Fami

l
ytr
ee,
expl
aini
ngourki
nshi
pti
esbypul
l
ingourr
oot
s.

I
ntr
oduct
ion.

KAUMBAO’
GRADYKI
LAYI

’
’
Thechallengeofexplainingtoourspousesandchildrenonhow we
arer
elat
edtomostf amil
ymemberswithwhom weneithersharealast
nameorethni
cit
yhaspausedachal
l
engeformostpeopl
eforalongt
ime.

WhatIhav
edoneher
eisshar
ed myt
houghtand br
oughtup some
suggest
ionswhi
chmaynotnecessar
ybet
ruebutconst
it
utemyopi
nion.
Onasubj
ectIdonotcl
aim exper
ti
se.Idonotcl
aim monopol
yofwi
sdom
ont
hesubj
ectmat
ter
,ther
efor
eIst
andt
obecor
rect
edont
hev
iabi
l
ityof
myr
efl
ect
ionandsur
veyont
hemat
terathand.I
nthef
ew pr
oceedi
ng
pagesIat
temptt
osi
mpl
i
fyt
hepr
ocessofki
nshi
pexpl
anat
ions,
Ihav
eal
soout
li
nedt
hepossi
ble

r
elat
ionst
hatmakesupani
deal
fami
l
yinanAf
ri
cancont
ext
. ’
’

t
eacher
kil
ayi
30@gmai
l
.com
 DEDI
CATI
ON

‘
’
Tomyunbor
nchi
l
dren’
schi
l
dren’
s,l
ookbackt
omeasIl
ookt
oyou,wear
erel
atedbyour
i
magi
nat
ions.I
fwear
eabl
etot
ouch,
iti
sbecausewehav
eimagi
nedeachot
her
’sexi
stence,
our
dr
eamsr
unni
ngbackandf
ort
hal
ongacabl
efr
om aget
oage.

Wer
eachbackwar
dtoourpar
ent
sandf
orwar
dtoourchi
l
dren,andt
hrought
hei
rchi
l
drent
oa
f
utur
ewewi
l
lnev
ersee,
butaboutwhi
chweneedt
ocar
e’’

t
eacher
kil
ayi
30@gmai
l
.com
 Thef
ami
lyt
ree.

S ut
ton(

member
2013)def
i

s assumer
nesaf
ami

esponsi
l
yasagr

bil
i
tyf
oupofper

orcar
ingf
sonsdi

ort
he
rect
lyl
i
nkedbyki
nconnect
ions,
andi
nwhi
chadul
t

y
oungones.Ki
nshipti
esareconnect
ionsbet
ween
i
ndi
vi
dual
s,est
abl
i
shedei
thert
hroughmar
ri
ageort
hroughdescentt
hatconnectbl
oodrel
ati
ves.

Ani
dealconst
ructofaf
ami
l
yinanAf
ri
canmi
ndseti
squi
tedi
ver
sei
nthatt
heconnot
ati
onof
t
het
ermr
efer
stot
hesum t
otalofi
ndi
vi
dual
srel
atedbybl
oodormar
ri
age,
ther
efor
eaf
ami
l
yin
t
heAf
ri
cancont
extdoesnotonl
yincl
udepar
ent
sandt
hei
rof
fspr
ing.

Sowhent
wopeopl
emar
ryt
heybecomeKi
ntoOneanot
herandt
hemar
ri
agebondconnect
s
t
oget
her wi
derr
angeofki
nspeopl
e t
hati
sthepar
ent
s,br
other
s,si
ster
sandot
herbl
ood
r
elat
ivesoft
hepar
tnerbecomer
elat
ivest
hroughmar
ri
age.

Byt
hispr
inci
pleofr
elat
ionshi
psacqui
sit
ionpeopl
eofdi
ff
erentl
astnamesandet
hni
cit
ies
becomef
ami
l
y.Ther
eisani
ssueofdi
ff
erentl
astnamesandet
hni
cit
iest
hatneedst
obe
addr
essed att
hispoi
nt.Thedi
ff
erenceofl
astnamesar
isesasar
esul
tofmar
ri
ageas
i
l
lust
rat
edi
nthef
oll
owi
nganal
ogy
.

