There Is Hope

By Elsa Wybrow

It has been exactly 570 days since I almost decided to leave this world. I remember as if

it was almost yesterday.

I have suffered from depression for the past few years. These years have been dark and

dreadful parts of my life. It all started when I was a Freshman in middle school. I had many

friends at school come up to me and ask, “hey, are you doing okay?” or “hey Ellie! How are

you?”

I always replied,”I’m fine.” Many assumed I was fine, but in reality, I was suffering.

Everyday I would come home from school, go to my room, and just sit there in silence.

Most times, it brought me to tears. Other times, I just stared at a wall and contemplated living

anymore. I don’t matter to anyone. I am such a burden. Life would be better off without me.

Unfortunately, these thoughts and feelings of hopelessness and despair never went away.

I soon gave up on how I looked and acted. I wore a hoodie almost everyday so that I was

hiding myself, in a way. I stopped participating in class discussions. When my classes got to

choose where to sit, I chose to sit in the back, so that no one could see me. There were days when

I sat in the bathroom stall during lunch. I didn’t eat anything. Instead, I just sat on the toilet and

silently cried. I felt so numb and broken, yet I still managed to pull a smile on my face everyday,

so that no one would notice. I just bottled up my feelings, and eventually it got so bad that I

made a plan to end my life on March 6th, 2019. I continued going to school and hiding my

feelings from my friends and family, but I had continuous thoughts going through my head. It

will be over soon.

 Soon, the day came. My final day. I remember going to school, and as I walked into my

sculpture class, I saw my friends. They were talking about hanging out over the weekend.

“Hey, we should go to the ice rink on Saturday. Anyone in?” My friend, Lily, asked with

a little excitement in her voice.

“I’m in!” Valerie exclaimed.

“Me too!” Harry said with a grin.

“Ellie, will you be able to go? It’ll be so fun if you join!” Lily said while holding her

hands as if she was praying for me to go.

I already had “plans” a couple days before that would not allow me to be there, but I

didn’t want to tell them. So, I whipped something up, “I have plans with my family that day, so I

won’t be able to go. I’m sorry guys.”

“Aww, can’t you cancel plans this one time? You never hang with us anymore,” Harry

begged.

I was never a fan of conflict, so I said, “okay fine.”

“WOOHOO!!” They all shouted with happiness and excitement.

Unfortunately, they didn’t know that I wouldn’t be able to make it to their plans.

I continued the rest of my day planning and preparing. I debated on writing a final note to

my friends and family, but I decided not to because of my thoughts. No one would care to read

it, so why should I write one in the first place?

Soon the bell rang. I remember walking out the main doors. I looked behind me and saw

the school.
 “Goodbye,” I said with a faint whisper so that no one could hear. I continued walking to

my car. Once I opened the driver door and sat in the car, I felt a sense of relief. I didn’t have to

deal with going to school anymore. It will be over soon.

Soon, I got home from school. I noticed no one was home yet. My siblings were still at

school for another hour, and my parents were at work. My instant thought was: Great, I have the

house to myself, no one can stop me. I was at rock bottom, but I knew that maybe by doing this,

my problems would be solved. And so, I walked up to the medicine cabinet I had in the kitchen. I

reached in for some pain killers and poured an inappropriate amount of pills onto my left hand.

And right when I was about to pour the handful of pills into my mouth, I had a sudden thought.

What am I doing? This isn’t who I am. I stared at the pills that were in the palm of my

hand. At that moment, a sudden rush of memories and emotions rushed through my head. I had

memories of my childhood, and how loving and caring my family was to me. Memories of

playing freeze tag on the playground with my best friends: Harry, Lily, and Valerie. These

memories brought me to straight tears. I was sobbing and couldn’t stop. I need to tell someone. I

need to get better. I put the pills back into the bottle and left.

The next day, I told my parents what was going on in my life. They instantly figured out

ways that they could be there for me when I was having these dark episodes.

“We love you so much Ellie. If anything were to happen to you, I don’t know what we

would’ve done,” my mom said with my dad by my side.

That weekend, I went ice skating with my friends. They were happy to see me. They also

noticed that I was a lot happier than usual. I was happier.

A couple months later, my parents got me into therapy. I went for only a couple months,

and by the end of that last month, I saw huge improvement. It felt like a huge weight was lifted
off of me. I am happy, and will continue to love the life that I, Elizabeth Harrison, will live for

years and years to come!