in Italy wants price quotes for a number of your products—pronto!
3. As a manager, you must inform an employee that continued tardiness is jeopardizing her job.
4. Members of your task force must meet to discuss ways to improve communication among 5,000
employees at 32 branches of your large company.
5. As department manager, you need to inform staff members of a safety training session scheduled for
the following month.
ELIMINIATING “YOU” VIEW: Revise the following sentences to emphasize the perspective of the audience and
the “you” view.
1. Our safety policy forbids us from renting power equipment to anyone who cannot demonstrate
proficiency in its use.
2. To prevent us from possibly losing large sums of money in stolen identity schemes, our bank now
requires verification of any large check presented for immediate payment.
3. So that we may bring our customer records up-to-date and eliminate the expense of duplicate
mailings, we are asking you to complete and return the enclose card.
4. We find it necessary to request all employees to complete the enclosed questionnaire so that we may
develop a master schedule for summer vacations.
CONVERSATIONAL TONE: Revise the following sentences to make the tone conversational yet professional.
1. As per your request, the undersigned is happy to inform you that we are sending you forthwith the
brochures you requested.
2. Pursuant to your letter of the 12th, please be advised that your shipment was sent June 9.
3. Hey, Sam! Look, I need you to pound on Lisa so we can drop this budget thingy in her lap.
4. He didn’t have the guts to badmouth her 2 her face.
5. The undersigned respectfully reminds affected individuals that employees desirous of changing their
health plans must do so before December 30.
CREATING POSITIVITY: Revise the following statements to make them more positive.
1. It is impossible for the contractor to complete the footings until the soil is no longer soggy.
2. Plans for the new health center cannot move forward without full community support.
3. If you do not fill in all the blanks in the application form, we cannot issue a password.
4. You won’t be disappointed with your new smart phone.
5. In the complaint that you sent in your July 2 letter, you claim that our representative was hostile and
refused to help you.
INCLUDING EMPATHY: Determine which sentence is more emphatic:
1. They offer a lot of products. CyberGuys offers computer, travel and office accessories.
2. Increased advertising would improve sales. Adding $50,000 in advertising would double our sales.
3. We must consider several factors. We must consider cost, staff, and safety.
 4. Product loyalty is the primary motivation for advertising. The primary motivation for advertising is
loyalty to the product, although other purposes are also served.
5. An executive training seminar that starts June 1 will include four candidates. Four candidates will be
able to participate in an executive training seminar that we feel will provide a valuable learning
experience.
ACTIVE VOICE: Revise the following sentences so that verbs are in the active voice. Put the emphasis on the
doer of the action.
1. A company credit card was used by the manager to purchase office supplies.
2. To protect students, laws were passed in many states that prohibited the use of social security
numbers as identification.
3. Checks are processed more quickly by Banks because of new regulations.
4. Millions of packages are scanned by FedEx every night as packages stream through the Memphis hub.
PASSIVE VOICE: Revise the following sentences so that they are in the passive voice.
1. Accounting seems to have made a serious error in this report.
2. We cannot ship your order for smart surge protectors until May 5.
3. The government first issued a warning regarding the use of this pesticide more than 125 months ago.
4. Your insurance policy does not automatically cover damage to rental cars.
DANGLING MODIFIERS: Rewrite, correcting the dangling modifier.
1. To win the lottery, a ticket must be purchased.
2. Angered by slow computer service, complaints were called in by hundreds of unhappy users.
3. When collecting information for new equipment, the Web proved to be my best resource.
INCORRECT PHRASES: Revise the following sentences to eliminate flabby phrases, wordy
prepositional phrases, outdated expressions, and long lead –ins.
1. This memo is to notify staff members that meetings held on a weekly basis are the manager’s
preference.
2. We cannot send an apology at this point in time in spite of the fact that we were in all
probability wrong.
3. Pursuant to your request, you will find attached hereto your January invoice.
WORDINESS: Revise these sentences, centering the action in the verbs and eliminating wordiness.
1. The homeowner came to the realization that her asking price was too high.
2. Customers show a preference for rich colors.
3. Employees conducted an investigation into efforts at staff reduction.
INCORRECT PHRASES: Revise the following sentences to eliminate redundancies, jargon, slang,
clichés, and any other wordiness.
1. First and foremost, we plan to emphasize an instructional training program.
2. There was a consensus of opinion among managers that they had to collect together as much
data as possible to pump up profits or face the fact that their bonuses would go down the
tubes.
3. If at all possible, Ryan did not intend to repeat again his lengthy presentation that really
bombed and lasted until 5 p.m. in the afternoon.