MO2VATE

Resilience is Learn how one woman pushed herself from ICU to

biking, hiking and paddleboarding in 4 months!
learning...
...that you are the only
one that has the power
and the responsibility
to pick yourself up!
Find out why!

Vale
ntine
Cynthia Spec
ial
’s

Jones
Tells us how we can
‘Focus on Success’
by firstly developing
faith in ourselves! Could You
Make The Leap?
From corporate hierarchy to
performer, film director and
ISSUE 05 | multi published author...
FEBRUARY 2021

T H E W IN N I N G F OR MU LA 1
2
Contents. FROM THE
EDITOR.
BUSINESS Happy Valentine’s Day everyone! I hope you
can find some down time to celebrate and
4. Fall Down 7 Times, Get up 8
enjoy your loved ones!
6. ISO 9001 - What is it?
As always it’s full steam ahead at MO2VATE
8. Back on Track, but Which Track? HQ as we have back to back copies coming
out over the next few months! This month we
10. The Five Signs of Subconscious Sabotage
have some more fantastic topics and I’m glad
to say, some more men are participating too.
We are a magazine for everyone, so it would
be great to see the diversity increase.
12. Why Every Business
Should Set KPI’s
I want to take this opportunity to really
14. No income? No problem! encourage everyone to submit an article. You
can do this at any point and highlight which
edition you would like to be included in.
MO2VATE offers some fantastic ways to raise
18. Why Your Website Isn’t Enough your business and personal profile and you
really should take advantage of everything
HEALH that is on offer. What does that look like you
might say? Well let me highlight some great
20. Is Nurturing Others a Hobby?
opportunities below when your article is
21. How to Improve Your Sleep chosen for our magazine...
• Automatic entry into the MO2VATE Awards
22. A Mindful Kitchen 2021
• Opportunity to get on the front cover (first
INSPIRATION come first served)
FEATURED • Opportunity to get interviewed for our
24. Leave a Better Legacy YouTube channel (first come first served)
28. Our Happily Ever After • A Contributing Article Writer Badge to
26. How to Focus on Success show off on your social channels and
30. The Power of Choice
website
36. Focus Will Get You There • A beautifully designed article within the
magazine
34. Leap of Faith
38. Be Your Own Superhero • The opportunity to work with your fellow
‘authors’ in our social PODS
40. Empowering Our • An engaging FB group
Teenagers • A link to our Linkedin Page to highlight
your experience on your own profile
• Social Media promotion across our
SOCIAL channels
I can’t say further than this... if you’re not
42. February
doing this, you’re missing out in some great
Feelings
ways to build relationships, raise your profile
and work together
44. Smash YOUR with some fantastic
Glass Ceiling people from around
the globe!
46. Survivor to Expert
I look forward to
48. Can Poetry Reduce seeing your upcoming
Loneliness? submissions soon.

50. Clear Your Mind with

Mindfullness and Meditation 3
 James Hamer
realgoodlive.co.uk

Fall Down
7 times -
Get Up 8
Resilience and
redundancy in
a pandemic

M
an up. Put on a brave face. Just get on with
it. We’ve all heard these phrases, but 2020
has been a real schooling in the damage
they can do.

I’m no stranger to having to pick myself up and dust

“It’s not
myself off. In 2019 I severely damaged my knee
playing in goal for my local football team. But we
were three matches away from winning the triple, so
I played on, resulting in severe damage to my knee - about how
although we did win all three trophies!

This time it felt more personal. It wasn’t a sporting

good you
injury that knocked me off my feet. It was four months
of furlough followed by redundancy. And that took so
are at selling
yourself.
many things from me that are critical to my identity.

So, I did the only thing I thought was viable, I started

out on my own. I registered my new marketing It’s not even
company and set about winning work. Our first big
contract was for betting company PaddyPower. Not
bad for a start-up eh?
about the
But here’s the tough bit. It’s not about the hustle. It’s
brilliant
ideas.”
not about how good you are at selling yourself. It’s
not even about the brilliant ideas. Whether you win or
lose in this current economy is about how many times
you can go down, and then get back up again.

4
Four months on and I’ve learned:

• Asking for help isn’t weak, it’s actually the strongest thing you can do.

• There’s no shame in struggling with your mental health. We need to reject the idea that real men don’t
cry, or that it’s weak to show emotion.

• People want to help. Talk to as many of your trusted network as possible. Think of yourself as a farmer,
you’re sowing seeds and it might take some time before the harvest is ready.

• There are good days and bad days. It’s okay to have the odd day when you feel the only thing you can do
is spend the day on the sofa watching Netflix! But if that continues and it becomes the only thing you can
cope with doing, it’s time to ask for some proper help.

• Everyone has their own definition of success. It’s not about comparing yourself to others and deciding
who wins, it’s about choosing your own success factors and focusing on those.

For me, long-term success is being able to provide
for my mum who has spent all my life making
sacrifices to provide for me. I want her to never
have to worry about money, and I’ll do anything
to turn that into reality. In the short-term it’s about
paying the bills and building a team of trusted
associates to work with me.
I’ll look back on 2020 as a defining year. One that
taught me I had deeper reserves than I thought
possible, that showed me who is really in my
corner, and that opened up a million possibilities.
I just need to keep getting back up again while I
chase after them.

5
 ISO 9001
ISO 9001:2015 is the world’s most recognised
quality management standard and is used in over
one million organisations globally. Accreditation
shows adherence to a set of quality management
principles and is an opportunity for small
businesses to access wider networks to leverage and
boost business performance.
Designed and intended to apply to virtually any
manufacturing process or service, ISO 9001 can
help your organisation become more efficient
- What is It?
and perform better through improved customer
satisfaction, staff motivation and continual
improvement.
Many procurement processes, particularly local and
national government and international businesses
require the supplier to have achieved the standard.
For a smaller business, achieving certification
demonstrates their credibility and assures
purchasers that the company has a risk-based
approach to business processes.

The Key principles of ISO 9001

Customer focus

Successful businesses require good communication skills to meet their customer requirements. Small
businesses in particular, are constantly juggling ways to provide a service that exceeds customer satisfaction.
The culture of continuous improvement depends on good open communication so that clients can express
their requirements and have the confidence that their needs are being fulfilled.

Leadership

Leaders provide the direction and purpose of the company and should create an environment in which
people become fully engaged to fulfil the organisation’s objectives. Not just maintaining and improving
business financial goals, but also providing training and support to ensure that company objectives are being
met and that employees are competent to undertake tasks.

Employee Engagement

All employees should feel they have ownership and responsibility to solve problems and be empowered to
make improvements. People within the organisation are its driving force.

Processes

All processes need to be effectively managed. This can be done by identifying the processes and attaching
risks to each one. Businesses should also look at ways these risks can be mitigated, and the actions required
to do so.

6
Improvement

A company should always look at ways to become better. It should be a leadership aim and communicated
at all levels of the organisation. Education and training on methods of continual improvement should be
accessible to all staff.

Evidence-based decision-making

Decisions based on analysis of data and evaluation are more effective than subjective decisions. For example,
collecting data on customer satisfaction rates can provide valuable data on levels of satisfaction for products
and how products or services can be improved.

