Name : Rahma Yulia Syahfitri
Nim : 8196112020
Class : LTBI-3B
Subject: Translation Studies
1. Translating Poem
Sungai Moskwa
Di hari Minggu
Valya tertawa
dan rambutnya yang pirang
terberai.
Di atas biduk yang kecil merah
kami tempuh air
melewatkan jam-jam yang kosong.
Berpuluh pohonan
tumbuh di dua tepi sungai
bagai jumlahnya dosa kami.
Semua daun
berubah warna.
Musim gugur sudah tiba.
Di atas air yang hijau
kami meluncur
diikuti bayang-bayang yang kabur.
Melewati lengkungan jembatan.
bagai melewati lengkungan kekosongan.
Musim gugur sudah tiba.
Valya tertawa
dadanya terguncang
di dalam sweaternya.
Musim gugur sudah tiba.
2. DISCUSSION
The Moskwa River
In the day of the week
Valya expressed her joy
And her golden-haired
was flowed
On the top of the little river craft which is red
we took the waters
it passed through the blank hours.
The dozens of trees
Which grown up on the two of the river
banks
Like the number of our sins
The whole of leaves
they change their colors.
Autumn was coming.
on the top of green water
we glided
along with the hazy shadows
Over the curve of bridge
like over the curve of the emptiness.
Autumn was coming.
Valya expressed her joy
The heart was beating
in the sweater.
Autumn was coming.
 Translating is the process of reproducing in the target language the closest
natural equivalent of the source language message, in terms of meaning and style
(Nida and Taber, 1982, p.12). Since in the process of translation there are two
languages involved, the translator needs to transfer equivalent meaning, message,
and style for each word, phrase, and sentence from the source language into the
target language.
In the other side, Newmark defined that translation as a craft in which the
translator tries to substitute a written message in the source language for another
written message in the target language (Newmark, 1988, p.7). In short, translation
is a craft consist of an attempt to replace a written message statement in one
language by the same message or statement in another language. Furthermore,
Newmark emphasizes that the translation process itself needs to be done without
adding and reducing the content or the message within the text.
Based on the definitions of translation above, it can be concluded that
translation is a process of transferring and creating an equivalent written message,
meaning, style, and content within the source language text into the target
language text in the most natural way in order to create an acceptable reading to
the reader.
Many English literary texts can be found nowadays, it perhaps many
people start to have more interests to read and enjoy literary texts like novels,
short stories, fictions, non-fictions, poems, prose and other literary works. Poetry
is an imaginative awareness of experience expressed through meaning, sound, and
rhythmic language choices so as to evoke an emotional response. Poetry is
defined as kind of a text that that its language uses is totally different from what
people use in a daily conversation. Moreover, poetry is also different from a novel
or drama. The differences lay on its meticulous composition and its restrictive
convention. Therefore, it creates a narration that the translator is not allowed to
create their own language freely by using random simple words, the translator
should be able to use the language that express something much more than the
word itself to create a meaningful poetry sense. The act of translating literary
works is very important; otherwise readers will find it difficult to understand the
content and meaning of these works. Translating the poem with literary translation
is important because it allows literature to be enjoyed by more people worldwide
that can open up a new world, other cultures, new perspectives, values, and ideas
for the readers.
According to Newmark, that translation does not merely mean changing
the source language into the target language, especially in literary works. These
rules and principles need to be considered carefully in order to make the readers
understand the appropriate meaning of literary translation by reading the
acceptable translation. However, the translation of poetry is still a matter of debate
in the field of translation because many theorists have different reasons for its
possibility and impossibility. Most of them agree that this is due to the possible
loss of aesthetic value. The aesthetic values emphasize the diction choice of
beautiful words, figurative language, metaphors, simile etc while the expressive
values more emphasize on the emotion, tone of the poetry itself.
 The Stages of Translation
Robert Bly is an American poet, author, activist and leader of the
mythopoetic men’s movement. According to him, there are eight stages of
translation poems according to Robert Bly, they are:
1. The first stage is the 'literal translation version, without worrying about
nuance or context. Sometimes a choice of grammar is already involved in
this process. For example, Bly notes that when Rainer Maria Rilke speaks
of the earth (die Erde) and a child together in the poem “Sonnets to
Orpheus”, the gender of the child in this poem is understood to be
feminine in order to agree with the gender of the earth in German.
2. The second stage is requires asking questions of the text, by finding and
understanding the problems presents in the context and the coherence of
the text in the poem. Examples such as the historical context of people and
socio-cultural objects referred to in poetry: For example, the events of
1966 and 1998, the names of Mayakovsky and Sa'adi, the purpose of
certain aspects of the pilgrimage to Mecca, the timing of the five Muslim
prayer hours, and so on.
In this stage, the grammatical problems must be resolved on the basis of
the text itself. In perfecting a rough draft of the Indonesian language,
 decisions have to be made about the form of the verb and the gender of the
pronoun, both of which must be indicated in English. The context
indicated the tense of the action in most poems.
3. The third stage is requires a return to the literal version of each poem and
its rewriting in accordance with the structure of grammatical English. For
example, in the poem of Cecep Syamsul Hari with titled: 'Pada waj'ah
daun-daun'/
Translation: The Face of the Leaves