I
ftwosi
bli
ngsoft
hesamest
orkabr
otherandasi
sterbeart
hesamel
astname(
becauset
hey
hav
ethesamef
ather
),
thei
rchi
l
drenwi
l
lseem t
oident
if
ythemsel
vest
obel
essofaf
ami
l
y,
becauset
heChi
l
drenoft
hef
emal
eSi
bli
ngwi
l
lcar
ryt
hel
astnameofherspouseascust
om.

Al
aterf
orm ofdi
ver
sioncomesi
natani
nter
valofi
nter
mar
ri
ages,f
ori
nst
ancei
fthef
emal
e
si
bli
ngi
ntheabov
eanal
ogyi
smar
ri
edt
oamanofadi
ff
erentet
hni
cgr
oup,
thechi
l
drennotonl
y
adoptt
hei
rfat
her
slastnamebutal
sohi
set
hni
cit
y.Thi
sfor
m ofdi
ver
sioncausesawi
dergapi
n
ki
nti
est
hant
hef
ormer
.

t
eacher
kil
ayi
30@gmai
l
.com
H owev
er,
fami
l
iesar
ebui
l
dingbl
ocksofsoci
etysohassoci
etychangessodof
ami
l
yli
fest
yle,
mor
als,beli
efsandaccept
edbehavi
orpatt
erns,butwhent
hischangeisrapi
dandcont
inuous
t
heoldvaluesloset
hei
rgri
ponpeopl
ewithoutnewonesbecomingest
abli
shed.

Fort
hisr
easont
hispaperpr
esent
sabasi
sonwhi
chAf
ri
canf
ami
l
yval
uesar
ebased,
itwoul
dbe
hel
pfult
olookatt
het
wot
ypesoff
ami
l
yli
fest
ylesandhowt
heyr
elat
etoeachot
herbef
orewe
di
vei
ntot
hepr
otot
ypeoft
hei
dealAf
ri
canf
ami
l
y.Thei
dealAf
ri
canf
ami
l
yconsi
stsoft
wocat
egor
iest
hat
i
sthenucl
earandt
heext
endedf
ami
l
y.

Anucl
earf
ami
l
yref
erst
otwoadul
tsoft
heopposi
tesexl
i
vingt
oget
herasamar
ri
edcoupl
e
wi
tht
hei
rownoradopt
edchi
l
dren.I
tisbestunder
stoodasonei
nvol
vi
ngonl
yahet
erosexual
coupl
eandt
hei
rchi
l
dren.Anucl
earf
ami
l
yist
her
efor
ethesmal
l
estpar
toft
heki
nshi
pnet
wor
k.
Andi
texi
stnotasani
ndependentuni
onbutasapar
tofmanysuchf
ami
l
iest
ofor
mthesecond
cat
egor
ywhi
chi
stheext
endedf
ami
l
y.

When cl
oser
elat
ivesot
hert
hanmar
ri
edcoupl
eandt
hei
rchi
l
drenl
i
veei
theri
nthesamehouse
hol
dori
nacl
osecont
inuousr
elat
ionshi
pwi
thoneanot
her
,wespeakofanext
endedf
ami
l
y,t
his
mayi
ncl
udegr
andpar
ent
s,Si
bli
ngsandt
hei
rSpouses,aunt
s,uncl
es,nephewsandni
ecesand
cousi
ns.Bef
orewest
erni
nfl
uencet
hepr
edomi
nantf
orm ofaf
ami
l
yinAf
ri
cansoci
eti
eswasof
t
heext
endedt
ype.

Howev
ert
hespr
eadofwest
erncul
tur
ethr
ought
elev
isi
on,f
il
m andmor
erecent
lyt
hei
nter
net
hasbr
oughtupchangei
ntheper
cept
ionoft
hei
dealf
rameofaf
ami
l
y.Mi
grat
ionf
rom r
uralt
o
ur
banset
tl
ingorj
obseeki
nghasal
socont
ri
but
edt
otheweakeni
ngofki
nshi
psy
stems.

Thecombi
nat
ionoft
heabov
efact
orshasgener
atedamov
ementt
owar
dsbr
eaki
ngdown
ext
endedf
ami
l
ysy
stemsandki
nshi
pgr
oups,butdespi
tet
hem r
elat
ionsbet
weenki
npeopl
e
cont
inuet
obei
mpor
tantsour
cesofsoci
albonds.

