Revising Cover Letter

The following cover letter accompanies Brenda Trudell’s résumé

Your Task. Analyze each section of the following cover letter written by Brenda and list its weaknesses. Your
instructor may ask you to revise this letter before showing you an improved version.
Dear Human Resources Director:

Please consider this letter as an application for the position of assistant manager that I saw at your Web
site. Although I am working part time and trying to finish my degree program, I think a position at your
industry-leading firm would be beneficial and would certainly look good on my résumé.
I have been studying management at Langston University for four years. I have taken courses in business law,
management, finance, accounting, and marketing, but I am most interested in my management courses. I am
especially interested in human resources management.

I have been an active student member of the Business Club, in addition to my course work. I liked the Business worked at Marsh
and McLennan as an administrative assistant. I should mention that I have had another
internship, which was at Peterson Controls. I worked in general management, but I am more interested in
human resources management.

I am a competent, reliable, well-organized person who gets along pretty well with others. I feel that I have a
strong foundation in management as a result of my course work and my experience. I hope you will agree
that, along with my personal qualities and my desire to succeed, I qualify for the position, which begins
March 1, with your company.

Yours very truly,

1. List at least six weaknesses in the cover letter.

Résumé of Brenda Ann Trudell

5349 West Plaza Place

Tulsa, OK 74115-3394
Home: 834-4583 Cell: 594-2985
E-mail: supahsnugglykitty@aol.com

OBJECTIVE: I would like to find an entry-level position with a large corporation that offers opportunity for
advancement
SKILLS: Word processing, Internet browsers (Explorer and Yahoo), Excel, Powerpoint, typing 25 w.a.m,
Excel, database, spreadsheet.
EDUCATION
Langston University, Tulsa, Oklahoma. Now working on B.B.A. Major: Management; GPA in major is 3.5.
Expected degree date: June, 2008. Interested in human recourses management. Took Labor Relations as well
as Hiring Practices.
EXPERIENCE
Administrative Assistant, 2006 to present. Marsh and McLennan, Inc., Tulsa. I greet clients as they come in the
door and answer the phone when they call. I type up letters, memos, and reports. I make coffee and keep the
break room clean. Have to be accurate and friendly. The owner of Marsh and McLennan said I was reliable and
flexible.
Peterson Controls Inc., Tulsa. I held a Management trainee Internship from July to October, 2005. I helped
design various documents and also processed weekly and monthly information for payroll. I helped prepare
graphs to illustrate payroll deduction data. I answered calls on the telephone, directed them, and photocopied
and collated data and distributed it as needed.
Langston University, Tulsa. I marketed the Business Club to Langston students and organized volunteers
and supplies. Official title: Business Club Recruiter. I did this for three years. I’m proud to be able to help increase
club membership, and I developed people skills.
Community Service: March of Dimes Drive, Central Park High School; All Souls Unitarian Church, assistant
director of Children’s Choir.

1. List at least six weaknesses in this résumé.