The beginning: 'Pada wajah daun-daun senja yang lembab itu, kulihat/
engkausendirimenari/.

'On the face (surface) of the twilight leaves (daun-daun senja)

[NOUN PHRASE, NOUN+SECOND NOUN SERVING
AS ADJECTIVE]

which were damp (yang lembab)

[ATTRIBUTED ADJECTIVE QUALIFYING THE NOUN PHRASE]

I see (saw) you alone dancing'.

4. The fourth stage is requires an awareness of the energy of one's own

spoken language.
5. The fifth is the sound of the speaking voice naturally leads (fifth) to tone.
Here we try to be precise about what its mood is, distinguishing it from the
mood of nearby poems. We try to capture the poem's balance high and
low, dark and light, seriousness and light-heartedness'.
6. The sixth stage requires an attention to metre and rhythm. Free verse
translated into free verse perhaps offers more opportunities for effective
expression and fewer challenges to adequacy than traditional verse. It is
my contention that both Indonesian and contemporary English verse are
accentual, but this would need to be dealt with at length in another place.
7. The seventh stage involves checking the draft with a native speaker. I
seldom do this, partly out of arrogance, no doubt. The reading I have
 rewritten is mine, and the language is mine. Those unfamiliar with the
subtleties of English and the complexities of its literature often do not see
all that is happening in the translation.
8. The last is that of making the final draft. The form of the translation has
developed throughout the successive rewritings and is consolidated in the
final version.

 Translating poetry by W.S. Rendra entitled Sungai Moskwa

Sungai Moskwa The Moskwa River

Di hari Minggu In the day of the week

Valya tertawa Valya expressed her joy
dan rambutnya yang pirang And her golden-haired
terberai. was flowed

Di atas biduk yang kecil merah
kami tempuh air
melewatkan jam-jam yang kosong.
Berpuluh pohonan
tumbuh di dua tepi sungai
bagai jumlahnya dosa kami.
Semua daun
berubah warna.
Musim gugur sudah tiba.
Di atas air yang hijau
kami meluncur
diikuti bayang-bayang yang kabur.
Melewati lengkungan jembatan.
bagai melewati lengkungan
kekosongan.
On the top of the little river craft which
is red
We traveled around the river
it passed through the many hours.
The dozens of trees
Which grown up on the two of the river
banks
Like the number of our sins
The whole of leaves
they change their colors.
Autumn was coming.
on the top of green water
we glided
along with the hazy shades
Over the curve of bridge
 Musim gugur sudah tiba.
Valya tertawa
dadanya terguncang
di dalam sweaternya.
Musim gugur sudah tiba.
like over the curve of the emptiness.
Autumn was coming.
Valya expressed her joy
The heart was beating
in the sweater.
Autumn was coming.

