Week3 - Maintaining Flow

Maintaining
The Flow
CPIT-221
This material is mostly referenced from Mike Markel,

2016, Technical Communication, pp: 215-239 Dr. Rayed AlGhamdi, Dr. Seyed M. Buhari & Dr. Noor Bajunaid
Content
01 Structuring Sentences
How do I relate my writings word by word / sentence by sentence?
02 Choosing Right Words & Phrases

How to be clear & direct by using straightforward words/phrases?
03 Improving My Writing
I am practicing more…
Objectives
After successful completion of this material, I should
be able to:
1. Understand the principles of structuring effective

sentences & choosing the right words/phrases
in the right places.
2. Reflect these principles on my own writing.
Maintaining The Flow
How to facilitate for your readers/listeners to keep following?
“ In technical writing/speaking, the main goal is to clarify my message to

my readers/listeners so they can act accordingly. It is not about presenting
how smart I am! It is not about demonstrating my creativeness playing
with vocabulary… I should remember, in this situation I am a technical
communicator and not academic or creative one!
“
Technical Communication
CPIT-221
Structuring Sentences
How do I relate my writing words/sentences?
How do I relate my writings in words/sentences?
Good technical communication consists of clear, graceful sentences

that convey information economically. This section describes six
principles for structuring effective sentences:
1. Emphasize new and important information.
2. Choose an appropriate sentence length.
3. Focus on the “real” subject.
4. Focus on the “real” verb.
5. Use parallel structure.
6. Use modifiers effectively.
How do I relate my writing in words/sentences?
1. Emphasize new and important information.

o Sentences are often easier to understand and more emphatic if new
information appears at the end.
o For instance, if your company has labor problems and you want to
describe the possible results, structure the sentence like this:
- Because of labor problems, we anticipate a three-week delay.
In this case, “three weeks delay” is the new information.
o If the readers already expect a three-weeks delay but don’t know the
reason for it, reverse the structure:
- We anticipate the three-week delay in production because of labor problems.
Here, the new and important information is “labor problem”.
2. Choose an appropriate sentence length.

o Sometimes sentence length affects the quality of the writing. In general,
an average of 12 to 18 words per sentence is effective for most
technical communication.
o Avoid Overly Long Sentences!
o How long is too long? There is no simple answer, because ease of
reading depends on the:
▪ vocabulary
▪ sentence structure
▪ sentence length
The reader’s motivation and knowledge of the topic; the purpose of the
communication; and the conventions of the application you are using.

o The conceptual, or “real” subject of the sentence should be also be
the grammatical subject.
o Don’t disguise or bury the real subject in a prepositional phrase
following a weak grammatical subject.
o In the following examples, the weak subjects obscure the real
subjects:
▪ Weak: The use of this method would eliminate the problem of motor damage.
▪ Strong: This method would eliminate the problem of motor damage.
▪ Weak: The presence of a six-membered lactone ring was detected.
▪ Strong: A six-membered lactone ring was detected.

o It’s helpful to ask yourself: what is the topic of this sentence?
o In addition, by reducing the words that are grammatically
functioning but have no meaning:
▪ Weak: There is no alternative for us except to withdraw the product.
▪ Strong: We have no alternative except to withdraw the product.
▪ Weak: It is hoped that testing the evaluation copies of the software will help us
make this decision.
▪ Strong: We hope that testing the evaluation copies of the software will help us
make this decision.
4. Focus on the “real” verb.

o A common problem in technical communication is the inappropriate
use of a nominalized verb - a verb that has been changed into a noun,
then coupled with a weaker verb.
▪ to install becomes to effect an installation.
▪ to analyze becomes to conduct an analysis.
o Notice how nominalizing the verbs makes the following sentences both
awkward and unnecessarily long:
▪ Weak: Each preparation of the solution is done twice.
▪ Strong: Each solution is prepared twice.
▪ Weak: Consideration should be given to an acquisition of the properties.
▪ Strong: We should consider acquiring the properties.
5. Use parallel structure.

o A sentence is parallel if its coordinate elements follow the same
grammatical form
o When using parallel constructions, make sure that parallel items in a
series do not overlap, causing confusion or even changing the
meaning of the sentence
o Don’t link ideas inappropriately; only link ideas from the same
category

o Modifiers are words, phrases, and clauses that describe other elements
in the sentence
o What the modifier provides? Necessary information about word or phrase
or simply provides additional information
o Distinguish Restrictive and Nonrestrictive Modifiers
▪ a restrictive modifier restricts the meaning of its antecedent
– The airplanes used in the exhibitions are slightly modified.
– Please disregard the notice you recently received from us.
▪ In most cases, the restrictive modifier doesn’t require a relative pronoun, such
as that, but you can choose to use the pronoun that (or who, for people)
– Please disregard the notice that you recently received from us.

o A nonrestrictive modifier does not restrict the meaning of its antecedent
o If you omit the nonrestrictive modifier, the basic sentence retains its
primary meaning.
▪ The Hubble telescope, intended to answer fundamental questions about
the origin of the universe, was last repaired in 2002.
o If you use a relative pronoun with a nonrestrictive modifier, choose which
(or who or whom for a person).
▪ Go to the Registration Area, which is located on the second floor.
o Use commas to separate a non-restrictive modifier from the rest of the
sentence.