A swest
erni
zat
ionspr
eadsacr
ossAf
ri
cat
henucl
earf
ami
l
yhasbecomet
hedomi
nantasi
t

al
l
owsf
ort
heki
ndofgeogr
aphi
cal
mobi
li
tyr
equi
redi
nthe
west
erni
zedsoci
ety
.Fami
l
iesar
ebecomi
ngmor
e
f
lui
danddiver
se.Thetiest
hatexist
edamongsibl
i
ngsandhowtheyper
ceiv
edtheirobl
igat
ions
t
owardseachotherandtopar
ents,gr
andpar
ent
sandot
herf
amil
ymember shasbeenloosened.

AsoneRomant i
cauthorput
sit‘’
afamil
yisl
i
kebr
anchesonat
ree,weal
lgr
ow i
ndi
ff
erent
di
rect
ions,
butourr
ootsr
emainasone’
’
.
4

t
eacher
kil
ayi
30@gmai
l
.com
Thet
reeanal
ogyr
emi
ndsmeofaconv
ersat
ionIwasengagedi
nwi
thaf
ri
endofmi
nea
uni
ver
sit
yst
udent
,thi
sfr
iendexpl
ainedt
omehowshockedhewast
hathewasgoi
ngt
odr
op
outofuni
ver
sit
yandl
osehi
sgov
ernmentschol
arshi
pbecausehecoul
dnotr
aiseapet
tysum of
k1500=$75,
forsemest
ercour
ser
egi
str
ati
on.Hehadt
ri
edt
oseekhel
pfr
om hi
ski
nsf
olkbutno
onemov
ed.Myf
ri
endhadt
akent
roubl
etomakeal
i
stofhi
ski
nsf
olkwhoi
nhi
sthought
s
woul
dn’
tbet
oochal
l
engedt
omakeaMi
nimalcont
ri
but
iont
owar
dshi
sregi
str
ati
onf
ee,butt
o
noav
aildi
dhi
sef
for
tsr
un.Topassmyadv
iceonmyf
ri
end’
spr
obl
em,igav
ehi
mtheanal
ogy
bel
ow.

‘
’
WeAf
ri
cansar
eli
ket
het
reest
hatgr
ow socl
oset
oeachot
her
,ourpar
entt
reesdon’
tdr
op
t
her
eseedsf
arf
rom wher
etheyst
and.Theydot
hisbecauset
heywantt
opr
ovi
deashadet
o
t
hegemi
nat
ingseedl
i
ngssot
hatt
hey
oungpl
ant
sdonotgetscor
chedbyt
hehar
shsun.Ther
e
i
sameani
ngandapur
poset
ohownat
urecommandst
heset
reest
obehav
eint
hist
eleol
ogi
cal
way
.

Buti
t’
snotal
way
sthatat
reecanst
andt
opr
ovi
deashadet
oit
sownseedl
i
ngsf
ort
hechar
coal
bur
nerpr
efer
sthebi
gol
dtr
ees.Whathappenst
henwhent
hisshadei
stakenaway
,woul
ditnot
bear
ight
fuldut
yoft
het
all
ert
reest
hatger
minat
edf
rom seedsofot
herl
ongcutt
reest
o
pr
ovi
deal
i
ttl
eshadet
otheseedl
i
ngs?

Towhi
chhesai
dyes,
soIt
oldhi
m‘t
’hewayoft
het
reesi
sexact
lyhowweoughtt
obe,
prov
idi
ng
eachot
hernotonl
ywi
thmat
eri
alsuppor
tbutwi
themot
ionalandsoci
alsuppor
t’
’.

Ther
ehasf
urt
herbeen adi
sti
nct
ion bet
ween ki
ns,cr
eat
ing whatsoci
ologi
stswoul
d cal
l
ef
fect
iveand non-
eff
ect
iveki
n.Ef
fect
iveki
nar
ethosewi
thwhom wehav
eact
ivesoci
al
r
elat
ionswi
th,non-
eff
ect
iveki
nsar
ethosewi
thwhom wedonothav
eregul
arcont
act
,butwho
f
orm par
toft
heext
endedf
ami
l
ygr
oup.Forexampl
ewemay
bei
ncont
actwi
thsi
ster
sand
br
other
sev
eryday
,butspeakt
ocer
tai
ncousi
nsoruncl
esandaunt
sonl
yatev
ent
susual
l
y
f
uner
als.Thedi
sti
nct
ionbet
weenef
fect
iveandnon-
eff
ect
iveki
nwor
kswi
thconv
ent
ionalf
ami
l
y
gr
oupsassumedt
oshar
ebi
ologi
calf
ormsofki
nshi
p,buti
tisl
essl
i
kel
ytocapt
uret
hedi
ver
sit
y
ofcont
empor
aryf
ami
l
ial
rel
ati
ons.