 I use the Robert Bly theory to translate the poem The process of
translating the poem above are:
1. I look for the words in literal meaning to know the meaning of the
words first. For example:

Di hari Minggu / in the Sunday

Valya tertawa / Valya was laughed / Valya laughs
dan rambutnya yang pirang / and her blonde hair
terberai. / flows
2. I try to understand deeply about message of the poem and I get the
context of the poem The concept and belief of the poem is about
memorizing around the Moskaw River. For example:

Di atas biduk yang kecil merah / On the top of the little river craft which is red

kami tempuh air / We traveled around the river

melewatkan jam-jam yang kosong / it passed through many hours.

3. In this process I rewrite the literal translation of the poem to ensure

the meanings of the poem are not to lost. For example:

Di hari Minggu / in the Sunday

Valya tertawa / Valya was laughed / Valya laughs
dan rambutnya yang pirang / and her blonde hair
terberai. / flows
 4. In this process, I try to find the words or the phrases that have been
heard in natural conversation. For making the readers interest to
read the poem. For example:
Di hari Minggu / In the day of the week

Valya tertawa / Valya expressed her joy

dan rambutnya yang pirang / And her golden-haired

terberai / was flowed

5. The next is I make the tone of the poem to ensure that it carries
over from the original.
Berpuluh pohonan / The dozens of trees

tumbuh di dua tepi sungai / Which grown up on the two of the river banks

bagai jumlahnya dosa kami / Like the number of our sins

Semua daun / The whole of leaves

berubah warna / they change their colors

Musim gugur sudah tiba / Autumn was coming

6. I try to make the poem with the original sound with the consonant
sounds. For example:
Berpuluh pohonan / The dozens of trees

tumbuh di dua tepi sungai / Which grown up on the two of the river banks

bagai jumlahnya dosa kami / Like the number of our sins

Semua daun / The whole of leaves

berubah warna / they change their colors

 Musim gugur sudah tiba / Autumn was coming

7. I try to get the opinion with my friend about the words and
phrases that have choose to translate the poem.
8. I complete the translation with all of the advice given and
paying close attention to the original poem’s rhythm and
rhymes.

CONCLUSSION

The eight stage of translation by Robert Bly is a slim how-to manual for
amateur translators or those just beginning to dip their toes into poetry
translation.  He breaks down the process into eight stages, which he illustrates
using a René Maria Rilke poem, XXI.  He translates the poem in several drafts
from the German into American English.  The eight stages he talks about and
provides examples for through his drafts are:
1. Setting down the literal translation
2. Get a handle on the concepts and beliefs presented in the original poem;
abandon the poem if the translator does not feel a connection with them.
3. Rewrite the literal translation to ensure the meanings of the poem are not
lost.
4. Translate the latest draft into spoken English, using phrases that have been
heard in natural conversation.
5. Examine the translation in terms of tone to ensure that it carries over from
the original (whether happy, sad, etc.)
6. Listen to the original for sound and carry those same sounds over to the
translation, such as the use of open vowel sounds.
7. Speak with a native speaker to go over the translation to ensure meanings
and tone are maintained.
8. The final stage is completing the translation with all of the advice given
and paying close attention to the original poem’s rhythm and rhymes (which
are often less about end rhymes than internal rhymes).
 The thought process through which Bly guides the reader through
translation can be easily understood in the example given and the drafts presented,
but even for those with no interest in translating poems themselves, the book
includes some breathtaking translations done by Bly himself.  Although I am not
fluent in any language, other than English, reading translations is always a peek
inside another culture and world.  These translations are no different.  Bly has
taken great care with them, and it shows.  Read The Eight Stages of
Translation by Robert Bly not for the how-to, but for the poetry.