Triggers

a poetry collection by
Ezeilie Nehir
 Introduction

my life is in question
I need a helping of
perfection
a glimpse of that
sensation
my reflection is a scary
conversation;

I can only have alone

 Bury me in roses
bury me in sunshine
so I will rise again
onto this earth
with heaven
in my veins
maybe you’ll be there waiting for me
in the next abyss we are born into
leaving heaven behind wearing
wings that are broken
 they pick me up with their tongues
voice my reflection that screamed for freedom
why couldn’t they let me go before I died trying
I don’t want to say goodbye so soon
but I have to watch you go
I have to let you go
even if you tell me no
 if there was one thing, I wanted from you
it was for you to love me into eternity dead or alive
I wanted you to hold me close to you forever
but I could not do better than what I did
could not be better than what I am
for better for worse so go ahead
watch as I go violent red trying to escape
my head and the words tied around my throat
you left me to scream, you left me to dread
my heart was here
the entire time
I was just to blind
to see it
I was just to numb
to feel it
his pasty brown eyes laid his hands on mine,
it was whisky and wine on the same night,
we were no good for each other
but he made me feel so alive

the intoxication of his lips had me undressed,

he kissed my hips within minutes I was his
 A letter to Ezeilie

start from the beginning, don’t be scared I know you hate yourself today
but forgive them, forgive you. I know you are tired of the voices in your
head, making you choices you wish you never did. I don’t want you to
give in, we have a life to live a story to begin. Don’t hide beneath to mask
your forced behind. I know they stare and you wish you weren’t here; you
wish they weren’t there. You know I care and I wish I could be there to
hold you together, to give you purpose, I don’t want you to let go of who
you are we can push through this, live for me live for us

Love, Cosmo
 Good morning heartache
a familiar face I've made love
to everyday
 I am prescribed medication for my insanity induced by the tragedy
outside of my brain inside there is pain, it is not a delusion
but a reality on replay. To this day I tell myself that I am okay thought I
am twisted, I am wrong for being this way. I should be contemplating
running but I love this place, it’s the only home I have the only love I
made.

if I leave I will have nobody, not even something I have no money

don’t know which direction I’m going while Im steering my mind down
this street, I’m swerving and I can’t seem to keep moving forward, I just
keep stopping and returning, relapsing, withdrawing please inject me
with your love, I need your love, I want your love, I want to overdose and
give you what you want
I love you but I hate everything you’ve done to me.
I love you but I can’t swallow the reality
I love you, you are family but it hurts to be
I am guilty for letting you hurt me
I am guilty for letting the time pass me by
I want to say hello, but I have to say good bye
I HATE YOU FOR STANDING BY
AND WATCHING ME DIE
I WANT TO LEAVE
I WANT TO SAY GOOD-BYE
I WANNA FLY I WANNA CRY
LET ME OUT OF THIS DISGUISE
LET ME OUT OF YOUR HANDS
LET ME OUT OF YOUR LIFE