I
tisal
soi
ncommonf
orpeopl
etodescr
ibesomenon-
fami
lymember
sinki
nshi
pter
ms,f
or
exampl
e,cl
osef
ri
endsmay
beknownasuncl
eoraunt
.Ant
hropol
ogi
stsr
efert
osuchr
elat
ions
asf
ict
iveki
n.Unawar
enessofdi
ff
erentcat
egor
iesofki
nshi
pbl
urst
heboundar
ybet
weenf
ami
l
y

t
eacher
kil
ayi
30@gmai
l
.com
andnon-
fami
l
ymember
s.

Howev
ert
heAf
ri
canf
ami
l
iesofl
ongt
imeagomanagedt
oobser
veal
lki
nrel
ati
ons,l
ayi
ng
boundar
iesonf
ami
l
ymember
sandnon-
member
swi
thouthav
ingasmuchdi
ff
icul
tyaswear
e
f
acedwi
tht
oday
.Theydi
dthi
sbyhol
dingani
deol
ogywhi
chwhi
chy
ouwi
l
lunv
eil
int
hispaper
.

Tot
hisi
deol
ogyhav
egi
vent t
hename‘hegr
eatpar
enti
deol
ogy
’.TheAf
ri
cansf
ami
l
iesofear
ly
day
sdev
elopedani
deol
ogyt
hathel
pedt
hem hol
dlar
geki
nshi
psy
stems.Butasmoder
nizat
ion
spr
eadacr
osssoci
eti
esi
tsweptawayt
hiswi
sdom ofages.

TheAf
ri
cansofear
lyday
sdi
dnotbyanymeansunder
standt
hef
ami
l
yasi
nvol
vi
ngonl
y
het
erosexualcoupl
eandt
hei
rchi
l
dren.TheAf
ri
canpeopl
eoft
hist
imei
dent
if
iedt
hemsel
ves
wi
thapar
entoft
hei
rgr
eatgr
andpar
ent
s(usual
l
ythemal
epar
ent
).Thi
swayav
astnumberof
peopl
ecoul
dident
if
ythemsel
vesasf
ami
l
yandt
heycoul
dli
ter
all
yfeelt
heat
tachmentdespi
te
bear
ingdi
ff
erentl
astnamesandet
hni
cit
ies.Thi
sideol
ogyi
scont
rar
ytot
hemonot
het
ical
i
deol
ogyofi
dent
if
yingahet
erosexualcoupl
eandt
hei
rchi
l
drenast
heonl
yel
ementofaf
ami
l
y,
l
i
keear
li
eral
l
udedt
o,whati
svi
ewedt
odayasaf
ami
l
ywasj
ustasmal
lpar
tofwhatwasv
iewed
asaf
ami
l
yint
hoseear
lyday
s.

Conclusively,theideologyofanidealAfricanfamilyisnotsodifferentfrom theonefoundin
Jewishscr i
pture,inwhi
chjusti
cei sgi
vent
otheti
ghtr
elat
ionshi
psinJewishcommuni
ti
es.The
scri
pturespr ovide a f
ullaccounton how al
lJewsar e descendant
s ofa common gr
eat
grandparentAbr aham.Istr
onglyrecommendgoi
ngbacktothisviewist
heonlyr
emedytobri
ng
ourfami l
i
escl oser.

t
eacher
kil
ayi
30@gmai
l
.com
 Li
ter
atur
e.

Johnwsant
rock,
li
fespandev
elopment
.Tent
hedi
ti
on,
McGr
awhi
l
l.

Gi
ddensSut
ton,
soci
ology7t
hedi
ti
on,
pol
i
typubl
i
sher
s.

t
eacher
kil
ayi
30@gmai
l
.com