Avoid misplaced modifiers
o Placement of the modifier determines the meaning of the sentence
o Only Turner received a cost-of-living increase last year.
▪ Meaning: Nobody else received one.
o Turner received only a cost-of-living increase last year.
▪ Meaning: He didn’t receive a merit increase.
o Turner received a cost-of-living increase only last year.
▪ Meaning: He received a cost-of-living increase as recently as last year.
o Turner received a cost-of-living increase last year only.
▪ Meaning: He received a cost-of-living increase in no other year.

o Place the modifier as close as possible to its intended antecedent
▪ MISPLACED: The subject of the meeting is the future of geothermal energy
in the downtown Webster Hotel.
▪ CORRECT: The subject of the meeting in the downtown Webster Hotel is the
future of geothermal energy.
o Squinting modifier falls ambiguously between two possible antecedents
▪ UNCLEAR: We decided immediately to purchase the new system.
– What is immediate: decision or purchase?
▪ CLEAR: We immediately decided to purchase the new system.
▪ CLEAR: We decided to purchase the new system immediately.

o Misplaced modifier due to with correlative constructions, such as
either . . . or, neither . . . nor, and not only . . . but also
▪ MISPLACED: The new refrigerant not only decreases energy costs but also
spoilage losses.
▪ CORRECT: The new refrigerant decreases not only energy costs but also
spoilage losses.
o If the sentence contains two different verbs, each half of the correlative
construction precedes a verb
▪ The new refrigerant not only decreases energy costs but also reduces
spoilage losses.

Avoid dangling modifiers
o A dangling modifier has no antecedent in the sentence and can therefore be
unclear
▪ DANGLING: Trying to solve the problem, the instructions seemed unclear.
▪ CORRECT: As I was trying to solve the problem, the instructions seemed unclear.
▪ CORRECT: Trying to solve the problem, I thought the instructions seemed unclear.
o Switch from the indicative mood (a statement of fact) to the imperative mood (a
request or command)
▪ DANGLING: To initiate the procedure, the BEGIN button should be pushed. (indicative
mood)
▪ CORRECT: To initiate the procedure, push the BEGIN button. (imperative mood)
Choosing Right Words & Phrases
o In technical communication, choosing the right words and phrases

in the right places is critical.
o Technical communicator needs to pay high attention to:
▪ Selecting an appropriate level of formality.
▪ Being clear and specific.
▪ Being concise.
1. Selecting an appropriate level of formality

o Technical communication usually requires a moderately formal or highly formal
style. Informal tends to be imprecise and can be embarrassing.
▪ INFORMAL The Acorn 560 is a real screamer. With 5.5 GHz of pure computing power,
it slashes through even the thickest spreadsheets before you can say 2 + 2 = 4.
▪ MODERATELY FORMAL With its 5.5-GHz microprocessor, the Acorn 560 can handle
even the most complicated spreadsheets quickly.
▪ HIGHLY FORMAL With a 5.5-GHz microprocessor, the Acorn 560 is a high-speed
personal computer appropriate for computation-intensive applications such as large,
complex spreadsheets.
o To determine the appropriate level and tone, think about your audience, your
subject, and your purpose.
2. Be clear and specific

o Follow these guidelines to make your writing clear and specific:
▪ Be specific.
▪ Avoid unnecessary jargons.
▪ Use positive constructions.
▪ Avoid long noun strings.
▪ Avoid euphemisms.
2. Be clear and specific: be specific

o Use precise words
▪ Don’t indicate an automobile like Ford Focus with less-specific vehicle
o Provide adequate detail

▪ VAGUE: An engine on the plane experienced some difficulties.
▪ CLEAR: The left engine on the Cessna 310 temporarily lost power during flight.
o Avoid ambiguity
▪ AMBIGUOUS: After stirring by hand for 10 seconds, add three drops of the iodine mixture to
the solution.
▪ CLEAR: Stir the iodine mixture by hand for 10 seconds. Then add three drops to the solution.
▪ CLEAR: Stir the solution by hand for 10 seconds. Then add three drops of the iodine mixture.
2. Be clear and specific: avoid unnecessary jargons

o Jargon is defined as define it as “writing that one does not understand” or
“nonsensical, incoherent, or meaningless talk.”
o Jargon specific to a field can be used to address technically
knowledgeable audience
o Jargon can be imprecise
o Jargon can be confusing
o Jargon is often seen as condescending (showing off)
o Jargon is often intimidating
2. Be clear and specific: use positive constructions

o “most” instead of “not all”
o DIFFICULT: Because the team did not have sufficient time to complete the
project, it was unable to produce a satisfactory report.
o SIMPLER: Because the team had too little time to complete the project, it
produced an unsatisfactory report.
2. Be clear and specific: avoid long noun strings

