TRAINING MATERIALS

ON
HANDLING LOW SELF ESTEEM

SELF DISCOVERY PART 1

(YOUR TEMPERAMENTS, LOVE LANGUAGE AND
PURPOSE)

SELF DISCOVERY PART 2

(THE 30 MOST IMPORTANT QUESTION)

FOR

BY

DANIEL/IKANA AKPATA
Relationship/Marriage Coach/Mentors,
 Life/Business Coach
(TEAMDIAMOND (TheOnlyLoveDoctor))

HANDLING LOW SELF ESTEEM

Why I chose to take us on Low Self Esteem first is to Prepare us for that
Journey of Self Discovery this session will help us understand better why we
find it difficult to be who we are.

People with Low Self Esteem feel they are not beautiful, they can't do it, they
are not worth anything, they are never perfect in doing things, And not up to
other people's standard.

I'll define some terms now:

Let's look at the word LOW:

Low: means of less than average from top to bottom or to the top from the
ground, or of very little quality.

Self: a person's essential being that distinguishes them from others,

especially considered as a object or introspection or reflexive action.

Esteem: means Respect and Admiration

So my own definition of Low Self Esteem is placing yourself or oneself below

or of little importance to the essence of your/their existence by disrespecting
or disregarding them/yourself.

If you have low self-esteem you will feel incompetent, unworthy, poor about
yourself and incapable. Trust me, the above statement isn't True. Nobody is
unworthy, I mean nobody. Trust me.

Let me share some factor that causes Low Self Esteem

1. You are being abused or neglected: mostly this happens in families
and relationships/marriage.

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Many people stay in such situations because they feel only the abuser
accepts them for who they are, This theory is totally WRONG and
UNACCEPTABLE

Question? Why will you let a follow human being oppress you?

2. When you are not appreciated for your efforts.

Even some bosses are guilty of this crime, Husbands and wives, Friends and
relatives. 

For every effort you are not appreciated, you feel less of yourself, Stand in
front of the mirror and say well-done to yourself, Buy yourself a bottle of
drink to celebrate your success. We do this a lot. After this training, we will
go to the Cinema tomorrow celebrate hitting our target.

3. Being the only unattractive or odd person in a peer or family group.

Your sibling are fair your dark in complexion, You have an awkward
dentition, Your head is an headward , And the rest of it, So how about you
use your teeth for close-up advert.

How about you feel you’re different and special, when it's only you with a
different and special skin colour. When I was growing up, I noticed a lot of
people would look at me in an unusual way.

And when I talk they seem lost. I was confused at some point, And was forced
to asked why this happens. They confessed because most time they don't
understand what I say, I talk fast then. And because I was beautiful.

So you see the POWER OF QUESTIONS, one of the 12 qualities you most
possess!

You don't have to accept the way people treat you! Ask questions WHY?

It may not really be something bad, or anything bad! But because they have
low self esteem to approach you. Always remember this.

4. Constant stress
When you are constantly stressed, and get nothing in return usual make one
feel worthless, *Especially when you can't say NO to some responsibilities you
know you are not capable of doing.*

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5. Some childhood memories you wouldn't let go
Like maybe you were raped, tortured by parents, You were always being
bullied at school or In your neighbourhood, Or maybe you had nightmares as
a child then, Your sibling eats all the food when you eat together and your
always left with nothing, Etc.

These memories we've all had But the power to celebrate it and laugh over
them is the winning power in you! 

That's called Your Will Power! Funny, Everyone has it THE WILL POWER

6. When you Believe everything about you is Negative

Haba! Why would you feel that way, or even think it.

You are allowed to feel this way if the meaning of your name is Jabez, or
Sorrow, or Impossible or any negative word. Even Jabez at some point in his
life knew better.

Low self esteem is mostly from our true life experience, which are cause
by negative experience.

But you must understand that We have the Will Power to choose the positive
side of life. These experiences are influenced sometimes from our
*communities, families, friends, schools and work place.

Am sure you know there are serious damages done to yourself, such as:

*Depression*
We have decided to talk more on Depression as it seems a lot of happy
people are becoming depressed every day by day
A mental health disorder characterised by persistently depressed mood or
loss of interest in activities, causing significant impairment in daily life. More
than 1.5 million cases per year In Nigeria. This Very common unknowingly.

Possible causes include a combination of biological, psychological and social

sources of distress. Increasingly, research suggests that these factors may
cause changes in brain function, including altered activity of certain neural
circuits in the brain.

The persistent feeling of sadness or loss of interest that characterises major

depression can lead to a range of behavioural and physical symptoms. These

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may include changes in sleep, appetite, energy level, concentration, daily
behaviour or self-esteem. Depression can also be associated with thoughts of
suicide.

Do you have Signs of Depression?

Months back Forbes Shared interesting Things You Need To Know About
Depression by Jeena Cho

1. Depression Looks Different For Different People

The following are signs and symptoms of depression:
Persistent Sad, Anxious, Or "Empty" Mood
Feelings Of Hopelessness, Pessimism
Feelings Of Guilt, Worthlessness, Helplessness
Loss Of Interest Or Pleasure In Hobbies And Activities
Decreased Energy, Fatigue, Being "Slowed Down"
Difficulty Concentrating, Remembering, Making Decisions
Difficulty Sleeping, Early-Morning Awakening Or Oversleeping
Appetite And/Or Weight Changes
Thoughts Of Death Or Suicide; Suicide Attempts
Restlessness, Irritability
Persistent Physical Symptoms

This is just a partial list and not everyone experiences every symptom.

Depression is easily spotted when it takes the form that people readily
recognize: sadness.
However, according to Brooklyn, “depression can often be masked with anger,
or irritability. Having depression, which is in a sense deep, deep sadness,
doesn't sit well with many people, particularly men. It seems 'weak,'

"If more people could connect their annoyance, frustration and irritability
with depression (a shame-filled emotion) there might be less requests
for anger management and more for anger expression.”

2. Your Fears About Depression—They Are Normal

Many therapists shared that it's extremely common for those who struggle
with depression to have fears, or sometimes even self-loathing, about how
they feel. Fear of stigma of being diagnosed with depression too, Fear that
they might lose a relationship or their job.

They erringly believe that feelings of depression mean that they are "crazy."
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Their culture discourages asking for help with anything that could be seen as
a mental disturbance.

Seeking treatment for depression often involves confronting terrifying parts of

our minds and hearts that we would rather not see or know. The idea of
sharing these aspects with a professional helper can leave us feeling
shameful and vulnerable. That a depressed person even makes a call to
inquire about therapy is a huge step. It takes a great deal of courage to move
towards helping yourself like that.

3. Understanding The Spectrum Of Depression 

People can mistakenly see depression as being binary. I either have
depression or I don't.
Thousands of people who don't seek treatment for depression would if we
viewed mental health in our culture as being on a continuum, as opposed to
"either I'm crazy or I'm not."
If being in therapy wasn't so stigmatized, more people would seek out
treatment and continue with it as they see improved health. This isn’t a
yardstick not to seek therapy. It's okay to see a therapist! It doesn't mean you
are crazy!”

4. Practice Self-Compassion
Oftentimes, we can be incredibly judgmental and critical of ourselves and
how we feel. You may catch yourself engaging in negative self-talk. If someone
you love, say your child, your spouse, your parent, your best friend, came to
you and shared that he or she was struggling with depression, what would
you say to him or her? See if you can offer yourself that same level of self-
compassion. You may want to come up with a phrase or a mantra that you
can repeat when you catch your mind filled with negative self-talk such as:
“This is a difficult moment. May I be kind to myself.”

5. Helpful Tips
A list of suggestions that you may find to be helpful:
Increase the amount of time you spend in sunlight.
Light increases serotonin production and lifts the mood. Sadly, a lot of people
who are depressed withdraw by closing the shades and living in the dark.

Make a schedule to eat, sleep and walk. Depressed people have to schedule
these basics because if they wait until they “feel like it,” they may skip it
altogether.

Create new memories by seeking out your passions. Try new adventures.
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Daily journaling can speed up the process of recovery from depression.

Talk to someone you trust. It is necessary to find outlets for processing

depression. Talk through your depressive experiences with someone you
trust.

Get help. Psychotherapy with the right therapist can be immensely helpful.

Develop healthy habits.

Foster good sleep hygiene.

Connection with others is incredibly important. Depressed individuals tend to

isolate or only connect with people who might be more negative.

Eating healthy is important; a diet rich in vegetables and fruits, low in sugar
and caffeine, eliminating processed foods and ensuring hydration, will help
the individual to equip themselves with nutritional resources to combat the
demands that depression places on their body and mind.

6. Depression Doesn't Define You As A Person

If you suffered from a broken leg, you wouldn't say “I am a broken leg.”
Similarly, if you suffer from depression, it's a temporary state.

Treatment for depression is perceived by many people as a “weakness” of who

they are as a person. When someone has a broken leg, they see a doctor.
When they have symptoms of diabetes, they see an endocrinologist. When
they have symptoms of depression, they think, “something is wrong with
me,” and often blame themselves. This skewed thinking is partly due to
the depression itself but also due to the overall perception of mental illness or
behavioral health as different from other health issues. There reality is, it is
not different.

7. Getting Familiar With Your Depression

There is no one-size-fits-all solution when it comes to depression. Everyone
experiences depression differently, and the causes for depression will also
vary. This also means that the treatment that works for one person may not
work for you.