Relationship management

Companies need to actively understand the context in which they operate and develop effective
communication with interested parties such as suppliers, customers and the wider community.

Achieving ISO 9001 accreditation can be a lengthy
process and many smaller companies may struggle
to understand, or even find the time, to complete
the necessary paperwork to the required standard.
Asking for guidance through the process is
undoubtedly a safer option.
The benefits are clear though, cost saving by
streamlining business processes, reducing waste,
improving the quality of your management systems,
and increased customer satisfaction by consistently
meeting requirements.

Gurmit Kaur
gkaurconsultancy.com 7
 Back On Track,
BUT Which
Track?
2020 was an “interesting” year. None of us at the
beginning of the year expected that it would turn out
“this kinda strange”. The start of 2021 isn’t that different;
it’s certainly not yet going back to what we have thought
of as “normal”. Sometimes it feels like we are on the
wrong track. Sound familiar?
Everything is strange, weird, confusing, and totally off
the edge. Many of us are thinking, “wtf went wrong
here?” Do you know what I am talking about?
8
 Bernadette Bruckner
www.firstaidsoul.com
So, what’s next? New Year’s Eve felt so promising,
yet the world is still upside down! I see many
people with question marks above their head,
feeling entirely off track – emotionally, physically,
and mentally.
My question is, ”were we ever on track, or were
we living our lives based on what we learned from
home, school, university, and what others would
have us believe is ’THE life?’”
 But, if ”THE life” is SO promising, why do so many people have burn-outs, mental
challenges, and consider changing to non-career-paths, dropping completely out
of the “business world”?

Since the beginning of the Covid19 global pandemic, domestic violence, alcohol
abuse, and mental breakdowns have increased tremendously.

So, were we ever on “THE track” at all?

“How real is reality?” Paul Watzlawick, a famous Austrian scientist and

psychotherapist, once asked. Do we truly know what reality is without the input of
everything that we learned from our environment?

The Butterfly Effect

Have you seen the movie, ”The Butterfly Effect”?
Many of us are asking, “If I had made a different
decision, would “X” have happened?” The wave
effect, or butterfly effect, is a changing of awareness
of the time/space continuum, which impacts future
timelines and decisions. Can we truly see the past,
present, and future differently as we believe them to
be true? According to Einstein, time and space aren’t
linear, but relative.
Since I created my coaching/therapy style using the
timeline method with respect to the wave effect,
many times my clients and I have seen that neither
the past nor the future, and definitely not the
present, are carved in stone at all.
So, what if the NOW, if the past, and future are
realities not set in stone?
What if we have a tremendous number of
possibilities in front of us every moment, yet we
choose based on what we have learned from others
based on their learnings and beliefs, and they of
others based on their…. Do you get the point?

2020 was THE most disruptive year I have

experienced, and not a single significant change
was on my vision board or bucket list. BUT, one
thing I know for sure: even with everything that is
happening, I can still choose every moment, from
what aligns with my dreams, visions, and hopes. I
am working for my dreams to come true, feeling
connected globally more than I have before.
9
 The five signs of
subconscious
sabotage
You may have the desire and the knowledge, but do you
really believe you deserve what you want?

When you think about what you want, do you find yourself
coming up with reasons justifying why you can’t, or don’t
have it? If this resonates with you, you may be being
sabotaged by your subconscious programming.

As much as we may want more for ourselves, when our inner

saboteur takes over, we will find reasons why we cannot or
should not have it.

Silvia Oakes-Wilson
oakeswilsonhypnotherapy.com

1. “Who am I to think I can do better?”

These subconscious saboteurs can show up in many forms. One of them is our sense of
self-worth. If we doubt we are good enough, it can really hold us back. The thing is, your
beliefs form part of your template - something that determines what actions you will
take. Telling ourselves that we are not enough, can be very demotivating, limiting our
resolve to take action.

2. “It’s hard!”
Studies have shown that we adapt our preferences according to what we think is possible.
So, if we‘ve been hearing over and over again that something is hard or impossible to
achieve, it is very likely that we’ll accept it as such, and resist challenging the status quo.

10
 3. “I don’t have the energy to deal with it”
Our body and mind work as one and tiredness can often indicate that we have some
inner resistance going on. Consciously, we know what we want to achieve but for some
reason we are not going for it. We may feel like we lack umph as we are not focused on
achieving what we truly desire. But just imagine what your life would be like if you did
feel enthused, energised, and motivated towards your goals!?

4. “I’m not...”
When a child is born, it doesn’t think there’s anything lacking. It presents its needs
without thinking about its limitations, belief system, past experiences, or possible
shortages in the universe. A child asks and expects his needs to be met. Give yourself
permission to ask!

5. “It’s out of my league”

Very often we have an idea of what we should look like or be like to attract the things we
want. Whether the desires we have relate to our personal or professional life, we need to
be in alignment with what we want to achieve. Does the emptiness of your bank account
eat away at your confidence? Does it mean you cannot attract the partner you want, or
high paying clients?

With all these elements in

play, you may believe it’s
hard to break free. The
thing is, all these factors
actually facilitate the
perpetuation of the same
life scenarios and can feel
very convincing. However,
giving up, or not even giving
it a go, is not an option -
it will just confirm your
subconscious belief that it
was not going to work in the
first place!

The question is: how good

are you willing to let your
life become?
11
Why Every
Business Should
set KPIs
How’s your business doing?
Nicola Matthews
As a business owner, you’re probably used to hearing that question, often by someone www.nicolamatthews.co.uk
making polite conversation rather than out of genuine interest!
But do you really know how your business is doing?

Your financial accounts will give you a good indication, but they don’t give the whole
picture. You should monitor your business performance on an ongoing basis, and Key
Performance Indicators are an excellent way to do so. As well as a snapshot of where
you currently are, they can also help develop a road map for getting to where you want
to be.

Key Performance Indicators (KPIs)

KPIs are a set of measurables, which give a clear picture of how well a business
is achieving its objectives. As the business owner, you determine what you want
to measure, so it’s important that your own objectives are well established.
Measuring and recording information for the sake of it is of little benefit!

Deciding what to Measure.

Start with your objectives and establish what you need to do to achieve them.
Then decide what you need to measure to ensure you’re on track. It’s a good idea
to limit the number of KPIs to just a couple for each objective. Too many will be
overwhelming, and you’ll end up spending more time collecting and analysing
your data than acting upon it. Too many will also dilute your efforts – it’s far
better to focus on improving in a couple of areas instead of tackling everything at
once. KPIs can change and adapt as your business evolves.

