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Managing your emotions

Article · September 2017

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Udeme Udoh
University of Ibadan
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 Managing your emotions

Self leadership also involves the ability to manage personal emotions. This

is very paramount for any leader because among other things, it equips one to

withstand both the internal and external pressures of leadership. Most times,

leadership at any level can be very demanding. In fact, it suffices to say that the

demands of leadership have made it to be a difficult task in itself especially when

one sees it as a responsibility and not a position. Every responsible leader will

always face four major types of pressures – organizational pressures, family

pressures, societal pressure and personal pressures. The organizational pressures

are the pressures that comes from superiors, colleagues, and subordinates in the

organization a leader finds his/her self; family pressures refers to the demands of

the immediate family of the leader – demands from spouse and children; societal

pressures are those demands from people in the society and other groups or

bodies a leader is affiliated with; personal pressures are those that stem from the

leader’s own psychological, emotional, physical, and spiritual needs. Therefore,

in the midst of all these pressures, a leader can get frustrated if he/she is not

skilful in managing emotions. That is, if he/she is ineffective in self leadership.

For instance, issues of transfer of aggression among leaders in workplaces and

other social settings owes mostly to the inability to manage emotions.

Managing emotions is an art. It involves possessing a working

understanding of one’s emotions as well as devising techniques of relating with

such emotions. Emotions is used here in referring to all feelings; example,

happiness, sadness, anger, discouragement, excitement, affection, etc. Everybody

can have a working understanding of emotions but the techniques of relating

with these emotions differ from person to person. For instance, while some

people will dispel anger by smiling, others simply keep themselves some

distance away from the situation that led to the anger. Therefore, there is no hard

and fast rule when it comes to managing emotions. In other words, there is no

‘how to’ with respect to this subject. However, the general principle is, one must

first of all evaluate his/her self and understand his/her emotions and then work

out ways suitable for him/her to control such emotions. In subsequent

paragraphs, cases of how people were able to control their emotions as well as

those in which people were unable to control their emotions will be considered.

Mela was a young applicant who was fortunate to have a job interview

after about five years of searching and waiting for this dream job. On the

morning of the scheduled date, he got into his vehicle and drove off. On his way,

he ran into serious traffic congestion. This became a threat to his punctuality

with respect to the interview. Soon, Mela was beginning to get angry with

himself and then suddenly as the traffic moved a little distance, somebody hit his

car from the rear, came out and began accusing him for the incidence. Soon, a

scene was created as both had engaged in a heated quarrel. Finally, as other road

users interfered, the case was settled and the traffic was moving. So, Mela

continued on his journey but this time with a destabilized emotion. As one who

understood the nature of his anger, he had a way of chasing it away and that was
playing any of his favourite music. He did just that as he drove to the venue of

the interview and before he arrived, he again became that cheerful, and

courageous young man suitable for interview. Now, this was his style of

controlling emotions, it might not be suitable for another person even his wife.

Therefore, everyone has the responsibility of working out his/her own strategy.

In about 18th century BC, the world of then experienced a famine. As at

this time, Joseph the son of Jacob was the prime minister in Egypt and was in

charge of the storehouses where grains were stored. On one faithful day, some

men came from Canaan to buy food, and when Joseph saw them, they were his

brothers who sold him into Egypt. The narrative as contained in Genesis chapter

43 reveals that Joseph on sighting his brothers was overcome with emotion for

his brothers; in other words, his compassion grew warm for his brothers and he

was about to burst into tears but as one who had his ways of controlling

emotions, he hurriedly went into his private room where he broke down and

wept. After washing his face, he came back out, keeping himself under control.

From here, it can be decoded that one of the ways in which Joseph controlled his

emotions was creating some distance between him and any emotional situation.

This strategy worked for him but might not work for another leader. Therefore,

every one owes his/her self the task of thinking out his/her best technique(s).

Safin, who lost her parent in a ghastly motor accident, was so excited after

the last paper of her final examinations in the University. Her excitement made

her to join some friends in drinking to their success. Typically, she was not the
type that was used in taking much alcoholic drinks but on this day, she took

more than usual and at the end she was drunk. The following day when she woke

up in the early hours of the morning, she saw herself on bed with a guy she had

no close relationship with before. Three week later, Safin discovered she was

pregnant and the guy denied being responsible, so she had to bear the pains and

responsibility of pregnancy and single motherhood alone. Now, the question is,

if you were Safin, how could you have controlled your emotions in order not to

get into similar trouble? Well, whatever answer you may have, that should be

you own technique of controlling emotions like excitement.