Getting familiar with your depression necessarily means that you must see if
there's a reason behind the depression. 
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8. Thoughts of Suicide
Thoughts of suicide are very common for people who are struggling with
depression. If you have thoughts of suicide, or harming yourself, please seek
help immediately.

9. Advice For Living With Someone With Depression

“Someone exhibiting symptoms of depression is not 'lazy.' Validating an
individual's feelings through active listening may lead the individual to feel
supported.”
Active, compassionate, empathetic listening is crucial in supporting someone
with depression. Listen to them. If, intentionally, he/she decides that it is
time to talk about the issues, truly listen rather than waiting for your turn to
speak. Just validate the feelings that are being shared and restrain yourself
from offering a load of advice. It is amazing how far the words “Wow, that
sounds so hard” can take you with someone who is suffering from
depression. With a warm hug.

10. Depression is treatable

Finally, if you or someone you know is suffering from depression, remember
this, depression is one of the most widely studied and treatable mental health
problems. Reaching out to a professional is the absolute best thing that can
be done to increase of your chances of reducing the symptoms.
In addition, there are many different treatment options for depression, so
don't give up if one form of therapy doesn't work for you.
If you are suffering from depression, remember these words from Susan
J. Noonan, Depression does not define you. You are more than your
depression symptoms. You are a person with skills, traits,
accomplishments, special qualities that others cherish. You are still the
same person you were before the symptoms began, it may just be hard
for you to see that now.

*Anger*    
Anger is an emotion characterized by antagonism toward someone or
something you feel has deliberately done you wrong. Anger can be a good
thing. It can give you a way to express negative feelings, for example, or
motivate you to find solutions to problems. But excessive anger can cause
problems.

How do you Management Excess Anger:

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Keeping your temper in check can be challenging. But you must stay in
control.

Do you fume when someone cuts you off in traffic? Does your blood pressure
rocket when your child refuses to cooperate? Anger is a normal and even
healthy emotion — but it's important to deal with it in a positive way.

Uncontrolled anger can take a toll on both your health and your
relationships.

1. Think before you speak

2. Once you're calm, express your anger
3. Get some exercise
4. Take a timeout
5. Identify possible solutions
6. Don't hold a grudge
7. Use humor to release tension
8. Practice relaxation skills
9. Know when to seek help
10. Accept Professional Help

*Shyness* 
Shyness can be a characteristic of people who have low self-esteem. Stronger
forms of shyness are usually referred to as social anxiety or social phobia.

The primary defining characteristic of shyness is a largely ego-driven fear of

what other people will think of a person's behavior.

Shyness can truly hold people back--partly because those who are shy tend
to avoid public situations and speaking up, and partly because they
experience so much chronic anxiety.

If that's you, take comfort in knowing you are far from alone--four out of 10
people consider themselves shy.
Do you know Shyness can be overcome. With time and effort and a desire to
change, it's possible to break through.
If your shyness is severe, you may need help from a therapist or counselor,
but most people can overcome it on their own.

Look at this.

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1. Don't advertise your shyness. Those who are close to you already know,
and others may never even have an opportunity to notice. It's not as visible
as you probably think.

2. Keep it light. If others bring up your shyness, keep your tone casual. If it
becomes part of a discussion, speak of it lightheartedly.

3. Change your tone. If you blush when you're uncomfortable, don't equate it
with shyness. Let it stand on its own.

4. Don't label yourself as shy--or as anything. Let yourself be defined as a

unique individual, not a single trait.

5. Stop self-sabotaging. Sometimes we really are our own worst enemy. Don't
allow your inner critic to put you down. Instead, analyze the power of that
voice so you can defuse it.

6. Know your strengths. Make a list of all your positive qualities--enlist a

friend or family member to help if you need to--and read or recite it when
you're feeling insecure.

7. Choose relationships carefully. Shy people tend to have fewer but deeper
friendships--which means your choice of friend or partner is even more
important. Give your time to the people in your life who are responsive,
warm, and encouraging.

8. Avoid bullies and teases. There are always a few people who are willing to
be cruel or sarcastic if it makes for a good punch line, some who just have no
sense of what's appropriate, and some who don't care whom they hurt. Keep
a healthy distance from these people.

9. Remember that one bad moment doesn't mean a bad day.

10. Shut down your imagination. Shy people sometimes feel disapproval or
rejection even when it isn't there. People probably like you much more than
you give yourself credit for.

  
*Anxiety*
Is A mental health disorder characterised by feelings of worry, anxiety or fear
that are strong enough to interfere with one's daily activities. One that is very
common in Nigeria with More than 1.5 million cases per year.
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*Panic*
Panic is a sudden sensation of fear, which is so strong as to dominate or
prevent reason and logical thinking, replacing it with overwhelming feelings of
anxiety and frantic agitation consistent with an animalistic fight-or-flight
reaction.

How do you handle a panic attack

Professor Paul Salkovskis, Professor of Clinical Psychology and Applied
Science at the University of Bath, says it's important not to let your fear of
panic attacks control you.

"Panic attacks always pass and the symptoms are not a sign of anything
harmful happening," he says. "Tell yourself that the symptoms you're
experiencing are caused by anxiety."

He says don't look for distractions. "Ride out the attack. Try to keep doing
things. If possible, don't leave the situation until the anxiety has subsided."
"Confront your fear. If you don't run away from it, you're giving yourself a
chance to discover that nothing's going to happen."

As the anxiety begins to pass, start to focus on your surroundings and

continue to do what you were doing before.
"If you’re having a short, sudden panic attack, it can be helpful to have
someone with you, reassuring you that it will pass and the symptoms are
nothing to worry about," says Professor Salkovskis.
Breathing exercise for panic attacks If you’re breathing quickly during a
panic attack, doing a breathing exercise can ease your other symptoms. Try
this:
Breathe in as slowly, deeply and gently as you can, through your nose.
Breathe out slowly, deeply and gently through your mouth.
Some people find it helpful to count steadily from one to five on each in-
breath and each out-breath.
Close your eyes and focus on your breathing.

You should start to feel better in a few minutes. You may feel tired
afterwards.

*Trauma*

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Psychological trauma is a type of damage to the mind that occurs as a result
of a distressing event. Trauma is often the result of an overwhelming amount
of stress that exceeds one's ability to cope, or integrate the emotions involved
with that experience.

When you are traumatize take Safety first! If the traumatic situation is
ongoing, get some help to make yourself safe. You may need some help in
finding a safe place to stay.

Talk with someone you trust about what happened.

Talking with Mentors, families and friends may also be good, those you can
trust. Support and understanding at a difficult time can be very helpful. You
don’t have to face it alone.

Know that how you are feeling is very normal for someone who has been
through a traumatic event.

Give yourself time. Know that the way you are feeling will not last, and by
dealing with the fears and thoughts, you will be able to get on with life. Be
kind to yourself.

Accept that it might take a bit of time to adjust.

Spend time doing nice things – relaxing, going for walks, visiting beautiful
places, seeing friends. Plan to do nice things each day.

It will be important to confront situations associated with the traumatic

event… but do it gradually. You may decide to go back to work, but go just
for a few hours at first and then build it up slowly.

Don’t use drugs and alcohol to cope. They will only make it worse. Try to find
other ways to relax.

And Finally Low Self Esteem can cause:

 *Stress*
Stress is your body's way of responding to any kind of demand or threat.
When you sense danger—whether it's real or imagined—the body's defenses
kick into high gear in a rapid, automatic process known as the “fight-or-
flight” reaction or the "stress response." The stress response is the body's way
of protecting you.
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Stress causes physical changes in the body designed to help you take on
threats or difficulties.
You may notice that your heart pounds, your breathing quickens, your
muscles tense, and you start to sweat. This is sometimes known as the fight
or flight response.
Once the threat or difficulty passes, these physical effects usually fade. But if
you're constantly stressed, your body stays in a state of high alert and you
may develop stress-related symptoms.

Stress can affect how you feel emotionally, mentally and physically, and also
how you behave.
How you may feel emotionally
overwhelmed
irritable and "wound up"
anxious or fearful
lacking in self-esteem

How you may feel mentally

Racing Thoughts
Constant Worrying
Difficulty Concentrating 
Difficulty Making Decisions

How you may feel physically

Headaches
Muscle Tension Or Pain
Dizziness
Sleep Problems
Feeling Tired All The Time
Eating Too Much Or Too Little

How you may behave

Drinking or smoking more
Snapping at people
Avoiding things or people you are having problems with

So understand these things aren't worth it and work towards upgrading

to another level.

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Know What and Where the problem is coming from and develop a way of
blackmailing it, through your thoughts, new beliefs, actions and opinions.
But this must be a PRACTICAL BLACKMAIL.

And over time some of us have trained ourselves on how to shut down our
feelings for fear of what people might say. This eventually becomes a pattern
in our life and consciously and unconsciously we exhibit them. Whether
you're going through a low self-esteem phase in your life, or you just
occasionally feel bad about yourself, it's important to have some mental tools
to help you recalibrate your thoughts so you can live with confidence.

Lets look at PRACTICAL BLACKMAIL

In practical Blackmail you must Forget New Years Resolutions. They

don’t work.

If you want to really accomplish some new impossible challenge, you need
something a little more drastic.

It is called strategy blackmailing yourself and I’ve used it extensively when I

need a kick and the extra push to get something done. Here’s how it works:

Pick A Challenge

Pick a challenge. Make it a specific challenge. It needs at least 2 specific

things.