12
What to do with your KPIs
You’ve decided what you want to achieve, how you’re going to achieve it,
and what you need to measure in order to get there. Now what?
What KPIs DON’T Do
Firstly, you need to make sure you have an easy to use format for displaying KPIs are a valuable business tool but
your KPIs. There are plenty of templates available online, so find one that they have limitations. They can only
works for you, or design your own. be used for quantitative data, which
doesn’t always give the full picture. KPIs
Secondly, try to automate as much of the data collection process as need to be viewed in the context of the
possible. If you’re relying on human input to gather the information you whole business. And don’t forget, the
need, and then to collate it into a meaningful format, not only will this be act of measuring in itself doesn’t help
time consuming, but you also run the risk of it being side-lined or only done in achieving your objectives, it can only
sporadically. help you identify the effectiveness of
the actions you take.
Thirdly, monitor your KPIs regularly. This might be weekly or monthly, but
it needs to be frequently enough to see if the actions you take are having
an effect. It’s also wise to regularly check that the KPIs you’re recording are
still valuable in achieving your current business goals.

13
 No Income?
No Problem!
W hat do you do when overnight your sole source of income disappears with no idea if
it will ever return?

That is the predicament I found myself in March 2020. My husband, an airline pilot,
was furloughed indefinitely and the aviation industry went in free fall with COVID-19.
Unfortunately, due to living in the Isle of Man, this meant that the furlough payment was
£200 per week for a family of five.

Unsurprisingly, my stress skyrocketed. Some days it felt like I was going under but with
three young kids in tow, this was not an option. Initially, I intuitively felt that the most
important thing to do was to look after myself so that I could get back to my problem-
solving mode! My primary focus was on eating, sleeping, exercising, and relaxing. Joe
Wicks got me out of bed each morning and the flood of happy hormones helped immensely.

Once in a place of stillness and calm, I set about making a plan as to how to best deal with
the situation. My immediate feeling was that it would take many months before we would
know if the salary would return.

14
 Thankfully, I had spent the last five years
studying with a wealth mentor and we had
several layers of protection in place to help
counter the lack of income. This was a huge
blessing and massive source of relief to know
that we had many months of cover for essential
expenses.

The silver lining of this situation was that

it highlighted a vulnerability not previously
observed, and I was determined to ensure we
would never again be dependent on one source
of income.

Amazon, property, and financial advice were

three areas which I chose to focus on. I set up
two property companies, with a specific cash
flow strategy, with friends with similar visions
and complementary skill sets. The first buy-to-
let property was purchased in December with a
further two completing in February.

Several obstacles presented such as not being

able to operate without being a qualified Estate
Agent in the Isle of Man. I completed this
qualification in two months despite the usual
timeframe being 18-24 months. I achieved
this despite my husband being back to work in
Belfast and home educating two of my children.

Revalidating my financial advisor qualification

was also key as I sought to both support those
struggling financially and give back via a
community effort. Amazon pursuits proved
testing but despite the many challenges, I
secured multiple brand management contracts
and a number of profitable product lines.

2020 was without a shadow of a doubt the most

challenging year I have experienced but I now
face 2021 as a multi business owner, single
parent indefinitely and home educator. I feel
that the blessings of 2020 far outweighed the
challenges I experienced.

Caitriona Ellis
premierpropertysolutions.co.im
15
16
 MEET OUR SPEAKERS

Jo Howarth
The Happiness Club

Jo Howarth runs a company called The Happiness

Club, her job is to teach people how to look after their
mental health and she loves it. She is married to Trev
and has two beautiful daughters.

The Happiness Club (www.thehappinessclub.co.uk) is

a monthly membership club where members receive
daily support from, and 24/7 access to, Jo to help them
take care of their mental wellbeing. She also works
with corporate and private sector organisations that are committed to changing the way their
employees feel and therefore work. She also works within schools to teach students techniques
to develop their own resilience to stress and believes this should be as important as learning your
ABCs.

Jo is an inspirational speaker, advanced hypnotherapist, mindfulness practitioner and bestselling

author of four books and in 2017 she won 2 national awards for her work in The Happiness Club.
With over 20 years of studying mindfulness and hypnotherapy, Jo believes it is a simple choice
– that everyone can choose happiness every day. Jo’s mission is to teach people the tools and
techniques that will set them on the path of happiness, whatever their definition may be.

Vicky Henderson
Ascend Performance Coaching

Vicky Henderson, career chameleon, globe trotter,

fine wine and food lover, gardener, French speaker,
bookworm, avid skier and hiker, personal development
junkie and retired World champion Mood Hoover!

Vicky is a Mindset Revolutionary and Emotional

Intelligence Specialist. She is also a multiple award-
winning performance coach, mentor, trainer and
speaker. Vicky works with teenagers, both in school settings and 1:1, vulnerable young adults,
people looking for more from life, business owners wanting to leverage their full potential and
both leaders and their teams in larger organisations. She has also spoken over 60 times in the
last 2.5 years at networking events, business shows, schools, universities and conferences
both live and online.

The best thing Vicky ever did was to invest in personal development. She was stuck in a rut
with her health, her job and her life and had a very negative mindset. Once she took the
decision to open her mind, take responsibility and do something about it, the rewards and
benefits were transformational. 17
 Inbound Marketing:
Why Your Website Isn’t Enough.
There was a time when, if you provided a That’s where inbound marketing starts.
good service, it would sell. Simple. If what When you have a great website, products,
you were selling was worth the money, it and SEO ranking, then it’s time to think
would shift. Alas, no longer. There was a inbound marketing, because often all
day when the local corner shop was the that isn’t enough to get your web visitors
only real option for milk and bread. Now spending actual money.
there are supermarkets everywhere and
you can even have groceries delivered. Inbound marketing is a methodology
You could waste time recalling yesteryear, which suggests that to persuade a potential
or you can learn how to one-up your customer to buy your product, you need to
competitors through inbound marketing. nurture their experience. It isn’t enough
to get them to look at your website, most
Ryan Holmes writes for LinkedIn that people who come across your website
people are exposed to “upwards of 5,000 won’t buy anything right away. That is why
ads per day.” That’s a lot. If you’re anything inbound marketing is vital. It’s the bridge
like me, you watch in wonder and horror between a web visitor and an inquiry.
as your Facebook ads change to reflect
whatever you searched Google for earlier.
It’s maddening, the sheer volume of
advertising we’re exposed to daily, but you
can see why with such vast
competition, your website
isn’t getting the hits you’d
expect. So, you need to
have a killer website,
but that isn’t enough.

18
Everyone has a website nowadays, so to
stand out and get your customers to the
checkout, you must make some effort
and not rely on your website to do all the
work. It’s about building trust with your
customers. To do this, you need a lead-
hook. A lead-hook is essentially offering
something for nothing. By offering a
freebie of some kind, you can gather that
customer’s data.
Laura Bell
Your lead-hook might be a free e-book on deearomarketing.com
a topic related to you, so the customer is
getting something for free by downloading
it, but you’re getting their email address in HubSpot explains the three stages to
return. That’s powerful information because procuring a new customer: attract, engage
it gives you the opportunity to start a and delight. Often people think it’s enough
dialogue with them. to attract the customer without taking the
trouble to nurture that relationship (engage).
That email is the doorway to building trust Delight is the final stage because ideally,
because you can now correspond with they’ll be delighted with their purchase,
them. They already think you are swell for but to get there, you must engage who you
offering them something for free, so now attract. Channel your inner Arkwright and
when you pop up in their inbox, they might attend to your online customers as if they
listen to what you have to say. were in front of you.

