Introduction :

In this paper I will explain my experience as An English learner with an ethnographic

perspective. Auto ethnography is the merger of autobiography and ethnography. This kind of

writing or research analyzes personal experience to understand the cultural experience.

In a world where over a billion people use English as a way of communication or a medium to

reach global knowledge, the importance of English cannot be denied at all. Language and

development constitutes an important area in language studies and education (Coleman, 2010;

Erling, 2014; Erling & Seargeant, 2013). Although no specific language is implied in the term

“language and development”, English has become one of the languages that come to mind. The

instrumental value of English, particularly in relation to education and employment, motivated

segments of the colonized communities in Asia and Africa to engage with English during British

colonial rule. But the emergence of language and development as a field can be located in the

post-World War II period when the development and modernization of decolonized nations in

Asia and Africa led to addressing their “language problems” and selecting non-local languages

of wider communications (often English) as official languages (Kaplan & Baldauf, 1997).

The role of English in the life of individuals and communities within and across national borders

has reached its climax in the contemporary globalized world where the language has emerged as

a global lingua franca and a driving force for globalization. As a preeminent language of science,

technology, knowledge and economy in late capitalism, English is taught and learnt in almost all

education systems in the world. The current estimate of over one billion people learning and

using English. points to the material significance of the language and the extent of individual and

social desire for English across the world.

While the demand for English intensifies globally largely due to its material potential,

establishing the cause-and-effect relationship between English and material outcomes based on

empirical evidence has presented a challenge for the field. This is despite the growing body of

work on language and development. Much of the current body of work has explored the

relationship of English proficiency with employability, wage differences and other labor market

outcomes. But, this kind of research is fraught with conceptual and methodological issues like

the definition of development, and the measurement of English proficiency. Furthermore,

development— or even a specific outcome such as employability— is the result of a wide range

of factors. No matter how inclusive statistical models are, we may not be fully confident about

measuring the true effects of English proficiency—a single albeit crucial variable— on the

outcomes. Therefore, the current state of knowledge in this area, based on the limited available

evidence, can be summed up as complex and inconclusive at best.

There has been qualitative research that has explored relationships between English proficiency

and various outcomes such as participation in the labor market (Barsoum, 2014; Erling, Hamid &

Seargeant, 2013); social and economic wellbeing(e.g., Chowdhury, 2013); English and

empowerment (Ahsan et al, 2009; Sandhu, 2010); and integration into migrant societies(Colic-

Peisker, 2009).Rather than a fragmented view, this research complements econometric studies by

presenting a holistic view of the complex relationships between English and economic outcomes.

One major criticism of this research is its reliance of perception data, which may not contribute

to understanding the causality in the absence of empirical basis. Nevertheless, understanding

material outcomes of English based on perceptions is important because the desire for English

and its teaching and learning, whether at the individual or societal level, is motivated by the

perceived rather than the proven benefits (Hamid, 2015).Increasingly, the globalized world is
becoming complex and competitive and is being dominated by uncertainty. English, among a

few other things including technology, is taken by individuals and communities as a means to

navigate this global uncertainty and to drive away the fear of being missed out from the global

competition for opportunities.

Autoethnography is a useful qualitative research method used to analyses people's lives, a tool

that Ellis and Bochner (2000) define as "...an autobiographical genre of writing that displays

multiple layers of consciousness, connecting the personal to the cultural" (p. 739). There are

different uses of the term and it varies according to the relations between the researcher's

personal experience and the phenomenon under investigation (Foster et al., 2006).

Autoethnography can range from research about personal experiences of a research process to

parallel exploration of the researcher's and the participants' experiences and about the experience

of the researcher while conducting a specific piece of research (Ellis and Bochner, 2000, Maso,

2001). Frequently, autobiographers expound on "revelations"— recollected minutes saw to have

altogether affected the direction of an individual's life (BOCHNER and ELLIS, 1992; COUSER,

1997; DENZIN, 1989), times of existential emergencies that constrained an individual to take

care of and break down lived understanding (ZANER, 2004), and occasions after which life

doesn't appear to be an incredible same. While revelations are self-asserted marvels in which one

individual may consider an encounter transformative while another may not, these revelations

uncover ways an individual could arrange "exceptional circumstances" and "impacts that wait—

memories, recollections, pictures, emotions—long after a pivotal episode is as far as anyone

knows completed" (BOCHNER, 1984, p.595). [6]

Continuing in this qualitative research strategy, in this paper I seek to generate insights into the

relationship between English and aspects of development by drawing on my own life and lived

experience. The auto-ethnographic method helps me to explore my experience of moving

forward in life. This retrospective self-observation and analysis facilitates an understanding of

the role of English in different events of my life at different stages and the complex relationship

between English and developmental outcomes at an individual level from my own perspective.

