FAITH: Okay…okay.  (At a loss, starts to tear up.

 Directs the
following to God.)  I just don’t understand.  Jesus, tell me, is this
normal?  Is this healthy?  Because they, they…love their lives.  They
are smiling, laughing, happy people.  Those faces, those photos are on
the cover of my Teenage Spiritual Guide from youth group.  Those
faces…not this face.  Look at this face.  Why isn’t it on your book?
(Beat.)  I’m sorry but this feeling of being saved…this knowing that at
least I will be saved…it’s making me sick.  If this is what You went
through, I understand, suffering.  But why torture me?  Because they
tortured You?  Then take me now.  Take me right now.  It seems death
on a cross, a few hours of suffocation, is nothing next to four years of
looks, and smirks and “fuck-off’s.”  I don’t know, Lord.  You tell me.
Maybe that’s why Your teenage years are such a mystery.  You didn’t
want anyone to know.  (Beat.)  Will You respond?  I already know the
answer to that, but I wonder…will I ever see Your face?  What will it
feel like looking in Your eyes…or any man’s eyes?  The reassurance of
“It’s all right” from a voice you can actually hear.  Nothing imagined or
blindly trusted.  His kiss…what would he taste like…?