ATTACHMENT

The very first meaningful relationship every human being encounters is with one’s mother. From the day
a child was conceived up to its growth, the mother-child relationship, continuously affects the
development of that person.

John Bowlby concluded that our succeeding relationships in the future are all shaped to a large extent by
our attachment to our parents. Psychologist Mary Ainsworth continued on John Bowlby’s work by the
“strange situation” study, which later resulted 3 Attachment patterns (styles).

1. Secure Attachment

A child who is securely attached to its parent will explore freely while the parent is present, will engage
with strangers. These kids are able to separate from the parent (but they are very upset) and they are
happy when parent comes back. They seek comfort (when scared) from the parent. Parents of securely
attached children react quickly to their children's needs and are generally more responsive to their
children than the parents of insecurely attached children.  Studies have shown that securely attached
children are more empathetic during later stages of childhood. These children are also described as less
disruptive, less aggressive, and more mature than children with ambivalent or avoidant attachment styles.

2. Avoidant Attachment

A child will avoid or ignore the caregiver and show little emotion when the parent departs or returns. It is
especially noticeable when parent was absent for some time. The child will not explore very much,
regardless of who is there.  Strangers will not be treated very differently from the parent.  There is not
much emotional range displayed regardless of who is in the room or if it is empty.

3. Anxious-Ambivalent Attachment

A child is anxious of exploration and of strangers, even when the parent is present.  When the parent
departs, the child is extremely distressed.  The child will be ambivalent when she returns and will seek to
remain close to the parent, but will be resentful and they will not feel safe even after reunited with a
parent. They are also resistant when the caregiver initiates attention. Sometimes, child rejects parent by
aggression towards him. Later in their childhood these kids might be described as clingy and over-
dependent. 

However, there is always a hope for the children that have experienced the dysfunctional attachment
styles. Experiencing genuine and transformative adult love relationships can reverse and overcome the
unpleasant experiences they had in childhood.

ATTRACTION

Relationships can be associated with attraction between two people. And often, being attracted to another
person may also mean liking their genes that are perceived through their physical looks. According to
Helen Fisher, there are 3 stages of falling in love:

Stage 1: Lust
When we reach puberty, testosterone and estrogen become active in our bodies. These hormones create
the desire to experience love, and so we start looking for a mate. Who we lust after is influenced by a
number of factors. Looks and personality play a big roll, and research has revealed that we tend to be
attracted to people who remind us of our parents. We also sniff out potential mates, and studies have
found that we tend to prefer the smell of others who have an immune system that is different to our own.
This is a trait also found in the animal kingdom, as it increases the chances of having healthy offspring.

Stage 2: Attraction

This is the truly love-struck phase. When people fall in love they can think of nothing else. They might
even lose their appetite and need less sleep, preferring to spend hours at a time daydreaming about their
new lover. When you become attracted to someone, a series of chemicals are released in the brain.
Dopamine, which is also activated by cocaine and nicotine, produces the feeling of bliss and is also
associated with addiction, leading to a loss of appetite and sleepless nights. Norepinephrine/Adrenaline
activates stress responses, causing an increased heart rate and sweating, and a protein called nerve growth
factor is produced, which is thought to intensify romantic feelings. Serotonin levels fall to a similar level
found in people with obsessive-compulsive disorder, making it difficult to keep the object of your desire
out of your thoughts, and you also begin to idealize them, becoming oblivious to their flaws.

Stage 3: Attachment

If a relationship is going to last beyond the attraction stage, a strong bond must form. Two key hormones,
oxytocin and vasopressin, are involved in forming this long-term commitment. Oxytocin, known as the
cuddle hormone, is released when we hug, kiss and have sex and helps to establish trust and intimacy. It’s
also released during childbirth, helping to strengthen the bond between mother and child. Vasopressin, an
antidiuretic hormone responsible for regulating the body’s retention of water, is also released during sex
and encourages monogamy and protective behaviour. Endorphins also play a key role in the attachment
stage, suppressing pain and creating a sense of security when released during physical contact.

Fisher concluded that since loving has a genetic basis, this is a natural drive that is as powerful as hunger.