1. Make it specific.
2. Give it a deadline.

Find A Blackmailer

You need to find a friend or a mentor to help blackmail you. Your

friend/blackmailer is someone who is going to keep you accountable – no
matter what.

Ideally they’ll have at least the 3 following traits.

1. They’ll check in on you every other day or weekly.

2. They won’t succumb to your sweet talking rationalization.
3. They’d love to see you fail…but they’d love to see you succeed more.

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Point 3 is important, because while they want to see you succeed, they’re not
afraid to press the button, and enforce your self-imposed consequences if you
don’t. You might love this person, but you’ll swear they’re the devil when
you’re at the worst points in the challenge.

If you think about the challenges we talked about before, you’re essentially
giving your blackmailer the opportunity to enact a consequence if you don’t
follow through and do what you say you really want to do.

Why This Is Important

Your challenge will be hard. It should be, otherwise you’d already have done
it, Hard things are easy to want, but hard to do. There will be times in your
challenge where you need to do things that you won’t necessarily want to do
(ex. workout) in order to do the things you really want to do. Your blackmailer
is the one that’s going to help you keep an eye on your long term goals and
hold you accountable to those and ignore your short-term whining &
excuses.

Make The Deal

Make the deal and blackmail yourself.

Force yourself to create a specific challenge to be accomplished by a specific

date and empower your chosen blackmailing friend to carry out the
consequences if you don’t complete it.

Use this template if needed.

If I don’t complete _______________ (specific challenge) by

_______________ (specific date), I will donate/pay
_______________ (blackmailer’s name) , exactly $_______________ (an obscenely
painful amount of money).

REMEMBER THESE POINTS

1. It's okay to have boundaries.
Often people with low self-esteems are afraid to implement personal
boundaries.
In fact, some people may not have defined any boundaries because they don't
believe they should have any. Remember, it's not only okay to have them, but
it is absolutely necessary for your self-esteem and positive relationships. 

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People may resist at first, but eventually they'll Respect and Accept your
boundaries.

2. Self Love
When you have low self-esteem, the relationship with yourself suffers. 

Lack of confidence push people away from you, which only makes your low
self-esteem worse.

 Practice self love by honoring your own needs and desires, *( please note, not
selfish needs and desires)* and by also being compassionate and forgiving of
yourself.

3. Overrated Beauty Most people hate their appearance and feel bad about
themselves as a result. 

We live in a culture that worships beauty, but in reality most people aren't
that beautiful. Imagine a life where it simply didn't matter how you look.

4. You have one life

As far as we know, this is your one and only life. Do you want to waste your
life feeling bad about yourself and not demanding the best life has to offer? 

Do you really want to let others determine how you will live, or give away
your precious life to fear and rejection?

5. Mistakes and failure are not bad

Sometimes we lack self-esteem because we've messed up in some way and
therefore view ourselves as “worth less.” 

We think we're worth less because we aren't perfect. But anyone who is
successful will tell you they reached success on the stepping stones of failure
and mistakes. 

Mistakes and Failure reveal a willingness to take risk and try again.

6. You Can Let Go of People.

When we're insecure in ourselves, we often believe we are the cause for the
bad behavior of others. 

They are angry, controlling, unreliable, or unhappy because we haven't tried

hard enough, or we did something wrong.
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Sometimes people simply have draining, *Negative Personalities,* and you
don't need to keep them in your life. It's okay to let such persons go.

8. Your WORDS are MOST POWERFUL and MEANINGFUL to your Life.

If you say disparaging, negative and unloving things about yourself, you are
reinforcing your feelings of low self-esteem.
The spoken word is powerful and cements your thoughts and beliefs more
firmly.

Putting yourself down also creates a negative perception in the minds of

those who hear you. Sometimes people tell you *“If you don't have anything
nice to say, don't say anything”?* Wow! This could be self breaking.

Your Present Moment is the REALITY.

Insecure people tend to dwell in the past and the future and ruminate about
mistakes and worries. 

However, real life happens Here and Now. Not yesterday and Tomorrow but
TODAY!

9. You have so many Accomplishments yet to Accomplish.

 Focus on your accomplishments and successes, even the most insignificant. 

That You are alive means you have achieved so much in the little time you
have spent on earth.

And Finally

10. SEEK HELP.

Some people view counseling as yet another sign of weakness or
embarrassment.

 Actually, it's a sign of strength and courage to acknowledge you want to

change and to do something about your weaknesses and challenges.

A trained counselor can help you heal past wounds that triggered low self-
esteem and work with you on new behaviors so you can love and respect
yourself. Rather than allowing Low Self Esteem to overwhelm you, take
control of your thoughts by reminding yourself of the truth about who you
are.

Here is something to help you become better

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1. Write/Read a letter to you, yourself and you, tell him/her how sweet and
beautiful he/she is on the outside and inside

2. Focus on Developing your Strengths

3. Change the setting of your thinking.

4. Make a rule/list for your daily victory.

TYPE AND PRINT THIS OUT

Always remember these things the moment you wake up: Or better
print/write them out on a plain paper and pin it on your vision board, your
mirror or wardrobe.

1. Never compare yourself with another person.

2. You have just a life to live for.

3. You have to love yourself before someone else can love you.

4. You can let go of people who hurt you by belittling your abilities.

5. Your words are very powerful

6. You can get help, but it must begin with you.

7. You’re stronger than you think

8. Most people don't have the time to think about you as much as you fear
they do.

9. You can come out of your shells and learn new things.

10. You must face challenges to be a better person.

11. You have a lot to achieve in life before you make heaven.

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12. Most of your fears are imaginary.

13. Appearance are deceptive

14. You deserve more in life.

15. You’re wonderfully made

Replace You/Your with I or I AM

The moment you compare yourself with other in a negative way, you start
losing your self worth.

You were created for a purpose and wouldn't come back to fulfill that purpose
if you loss your life.

No one can love you more than you love yourself.

It's not by force to stay with people who constantly hurt you!  Let them go! So
good people have space In your life.

Whatever you say to yourself, you will be addressed as such.

Noone can help you unless your ready for it.

Remember You are STRONG!

Don't think for people what they think about you!

There's a new you, face your fears, meet new friends, feel life's goodness. 
You deserve more in life because you're WONDERFULLY MADE

We Love you and expect a new beginning for everyone who is facing this
challenge.

LOVE ALWAYS
DANIEL/IKANA AKPATA
(TEAMDIAMOND)

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 SELF DISCOVERY PART 1

YOUR TEMPERAMENTS, LOVE LANGUAGES AND PURPOSE

The term "Self Discovery" is a travel, a journey, a pilgrimage, or series of

events whereby a person attempts to determine how they feel, personally,
about spiritual issues or priorities, rather than following the opinions of
family, friends, neighborhood or peer pressure. It means knowing the essence
of your being, your existence on earth.

 Why you were created and the solutions you are to provide to existing
"challenges" not problems note. When you know Yourself, I mean have gone
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through the journey of really Knowing Yourself, you can live according to
your values and passions, make a positive contribution to the world and
simply have more fun. *You can enjoy life only when you know these facts.

When we get to know ourselves, we are more open and loving toward others,
because we see their humanity and the gifts that they bring.

THE FOUR TEMPERAMENTS

Introduction:
The Four Temperaments are a relatively simple but powerful way of
classifying personalities. The Temperaments are a ways of classifying peoples’
emotional attitudes and the foundations of their personality.

Personality and Temperament are not similar. 

Temperaments are merely one of the facets of a person’s Overall Personality. 

Two people may have identical temperament but completely different in every
other way. If you know more about temperaments talking with someone for
about ten minutes, you should be able to have a close identity to their
temperaments.

As humans, we all have access to a wide range of different emotions: we all

get Angry, Happy, Sad etc. we sometimes wish to be around people and
sometimes to be alone. 

Our temperaments are determined by the balance of these Emotions.

The FOUR Types of TEMPERAMENTS are:

The Sanguine (Known as the Popular ones)

  
The Choleric (The Powerful ones) 

The Melancholic (The Perfect ones)    

The Phlegmatic (The Peaceful ones)

The Choleric Temperament is more prone to ANGER than the other
temperaments. 

If you are angry easily and frequently, THAT is properly a sign that you are
choleric. 

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Choleric might start a fight when teased as they are *BOLD, DOMINEERING,
PROUD and AGGRESSIVE because of these traits they are referred to as THE
POWERFUL ONES.

While a Phlegmatic might hold back within them and cry when teased
because they are SHY, SENSITIVE and SUBMISSIVE because of these traits
they are referred to as THE PEACEFUL ONES.

A Melancholic person is very SENSITIVE, REVENGEFUL and a

PERFECTIONIST because of these traits they are called the PERFECT ONES.

Sanguine is SOCIABLE, FORGETFUL and a TALKER because of these traits

they are called the POPULAR ONES.

TEMPERAMENT BLEND
The blend consists of a PRIMARY and SECONDARY Temperaments e.g:
Melancholic-Phlegmatic (MelPhl) or Sanguine-Choleric (SangChol). You must
note that the order of appearance is important, a Melancholic-Phlegmatic is
very different from a Phlegmatic-Melancholic. 

This applies to the rest of the temperament blend.

The primary temperament describes the most obvious part of a person’s

personality, while the secondary one just serves as a compliment in fetching
out more details. 

You can never have 50/50 blend, but more of a 70/30 blend.
Temperaments are not passing moods or phases in our attitudes. 