19
19

Is nurturing
Others a Hobby?
As a child in our family bakery I
would sit next to elderly people
with challenges—alcoholism,
loneliness, unemployment, etc. and
I listened to their stories. I felt
sorry for them and wanted to take
away their pain.
Today, I am a holistic health
manager, and alongside my main work
I have been creating free health
projects for more than 20 years.
Many would say that is not really a
hobby.
I say, “It is!” Living my passion
is not limited to 9 to 5-office
hours.
A true passion is lived 24/7!
By definition, we decide what a
hobby is to us.
I connect like-minded people to
create their projects with passion—
in sustainable living, climate
change, vegan living, food support
for the homeless, and many more.
20
Bernadette Bruckner
www.bernadettebruckner.com
I support free women who want to
create a business out of their
potential and climb out of poverty.
I am there.
Listening if someone needs an ear to
truly listen to the story they want
to tell.
Why not?
Just being there can sometimes save
lives.
Just listening and caring for others
can save lives.
Just giving a smile to someone can
save lives too.
Is it a great effort to do these
things? No!
Is it an expensive hobby? No!
In a world full of challenges,
listen.
Being there and listening may be a
solution too.
How to
Improve
your sleep
So many people are experiencing
sleep disturbances at the moment,
yet with some work it might be
possible to improve your sleep.

Here are my top tips:

Switch off any gadgets (phones, tablets,

laptops) well before bed and put them downstairs.

Try ‘low level activity’ as this allows your survival brain to switch off.
Try audio books, music, podcasts, reading or colouring. Listen in bed so
you can drop off when sleepiness arrives.

Use aromatherapy sprays or oils to soothe your nervous system.

Mel Riley
Magnesium sleep creams or Epsom Salt baths also help relax muscles. meljriley.co.uk

A cooler bedroom also can help as body temperature drops during sleep.

Focus on slowing your heart rate and try guided meditation or hypnotherapy apps.

Reduce alcohol and caffeine and try calming teas like camomile instead.

Do some gentle exercise, as tired bodies override busy brains.

A weighted blanket might offer comfort for anxiety.

Whatever you do don’t avoid bed as the cycle can get worse!

Working on stress levels during the day may help too. Rising uncertainty increases
anxiety and sleep can be harder to come by.

Life is miserable without sleep, so do work on it and don’t just suffer in silence.

If you have prolonged sleep issues see your GP, as prolonged insomnia massively
affects mental health. GPs may prescribe short-term sleep medication or melatonin
for longer term use.

If your anxiety feels out of control counselling might help.

21
 A Mindful
Kitchen
Author: Linda Vani Bretherton At Home With Ayurveda

Much is written about mindfulness and

the way it can influence our decisions,
state of mind and of course our health and
wellbeing.

It’s often suggested to take time to do

meditation and stillness, but Ayurveda
sees life in a different way and describes
mindfulness as ‘Sadhana’, which loosely
translated means ‘meditation in daily living’.

We are encouraged to see the deeper

benefits in simple daily actions and bring
awareness to these actions.

The Benefits of Using a

Mortar and Pestle
A really powerful action with several
benefits is by using a Mortar & Pestle as a
regular Sadhana in your kitchen.

22
A mortar and pestle is a beautiful and
simple kitchen implement, used since
ancient times to prepare ingredients or
substances by crushing and grinding them
into a fine paste or powder. The mortar is a
bowl, typically made of hard wood, metal,
ceramic, or a hard stone such as granite.
The pestle is a heavy and blunt club-shaped
object. The substance to be ground, which
may be wet or dry, is placed in the mortar,
where the pestle is pressed and rotated onto
it until the desired texture is achieved.

Why should every good

cook, and everyone who
loves herbs, own and use at
least one mortar and pestle?
For the ‘ceremony’ of using ancient tools;
the joy of knowing the rhythm of how they Finally, the deeper ‘spiritual’ 6th benefit, is the inner
work, enlivens our senses. awareness that brings about a sense of achievement,
wellbeing and satisfaction.
For ‘celebration’, food feeds both body and
soul, and the act of preparing it should be a In Ayurveda perspective, these benefits help to balance
pleasure, not a chore. the mind and body.

And finally, for ‘quality’, there is a depth of Maybe it’s time to put your mortar and pestle into action.
flavour to spices and fresh herbs prepared
this way that you just can’t get from a food Happy pounding.
processor.

Using an electric blender is quick and often

does the job in matter of seconds. It gives
good and repeatable results. However, much
like online books and Internet shopping, we
lose the direct connection with the object,
a paper book, or the feel of fabric, which
doesn’t feed our human senses.

There are many reasons why it’s beneficial to

use a mortar and pestle. The actual practice
of pounding in itself is therapeutic and
releases stuck energy, doing it to music adds
to this effect.

The 6 senses are engaged; ‘touch’ and

‘sound’ by the action of pounding; ‘seeing’
the fresh fruits of our labour; the ‘aroma’
from hand grinding is potent and addictive,
we can ‘taste’ the difference in shop bought
and freshly ground spices dramatically.
23
 Leave a Better Legacy
Can YOU leave a better legacy?
I want to tell you about a poem, but where to
begin? “With the end in mind” seems apt, as my
professional life is spent helping people to make
their Wills, use Trusts, create Lasting Power of
Attorneys, and plan their funerals.
Much of my personal job satisfaction comes from
knowing that I help my clients enjoy deep-rooted
peace of mind by sorting their “stuff” out. This is
especially true when it comes to them
making a Will, but recently I’ve come to see there
was something missing from that list of
services.
You see, your Will is simply a set of instructions
that say what you want to happen to your stuff,
your “worldly possessions”, and of course that’s
24
important...but it’s not the only stuff we have to
leave behind. What about all that other “stuff” on
the inside. Inside your head, your heart, your
soul?
What about your stories, memories, values, regrets,
your happy times and your sad ones? Events in
your life that would shape your advice to your
loved ones after you’re gone? Put another way, any
of the “stuff” that ISN’T found in your Will, but
that which ultimately is what makes you YOU.
During 2018 and 2019 three significant people
from my life died, including my Dad. After two
years of processing and reflecting on these events:
reading, thinking and song writing: my feelings
coalesced into the recognition of how valuable and
important it would be to record that “other
stuff”.
“Leave a Better Legacy” is the result: your thoughts
are recorded and turned into a beautiful
heirloom book which can be passed to your loved
ones as an enduring source of insight, support
and ultimately, love.

In my own life, the aforementioned poem that my

father wrote for me when I was a teenager, is
my precious example of someone “leaving a better
legacy”. Reading it has been incredibly helpful and
comforting to me on multiple occasions, as my life
unfolded over the almost forty years since he gave it Haworth Ward Drummond
to me. leaveabetterlegacy.co.uk

Here’s a small excerpt from this poem that my dad

called “The Child is Father”
So, what about you?
And when, one day, you find me there,
some old buoy, a bald, offshore light What would you like to share with the people
tossed by the waves, that matter to you? What would you like to leave
if you’re sinking in the hearts of the people you love?
you can rest on me for a while, treading water.
Just as my eyes Do you want to leave a better legacy?
swimming with you, find the island,
unmarked on any map,
that is always here.

