Easy A

Olive: Evan, if you’re watching this—shame on you. I hope

you never treat another girl the ay you treated me or you will die alone,

wishing it was because you’re fat. And since we’re playing the shame

game… While I appreciate the sentiment, Lewis, a pretend hand job

should have warranted a little more than a hundred dollars worth of

AMC Movie Passes. They had an expiration date AND were only able to

be used for movies that had been running for two weeks. But even that’s

better than Tyler Jennings, who gave me a ten percent off coupon to

Bath and Body Works. Seriously. A fucking coupon. Is that how good my

imaginary blow job was to you? Huh? Is chivalry dead? I want John

Cusack holding a boom box outside my window. I want to ride off on a

lawnmower with Patrick Dempsey. Although, I’m ashamed to admit I’d

prefer him to look like he looks now. What woman wouldn’t? But, no. I

get to save two fifty on a bottle of Juniper Breeze Hand Lotion. Maybe

chivalry isn’t dead, but it’s in a coma and the prognosis isn’t good.