Dear Green,

Two months, one week, four days, five hours, and fifty-five minutes. It’ll probably be closer to
two months, one week, six days and some hours and minutes before I’ve finished writing this,
because it’s just so impossible to know what to say to you. I know it’s been a while since we last
talked, especially about anything important. We talk all the time about silly things, like planes
and buses and music, but it’s all just one big distraction. I know, you probably think it was my
fault. And maybe it was. I still don’t really know what happened. I’ll probably even regret writing
you this letter once it’s in the mail, but I’m not even going to think about it now, because I’ve
heard how you feel, and I think it’s time to say how I feel too. It’s hard to describe how those last
two weeks felt for me. I tried to explain, and I know you didn’t fully understand, but the best word
for it is numb. As I said, I just didn’t feel. I don’t know how, why or anything else about it, and I
know that’s not a good explanation, but I just hope you understand some of what I felt. I think
you felt the same way on the day you ended it all. And I don’t think either of us feels that way
now, at least not all the time. I can only guess at your feelings, so I’ll just try and share mine,
even though that’s not something I’m always used to doing. I’ll be honest, when you asked if I
wanted to try again I almost said yes right there on the spot. But then, I remembered the last
part of you being mine. It just wasn’t right, it didn’t work. And yes, some of that was me, but I
just don’t know if we could really make it work again. I remember falling head-over-heels for
you, way back when. It feels like a lifetime ago now. That night in June, when I was stuck for an
hour and a half, deciding whether or not to tell you how I really felt. Even now, I’m glad I told you
the truth. I hope you are as well, no matter what you’ve felt since then. Sorry for taking so long
to say this, but basically, I miss you. I had a dream once that you drove through the night and
came to me early in the morning and asked if I wanted to try again, but just as I was about to
say yes I woke up. To be honest, though, there are times when if you’d asked me, I would’ve
said yes, no matter what. No matter how far away you are, how little we could talk, or how long
it would be until I could see you in person again. I’ve tried everything to get you out of my head,
I even tried moving on. But nothing works, you’re written in there with a permanent marker.
Sorry that my thoughts are so unclear here, I’m just trying to say something before I’m too afraid
to say anything at all. Think of this letter like that night in June. I’m just trying to say I love you
and I’m worried about the response. So, to finally answer your question after these weeks of
leaving you hanging with an “idk” as your only answer, yes, yes, yes, I want to try again. I don’t
want to deal with being alone anymore, no one to fully trust and understand me the way you did.
I don’t want to give up on the beauty that was the first month, even though it feels like a decade,
so full of memories. And most of all, I don’t want it to go wrong again. I know it’s a tall order, but
I just don’t know what I did before I met you, and it’s been so hard learning to live again without
you there. I know I wasn’t perfect, I didn’t pay enough attention, especially when things started
going wrong, but I want to try and fix that. I want you to be the number one, not some silly plane
or day hike. All I ask is that you do the same for me, I don’t want us to fade away again. Plus,
that shirt I bought for our date is still sitting at home, I need to use it someday. To be serious,
though, I’ve always felt a little lost in the world, I’ve never quite fit in, and I think you knew that
and felt at least some of that yourself in your life. We’re both odd ones out, which in some ways
makes us even better for each other. We each know how the other feels, I always felt you could
just read my mind sometimes, and I think you felt the same for me. So, to quote one of the best
song I showed you, “I wish you knew that I’ll never forget you as long as I live and I, wish you
were right here, right now, it’s all good, I wish you would.” Let’s make our real lives like how the
song ends, coming back to what we both wanted and needed. So, if your offer hasn’t expired
and you still want a yes, remember the last place we planned to meet before it all ended, and
show up this weekend. I’ll be waiting.

Gray