They stay constant in our life because they are the foundation of our
emotional natures from birth till death, though every other area of our
personality may change.

LETS LOOK AT BLENDS OF THE 4 TEMPERAMENTS

CHOLERIC BLENDS

(Choleric-Sanguine)
The Choleric-Sanguine combination is driven by two temperament needs. The
primary need is to get results. The secondary need is to be accepted socially.
Either need may dominate their behavior depending on the requirements of
the situation.
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The Choleric and Sanguine natural tendencies combine to produce a result-
oriented person who needs to be around people socially some of the time.
This combination naturally likes being the leader and is often an executive.
The Choleric-Sanguine has a natural drive to quickly get results. They are
goal and bottom-line oriented, and can be very persuasive in promoting their
ideas and goals. They are easily annoyed when others do not comply with
their instructions or direction but it passes quickly; quickly aroused, easily
calmed. They are not angry, although others may at times think they are
furious. They are impatient and will push others to obtain results and be
productive.

They take a win/lose approach to life, so when results are not coming quickly
enough they become bored and will move easily to another project. They have
boundless energy so they need lots of activity. They require little sleep (4 to 6
hours is common). They dislike details or doing tedious work, however, they
see the importance of details, and can easily delegate that to others. The
Choleric-Sanguine is not a frequently found combination.

Choleric-Phlegmatic
The Choleric-Phlegmatic combination is driven by two temperament needs.
Their primary need is to get results. The secondary need is to accommodate
others. Either need may dominate their behavior depending on the
requirements of the situation.
When the Choleric and the Phlegmatic natural tendencies are combined it
produces a result-oriented person who is very determined and unemotional
when attempting to accomplish a goal.
The Choleric-Phlegmatic is more individualistic and unyielding than the other
Choleric combinations. This combination is like a director because they
naturally like telling others what to do.

The Choleric-Phlegmatic is naturally a result-oriented, determined,

unemotional, and focused individual. They have a strong, stubborn will, and
they are independent and very individualistic. They have a firm, stoic
expression (flat affect) on their face, and will rarely smile. They are not open,
friendly, animated or talkative. They slowly build a few close relationships
and will help only those they consider to be their friend.
They are confident and may appear aloof. They want to be in charge because
of confidence in their ability to make better decisions. They can be very
direct, brief, and blunt when answering questions. They tend to be impatient,
especially when instructing others; they dislike weakness in others. It is one
of the least frequently found combinations.

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Choleric-Melancholy
The Choleric-Melancholy combination is driven by two needs. Their primary
need is to get results. The secondary need is to do things right. Either need
may dominate their behavior depending on the requirements of the situation.
When the Choleric and the Melancholy tendencies are combined, it produces
a result-oriented, detailed person, who plans and pushes their way through
life.
The Choleric-Melancholy is more detail oriented and sensitive than the other
Choleric combinations. This combination naturally likes developing a strategy
to accomplish a goal.

The Choleric-Melancholy is a result-oriented, detailed person who is not

interested in social involvement. They are driven by a strong will to achieve
their detailed plan. They can be direct, blunt, and forceful, yet at times show
great sensitivity toward others. They can be both domineering and
compassionate (they can be a Lion or a Lamb). They are easily annoyed,
quickly aroused, but easily calmed.

They like to initiate change. The Choleric-Melancholy likes to solve problems

and make decisions and are actually quite capable of doing so. They can
usually see a creative solution quickly with a only small amount of
information. When committed to accomplishing a goal they are insightful and
creative.

They function best when they collect facts and have alone time to think and
develop a plan of action. In the process of developing their plan they will ask
direct and detailed questions. They prefer work to involvement with people.
The Choleric-Melancholy is a frequently occurring combination.

PHLEGMATIC BLENDS

Phlegmatic-Choleric
The Phlegmatic-Choleric combination is driven by two temperament needs.
The primary temperament need is to be accommodating. The secondary need
is to get results. Either need may dominate their behavior depending on the
situation.
When the Phlegmatic and the Choleric natural tendencies are combined, it
produces an accommodating, result-oriented person who is unyielding in
their routine, and very determined. The Phlegmatic-Choleric naturally
concentrates (like an inspector) on one thing at a time with unbending
determination.
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The Phlegmatic-Choleric prefers to be with family or a few close friends most
of the time. They have an anchored determination to follow their routine or
complete a task.
They are accommodating, industrious, and independent (loners). The
Phlegmatic-Choleric will have a firm, stoic expression (flat affect) and will
rarely smile. They are calm, steady, and persevering. They can be very blunt,
stubborn, and sarcastic. They rarely show emotion or affection.
The Phlegmatic-Choleric wants to operate by themselves and set their own
pace. Once their mind is made up they will resist any other method of
approach. They seek challenging assignments without close supervision. The
Phlegmatic-Choleric prefers work of a routine nature rather than involvement
with people.
This focused individual brings a deceptively intense approach to the task.
Being low-key outwardly, their involvement in a task is not easily observed.
They are successful because of their commitment to completing a task. After
starting a project, they are tenacious and will fight for their objectives. The
Phlegmatic-Choleric is very independent, questioning, and thorough in their
approach and will follow through to see the task completed.
The Phlegmatic-Choleric will become sleepy when sitting still after only a few
minutes. They are very dependable, routine, and loyal (they change their
routine slowly). The Phlegmatic-Choleric is a dispassionate anchor of reality.
They need time to warm-up before showing friendliness. The Phlegmatic-
Choleric is one of the least frequently found patterns.

Phlegmatic-Sanguine
The Phlegmatic-Sanguine combination is driven by two temperament needs.
The primary temperament need is to be accommodating. The secondary need
is to be accepted socially. Either need may dominate their behavior
depending on the requirements of the situation.
When the Phlegmatic and the Sanguine natural tendencies are combined, it
produces an accommodating, people-oriented person who is routine, friendly,
and tolerant of others. The Phlegmatic-Sanguine is naturally motivated to
bring harmony to their environment. They are the most friendly of the all the
Phlegmatic combinations. The Phlegmatic-Sanguine is a frequently found
combination.
The Phlegmatic-Sanguine prefers a mostly private, routine existence, and
involvement with family and a few friends. The Phlegmatic-Sanguine has a
stoic expression but will, at times, show a natural smile.  They easily accept
others. The Phlegmatic-Sanguine is accommodating and easy to be with both

25
in the work environment and as a friend. They have difficulty confronting or
pressuring people. They stubbornly resist change—especially sudden change.
They need some social involvement, usually with friends or family. The
Phlegmatic-Sanguine is loyal, consistent, and dependable. They are naturally
service minded and will often work when they are ill. They are very
independent minded and want to operate by themselves and set their own
pace. They learn by doing (hands on). They need to be shown how to do a
task, and then left alone. Once their mind is made up, they will resist any
other method or approach.
The Phlegmatic-Sanguine can do routine work but will need some change
during the day. They have a very difficult time saying no and will often take
on more than they can do just to please others. The Phlegmatic-Sanguine is
easy to like, and they have a very pleasant, soft voice. They are more friendly
after warming-up, and can be very talkative at times. The Phlegmatic-
Sanguine is a frequently found combination.
Phlegmatic-Melancholy
The Phlegmatic-Melancholy combination is driven by two temperament
needs. The primary temperament need is to be accommodating. The
secondary need is to do things right. Either need may dominate their
behavior depending on the requirements of the situation.
When the Phlegmatic and the Melancholy natural tendencies are combined, it
produces an accommodating, routine person who is concerned about doing
things right. The Phlegmatic-Melancholy is a natural helper and is the most
consistent of all the Phlegmatic blends. The Phlegmatic-Melancholy is a
frequently found pattern.

The Phlegmatic-Melancholy needs to be alone most of the time and to spend

time with their family. They are nice, gracious, and cordial people. They
rarely show emotion or affection. They are routine, consistent, and loyal.
They have a strong desire for independence and will resist change, especially
sudden change. The Phlegmatic-Melancholy is accepting and tolerant of
others. They have a stoic expression (flat affect). They are more consistent
and non-emotional than the other Phlegmatic combinations.

They are naturally routine, accommodating, family-oriented, and passive

about most things. They are patient, self-controlled, and deliberate in their
behavior. They are amiable and easygoing, and slowly pace their way through
life. They tend to have a long life-span because they do not get stressed like
the other temperament combinations.

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This determined and persistent person brings a deceptively focused approach
to the task. Being low-keyed outwardly, their emotional involvement in a task
is not easily observed. They are calm, steady, and persevering. The
Phlegmatic-Melancholy is successful because of persistence. After starting a
project, they will usually see it through to completion—they rarely give up.
The Phlegmatic-Melancholy is independent, questioning, and thorough in
their approach, and will follow through. They want to operate by themselves
and set their own pace. They are very possessive of family time, material
things, and friends. Once their mind is made up, they will resist any other
method or approach.

The Phlegmatic-Melancholy prefers routine work and involvement with a

limited number of people. They approach a task with calculated moderation.
They are always willing to help those they consider to be their friend. They
have a difficult time saying no. They have great difficulty confronting or
pressuring others, but when they do they can be sarcastic and slightly
offensive. They become sleepy when sitting still after only a few minutes, and
will go to sleep very quickly.

MELANCHOLY BLENDS The are a Unique Temperament

Melancholy-Choleric
The Melancholy-Choleric combination is driven by two temperament needs.
The primary temperament need is to do things right. The secondary need is to
get results. Either need may dominate behavior depending on the situation.
When the Melancholy and the Choleric natural tendencies are combined, it
produces a detail-oriented person who pushes to get results. They have a
strong drive to tell others what they know, and what to do.  This combination
naturally likes to teach or train others what they know.

