NEGATIVITY

“Do not give your attention to what others do or fail to do; give it to what you
do or fail to do.”

We have three core emotional needs, which I like to think of as peace, love, and
understanding (thanks Nick Lowe and Elvis Costello). Negativity—in conversation,
emotions, and actions—often springs from a threat to one of the three needs: a fear
that bad things are going to happen (loss of peace), a fear of not being loved
(loss of love), or a fear of being disrespected (loss of understanding). From these
fears stem all sorts of other emotions—feeling overwhelmed, insecure, hurt,
competitive, needy, and so on. These negative feelings spring out of us as
complaints, comparisons, and criticisms and other negative behaviors. Think of the
trolls who dive onto social media, dumping ill will on their targets. Perhaps their
fear is that they aren’t respected, and they turn to trolling to feel significant.
Or perhaps their political beliefs are generating the fear that their world is
unsafe

But if we adopt a victim mentality, we’re more likely to take on a sense of

entitlement and to behave selfishly. Stanford psychologists took 104 subjects and
assigned them to one of two groups—one told to write a short essay about a time
they were bored, and the other to write about a time when life seemed unfair or
when they felt “wronged or slighted by someone.” Afterward, the participants were
asked if they wanted to help the researchers with an easy task. Those who’d written
about a time they’d been wronged were 26 percent less likely to help the
researchers. In a similar study, participants who identified with a victim mindset
were not only more likely to express selfish attitudes afterward, they were also
more likely to leave behind trash and even take the experimenters’ pens!

- long-term stress,complaining- affects reasoning and memory.

TYPES OF NEGATIVE PEOPLE

Complainers (canatretul, mama, lori, )
Cancellers, who take a compliment and spin it:
Casualties, who think the world is against them (aur..)
Critics, (eu, cosmin, proprietara)
Commanders, who realize their own limits but pressure others to succeed (gabriela,
dna gabi, maria., costin...
Competitors, who compare themselves to others, controlling and manipulating to make
themselves or their choices look better.(maria, costin, robi)
Controllers, who monitor and try to direct how their friends or partners spend
time, and with whom, and what choices they make.
machidonul)

Don’t judge someone with a different disease

Once you recognize a complainer isn’t looking for solutions, you realize you don’t
have to provide them.

If you put everyone into the same box of negativity (“They’re so annoying!”), you
aren’t any closer to deciding how to manage each relationship.