Webinar Session 3:

Separation Anxiety (Sepanx)

They say the biggest challenge of working abroad is to be away from your loved ones. A month,
a week or a day before your departure, you can already experience separation anxiety.

Anxiety is just one of the mental health conditions a seafarer can experience when he is about to
board the ship. Anxiety can be both mentally and physically draining. The mental anguish that
you will undergo every time you leave your loved ones because the sea is calling you back.

Sad to say, if your family’s living is dependent to the salary you are getting onboard, you have to
live with the anxiety whenever the time nears of your coming back to the ship.

You have to accept the fact that separation anxiety is like a baggage that you cannot leave as
long as you are in the seafaring career. You just have to have the strength to carry this baggage
with you every time, whenever or wherever.

Even the seasoned seafarers may still experience separation anxiety. It’s actually normal. It’s
normal to be concerned about the well-being of your loved ones. However, if the anxiety is
already out of hand, it can sometimes trigger even panic attacks, most especially when your
loved ones are out of reach.

Common symptoms include:

1. unfounded fears that loved ones, or yourself, will be abducted or fatally injured
2. extreme and persistent hesitancy or refusal to leave the proximity of loved ones
3. difficulty sleeping away from a loved one for fear that something will happen to them
4. depression or anxiety attacks related to any of the above topics
5. You may also have physical aches and pains, headaches, and diarrhea associated with
periods of anxiety.

But the question here is how did our seasoned seafarers or our millennials seafarers deal with
these?
1. Spend quality time with your family before your flight

Spending time with your family before your departure would greatly help. When you spend time
with them, you are making memories that you can treasure when you go onboard. It would make
you feel inspired and motivated. It would actually benefit not only you, but also your loved ones.

You can have a vacation. You can have a party. You can dine in an exquisite restaurant. You can
go to the mall and have your final shopping galore. Or anything that will bring smiles to you and
to your loved ones. It’s not about the material things, it’s about how you spend quality time with
them.

2. Have a heart to heart talk

If there’s something that has baffled your mind for so long, open up to your loved ones. Have the
courage to tell them personally because when you join the ship, you won’t be in control of your
time, or the ship might not even have internet. Also, there are things that can’t be said thru chat
but only when you face the person in flesh.

Do not waste the opportunity. Do not let things left undone. Say your sorries. Tell your “I love
yous”. Express your feelings. Show what’s inside your hearts.

3. Prepare things that will make you calm

In relation to what has mentioned a while ago, separation anxiety can also stem from unfounded
fears that your oved ones will be fatally injured or get sick. The fear that you cannot be reached
when your loved ones would badly need your help, the fear that you cannot support them
financially because you don’t have the means to transfer your money from your bank accounts to
theirs.

To erase these fears, you have to make necessary preparations.

If you already have the financial capacity, get a health care or a life insurance policy. If you have
the fear that that your loved ones would fatally be injured, get a health care provider or process
their respective Philhealth policies. If you have the fear of losing your life onboard, get a life
insurance policy. These are just recommendations to somehow ease your worries.

Homesickness

Contracts of seafarers vary from one to another. It depends on the company or your rank.
Luckily, the Maritime Labor Convention (MLC) has already set limit to duration of contracts.
Regulation says that the longest contract a seafarer could have is 12 months.

As cadets, you will have your three (3) months on your training ship and nine (9) months on your
succeeding vessels. There’s an instance where a cadet from a training vessel will directly be
transferred to his next vessel. So to say, he will be onboard for 12 months straight. Quite long,
right?

Many months away from your loved ones can bring you mental anguish. The anguish of missing
your comfortable bed, the anguish to walk with your dogs, and the feeling of missing every
important events of your family. Being away from your family. All of these constitutes
homesickness.

But how do seasoned seafarers deal with homesickness?

1. Print pictures of your loved ones/ Save it on your gadgets

Some of our seasoned seafarers do these to ease their homesickness. Everytime they wake up,
when they see the pictures of their loved ones, they are already motivated and somehow, the
longingness to see them fades away.

2. Make an effort to get to know your crewmates

If you are onboard, your new family are the very people you sail with. Therefore, you have to
reach out to them. You have to be at ease with them. To do that, you have to make time to
converse, to mingle with them. Go to the recreation room. Have fun with them. It’s a way to
divert your homesickness or to totally eradicate it.

Building a friendship or a support group around you when you’re working onboard might not
replace your real family, but it will help you establish a second family away from home.