It is wild, largely unexplored, and,

I believe, in the dark and tangled heart of it,
there are women and children.

25
 How to focus 1. Start by developing faith in
yourself.

on success If you don’t believe in yourself, you cannot

Focus on success - what does
that really mean?
You have probably heard teachers or parents
say you have to be successful, or focus on
success. What it means, is to channel your
energy to achieve your ultimate life goals.
There is no one definition of success, it
means something different to everyone. For
some it’s getting a high-profile job, maybe
opening a business. For others it may be the
ultimate pleasure inside when we help and
serve others.
Only you can determine the real meaning
of success in your life, and once you find
that clear definition, it’s time to focus, to set
up all your efforts to achieve that success.
When you stay focused in life, you find a
determination to make things happen, even
when the circumstances are not in favour of
your goals.
achieve anything. If you doubt your
capabilities, you will be surrounded by many
negative thoughts to fuel that belief. Those
thoughts will become a hindrance in your
way to success. The first thing you need to
do is develop a positive mindset and self-
confidence. Value your ideas and believe in
your efforts. Don’t worry what people around
you may think. If you feel it’s right and
stay focused to achieve, you will definitely
succeed, it’s just a matter of time.
2. Maintain a confident approach
Successful people have one thing in
common, they start and end with
confidence in their personal, and
professional life. Confident people
stay motivated, even if it’s something
extraordinary, they accomplish their goals.

Focus is the ultimate force that can make

impossible things possible. If you are truly
passionate about chasing a certain dream, you
must stay focused on it and this force will
automatically clear all the obstacles in your
pathway.

So, the first question in every mind must

be “How to develop that focus to succeed in
life”? Here’s a few tips to help you achieve
something big:

26
3. Stay determined and motivated. 4. Be alert and concentrate.

Determination works like an inner force
that helps you channel your energy to
stay motivated and accomplish what is
important to you. But that determination
doesn’t come easy. If you want to be
successful in life, you must concentrate
more on your goals and objectives and
understand the real value of your dreams.
This self-awareness will help you develop
the right motivation and focus.
Concentrate on what you want to achieve.
When you are desperate to achieve
something important to you in life,
you must stay alert all the time. This
alertness can help you to grab the right
opportunities at the right time. Don’t get
distracted by unimportant things in life.
Set up your priorities and concentrate your
mind towards success. Entertain positivity
and eliminate all the fear and negativity
from your life. A positive mindset can
boost your self-esteem and help you to stay
focused to achieve all the big things in life.

Cynthia L Jones
royaltymindsetcoach.com

27
 Our Happily Ever After
T
he day my entire life changed forever,
December 5, 2005. I was only 14 years
old when I met my soulmate Jake. I
remember the first time I met him and gave
him a hug. It was like time stopped and this
magical connection was instantly between
us. It was so powerful it felt like we had been
together for years, even though we just met.
Meeting him completely changed my life. It
was the first time I felt like I had a purpose in
life and that dreams were actually possible.
The first 3 ½ years we spent seeing each other
only on weekends since we went to different
high schools. He would call me every single
28
night before bed just to check and make sure
I was okay. He knew that every time I closed
my eyes before bed I would be traumatized
by a memory of my biological father. On my
13th birthday my biological father got me so
drunk, and he decided to give me an unknown
pill. I ended up blacking out and thinking I was
going to die. I remember my father laughing
and wanting to take pictures of me. I couldn’t
sleep and wanted to end my own life, but the
universe brought me to Jake. He was right
there every night on the phone waiting for me
to fall asleep because he knew that was the
only way I would sleep without reliving my
past.
We are so incredibly connected that I will
think something, and he will answer it. Or he
will start singing the exact song I was thinking
about in my head. We got married
on our 10 year anniversary, we
have a beautiful baby girl, both
work from home, and are living
our dream life. Even 15 years
later, he always makes sure I laugh
every single day. He is there to
wipe my tears away, laugh, dance,
cook, and take care of me.

I remember the first time he said

“I love you” to me. We were on
the phone and only together for
a month, but it felt so natural. We
both knew that we were going to
forever grow old together even
though we weren’t together very
long and were very young.

Even moments when life throws

huge challenges our way, such
as the loss of our son, it only
brought us closer together. I am
never sure what life will bring
our way next, but it doesn’t even
matter because our love is strong enough to
get through everything. As we continue to
grow old together with our beautiful daughter,
I can honestly say we are living our dream life,
something I never thought was possible.

“We both knew

that we were going
to forever grow old
together”

Stefanie Lethbridge 29
csplanners.com
29
 The Power of
Choice
There are critical moments in life when we have to
decide who we are going to be. One of
those moments happened to me in July 2020. While
on an easy bike ride in March, I had
chest pain. I’m a fit and healthy person. This was
definitely not normal. I found out my heart valve
had to be replaced. This was a known issue checked
yearly and wasn’t supposed to be a problem for
decades. Suddenly I needed open-heart surgery.

On May 28th, because of the pandemic, I walked

alone into the hospital for what was supposed to
be a 3 hour procedure and 4 days in the hospital.
Unfortunately, my heart couldn’t get off bypass
and I was unconscious for 6 days and in the ICU for 2
weeks. During that time, I lost my ability
to walk and my right foot dropped from the device
that kept me alive pressing on the nerves of my
leg.

I had to learn to walk again with a walker, while not

tripping on my dropped foot. I couldn’t
even get to the bathroom alone, 8 feet from my bed.
As a former division 1 athlete, this was not only
physically devastating but mentally, I had trouble
seeing my life as ever happy again.

30
In that moment I had a choice. Who am I going to
be? I decided. I am NOT going to be
walker girl! I didn’t even want to see it. I held my
partner’s arm to walk and progressed rapidly. I
self rehabbed my dropped foot and eventually got
full functionality back. Once on my own power,
it took a while to get my equilibrium back. I often
veered sideways looking like a drunken sailor and
had to be stabilized quickly. But no walker!

Two months after I left the hospital for the third time
and third surgery, I biked 20 miles of
rolling hills. At 3 months I hiked 6 miles at 6000
feet, and at 4 months I was paddling on my narrow
racing standup paddleboard in the open ocean. I
made a choice; to be the victor, not
the victim. My promise was to my partner, my brain
and my body. In that pivotal moment I
chose who I wanted to be. The path forward was
clear after the hard decision was made. I
took it, stuck to it and fulfilled my promise to be the
best version of myself.

In life we have pivotal moments all the time. It can

be as simple as asking that person out or deciding to
run a 10K. It can be as powerful as quitting your job
and going out on your own.

Your decisions determine which version of yourself

you will be.

My calling is to dare people to be the greatest

version of themselves and support them on
their journey as I was supported on mine.

What decision is between you and the greatest

version of yourself?