o UNCLEAR: preregistration procedures instruction sheet update
o CLEAR: an update of the instruction sheet for preregistration procedures
o AMBIGUOUS: The building contains a special incoming materials storage
area.
o UNAMBIGUOUS: The building contains a special area for storing
incoming materials.
o UNAMBIGUOUS: The building contains an area for storing special
incoming materials.
2. Be clear and specific: avoid euphemisms

o A euphemism is a polite way of saying something that makes people
unconformable
o Here are several euphemisms for firing someone:
personnel-surplus reduction dehiring
workforce-imbalance correction decruiting
rightsizing redundancy elimination
indefinite idling downsizing
career-change-opportunity creation permanent furloughing
administrative streamlining personnel realignment
synergy-related headcount restructuring
3. Be concise
o The following five principles can help you write concise technical
documents:
▪ Avoid obvious statements.
▪ Avoid filler.
▪ Avoid unnecessary prepositional phrase.
▪ Avoid wordy phrases.
▪ Avoid fancy words.
3. Be concise: avoid obvious statements
▪ SLUGGISH: The market for the sale of flash memory chips is

dominated by two chip manufacturers: Intel and Advanced Micro
Systems. These two chip manufacturers are responsible for 76
percent of the $1.3 billion market in flash memory chips last year.
▪ IMPROVED: The market for flash memory chips is dominated by Intel

and Advanced Micro Systems, two companies that claimed 76
percent of the $1.3 billion industry last year.
3. Be concise: avoid filler

o In our writing, we sometimes use filler, much of which is more suited to
speech. Consider the following examples:
▪ basically, kind of, certain rather, essentially, sort of, etc.
▪ BLOATED: I think that, basically, the board felt sort of betrayed, in a

sense, by the kind of behavior the president displayed.
▪ BETTER: The board felt betrayed by the president’s behavior.

3. Be concise: avoid unnecessary prepositional phrase

o Prepositional phrase consists of a preposition followed by a noun or a
noun equivalent
▪ LONG: The increase in the number of students enrolled in the materials

engineering program at Lehigh University is suggestive of the regard in which
that program is held by the university’s new students.
▪ SHORTER: The increased enrollment in Lehigh University’s materials-

engineering program suggests that the university’s new students consider it a
good program.
3. Be concise: avoid wordy phrases

o Wordy phrases also make writing long and boring.
o For example, some people write on a daily basis rather than daily.
o The long phrase may sound more important, but daily says the same
thing more concisely.
▪ WORDY: I am of the opinion that, in regard to profit achievement, the statistics
pertaining to this month will appear to indicate an upward tendency.
▪ CONCISE: I think this month’s statistics will show an increase in profits.

3. Be concise: avoid fancy words

o Writers sometimes think they will impress their readers by using fancy
words
o In technical communication, plain talk is best.
o Compare the following fancy sentence with its plain-English version:
▪ FANCY: The purchase of a database program will enhance our record-
maintenance capabilities.
▪ PLAIN: Buying a database program will help us maintain our records.

Choosing The Rights Words/Phrases
Thank you
.

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Maintaining

This material is mostly referenced from Mike Markel,

02 Choosing Right Words & Phrases

1. Understand the principles of structuring effective

“ In technical writing/speaking, the main goal is to clarify my message to

Good technical communication consists of clear, graceful sentences

1. Emphasize new and important information.

2. Choose an appropriate sentence length.

3. Focus on the “real” subject.

3. Focus on the “real” subject.

4. Focus on the “real” verb.

5. Use parallel structure.

6. Use modifiers effectively.

6. Use modifiers effectively.

6. Use modifiers effectively.

6. Use modifiers effectively.

6. Use modifiers effectively.

6. Use modifiers effectively.

o In technical communication, choosing the right words and phrases

▪ Selecting an appropriate level of formality.

▪ Being clear and specific.

1. Selecting an appropriate level of formality

2. Be clear and specific

2. Be clear and specific: be specific

o Provide adequate detail

2. Be clear and specific: avoid unnecessary jargons

2. Be clear and specific: use positive constructions

2. Be clear and specific: avoid long noun strings

2. Be clear and specific: avoid euphemisms

3. Be concise: avoid obvious statements

▪ SLUGGISH: The market for the sale of flash memory chips is

▪ IMPROVED: The market for flash memory chips is dominated by Intel

3. Be concise: avoid filler

▪ BLOATED: I think that, basically, the board felt sort of betrayed, in a

▪ BETTER: The board felt betrayed by the president’s behavior.

3. Be concise: avoid unnecessary prepositional phrase

▪ LONG: The increase in the number of students enrolled in the materials

▪ SHORTER: The increased enrollment in Lehigh University’s materials-

3. Be concise: avoid wordy phrases

▪ CONCISE: I think this month’s statistics will show an increase in profits.

3. Be concise: avoid fancy words

▪ PLAIN: Buying a database program will help us maintain our records.

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