THE WRITING STAGE

Drafting
Lecture 7
 Review
• Outline

• Thesis Statement
 Thesis Statement

Controlling Thesis
Topic Sub-topics
Idea statement
Creating an Effective Paragraph
 Paragraph

Supporting Cohesive
sentences devices

Topic Concluding
sentence sentences
Effective
Paragraph
 State the main idea of the paragraph as a
State topic sentence.

Choose details that support or explain the

Steps in Writing Choose main idea.

an Effective
Paragraph Arrange Arrange the sentences in a logical sequence
to help the reader follow your thoughts.

Use transitional words and phrases to clarify

Use relationships within the paragraph and within
the composition as a whole.
 Topic Sentence
• Thesis statement : Entire essay

• Topic sentence : 1 paragraph

• Your topic sentence controls only the content and organization of one paragraph.

• Can be explicitly or implicitly stated

 Topic Sentence

Good
1
1 detail topic
subject
sentence
 Example
• Topic: Civil War • Topic sentence 1: Economic instability is
one major cause of civil war.

• Thesis statement: Economic, political,

and social issues are the causes of civil • Topic sentence 2: Another cause of
civil war is political volatility.
war.

• Topic sentence 3: Finally, social distress

results in civil war.
 Example
• Topic: Philippine tourism

• Thesis statement: Philippine tourism is considered world-class because of

our natural wonders, amazing festivals, and rich cultural heritage.
 Going to college can be expensive. First, college tuition and room and
board can cost anywhere from $2,000 to more than $10,000 per
semester. Other expenses make going to college even more expensive. For
example, books typically cost between $100 and $500 each term. Second,
materials are also very expensive. Paper, notebooks, writing utensils, and other
supplies required often cost more at the college bookstore than at any local
discount department store. For instance, a package of notepaper costing $2 at a
discount store might cost $5 at a college bookstore. Finally, there are all kinds
of special fees added onto the bill at registration time. A college student might
have to pay a $50 insurance fee, a $20 activity fee, a $15 fee to the student
government association and anywhere from $500 to $100 for parking. There is
another fee if a student decides to add or drop classes after registration. The
fees required to attend college never seem to end.
 Supporting Details
• Details that will support the controlling ideas

• Facts, statistics, reasons, opinions, examples that provide additional

information about the topic sentence
 Going to college can be expensive. First, college tuition and room and
board can cost anywhere from $2,000 to more than $10,000 per
semester. Other expenses make going to college even more expensive. For
example, books typically cost between $100 and $500 each term. Second,
materials are also very expensive. Paper, notebooks, writing utensils, and other
supplies required often cost more at the college bookstore than at any local
discount department store. For instance, a package of notepaper costing $2 at a
discount store might cost $5 at a college bookstore. Finally, there are all kinds
of special fees added onto the bill at registration time. A college student might
have to pay a $50 insurance fee, a $20 activity fee, a $15 fee to the student
government association and anywhere from $500 to $100 for parking. There is
another fee if a student decides to add or drop classes after registration. The
fees required to attend college never seem to end.
 1. Unity – The paragraph contains one main
idea and all sentences are related to this idea.
2. Coherence – The ideas are expressed in a
Qualities clear and logical manner; the process of
unfolding ideas is smoothly done. The
of an sentences are well-connected.
3. Emphasis – The writer is able to show
Effective what is important and what is subordinate.
Paragraph 4. Order – The paragraph has a specific
direction, guiding the reader to the main
point of the writer.
Drafting an Essay
 Paragraph vs Essay
Paragraph Essay
Organized around a topic sentence Organized around a thesis statement
Uses introductory sentence Uses introductory paragraph
Body includes supporting details Body includes supporting paragraphs
(topic sentence + supporting details)
Uses concluding sentence Uses concluding paragraph
 Introduction
• The first part of your essay

• Functions much like a topic sentence, but on a larger scale

• It contains the attention-getter, or hook, the transitional statement, and the

thesis statement.
 Attention-getter
• The first line in your essay that hooks the reader to continue reading your
paper
 Some Examples
Technique Example
Provocative rhetorical Why do you sterilize needles for lethal injection?
question
Startling statement A 10-year-old boy bit his pet dog.
Anecdote (insert story here)
Quotation “An unexamined life is not worth living.”
Statistics In the past six years, the Philippines has experienced a 140% increase in the
number of new HIV/AIDS cases, the fastest in Asia-Pacific.
Humor Penguins wear a tuxedo just as awesome as James Bond, maybe even better
because they never take it off!
Analogy Jere’s temper is like a racecar; it can go from 0 to 100 kph in 0.2 seconds.
 Introduction
• After hooking the reader, the transitional statement connects the attention-
getter to the thesis statement.
• It may be composed on one or two sentences.
• Generally, it is about giving background information about the chosen topic.

• The introductory paragraph is concluded by the thesis statement.