Alison Arnoff
dare2becoaching.com

31
 32
32
33
 Bob Sanderson

Leap of
faith
‘I just can’t do this anymore.’ I was fifty-
two years of age and a sales executive in the
telecommunications and IT industry. A fabulous
salary, but zero job satisfaction.
I had always been a part time performer, singing
and playing guitar in several bands, but I really
wanted to become an actor. I studied drama
on and off for 10 years at evening classes,
eventually acquiring a Diploma from LAMDA.
In 2002 I took a leap of faith, resigned, and
kissed sales goodbye for ever. I’d realised that
if I wanted to be a performer and develop my
creative side, I would have to become self-
employed. I remember my manager at the time
saying: ‘You must be mad, but I’m jealous.’
opportunities.
Whilst working for the training company, a
client asked if I could make a film for them.
Once delivered, complete with my actor trained
voice-over and appropriate background music,
they loved it, and asked for two more .
A show reel followed, which I sent to every
local authority in the Midlands resulting in me
working with them on video projects for over
10 years. Subsequently, I have made films for a
variety of corporate, local authority, charity, and
education clients.

Within three months I was performing theatre

nationwide within primary schools. I delivered
16 historical one man shows. What a transition,
from delivering board level presentations to
standing up in front of seven-year-olds, wearing
woolly tights dressed as Samuel Pepys! I
connected with a training company performing
business role play and forum theatre. I found
that doing one thing, quickly opened up

34
In control of my own work diary, you would think
that things would be easier, but sadly no. It’s hard
to say no to opportunities when self-employed and
trying to earn a decent living. This often meant
going from one engagement to the next with little
sleep. On one occasion I got home from a band gig
at 4.00am only to have to leave again at 6.00am
to be Henry VIII in a school the other side of the
country. Sadly, I did not have six wives to help me
unload and re-equip the van.
Voice overs came next and I’ve voiced content for
other video production companies, examination
boards, animators, and in recent years organisations
such as O2, EE and many other large businesses.
“It’s hard to say no to opportunities when
self-employed and trying to earn a decent living.”
More recently I began writing. I’ve self-
published a children’s book, and a trilogy, and I
have just completed my fourth novel.
Was my leap of faith rewarded?
Now aged seventy, and still writing and film
making, I don’t regret a single day. Sales was
what I did, I had to give it up to be what I truly
am, a multi-platform creative. I’ve had the
most wonderfully rich and fulfilled life and I
still have so much more to give. I took that leap
of faith and will always be thankful that my
courage paid off. Who knows, maybe one day
I’ll put it all in a book!
35
 Will Get You Ther e
Foc us
I
woke up one day all sweaty (no it was not a
menopausal hot flash). I was dreaming vividly
about traveling. Not about exotic countries and
wonderful destinations, it was rather a nightmare of
being lost in a labyrinth of small and narrow streets
and passages. Each one had a fork-like junction, so
I had to choose which path to take. It was a tough
choice, because how would I know which one is right?
Neither looked appealing and both were very similar.
Applying reason only, did not feel right so I used my
intuition to choose the one I felt would be for me.
Making a choice like that left me anxious and almost
immediately regretting my decision. Have you ever
felt like that? Yeah, quite a common feeling.

I am not sure about you, but I had the strangest

dreams in this pandemic. I think the lack of real and
varied experiences allowed my brain to almost create
an alternative world for me to have some fun.
Monika Mateja
36 monikamateja.com
I started my business in August 2019 after
quitting my career in corporate after 15
years. Little did I know what was coming
in 2020, well nobody knew. I started
well with the first client in September
and then others followed later. I also
did successful cooking workshops and
supper clubs. However, it was not how
I imagined it. I thought I would have a
constant flow of clients who want to invest
their time and money into their health.
The feast and famine cycle is well known
in the coaching industry, where you
have dry periods without any potential
clients. Nobody knows you, and your
message is not consistent because you
lack clarity and want to try what works.
You probably spend around 70% of your
time in marketing and 30% coaching - not
something you want to do as a Coach.
“A lot of us want to do great
things, help people, and earn a
good living.”
I tried a lot of different things, but the key
was to understand what kind of lifestyle I
wanted to have? What do I want to do in this
business? How do I want to work and with
whom? It took me some time to get that
clarity. A lot of us want to do great things,
help people, and earn a good living. However,
it is hard to understand your own self-limiting
beliefs, as well as balancing your lifestyle and
demands of the family, with your dream to
be more and do more in this world, without
detriment to your own health.
It is about choosing the path you feel most
connected to. It may not be the best looking,
but your intuition never lies. Through all this
time I repeated to myself, “stay in your lane”,
which was not easy as the pandemic hit. One
path will definitely take you faster to your
destination, but it does not mean that you
cannot stop and look around, reflect, and
rethink. It is all about the journey.
37
 Be your own
Superhero
Y
ou know the movie about the superhero
where they’re powerful, amazing and
saving the world, then the bad guy
comes along and does what he or she can to
stop him from saving the world. This is what
happens to you when you try something new,
attempt to change habits, or change your
identity. Your identity is what you know about
yourself, it’s who you are, right?
It’s a scary place to be, so the bad guy comes
along to sabotage the superhero (you).
This is what can often happen when you’re
trying to make changes in your life. The bad
guy, your unconscious mind is protecting you
from those awful feelings you’ve experienced
before when you’ve tried to change something.
38
Yvonne Dodd
theeffectcoaching.co.uk
When you think back to those times where
someone has maybe made a fool of you. Maybe
you were a child at school and the teacher said
something in front of the whole class, maybe
someone told you that you would amount to
nothing or you weren’t good enough. Maybe
you experienced trauma or had various
negative experiences throughout your life, and
those horrible feelings just don’t leave.
All these experiences add up to your body and
mind wanting to protect you; who wants to feel
uncomfortable? So, you procrastinate, self-
sabotage and suffer from Imposter Syndrome.
 “Resilience is
knowing that you are
the only one that has
the power and the
responsibility to pick
yourself up.”

-Mary Holloway

You think, if I just stay where I am, I’ll be
comfortable, I’ll be the person I always was,
who everyone else wants me to be. But what
about you, what do you want?
You know that there is something within you
that needs and wants more for yourself. You
came into this world as an individual and now
you’re a mother, aunt, or a sister, but you are
still YOU, aren’t you? You have your own
identity, you have goals and dreams, and you
don’t want to leave this life wishing you hadn’t
at least tried the things you wanted to do.
As a motivational and self-development life
coach, I’m here to tell you that there are
strategies, techniques, and tools to fight these
feelings and come out the other side as the
more confident, go-getting superwoman that
you know you are deep within.
But, here’s the thing, what’s on the other side
of this? When you feel uncomfortable, you’re
always going to grow. How will that feel? What
will you achieve?
Think, feel, act, and visualise, see yourself in
the vision of your own future. Who are you?
What are your values? Who do you want to
help? What do you want to achieve? What do
you look like? What do others say to you?

39
 empowering our
teenagers
Sometimes, 10 seconds seem like eternity to us as parents because
we are eager to give our input. We say things like, ‘I don’t want my
child to make mistakes’, 'I do not want my teenager to go through
what I went through', 'I don't want him/her to be stressed', 'I just
want to help, so my child will know how much I love them', 'they are
not mature enough to handle it'...