The Melancholy-Choleric is a systematic and precise thinker. They follow self-

imposed, strict procedures in both their business and personal lives. The
Melancholy-Choleric has a firm, serious expressions, and they rarely smile.
They not only want to do things right and get results, they strive to figure out
what is right. The Melancholy-Choleric is, therefore, more pushy and blunt
than the other Melancholy combinations. They can be abrasive and offensive
when communicating with others. The Melancholy-Choleric is attentive to
details and push to have things done correctly according to their standards.
They have high standards for themselves and others. They can be a

27
perfectionist about some things. They will resist change until the reasons are
explained, defended, and accepted.

They are sensitive and conscientious. They can behave in a diplomatic

manner, except when it comes to deviating from their standards. The
Melancholy-Choleric can be too forceful in insisting the right way (or their
way) be followed.
They are not socially active, preferring work and privacy to being with people.
The Melancholy-Choleric may have some difficulty in relationships because
they are not flexible, and they have a brief, direct, sometimes blunt manner of
communication.

The Melancholy-Choleric tends to make decisions slowly because of their

need to collect and analyze information (several times) until they are sure of
the right and best course of action. The Melancholy-Choleric is not a
frequently found combination.

Melancholy-Phlegmatic-Choleric
The Idealist is unique because the Choleric temperament has strong
influence on their behavior. The combination of Melancholy-Phlegmatic-
Choleric urges this person to “push” their ideal standards to perfection. The
Idealist is a systematic, precise thinker and will follow procedures in both
their business and personal life. They are attentive to detail and push to have
things done correctly, according to predetermined standards (usually their
own). They are conscientious in work requiring accuracy and maintaining
high, sometimes unrealistic, standards. They normally behave in a diplomatic
manner except when it comes to deviating from standards they have
accepted. They can then be very forceful in insisting the “right way” be
followed. They are not socially active, preferring privacy. They tend to have
difficulty in relationships because they are rigid and maintain high
standards.

They make decisions slowly because of collecting and analyzing information

until they are sure of the best course of action. To be highly motivated they
need a structured environment with clear rules and procedures, time to
organize, collect information, think and the freedom to develop a plan.

Melancholy-Sanguine
The Melancholy-Sanguine combination is driven by two temperament needs.
The primary temperament need is to do things right, and to figure out what is
right. The secondary temperament need is to be accepted socially. Either
28
need may dominate their behavior depending on the requirements of the
situation.
When the Melancholy and the Sanguine natural tendencies are combined, it
produces a detail-oriented person who, enjoys some social activity. The
Melancholy-Sanguine is naturally skilled at being diplomatic with others in a
way that avoids tension and restores unity. They can become assertive to
restore harmony to their environment. The Melancholy-Sanguine is the most
friendly of all the Melancholy blends.

The Melancholy-Sanguine needs to be alone most of time, and they need to

be with people some of the time. When alone they will likely review the day
and plan for tomorrow. The Melancholy-Sanguine has  a natural smile. They
are analytical, systematic, and sensitive to the needs of others.

This is a versatile, productive individual who works well with most anyone.
The Melancholy-Sanguine likes to have fun and laugh when they feel
comfortable and accepted. They can be very talkative at times. They have
high personal ambitions but often fail to achieve their dreams because of
their lack of taking action.

The Melancholy-Sanguine tends to be a well-balanced, precise thinker, who

tends to follow procedures in both their business and personal lives. They are
mostly well organized; sometimes only selectively organized. The Melancholy-
Sanguine will be friendly toward new people after they warm up (but can be
initially friendly at times).

They like to do things right according to their standards. They like quality
and status things. They are very conscientious. The Melancholy-Sanguine
needs some mobility rather than sitting for long periods of time. They can be
very sensitive to criticism and may react with strong emotion.

The Melancholy-Sanguine makes decisions slowly because they are analyzing

their options. They need to be sure of the right and best course of action. This
is especially true when involved in a new project.

At times they may have difficulty going to sleep due to excessive thinking or
concern. They generally like to ease into the day instead of rushing into
activity. They prefer others to wait awhile before talking to them after they
awake in the morning.

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The Melancholy-Sanguine struggles with having guilt feelings, even about
something that is not their fault. They tend to be apologetic. The Melancholy-
Sanguine is a frequently found pattern.

Melancholy-Phlegmatic
The Melancholy-Phlegmatic combination is driven by two temperament
needs. The primary temperament need is to do things right, and to figure out
what is right. The secondary need is to be accommodating. Either need may
dominate their behavior depending on the requirements of the situation.
When the Melancholy and the Phlegmatic natural tendencies are combined, it
produces a detail-oriented person who is very analytical, accommodating,
and will cautiously plan their way through life. The Melancholy-Phlegmatic is
naturally skilled at analyzing everything they do and everything that happens
in their life. They are driven to answer the question “why” before acting.

The Melancholy-Phlegmatic is the most consistent of all the Melancholy

blends. The Melancholy-Phlegmatic prefers being alone most of the time.
They are not socially active, preferring to be with family, or a few close
friends. When at a social event they usually do not stay for a long period of
time. In order to function well, they need information, time alone to think,
and a plan from which to operate. They like working privately on a project.
They are usually very well organized, and they tend to operate from a list—it
may be written down or they just remember what needs to be done. If they
are not neatly organized, they know what’s in those piles!

The Melancholy-Phlegmatic is a pleasant and accommodating person who

tends to seek a structured environment requiring attention to detail. They
have a self-sacrificing, self-critical nature, and struggle with guilt feelings
about things that are not often their fault. The Melancholy-Phlegmatic is
more conscientious and private than the other Melancholy blends. They are
systematic, precise thinkers who tend to follow procedures in both their
business and personal lives. They will withdraw from aggressive people. They
will have difficulty putting pressure on others. The Melancholy-Phlegmatic
can become aggressive to restore harmony to their environment.

The Melancholy-Phlegmatic makes decisions slowly because of their need to

collect and review information until they are sure of the right and best course
of action. This is especially true when involved in a new project.
The Melancholy-Phlegmatic is good at anticipating problems, and
determining options to solve a problem, but they are not good at taking

30
action. The Melancholy-Phlegmatic has difficulty going to sleep because they
are thinking about, well, everything!

The Melancholy-Phlegmatic feels safe to think, review, and plan when they
stay up after the rest of the family has gone to bed. Males in particular like
staying up late at night to flip through the TV channels. Someone said that
men do not want to watch TV, they just want to see what’s on the next
channel!

They have a strong sense of justice (what is right and wrong). They like
quality things. They resist change until reasons are explained, defended, and
accepted. They resist changing their plan, especially if the change is sudden.
They need pushing to be sociable, beyond their family and close friends. The
Melancholy-Phlegmatic often has a Sanguine as a close friend because they
like their fun nature and carefree attitude. The Melancholy-Phlegmatic is a
frequently found pattern.

SANGUINE BLENDS

Sanguine-Choleric
The Sanguine-Choleric combination is driven by two temperament needs. The
primary need is to be accepted socially. The secondary need is to get results.
Either need may dominate their behavior depending on the requirements of
the situation.
When the Sanguine and the Choleric natural tendencies are combined, it
produces a people-person who is goal-oriented. They push their way through
life trying to persuade others to their point of view. This combination
naturally tries to negotiate with others for a different outcome.

The Sanguine-Choleric is more assertive than the other Sanguine

combinations. They are very persuasive and make good debaters! They are
very energetic and work well with and through people and naturally seek
positions of leadership. They have an outgoing interest in others and the
ability to gain the respect and confidence of various types of individuals. They
strive to do business in a friendly way while pushing forward to win their
objectives. They have a firm, lively, and friendly expression.

They are able to coordinate events and they are willing (eager) to delegate
responsibilities. They exhibit poise and confidence in most situations,
especially social events. They will become bored without activity and social
involvement.

31
The Sanguine-Choleric has a difficult time with details, organization, and
consistency. They prefer that others give them information that will help
them make decisions rather than research it for themselves. They are very
optimistic, but may lack follow through. The Sanguine-Choleric is a
somewhat common combination.

Sanguine-Phlegmatic
The Sanguine-Phlegmatic is driven by two temperament needs. The primary
need is to be accepted socially. The secondary need is to accommodate
others. Either need may dominate their behavior depending on the
requirements of the situation.
When the Sanguine and the Phlegmatic natural tendencies are combined, it
produces a people-person who is accommodating to the needs of others. They
are more relationship oriented and consistent than the other Sanguine
combinations. This combination naturally relates well to others and they
maintain lasting relationships.
The Sanguine-Phlegmatic needs to be with people most of the time, but some
of the time they need to be alone. When alone they will likely rest or sleep.
They often become drowsy when sitting still after only a few minutes. They
are independent minded and can be very stubborn. Once they establish a
routine it can be difficult for them to change. They are very trusting of others
and place importance on enduring relationships. It is not unusual for them to
keep relationships they formed in kindergarten throughout their life-span;
they are loyal to their friends. They are optimistic and full of hope. Most
Sanguine-Phlegmatics will smile easily and often.
The Sanguine-Phlegmatic has a calming, friendly, accepting presence. They
are disarming with their warm, empathic, and understanding approach. They
possess a casual kind of poise in social situations. People tend to seek them
out (even strangers) to share their problems because they are perceived to be
approachable and good listeners. Children are easily drawn to them because
they feel accepted in their presence.