In about 15th century BC, existed a very popular and powerful leader

called Moses. This was the man who led the people of Israel out of captivity in

Egypt. After he took the people of Israel out of Egypt, they encountered several

challenges in the wilderness which they were to pass through to the promise

land. One of these challenges was lack of water when they got to Kadesh. As

usual, the people murmured against Moses and he in turned called upon the Lord

their God for help. Now, according to Numbers chapter 20 verse 8, the Lord had

told Moses that the rock which was in their midst was going to bring forth water

and the part Moses was to play for this to happen was only but to speak to the

rock. However, due to the pressure from the people, Moses ran out of endurance

and patience, got upset, called the people rebels and instead of speak to the rock

as was instructed, in struck it with his rod not even once but twice. This inability

to control his emotions deprived him entrance into the promise land. So from
here it can be seen that Moses, though a great leader, lose out by losing his

temper – being ineffective in self leadership. But then, the question remains,

what technique can you as a person have in your disposal which you could

deploy in situations like this in order not to lose out.

Rewa plc had a lottery for her customers where one customer would win a

car in the final raffle draw. The lottery was such that prizes of winners were

delivered at their homes. So, the grand finale came and at the end, Rintu’s

number was announced as the winner. Rintu was a young entrepreneur who had

a small scale business. He had not even dreamt of owning a car in five years

from that time and behold there it came. Anyone can understand how excited he

would be. In about a week from that day, the car arrived! Before then, Rintu had

thought to himself: maybe this whole thing is a dream or these guys are just

trying to pull my legs. So, on seeing the vehicle, that realization catapulted his

excitement. Then, after the company officials had left, it was time for him to

make the whole town know that his life has change – he got into the vehicle and

speed off, got to a place where there was market and forgot he was supposed to

slow down. Unfortunately for him, in the process of trying to avoid hitting a

young boy who crossed the road carelessly, he ran into a stationary truck which

had just brought goods to the market. That was how his excitement cost him his

two legs. In order not to lose focus, remember, the question: if you were Rintu,

how could you have controlled your emotions in order not to get into similar

trouble.
 Finally on the case study is King David. Before the crown (as recorded in

the Bible book of 1 Samuel), he was a shepherd boy who kept the sheep of his

father. Then one day, his faith in the God of Israel made him to defeat a war lord

in battle. This victory won him a place in the palace of King Saul where he was

exposed to the jealousy of the King. This jealousy made him to run for his life.

Having made hiding in several places, he finally resorted to the Philistines which

were in enmity with Israel his nation. Achish, the king of Gath, inhabited David

in Ziklag. Then, there came a day when the Philistines embarked on a battle with

the Israelites and David with his men joined the Philistine to the battle but on the

way, the lords of the Philistines demanded of Achish that David should return

lest at the battle field he turned against them. David, on return to Ziklag with his

men discovered that another troop had invaded Ziklag, burned the place with

fire, and took captive their women and children. David’s men were so embittered

that they thought of stoning him to death and on the part of David great

discouragement and desperation had set in but as a wise man who had mastered

his emotions, he mustered courage by appealing to that consciousness of having

God by his side. Appeal to faith was David’s technique of curbing emotion like

distress. It worked for him, but might not work for you; therefore, it is incumbent

on you to determine your own strategy.

There exist several other instances to illustrate people’s ability when it

comes to managing emotions: cases of hypertensive patients giving up the ghost

because of emotional excitement during soccer; cases of undergraduate students

 slapping and injuring fellow students due to inability to control anger and having

to face rustication for that. However, want of time will not permit further

illustrations. Therefore, in a nutshell, effectiveness in managing emotions means

effectiveness in self leadership which translates to effectiveness in leading

people. Inability to manage emotions can be disastrous for both the leader and

the people being led and the society. There is not a conventional step-by-step

procedure in managing emotions but the general principle demands that one

possess a working knowledge of his/her emotions which may also include

understanding his/her temperament, and then devise a strategy comfortable for

him/her to be use in regulating or controlling his/her emotions. In one sentence,

emotional management demands that one be proactive and not reactive. This

means that you must ask yourself and find answers in advance to certain

questions like, how do I control anger when it comes? If I have undue feeling of

affection for the opposite sex, how do I control it? These questions might push

you into brainstorming or drive you into meeting a professional counsellor.

Whatever, you must have answers in stock which will form your strategy for

handling emotions. Remember, it is either you control your emotions or let it

control you into situations you would not like.

---Udeme Udoh 09/2017

udsimon1@gmail.com

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