 Oluwaseun Afilaka
parentteen2@gmail.com

40
Yes, your teenager cannot raise themselves,
but your responsibility is not to eternally
spoon-feed, otherwise, our future is in
jeopardy. I am sure you can point to a few
leaders who are in a mess, or have put their
organisation or family through grief, because
they lack a vital skill - ‘Decision Making’. They
are in every sector, they are in your face.
The truth of the matter is that these leaders
were once teenagers, they couldn’t have
skipped this complex yet important phase of
their life. One could ask, where were their
parents? What was their input? Although it is
not always the fault of the parents! The irony
is these leaders were once teenagers, now
they are probably parents themselves! This
is really the cycle of life.
To think that this may be your children in
the next few years can be scary if the right
foundation has not been laid. This is the
truth of the matter, our children are the ‘high
and mighty of tomorrow’, they are the city
set upon the hill, they cannot be hidden, they
are the light to the world of darkness.
A question for you, when does royalty
start grooming their children? I guess from
conception, agree, or disagree?
Here is the game changer, you may not live in
a Palace, but your home IS your palace, your
teenagers are princes and princesses, and
they need to be treated as such.
Your teenager is a leader, not in the future, but
now, see them in that light and train them in
that light.
Let them be intentional thinkers - give your
teenager opportunity and space to think. You
will be surprised by how creative they are.
Reduce their dependency on you: Don’t always
be the solution provider, rather encourage them
to find the solution. Create the awareness in
your teenager that they are their own solution
providers and, if they cannot crack the nut,
prompt them by asking questions rather than
giving them answers. Use the ‘option’ strategy.
For example, what do you think will work
here? What options do you have? What other
alternative is available? What else?
Explore the ‘what, if, how, when’ type of
question until they cannot think of anything
else.
Ultimately, let your teenager understand that
thinking differently is the beginning of success.
I challenge you…
Allow for growth in your teen’s thinking ability.
Allow their capacity to think for themselves to
grow.
You can do this, Yes! You CAN!
41
 f e b r ua ry
f e e l i n g s…
Ahhh, February…is it just me, or is it a
kind of ‘nothingness’ month? January,
being the start of a brand-new year,
feels optimistic (even this year), a fresh
start, new things, and new beginnings.
But by February the shine has worn
of a little hasn’t it? If you made any
resolutions, you will probably have
broken them. The weather is still
rubbish, spring seems ages away and
summer; well summer is way out of
sight over the horizon.
42
One bright spark in the gloom that is February,
is Valentine’s Day - if you are in a relationship
anyway, maybe not so good if you are on your
own!
Saint Valentine’s Day is a ‘real’ Saint’s day
commemorating the brutal slaying in Rome
of a priest, Valentine, by the order of Emperor
Claudius II. If you are wondering quite how
such an horrific event ended up being translated
into a day to celebrate L.O.V.E. I don’t blame you!
So, here’s a quick summary.
Laura Billingham
www.landgassociates.co.uk

Back in 269 AD, the Roman army was

having trouble getting hold of, and retaining,
recruits, probably because at that point
Rome was involved in many bloody wars to
retain its empire. Naturally, no young man
wanted to ‘sign’ up for almost certain death!
Emperor Claudius however, decided it was
attachments to home and family causing
the problem and concluded that banning
marriage was the solution.

Valentine ignored the ban and continued to

perform ceremonies in secret. Not a great
idea, as it resulted in his arrest, and being
beaten before his head was cut off. The date?
February 14th.

So, there you have it! Valentine really was all

about love and marriage and was sanctified
by Pope Gelasius I in 496.

To muddy the waters a little, there are

TWO more Saint Valentines associated
with February 14th, Valentine of Terni who
became bishop of Interamna (Italy) who
was martyred in 273 AD. And a third is
mentioned in the Catholic Encyclopaedia as
being martyred in Africa.

Not in a couple? Well, there’s always

Shrove Tuesday (aka pancake day) and Ash
Wednesday to ‘look forward to’. Mutable
festivals, Shrove Tuesday is the day before
the start of Lent, with the day after, Ash
Wednesday, being the start of the 40-day
period of fasting and reflection that is
supposed to replicate Christ’s withdrawal
into the desert. The dates move around each
year as they depend on when Easter falls.
(Easter is celebrated on the first Sunday
following the full Moon that occurs on or
just after the spring equinox.)

Shrove Tuesday was the day the great and

good would visit church, confess their ‘sins’
and receive absolution…they were ‘shriven’.
It was also the day any perishable and rich
foods that would not last out the 40 days
of lent would be used up and enjoyed -
like eggs, flour, butter, and sugar…hence
pancakes.

Enjoy your February!

43
 smash your
glass ceiling
L
ife has an intriguing way of challenging
us in the most fascinating ways! I did
not realise the role that resilience
played in my life, until I got to a point
where I found that restraint was now an
imperative rather than a nice to have. As I
travelled through the luscious mountains of
Kwazulu-Natal in South Africa, I watched the
picturesque scenery flying past and stared
in wonder at the idyllic lives of the people
living there. I wondered what it would feel
like to leave my traumatic world behind and
just be.
The challenge was that I had experienced so
much trauma growing up that I never fully
understood how it had impacted my life.
From the decisions I made, to my thought
44
processes, expectations, beliefs, and even
the partner I chose to be with.
Looking back at my past, I finally understood
that life had given to me everything I
deserved. Now don’t misunderstand me. I
am talking about the lessons that I had to
embrace. I am talking about the pain, anger,
hatred, fears, and conditioning, that came
both from being in an abusive family life to
marrying a narcissistic partner. It all came
full circle to understanding what I had to go
through to let go of these fears, unconscious
moulding, behaviours, even the way I
dressed, to finally acknowledging that I had
to change my perspective if I was ever to
grow, move on or break the “Glass Ceilings”
everyone talks about.
Arthie Moore
kileadership.com
Now here is a thought. What holds you back? I
ALLOWED other people’s behaviours, thoughts,
words, and actions to determine what I could
have in life and, until I could change that within
me, I was always destined to accept second
best. I hear the words “be resilient”. I hear
motivational excerpts like, “you have light
within you, just let it shine!”. I am told, “suck it
up, this too shall pass!”, and my mind balks at
the advice, questioning who do these people
think they are to give me guidance.
I have since learnt, that Compassionate leaders
of Influence, are the very “tribe” people talk
about. They are the men and women who come
into our lives to guide, support and honour
our journey, if we are truly open and listening
to lessons that are sent our way. I learnt to
question everything and indulge in daily
personal development, leadership skills, tools
and techniques that uplift me. Only then, could I
say, I deserved the best!
Eleanor Roosevelt very succinctly said, “No-
one can make you feel inferior without your
consent”, so my question to you is simply this.
Whose words, actions and deeds has created
a glass ceiling that limits you from growing in
your current life?
My advice is this. Glass is transparent, so you
can see through it. It can be shattered and
destroyed if you choose to do so. So what are
you allowing in your sub-conscious mindset to
hold you back as YOUR Glass Ceiling?
45
 Survivor to Expert
T
hrough my teens I experienced several
sexually traumatic events that no girl
or woman should ever have to go
through; I was raped at the age of 15 years
by a man who was someone I trusted at my
local swimming club, I was a virgin and naïve
enough to think that he offered me a lift
home out of kindness!
That lift cost me the rest of my childhood, a
potential competitive swimming career, my
education, some good friendships as well as
my femininity and dignity. It left me feeling
violated, ashamed, and dirty! So I didn’t tell a
soul (until I was 42!).
I tried to pretend it never happened and for
a while it worked, then at 18, just when I was
46
starting to trust men again, I was drugged
and raped by a friend of my then boyfriend,
I remember vividly how helpless and
vulnerable I felt.
This event sent me over the edge, and I
remember as a result distinctly planning
my own suicide, it would have been
very easy for me to do, at the time I was
working as a Veterinary Nurse and lived in
accommodation above the surgery. I had
access to the poisons cupboard and recall
going as far as reaching for a drug which I
knew would be fatal to me.
For all that, I know I´m not alone, some of
you reading this will – and can – relate.
 “I desperately
wanted love and
to feel lovable.”
Needless to say these experiences
had a very negative impact on my
intimate relationships. I remember
having a promiscuous phase prior to
meeting my ex-husband.
I desperately wanted love and to feel
lovable. I made the mistake – as do
many girls – of using sex to get this
need met; so I went from not caring
about my welfare and feeling totally
needy and out of control (which only
resulted in more hurt and distrust of
men) to unconsciously looking for a
man (my ex-husband) who would offer me protection, safety, love, stability and who
would also let me take total control of the relationship.