Although doing details and organizational things give them difficulty at times,
they are able to do them quite well. They can be great administrators. The
Sanguine-Phlegmatic works very well with others because they are optimistic,
accepting, and accommodating. The Sanguine-Phlegmatic is a frequently
found combination.

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Sanguine-Melancholy
The Sanguine-Melancholy is driven by two temperament needs. The primary
need is to be accepted socially. The secondary need is to do things right.
Either need may dominate their behavior depending on the requirements of
the situation.

When the Sanguine and the Melancholy natural tendencies are combined, it
produces a people-person who is sensitive, creative, and detail-oriented. The
Sanguine-Melancholy is more formal and emotional than the other Sanguine
blends. This combination is naturally able to perform in front of others to
meet the need of the moment. The Sanguine-Melancholy is a frequently found
pattern.
The Sanguine-Melancholy needs to be with people most of the time, but some
of the time they need to be alone. When alone they will likely think, review,
plan, and be creative. They need information, time to think, and a plan; they
function best, and more effectively, when they have a detailed plan. Once
they have a plan, however, they may not be consistent or follow through
because of the fear of failure. Once the fear of failure is overcome, there is not
much they cannot do as well, if not better than, anyone else.

The Sanguine-Melancholy has a very active, vivid imagination causing them

to be creative in many areas like music, the performing arts, writing,
decoration, problem solving, etc. They tend to be very image conscious and
actively seek recognition for their achievements. The Sanguine-Melancholy
has a deep need to know that they will be accepted by others. They often
struggle with questions like, “Why did I do that?”, “Why didn’t I do something
else?”, “Did I say that right?” 

They are usually well organized. Being organized does not necessarily mean
that everything is neatly in place. Being organized can also mean that you
know where everything is located—if you know what’s in the piles, then
you’re organized!

Information about their job is very important to them, so they may ask many
questions before accepting a task. They tend to be cautious because they
have a deep need to make a favorable impression. They like status and
quality things.

They often have difficulty going to sleep because they are thinking too much;
reviewing, planning, fretting, or creating. The Sanguine-Melancholy’s
emotions may fluctuate, especially if they are embarrassed or they have been,
or may be, rejected. They can do things to an extreme.
33
 The Sanguine-Melancholy tends to warm up slowly to new people because
they are unsure of how they are being received. Once they feel safe or
accepted, they become more friendly.

The Sanguine-Melancholy is a frequently found combination.

Let's look at The Temperament Chart

Temperament Table (Tick Where applies to You)
STRENGTH A B C D
S/N
1 Adventurous Adaptable Lively Analytical
2 Persistent Playful Persuasive Peaceful
3 Submissive Self-sacrificing Sociable Strong-willed
4 Considerate Controlled Competitive Convincing
5 Refreshing Respectful Reserved Resourceful
6 Satisfied Sensitive Self-reliant Spirited
7 Planner Patient Positive Promoter
8 Sure Spontaneous Scheduled Shy
9 Orderly Accommodating Outspoken Optimistic
10 Friendly Faithful Funny Forceful
11 Daring Delightful Diplomatic Detailed
12 Cheerful Consistent Cultured Confident
13 Idealistic Independent Inoffensive Inspiring
14 Demonstrative Decisive Dry humor Deep In each of
15 Mediator Musical Mover Mixed Easily the
16 thoughtful Tenacious Talker Tolerant following
17 Listener Loyal Leader Lively rows of
18 Contented Chief Chartmaker Cute four
19 Perfectionist Pleasant Productive Popular words,
20 Bouncy Bold Behaved Balanced mark just
STRENGTH Sanguine Choleric Melancholy Phlegmatic one that
S/N best
(popular) (Powerful) (Perfect) (Peaceful)
1 Animated Adventurous Analytical Adaptable describes
2 Playful Persuasive Persistent Satisfied you
3 Sociable Strong-willed Self-sacrificing Peaceful
4 Convincing Competitive Considerate Submissive
5 Refreshing Resourceful Respectful Controlled
6 Spirited Self-reliant Sensitive Reserved
7 Promoter Positive Planner Patient
8 Spontaneous Sure Scheduled Shy
9 Optimistic Outspoken Orderly Obliging
10 Funny Forceful Faithful Friendly
11 Delightful Daring Detailed Diplomatic
12 Cheerful Confident Cultured Consistent
13 Inspiring Independent Idealistic Inoffensive
14 Demonstrative Decisive Deep Dry humor
15 Mixes Easily Mover Musical Mediator
16 Talker Tenacious Thoughtful Tolerant
17 Lively Leader Loyal Listener
34
18 Cute Chief Chartmaker Contented
19 Popular Productive Perfectionist Pleasant
20 Bouncy Bold Behaved Balanced
 In each of the following rows of four words, mark just one that best describes you

In each of the following rows of four words, mark just one that best describes you
WEAKNESS S/N A B C D
1 Blank Bashful Brassy Bossy
2 Undisciplined Unsympathetic Unenthusiastic Unforgiving
3 Reticent Resentful Resistant repetitious
4 Fussy Fearful Forgetful Frank
5 Impatient Insecure Indecisive Interrupts
6 Unpopular Uninvolved Unpredictable Unaffectionate
7 Headstrong Haphazard Hard to please Hesitant
8 Plain Pessimistic Proud Permissive
9 Angered Easily Aimless Argumentative Alienated
10 Naïve Negative Nervy Nonchalant
Attitude
11 Worrier Withdrawn Workaholic Wants credit
12 Too Sensitive Tactless Timid Talkative
13 Doubtful Disorganized Domineering Depressed
14 Inconsistent Introvert Intolerant Indifferent
15 Messy Moody Mumbles Manipulative
16 Slow Stubborn Show-off Skeptical
17 Loner Lord-over- Lazy Loud
others
18 Sluggish Suspicious Short-tempered Scatterbrained
19 Revengeful Restless Reluctant Rash
20 Compromising critical Crafty Changeable

PERSONALITY SCORING SHEET: (Transfer all that you marked to the corresponding words on the following page
and add up your total) (WEAKNESS)

S/N Sanguine Choleric Melancholy Phlegmatic

(Powerful)
(Popular) (Perfect) (Peaceful)
1 Brassy Bossy Bashful Blank
2 Undisciplined Unsympathetic Unforgiving Unenthusiastic
3 Repetitious Resistant Resentful Reticent
4 Forgetful Frank Fussy Fearful
5 Interrupts Impatient Insecure Indecisive
6 Unpredictable Unaffectionate Unpopular Uninvolved
7 Haphazard Headstrong Hard-to- Hesitant
please
8 Permissive Proud Pessimistic Plain
9 Angered-Easily Argumentative Alienated Aimless
10 Naïve Nervy Negative Nonchalant

35
 attitude
11 Wants Credit Workaholic Withdrawn Worrier
12 Talkative Tactless Too sensitive Timid
13 Disorganized Domineering Depressed Doubtful
14 Inconsistent Intolerant Introvert Indifferent
15 Messy Manipulative Moody Mumbles
16 Show-off Stubborn Skeptical Slow
17 Loud Lord-over-others Loner Lazy
18 Scatterbrained Short tempered Suspicious Sluggish
19 Restless Rash Revengeful Reluctant
20 Changeable Crafty Critical Compromising

Total Score: CHOLERIC MELANCHOLY PHLEGMATIC

SANGUINE (POWERFUL) (PERFECT) (PEACEFUL)
(POPULAR)

STRENGTH
WEAKNESES
GRAND TOTAL

Let's look at a Likely CAREER/JOB/PURPOSE FIT FOR EACH

TEMPERAMENT 

Likely to be a path to Self Discovery (Purpose)

This session is partly adopted from the research of Olga Hermans:

Remember Sanguines are cheerful people and have a natural charisma. 

*They are best be found as:
* Sale Representatives
* Are Great Actors
* Preachers
* Evangelists Mostly
* Masters Of Ceremonies (MC)
* Sanguine are great workers in HOSPITALS
As Doctors, Nurses, Social Workers

Sanguines are never Moderate about anything.

So its great they choose careers that allows them extensive exposure to
people. Their major contribution to people's life is to make People HAPPY.
Once a sanguine arrives a place be sure for a crack up. 

36
So a SANGUINE is likely to enjoy doing the above.

Let's look at the Choleric

A Choleric can consider being a Leader

Choleric are developers in nature

A choleric may consider being an Entrepreneur with proper training though.

People are more productive by following the leadership of a choleric. 

Their weakness is though that they are hard to please and tend to be rough
on people. 

If a Choleric knew how others look to him for approval and encouragement,
he would spend more time patting them on the back, which would generate
greater dedication from them. 

A choleric subconsciously thinks that approval and encouragement lead to

complacency. 

A choleric have that thing people call a success tendency.

*That doesn’t mean they are smarter than other people, as is often assumed,*
but that their strong will and determination drive them to succeed where
other people are prone to give up.
Let's look at the Melancholy person and it's Career

Most of the world’s great:

 Composers,
 Artists,
 Musicians,
 Inventors,
 Philosophers,
 Theologians and
 Dedicated Educators Have Been Predominantly Melancholics.

[One vocation that seems to attract the Melancholy is Acting to the surprise
of many, because they tend to identify this profession with extroverts. 

37
On stage they can adopt another personality, no matter how much
extroversion it requires, but as soon as the play is over, they reverts back to
their own introvert personality.