 Penguins wear a tuxedo just as awesome as James Bond, maybe even better
because they never take it off! And you can imagine they don’t have to take
their clothes off when they live in one of the coldest places in the world.
Penguins are considered the most adorable animals in the world, being
appropriated by pop culture as cartoon characters and advertising tactics. But
the awesomeness and adorableness of these flightless birds sometimes hide the
fact that they are also among the most endangered creatures on Earth. Climate
change is endangering these animals due to loss of habitat and a drastic change
in food patterns.
 Body
• The “meat” of your essay

• Discusses the thesis statement in detail by breaking it down into smaller ideas

• Usually composed of at least three paragraphs arranged logically

 Most important or
To maintain strongest point

interest…
Least important
Organize your ideas like an
or weakest point
hourglass

2nd most important of

strongest idea
 Conclusion
• The final paragraph of your essay

• To reemphasize your main ideas/central idea and to close the essay with a
bang
 Writing your Conclusion
1. Summarize your main points and restate your thesis using a different
structure and perspective.
2. Consider some possible outcomes or effects.
3. Draw some inferences based on the stated evidence or details. You may
wish to mention another issue that may arise from the evidence.
4. Relate your closing statement to your attention-getter to sandwich the
content of your paper.
 Specifications
• Word count: 800-1200 words
• Font: TNR 12
• Size: Letter
• Margins: 1 inch
• Format: PDF
• Filename: SURNAME_Essay2
Improving Style in Writing
 Improving Style in Writing
1. Use clear sentences (length and structure).
 1. Use clear sentences (length and structure)

Lengthy: The tunnel, which was drilled for 23 miles, runs through a bed of solid chalk under the
English Channel.

Better: The 23-mile tunnel runs through solid chalk under the English Channel.

Lengthy: Chewing gum was introduced to the United States by Antonio Lopez de Santa Ana. He
was a Mexican general.

Better: Mexican general Antonio Lopez de Santa Ana introduced chewing gum to the United
States.
 Improving Style in Writing
1. Use clear sentences (length and structure).
2. Avoid unnecessary words in such cases as redundancy, wordiness,
highfalutin language, clichés, and too much “there” and “it” structure.
 2. Avoid unnecessary words
Redundant: There were three teachers that taught each and every hour at school today.
Fixed: There were three teachers that taught every hour at school today.

Redundant: Everything being equal, the members of the Student Council will think about the
argument, and come up with a final decision through a vote next week at an open
meeting.
Fixed: The members of the Student Council will have a final decision next week at an
open meeting after a vote.
 Improving Style in Writing
1. Use clear sentences (length and structure).
2. Avoid unnecessary words in such cases as redundancy, wordiness,
highfalutin language, clichés, and too much “there” and “it” structure.
3. Use precise words. Never sacrifice clarity for conciseness.
 3. Use precise words.
In addition to studying Western culture, students should be required to study
Asian, African, or other cultures. This expanded cultural study would foster
understanding of the modern global community.

In addition to examination of Western enlightenment, a pupil ought to remain

to apply one's mind to Oriental, African, or choice cultures. Such an enlarged
edifying trance would guest of empathy of latter-day universal public.
 3. Use precise words.
The biota exhibited a one hundred percent mortality response.

All the fish died.

 Improving Style in Writing
1. Use clear sentences (length and structure).
2. Avoid unnecessary words in such cases as redundancy, wordiness,
highfalutin language, clichés, and too much “there” and “it” structure.
3. Use precise words. Never sacrifice clarity for conciseness.
4. Avoid gender-biased words (sexist language). Use words that are free from
gender prejudice and unfair assumptions.
 4. Avoid gender-biased words.
• The use of the singular they.

• Fisherfolk instead of fisherman.

• Seafarer instead of seaman.
• Chairperson instead of chairman.
 Improving Style in Writing
1. Use clear sentences (length and structure).
2. Avoid unnecessary words in such cases as redundancy, wordiness,
highfalutin language, clichés, and too much “there” and “it” structure.
3. Use precise words. Never sacrifice clarity for conciseness.
4. Avoid gender-biased words (sexist language). Use words that are free from
gender prejudice and unfair assumptions.
5. Use appropriate style for formal writing.
 5. Use appropriate style for formal writing
a. Avoid contractions.

The protesters won’t succeed without the support from the military.

The protesters will not succeed without the support from the military.
 5. Use appropriate style for formal writing
b. Limit the use of “run-on” expressions.

With the advent of information technology, students should use iPads, laptops,
and the like.

With the advent of information technology, students should use iPads, laptops,
and other academically useful electronic devices.
 5. Use appropriate style for formal writing
c. Use more formal negation.

The study did not yield breakthrough results.

The study yielded no breakthrough results.

 5. Use appropriate style for formal writing
d. Avoid using the second person “you” except in a textbook.

You can see the results in Figure 5.

The results can be seen in Figure 5.

 5. Use appropriate style for formal writing
e. Place adverbs with the verb rather than placing them at the beginning or
end of the sentence.

Then the paper must be shredded.
The paper must then be shredded.
The device was invented by Edison
originally.
The device was originally invented by
Edison.