In short, I will discuss about how the English language has helped me grow as a person

throughout my life till this point.

What is Auto-ethnography?

Before proceeding with the paper, we need to know what the term auto-ethnography means.

Auto-ethnography, which constitutes the interface of autobiography and ethnography, is an

approach to research that utilises the researcher’s own life and experience, either exclusively or

in combination with other data sources, to understand the relationship between self, other and

culture(Anderson, 2006; Chang, 2009; Ellis, Adams & Bochner, 2011).In auto-ethnography,

while there is often an emphasis on the aesthetic, emotional and therapeutic aspects of self-

representation, giving rise to what is called “evocative auto-ethnography”, there is also a trend

towards “analytical auto-ethnography” which emphasizes observation, reflexivity and analysis in

reconstructing the personal and experiential material as credible evidence for understanding the

culture or phenomenon in question (Anderson, 2006).

Auto-Ethnography & Language and Individual Mobility

In auto-ethnography, the subjective world of the researcher is drawn upon to understand a

particular culture, discipline or phenomenon (Sparks, 2009). For instance, Canagarajah (2012)

and Fung (2014) have used auto-ethnography to document the journey of professionalization and

transnational identity respectively. Along the same lines, this method could be utilized for an

understanding of the role of English at different stages of my life. Only “selected lived

experiences” (Fung, 2014, p. 3) would be presented in this paper, which might be considered as

“epiphanies” or “remembered moments perceived to have significantly impacted the trajectory of

a person’s life” (Ellis, Adams & Bochner, 2011, p. 2).

Turning an auto-ethnographic eye to English and lived experiences

Although I was born in the northernmost district of our country, I did not grow up in there.

Rather, I spent most of my school life travelling across different parts of Bangladesh due to my

father’s profession. My father transferred to Dhaka city in 2006, and I have been living in Dhaka

since then.

My father was an avid book reader in his early life. Nowadays, he could not get much time for

reading-though we go to the Ekushe book fair every year since we settled in Dhaka. My love of

book probably was a hereditary thing, though the fact that I am an introvert also helped. After I

was old enough to read a book by myself, I started reading voraciously. My father also

encouraged me to read. As I grew older, our bookshelf started losing space.

But this paper is not about my fascination with reading, it is about my relationship with English.

I got introduced to English books via The Radiant Way books. I don’t remember much about the

content, but I enjoyed reading those.

Figure: Cover of The Radiant Way book

These books laid the foundation of my connection with English. With time, I started reading the

English textbooks by myself. After getting new books in January every year during my school

years, the first thing I did was to read the Bangla first paper and English first paper books from

start to finish. Doing so helped me with the lessons later. I learnt many things from the English

for Today books: for example- I had this lesson where two people were talking about furniture

made from water hyacinth, which I thought was really cool (I still do).

As I have said earlier, my father encouraged me to read books and he wanted me to develop my

English efficiency. For that reason, I got a private tutor solely for the subject English (when I

was in class eight). I had private tutor before, but not for any particular subject (the previous

tutors usually helped me with all of my courses). From then, I got the idea that English might be

important (English IS important as a global language, but we cannot view it as something

superior to our own language; all languages should be equally important). English first paper

classes were easy for me, but the trouble was with English second paper classes- because I had

trouble memorizing all the grammatical rules and stuff (same could be said about the Bangla

second paper classes). I might know the correct answer, but I could not point out the grammatical

rule associated with it. And the teachers I had mostly emphasized on memorizing the rules- so

those courses were boring for me. Yet somehow, I did moderately well on those courses most of

the time- writing answers of comprehensive questions were easy for me-if I had a good grasp of

the gist of the content, then I could write about it.