Many melancholics work in the Arts, many become craftsmen of high quality
finish carpenters, bricklayers, plumbers, plasters, scientists,
horticulturalists, mechanics, engineers, and other professions that provide a
meaningful service to humanity.

Almost any humanitarian vocation will attract melancholics to its staff. 

It almost requires a Melancholic mind to get through the rigors of medical

school, for a doctor has to be a perfectionist, an analytical specialist, and a
humanitarian propelled by a heart that yearns to help other people.

Even though Sanguine can be doctors but may be found wanting as they
mostly have I don't care attitude.

Any vocation that requires perfection, self sacrifice and creativity is open to
melancholics. In the building trades, the melancholy may want to supervise
construction. 

But he would be better off hiring a project supervisor who works better with
people and then spend his own time on the drawing board.

Note: Melancholics become frustrated by ordinary personnel problems with

his unrealistic perfectionist demands.

Career of the Phlegmatic

Phlegmatic seems drawn to the field of education. 

Most elementary school teachers are phlegmatic.

 
Only they can have the patience to teach a group of first graders to read.
Look at this:
A sanguine would spend the entire class period telling stories to the
children. 

A melancholy would so criticize them that they would be afraid to read

aloud. 

38
Can you imagine a choleric as a first grade teacher; the students might want
to leap out of the windows! 

It is not uncommon to find phlegmatic as school administrators, librarians,

counsellors and college department heads.

Phlegmatic also like engineering. They are attracted to planning and

calculation, they make good structural engineers, chemical engineers,
mechanical and civil engineers and statisticians. 

Phlegmatic are definitely not risk takers. They often stay with one company.
Because they struggle with the problem of personal insecurity, they may take
a job with retirement of security benefits in mind.

Therefore, civil service, the military, local government, or some other “good
security risk” will attract them. Rarely will they launch out on a business
venture of their own, although they are eminently qualified to do so. 

Instead they usually enhance the earning power of someone else and are
quite content and comfortable with a simple lifestyle.

So Here's A Summary Of Our Temperaments

1.  THE SANGUINE

This is the person that has the warm, buoyant and fun loving temperament.
These people are very receptive by nature and when they come in contact
with some exciting people or circumstances, they respond immediately with
an outburst of response from the heart. 

They respond rather with feelings than with some reflective thoughts. They
have an unusual capacity to enjoy themselves. When they come into a room
full of people, they have a tendency to lift up the spirits of everyone present
by an energetic flow of conversation.

 They love to tell stories, because they almost relive the whole experience in
the very telling of it.

They never lack friends; they can genuinely feel the joys and sorrows of other
people and they have the capacity to make people feel important, as though
the new acquaintance were a very special friend. 

39
This is something they are able to do with every person they come in contact
with. As you can imagine, they don’t like solitude; they enjoy people and they
are at their best when they are surrounded by friends, where they are the life
of the party.

 They never are at a loss for words, though some often speak without
thinking.

2. THE CHOLERIC
These people are hot, quick, active, practical and strong-willed. They are
often self sufficient and very independent.

 They tend to be decisive and opinionated, finding it easy to make decisions

for themselves as well as for others. They thrive on activity, as a matter of
fact to them, “life is activity.” They don’t need to be stimulated by their
environment; they are the ones who stimulate the environment with their
many ideas, plans and ambitions. 

They don’t do things aimlessly; they have a very keen mind, capable of
making sound, instant decisions or planning worthwhile, long-range projects.

They do not vacillate under pressure of what others think; they take a
definite stand on issues. 

Adversities don’t scare them at all; in fact they are motivated by them. They
often succeed where others fail, not so much because their plans are so
much better than others’, but because they are still ‘pushing ahead” after
others have become discouraged and quit.

They are called born leaders, because they always land on their feet. The
emotions of the Choleric are not much developed; they don’t sympathize
much with others and they also don’t show or express compassion.
 
They are often embarrassed or disgusted by the tears of others. They are very
optimistic; almost never expect failure except at home. Love is not a Priority
on their list.

3. THE MELANCHOLY

They are often also referred to as the “black” or “dark” temperament. 

40
Actually they are the richest of all the temperaments, for they are very
analytical, self sacrificing, gifted and perfectionists.
They have a very sensitive emotional nature. They love the fine arts. Often
times, they are introverts. Their feelings dominate them; sometimes their
moods will lift them to heights of ecstasy that cause them to act more
extrovert.

But then there are times they will be gloomy and depressed, which makes
them withdraw and be quite antagonistic.

They are very faithful friends, but they don’t make friends easily like the
Sanguine does. They will not push themselves forward to meet people. 

They are perhaps the most dependable of all the temperaments, because of
perfectionist tendencies they do not permit themselves to be a shirker or let
others down.

Melancholies usually find their greatest meaning in life through personal

sacrifice. They seem to have a desire to make themselves suffer and will often
choose a difficult life job that involves great personal sacrifice.

They have a very high IQ or more creativity or imagination, plus they are
capable of high quality “Perfect” work.

4. THE PHLEGMATIC
Life for a phlegmatic is a happy, unexcited, pleasant experience in which they
avoid as much involvement as possible.

They are calm and easygoing people and never seem to get ruffled, no matter
what the circumstances. 

They have a very high boiling point and seldom explode in anger or laughter
but keep their emotions under control.

This is the one temperament that is very consistent every time you see them.
Usually they are kind-hearted and sympathetic but they seldom convey their
true feelings. 

They feel much more emotion though than appears on the surface.
Phlegmatic do not look for friends because they enjoy people and have a
naturally dry sense of humor that others enjoy.

41
They tend to be spectators of life and they try not to get too involved with the
activities of others. 

In fact, it is difficult for them to be motivated to move beyond their daily

routine. This does not mean that they cannot appreciate the need for action
and the difficulties of others.

They have a conciliating effect on others and are natural peacemakers. In

their quiet way, they have proven to be fulfillers of the dreams of others. 

They are masters of everything that requires meticulous patience and daily
routine

Let's Look At Temperaments Suitable (Likely/Maybe) For Each Other In

RELATIONSHIP/MARRIAGE

It's not advisable to Marry your temperament except combined with another.
E.g a SangChol shouldn't marry a SangChol, but can marry a CholSang
Unless both have totally overcome their weakness, and which that isn't
possible as we are all work in progress.

For those married already to same temperaments as theirs, we advise you

both work on your weakness more if possible see a counsellor.

It's very possible one will calm for the other.

Melancholy are the only temperament that can TOTALLY cope with all other
temperaments, because they are the rich ones.

Now this is not to say you can't work on yourself to marry a better person
who's not a Melancholy as the person you may need in Your life may be a
different temperament.

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 THE 5 LOVE LANGUAGES

THE 5 LOVE LANGUAGES ARE:

1. WORDS OF AFFIRMATION 

2. QUALITY TIME
 
3. ACT OF SERVICE 

4. PHYSICAL TOUCH

5. GIFT GIVING
This session is one of the easiest for Self Discovery

1. WORDS OF AFFIRMATION
There are people Actions don’t speak louder to, rather words do. 

If this is your love language, unsolicited compliments mean the world to you.
Hearing the words, *“I love you,”* are important hearing the reasons behind
that love sends your spirits skyward.

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 Insults can leave you shattered and are not easily forgotten.

The words your beautiful could make you keep wishing for more and you are
like, really, are you sure and blushes becomes the order of the day. Your
special could be killing.

 That is why If this is your love language you mustn’t be carried away by
these loving Words, but rather keep in mind the 10 powerful affirmation
words Below:
THE 10 POWERFUL AFFIRMATIONS ARE:
1. Trust
2. Faith
3. Wisdom
4. Support 
5. Strength
6. Truth
7. Courage
8. Love
9. Choice
10. Energy

2. QUALITY TIME 
For those whose love language is spoken with Quality Time, nothing says, “I
love you,” like full, undivided attention. 

Being there for this type of person is critical, but really being there with the
TV off, fork and knife down, and all chores and tasks on standby makes your
significant other feel truly special and loved.

Distractions, postponed dates, or the failure to listen can be especially

hurtful. 

All that matters is you are together starring and feeling all loved up. 

Please Note, People here are not qualified for long distance
Relationship/Marriage

3. ACTS OF SERVICE

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Can vacuuming the floors really be an expression of love? Absolutely! As little
as washing the dishes or preparing a sumptuous meal  

Anything you do to ease the burden of responsibilities weighing on an *“Acts

of Service” person will speak volumes. The words he or she most wants to
hear: “Let me do that for You.” “Are you ready for dinner Darling” 

Laziness, broken commitments and making more work for them tell them
their feelings don’t matter. 

People with this language don’t mind sitting all day in front of the TV or a
play station while you serve them breakfast, lunch and dinner. It’s their love
language not laziness.
Please, Note If your love language is Act of Service, its not a yardstick to be
lazy and expect people to bath for you 

4. PHYSICAL TOUCH
This language isn’t all about the bedroom. A person whose primary language
is Physical Touch is, not surprisingly, very touchy. 

Hugs, pats on the back, holding hands, and thoughtful touches on the arm,
shoulder, or face—they can all be ways to show excitement, concern, care,
and love.

Physical presence and accessibility are crucial, while neglect or abuse can be
unforgivable and destructive. 

Note: people with this love language can never have thriving long distance
relationship/marriage.

5. RECEIVING GIFTS
Don’t mistake this love language for materialism; the receiver of gifts thrives
on the love, thoughtfulness, and effort behind the gift.

