I am what I am, Babe

More or less 5:30 in the morning, everything was new. We went down the jeepney, it
was dark waiting sunrise. Afraid and hesitant, humbled and confused, it was I, then,
who felt the same. Lonely but not alone, I have them with me. Feeling this loneliness
made me think of the fate I was about to make in this whole new place. Inside, I saw
many people, unaccountable even unknowable. Familiar faces were present at that
same moment. Hungry and still lonely, a food is enough to feed the belly. It was a
sudden shift. The only thing remembered was lying in a cold dirty mat in a cold misty air
at night, hungry. In this place were never the same. I had to make a shift, too. Adjusting
from the new environment, hoping to be “in” the group I’ve been. Enculturating new
ideals, traditions, beliefs, learning to be okay even when not. Meeting new faces,
making friends because I have to. Counting the days of stay, still the waiting is long.
Minutes into hours seems running too slow. Hours into days still feels the same way. I
had to make a shift, a leap of fate. The person I had with me was still confused and
afraid. I had to tell him not to, but still we argue. It was 3 days ago since I’ve arrived,
there were changes. I’ve talked to a stranger, now a dear friend. It was once “a friend”
until it became “friends.” Now I can talk to many, I am no longer lonely. It was then a
month since, still am hungry. I had to feed my belly. I had to gain much energy. Now,
I’ve missed who I’ve left outside, I had to struggle on that in the inside. I was asking,
what am I doing here? I could have been so free had I not been here.