Another thing that helped me form a bond with English was my obsession with cartoons. When I

was in class 2/3, I would return from school around 1 or 2 PM and sit in front of TV after having

lunch; I would watch cartoon till the Maghreb azan at one sitting. Ekushe TV was created when I

was in class 3 or 4; they showed various cartoon shows in the afternoon- I enjoyed watching

those. And who could forget about the cartoon shows that most of the 90’s kids used to watch on

BTV: Captain Planet, Godzilla, Jumanji, and Ghost busters-to name a few. Though I could not

understand what they were saying most of the time, I enjoyed watching those shows. Captain

planet inspired me a lot, I became aware of the men-made environmental problems, and my love

for nature grew at an early age- although some nature documentaries that I watched also helped

with this.

When I was a teenager, I got introduced to the computer; my father encouraged me to learn basic

computer skills, so my interaction with the English language grew. At this stage I also started

actively watching English movies on TV, and that was when my proficiency in English really

started developing, although I could not understand most of what was being said at first, my

listening skill improved over time-BBC radio also helped me with this. When I was in high

school, I started reading books written in English. I started with the easy ones-often reading the

abridged classics for children published by the Penguin books. Reading those books opened a

whole new world for me. I learned so many things; gained knowledge about so many different

cultures- it really helped me to open my mind to various issues people face in their lives.

My college life started back in 2008. I got some amazing friends and teachers in college. I still

have contact with some of the friends that I got in college. I met some likeminded people with

whom I would exchange books for reading purposes-including books written in English. College

is where I started reading more advanced books. Although I had trouble with many courses in
college, English wasn’t one of those. Even after having problem with grammar, I somehow

managed to do moderately good on English exams. But at this stage, I started thinking that I am

better at English than everyone else in English (I blame the narcissist living within my

subconscious mind for that) in Bangladesh. But as I started making mistakes, my eyes opened-

and I stopped myself from feeding the narcissist within myself-for a time being. In this way, I

can say that English somehow made me humble, although the narcissist sometimes drops by to

say hi.

I wanted myself to be a student of the English department in University of Dhaka after HSC

exam, but I wasn’t willing to work hard to achieve that. Truth be told, I wasn’t willing to work

hard at all- for that reason I had to satisfy myself with Eden College on my first time in the field

of admission test mayhem; I am not saying that Eden is bad-but I was slightly disappointed with

myself. So I tried a bit harder for my second time and somehow succeeded in calling myself a

public university student.

When I was in Eden, I joined the ‘natural speaking course’ at S@ifur’s [clichéd-I know, the

institute has become a laughing stock for their weird advertisement (I am not sure if there are

other reasons for that)]. This course was the first help I got to decrease my fear of public

speaking; before that-I could not talk in front of people at all- I would visibly shake and stutter.

The classes had a section where we had to stand in front of the class and talk about the given

topics. For the first few times I did that, my legs would occasionally shake, my heart would beat

wildly and I would stutter; but slowly that came down to a manageable point. I won’t say that I

no longer have that fear; I still dread having to talk in front of a crowd- but if I HAVE to do it,

and then I can more or less manage it. That might not seem much, but for an introvert with social

anxiety-that means a lot.

It was at this time that I got regular access to the world of internet, and English became the

language I used the most while on the internet. Before that I did not have a clear perspective of

the world, but from there I learned about many things that I didn’t know before that. I also

started having clear understanding of many things that were unknown to me or I had a narrow

view of. Although, I cannot say that my views changed the moment I got full access to the

internet-it took time, almost four or five years. I stopped believing in many things, and learned

that the world is not always “sugar and spice, everything nice”- that it really is survival of the

fittest. I realised how cruel some people really can be- that the real monsters live within us.

University life was ok; my time at the dorm was one of the best times of my life. I learned so

many things, learned to share stuff, learned to let go of things, I also realised that not everyone

would have the same type of view on different things as you do- and that’s ok (as long as those

do not harm others). At first, I was sceptical about many topics that are considered taboo in

South Asia. But eventually I realised that I need to be more open minded. Apps and websites

such as Pinterest, Tumblr, Reddit helped me with that; I met people from all over the world-

English being our medium of communication. I learned to accept the fact that being different is

ok- and putting my mental happiness above everything else is not selfish (as long as it isn’t

achieved by hurting others or the environment).