I got my wish, for the 23 years I was with my ex-husband I was in control, I also wore
an invisible suit of armour and where intimacy was concerned, I was for the most part
frigid and confused!

I subsequently divorced this perfectly good man, not because I wasn’t happy, but
because I felt there was something missing.
There was no passion and although there
was love and intimacy, in the main we had a
‘friendship’ type relationship, but the thing that I
didn’t realise at the time was that this was mostly
my own fault, a response to my own controlling
behaviour.

Today I’m a love and soul-mate relationship

expert and have a soul-mate relationship full
of red hot passion, intimacy, and massive
connection, where I feel alive, loved and
cherished above and beyond my wildest dreams;
I’ve realised this is what I’ve been craving all my
adult life!

Lyn Smith
hearts-entwined.com
47
 Can Poetry
Reduce Loneliness?
For as long as anyone can remember,
loneliness, particularly in older
people, has been a problem. Many
surveys have found that it leads to
depression, anxiety attacks, and even
suicidal thoughts, and it is very easy
to succumb. So, why is the situation
now worse than was previously
thought?

I believe that the world we now

inhabit is very different from
the world of, say, 50 years ago.
Society has changed dramatically,
sometimes for the good, but
often not so much. It is common
nowadays for both parents, when
present, to have a career, and whilst
this is to be applauded, it sometimes
means that the traditional family
with dad out all day and mum at
home, is less common.

The result, children see less of their

parents, and parents worry that
in some way they are “failing” to
provide what they think the child
deserves. And although this may
or may not be true, nevertheless,
the concern leads to anxiety in the
parent.

Of course, in this digital age it is

much easier to keep in touch, but do
we all embrace that ability, or even
are we aware of it ? The solution,
embrace technology, engage with
family and friends more often,
ensure that whatever means you
choose is “safe”, and lastly, repeat the
contact as often as is appropriate.
John Reed
www.theoldfellah.co.uk
48
 “Society has changed
dramatically, sometimes
for the good, but often How can poetry help? Reading poetry, especially
not so much” in a group setting, helps because it is so personal.
It encourages debate, “which poem shall we
enjoy today”? It allows families to interact with
each other, turn off the TV and the WIFI, “let’s
have a conversation” for once!
It also encourages folk to write their own poetry,
express their feelings, comment on a topic of
their own choice, make others laugh, smile, and
be more content with their own life. And the
result, lower levels of anxiety all round.

Lastly, technology allows the poetry to be sent to

friends and relatives easily, you could even write
a poem on a Zoom call (or any other system for
that matter) and combine conversation with the
poetry. This would produce a truly interactive
experience that will appeal to many people. And,
yes, you’ve guessed it, loneliness is reduced and
from that, anxiety levels are also reduced.

49
 Clear Your Mind with
mindfulness and
meditation
M H ealth is
indfulness is a term we frequently hear is a guided
these days. What is it? In simple terms, meditation to
mindfulness is living in the present. It
is about being aware of what we are thinking and
overcome stress.
A relaxation
more than just
happening in real-time. It is about accepting without
judgement.
technique that
uses meditation the absence of
to focus on
The most common doubt people have is whether what you are illness”
mindfulness and meditation are the same thing - they feeling, without
are not. The most fundamental difference is that judgement and
mindfulness focuses on being aware of what you feel without trying
in the present. In contrast, meditation focuses on not to interpret it.  It mainly involves breathing methods
being aware of distracting sensory stimuli so that the and use of imagery.
mind can move to a place beyond the here and now. Health is more than just the absence of illness. In
the same way, Mindfulness relieves you of anxiety,
Remember that mindfulness and meditation are not tension, stress and all the related diseases and
two watertight terms; instead, they are interrelated. conditions. The benefits go well beyond helping you
Meditation is a practice or technique through which relax, helping in self-acceptance and building an
mindfulness is achieved. Mindfulness Meditation accepting rather than a rejecting attitude.

Andrea Smith
www.andreaasmith.com

50
Simple steps to practising mindfulness meditation:

Set aside a time: Fix a time wholly set apart for it at a time in the day that works for you (ideally every day
- it can be as little as 3-5 minutes). Remember this is about relaxation. So if you are unable to do it one day,
don’t beat yourself up, just focus on making the time for it tomorrow. You can consider setting a timer, so
you are not distracted or possibly spending more time than you can afford to.

Be comfortable: You don’t need anything special just ensure that you have a comfortable place to sit in.

Breathing: once you are all ready to start, just sit still and focus on your breathing, on the air moving in and
out of your nose, on the way your tummy rises and falls with each breath. If thoughts come to you while
doing this, briefly acknowledge them, and go back to focusing on your breathing

This is essentially what mindfulness meditation is about - refocusing your thoughts on your present by
controlling your breathing. The trick is to notice your thoughts without getting carried away. If fear or grief
or anxiety invades the comfortable space you are creating for yourself, don’t panic; it is alright. Allow
yourself to note that you feel anxious or sad, and then gently return your mind to focusing on your breathing.

Mindfulness meditation is not a goal; instead, it is a practice, and this means, you never have to worry about
achieving a gold standard with it. You can start with a few minutes a day, commit to it, and watch as your life
improves because of it.

51
 Business Coaching
Ascend Performance Coaching Arah Perrett Consultancy Karen J Burge - Business Coach
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Listening to Your Voice Melitta Campbell, Business Coach Karin Weiser

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Coaching
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52
Business Services
Strategy Cards

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Writing
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54
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56