3. Stay in touch with family as much as possible

Some ships may not have internet connection, some may have. Therefore, if you are lucky
enough to be able to get online, stay in touch with your family and loved ones on shore as much
as possible. Just hearing the voice of your partner or spouse, of your parents or children, will
remind you of home and go a long way to making you feel better.

Hearing them would reaffirm your conviction why you are onboard. Their voices would sooth
your longingness to be with them. But of course, you should still be attentive as not to jeopardize
your rest hours and in turn, jeopardize your safety at work.

4. Keep yourself busy

As cadets, aside from performing shifts or watches, you still have your sea projects and other
school requirements. The main thing you might want to do when you’ve finished your sea
projects and duties would be to sleep.
But having the willpower to go to the gym or do some exercises on deck will lead to a healthy
body and a healthy mind. And you’ll have no time to feel homesick when you’re counting reps
of your bench press or push ups.

5. Learn to really love your job

“Do what you love, and you’ll never work another day in your life”.

You may have heard of this quote countless of times. But is it really true? Is there really a career
that you are passionate about and feels like you are in vacation?
No, we don’t think so. If you are earning money, you really have to work hard for it. But if you
have learned to love your job, it somehow eases your tiredness.

Working in maritime jobs is something to be truly proud of. You’re keeping the world of trade
and commerce rolling!

But sometimes it can be easy to lose sight of why we’re in the career that we’ve chosen and if
your homesickness is making you wonder why you chose to work in jobs at sea, it could be time
to remind yourself why you’re onboard and fall back in love with your trade.

Family Issues

We all have issues in life particularly family issues. Aside from issues at work, we also deal with
issues involving our families. Some seafarers succumb to these issues.

1. Unnecessary things should not be shared to you

When you are still in your own homes, tell your family members the condition of your future
workplace. Explain to them not just the shore leaves and the parties, but also the hardships
brought by your work. With that, they will think not to disturb you with petty things.

If it’s not important, they should just refrain sharing it to you. What can you possibly do
anyway? You are onboard. You are not physically there. You will just get disturbed or bothered
by it.

2. Arguments and Fights

Disagreements are normal. However, when healthy communication falters and discussions
increasingly become arguments, a solution must be found.
Sometimes, when we are too tired, we tend to become irritable. And this irritableness, it
increases the severity of the disagreement. They can even permanently damage relationships.
Therefore, it is critical to handle arguments with care, not allowing heightened emotions to get
the better of you.

Retaliate. Sleep. Take your rest. And talk to them again.

3. Money Problems

The main reason what motivates most of the seafarers is money. Despite the lucrativeness of our
job, there are still who has money issues.

Therefore, before you board the vessel, talk to your family about better budgeting and money
management, but also a change in the way they look at money and material possessions.

4. A family member is sick, or passed away due to sudden death

There are a few who have experienced that their family member got sick, injured by an accident
or have a serious health condition.

If a family member is sick or is injured, call your nearby friends or relatives to assist them. But
don’t let this affect your work, the slight distraction to your work may put you in danger. And if
you get injured, how will you able to provide for them.

If a family member has a terminal health condition (cancer), you have to assess the situation
here. Will that family member doesn’t have much time left? What stage is the disease? If that
love one is already in the terminal stage, you can ask your senior officer that you will avail
repatriation.

If you ever experience this, don’t just keep it to yourself and bottle up the emotions. You have to
let it out. Talk to your crew mate. Show your worries to them. And lastly, trust the LORD.

Managing Long Distance Relationships/ Love issues

1. Communication

Before you board the vessel, explain to your special someone that your communication will
somehow be affected because of unstable internet connection, or no internet connection (only
crew mail). Beforehand, ask them of their email accounts just in case you board a vessel with
only a crew mail.
Lucky you if you have a strong internet connection, however, also keep in mind to keep tabs of
your rest hours.

2. Trust

Trust is the foundation of a relationship.

Just learn to trust. When a seafarer is onboard, the only thing we can do is to trust our partners to
behave accordingly. You might have suspicions of infidelity. But what can you possibly do? If
it’s meant to happen, it will happen. Therefore, if you love someone, learn to trust.

3. Spice things up

Since you are away, make an effort to surprise them. If you have your monthsary, prepare a
poem, a recorded song or a video. It might look so cringey but definitely, they will be touched
and will fall inlove with you even more.