I have many plans after graduating. But I don’t know if I could be able to execute those or not, as

me being me. I want to do so many things-mainly for the environment; I have so many plans- I

just don’t know how I would even start to set the plans in motion. I want to reach out to people

all over the world-to make people truly understand the issues surrounding them, I just don’t

know how to do that- and it’s SO frustrating and depressing. Just writing about issues isn’t

enough to motivate people to take action. I feel like if everyone on earth viewed the world as I do
and work together to correct their mistakes, then this planet would be a so much better place (as

narcissist as it sounds-it’s true).

Discussion

In the description above, I have tried to point out the connections between English and the key

events of my life. However, based on my lived experiences as outlined above, several points can

be made. While the role of English can be seen more clearly in some events of my life, this role

was less obvious or perhaps only distantly related, to other situations. However, what is to be

noted is the situated and context-specific nature of the relationship between English and

developmental outcomes. English interacts with other factors and the nature of this interaction

and the importance of English in relation to other factors may vary across individuals and

contexts.

A more critical point to note is that it is not necessarily English proficiency in an abstract or

empirically verified sense that is linked to outcomes; rather, it is the social perception of one’s

ability to use English or one’s connection with an English-related institution that may play a role

in achieving material outcomes.

In the context of Bangladesh, the role of English in employment significantly varies between the

public and the private sectors. Given the dominance of neoliberal principles, English has

received more emphasis in the latter than in the former (Hamid & Baldauf, 2014). Although the

nature of the employment, the level of expertise and specialisation and the recruitment process

(regardless of the sector) ascertain the weight of English proficiency in the selection criteria. For

instance, entry level graduate positions in the public and private sectors (e.g., banks) may include

English as one of the selection criteria.

However, the measure of English proficiency that is used in the competitive recruitment

examination may only be distantly related to English proficiency in the sense the term is

commonly understood. The kind of English included in the recruitment process does not aim to

select the best candidate based on English proficiency; this mainly serves as a mechanism for

excluding people in a situation where thousands of job-seekers may compete with one another

for a limited number of positions.

This use of English as a screening measure may not be problematic because the requirement of

English for many jobs is a matter of perception, rather than the outcome of job analysis (Erling,

Hamid & Seargeant, 2013).Based on my experience and understanding, English indeed had a

critical role in my individual mobility and socioeconomic development. Nevertheless, there may

be questions about the extent to which this English-mediated development model can contribute

to community and social development in Bangladesh.

About the Reference Paper

Before I started this paper, I read a piece written by M. Obaidul Hamid- who is currently

working in The University of Queensland, Australia. In the paper, he wrote about his relation

with English, and how it helped him on different points of his life. While reading the paper, it

seemed to me that he viewed the English language as some sort of superior language- which

should not be the case. He only talked about how English made it easy for him to be successful,

but he did not talk about how English helped him grow as a person. It seemed to me that instead

of seeing English as his way of connecting with more people- he looked at the language as if it

was something to be worshipped.

His paper is somehow depressing for me. Needless to say that I cannot compare my ethnographic

exploration with the one I was given as reference. Though his life story is a lot similar to my

father’s life story- they both came from a less developed part of our country, they both struggled

in their university life, and they are both successful. I want to make my father proud, but I don’t

know if I can do that or not; no matter how much I daydream about my “successful” future, I

know that the chances of me being successful in life is very low.

Conclusion

From a critical angle, English can be seen to have paradoxical relationship with development.

Development is needed particularly in rural and remote communities in Bangladesh and other

developing societies. English may play a role in the development of these communities by

contributing to human capital development as targeted by recent English language policies in

Bangladesh (Hamid, 2010b). However, it is to be noted that learning English in such locations

may actually force people to leave their communities and migrate to cities and foreign countries

in search of employment. So, English-mediated mobility can also be called displacement from

one’s own community. While the community may receive remittance from these dislocated

people, there may be little scope for its social transformation in the absence of educated and

entrepreneurial individuals being relocated to other places for employment. The dependence of

the community on the mercy of remittance-senders from faraway places may not accelerate the

process of change and development in these communities.