 If you speak this language, the perfect gift or gesture shows that you are
known, you are cared for, and you are prized above whatever was sacrificed
to bring the gift to you.

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 A missed birthday, anniversary, or a hasty, thoughtless gift would be
disastrous so would the absence of everyday gestures. *This love language
will appreciate and cherish something as little as Pen.

The Five Love Languages Chart

Select the one you prefer most of your two options, the one that fits the best
right now. Tick the letter to the right of the option you most prefer

S/N
1 Words of acceptance are important to me A
I know someone loves me when he or she helps me. D

2 I feel secure when a special person is touching me E

Acts of service makes me feel loved D

3 I like it when people give me gifts C

I like leisurely visits with friends and loved ones B

4 I appreciate the many things that special people do for me D

I like receiving gifts that special people make for me C

5 I feel loved when I receive a gift from someone I love or admire C

I like to go places with friends and loved ones B

6 I really enjoy the feeling I get when someone gives me undivided attention B
I really enjoy the feeling I get when someone helps me make decisions D

7 I feel loved when people affirm me E

I like to sit close to people whom I enjoy being around E

8 I feel loved when a person celebrates my birthday with gifts C

I feel loved when a person celebrates my birthday with meaningful words A

9 I like to spend time with friends and loved ones B

I like to receive little gifts from friends and loved ones. C

10 I know a person is thinking of me when he/she gives me a gift C

I feel loved when a person helps with my chores D

11 I like being together and doing things with friends and loved ones B
I like it when kind words are spoken to me A

12 I appreciate it when someone listens patiently and doesn’t interrupt me B

I appreciate it when someone remembers special days with a gift C

13 I value praise and try to avoid criticism A

Several small gifts mean more to me than one large gift C

14 I feel close to someone when we are talking or doing something together B

I feel closer to friends and loved ones when they touch me often E

15 I like knowing loved ones are concerned enough to D

help with my daily tasks
I enjoy extended trips with someone who is special to me B

16 I enjoy kissing or being kissed by people with whom I am close E

I enjoy receiving a gift given for no special reason C

17 I feel loved when friends and loved ones help me with jobs or projects D
I really enjoy receiving gifts from friends and loved ones C

18 I like to be told that am appreciated A

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 I like for a person to look at me when we are talking B

19 I like to high-five or hold hands with people who are special to me E

Visible symbols of love (gifts) are very important to me C

20 I like to receive notes of affirmation A

I like to be hugged E

21 Gifts from a friend or loved ones are always special to me C

I feel good when a friend or loved one touches me E

22 I like for people to tell me I am beautiful/handsome A

I like for people to tell me I am beautiful/handsome B

23 What someone does affects me more than what he or she says D

Hugs make me feel connected and valued E

24 I like for people to compliment my achievements A

I know people love me when they do things for me that they don’t enjoy doing D

25 I feel love when a person enthusiastically does some task I have requested D
I feel loved when I am told how much I am needed A

26 I like to spend one-to-one time with a person who is special to me B

I feel loved when someone gives practical help to me D

27 I like for people to compliment my appearance A

I feel loved when people take time to understand my feelings

28 I need to be touched every day E

I need words of encouragement daily A

29 I like to be touched as friends and loved ones walk by E

I like it when people listen to me and show genuine interest in what I am saying B

30 I feel loved when people do things to help me D

I feel loved when someone I love or admire puts his or her arm around me E

(The Five Love Language Chart is credited to Gray Chapman)

The highest number of letters is your primary Love Language, the higher
one is your secondary.

A is Words of Affirmation 

B is Quality Time
 
C is Receiving Gifts

D is Acts of Service 

E is Physical Touch 

So what is your love language?

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(Primary)_______________

(Secondary)____________

SELF DISCOVERY “PART 2”

48
 THE 30 MOST IMPORTANT QUESTIONS
There Are Many Questions To Answer In This Session, All Leading
To One Direction. Self Discovery

RECAP:
In SELF DISCOVERY “1” we defined Self Discovery as:
The term "Self Discovery" is a travel, a journey, a pilgrimage, or series of
events whereby a person attempts to determine how they feel, personally,
about spiritual issues or priorities, rather than following the opinions of
family, friends, neighborhood or peer pressure.

It means knowing the essence of your being, your existence on earth.

Asking the right self-discovery questions can be a powerful way get to know who
you really are, challenge false beliefs about yourself, and get clear about what you
truly want for your life.

Most of us have been strongly conditioned by early childhood experiences.  So

much so that we act out of unconscious patterns without stopping to question if
they bring an enduring sense of happiness.

Thoughtful questions can interrupt these patterns, foster deep insight, and lead to
positive change.

Before we look at The 30 Most Important Questions, let take a look at these
very important Questions that should keep you busy for the next 5 minutes.

Refer as you Please

1. What matters to me most?

2. What are my most important values and how am I living in ways that
are not aligned with my values?
3. What are my most important needs and desires?  Does my present life
fulfill them?
4. What are the operating principles of my life?
5. How do I feel about my personality type?  If you don't know about your
personality type, read: Do You Know Your Personality Type.

See Below about Personalities:

The 4 Dimensions of Personality Type

49
The 4 dimensions that make up your personality type according to the
Myers-Briggs Type Indicator.  They are expressed by 4 of 8 possible letters
like INFJ in this case.  This adds up to 16 different personality types.

Of course, when you take a test like this, you can fall on the far end of any
spectrum or anywhere in between.  Thus, the 16 types aren’t absolute ways
of being but more like 1001 possible flavors.  Still, understanding where you
sit personality-wise, will give you a clear sense of who you are, what feeds
you, and the work situations that will best utilize your talents rather than
deplete and discourage you.

Here are the four dimensions of personality according to the Myers-

Briggs Type Indicator:

 Extraversion vs. Introversion [E or I]:  How you interact with the world. 
Are you more energized by being around others or by being alone?

 Sensing vs. Intuition [S or N]:  The way you relate to and notice
information. Do you think in terms of discernible facts or abstract,
imaginative ideas?

 Thinking vs. Feeling [T or F]: Your decision-making process.  Are you
influenced more by empathy, compassion, and the desire for
cooperation or are you more logical and objective?

 Judging vs. Perceiving [J or P]:  How you structure information.  Are
you more structured, organized, and decisive or open, flexible, and
receptive to new ideas and flow?

The 16 Myers-Briggs Type Indicator (MBTI), You definitely should fall

among one

 ISTJ
Quiet, serious, earn success by thoroughness and dependability.
Practical, matter-of-fact, realistic, and responsible. Decide logically
what should be done and work toward it steadily, regardless of
distractions. Take pleasure in making everything orderly and organized
- their work, their home, their life. Value traditions and loyalty.

50
 ISFJ
Quiet, friendly, responsible, and conscientious. Committed and steady
in meeting their obligations. Thorough, painstaking, and accurate.
Loyal, considerate, notice and remember specifics about people who are
important to them, concerned with how others feel. Strive to create an
orderly and harmonious environment at work and at home.

 INFJ
Seek meaning and connection in ideas, relationships, and material
possessions. Want to understand what motivates people and are
insightful about others. Conscientious and committed to their firm
values. Develop a clear vision about how best to serve the common
good. Organized and decisive in implementing their vision.

 INTJ
Have original minds and great drive for implementing their ideas and
achieving their goals. Quickly see patterns in external events and
develop long-range explanatory perspectives. When committed, organize
a job and carry it through. Skeptical and independent, have high
standards of competence and performance - for themselves and others.

 ISTP
Tolerant and flexible, quiet observers until a problem appears, then act
quickly to find workable solutions. Analyze what makes things work
and readily get through large amounts of data to isolate the core of
practical problems. Interested in cause and effect, organize facts using
logical principles, value efficiency.

 ISFP
Quiet, friendly, sensitive, and kind. Enjoy the present moment, what's
going on around them. Like to have their own space and to work within
their own time frame. Loyal and committed to their values and to people
who are important to them. Dislike disagreements and conflicts, do not
force their opinions or values on others.

 INFP
Idealistic, loyal to their values and to people who are important to them.
Want an external life that is congruent with their values. Curious, quick
to see possibilities, can be catalysts for implementing ideas. Seek to
51
 understand people and to help them fulfill their potential. Adaptable,
flexible, and accepting unless a value is threatened.

 INTP
Seek to develop logical explanations for everything that interests them.
Theoretical and abstract, interested more in ideas than in social
interaction. Quiet, contained, flexible, and adaptable. Have unusual
ability to focus in depth to solve problems in their area of interest.
Skeptical, sometimes critical, always analytical.

 ESTP
Flexible and tolerant, they take a pragmatic approach focused on
immediate results. Theories and conceptual explanations bore them -
they want to act energetically to solve the problem. Focus on the here-
and-now, spontaneous, enjoy each moment that they can be active with
others. Enjoy material comforts and style. Learn best through doing.

 ESFP
Outgoing, friendly, and accepting. Exuberant lovers of life, people, and
material comforts. Enjoy working with others to make things happen.
Bring common sense and a realistic approach to their work, and make
work fun. Flexible and spontaneous, adapt readily to new people and
environments. Learn best by trying a new skill with other people.

 ENFP
Warmly enthusiastic and imaginative. See life as full of possibilities.
Make connections between events and information very quickly, and
confidently proceed based on the patterns they see. Want a lot of
affirmation from others, and readily give appreciation and support.
Spontaneous and flexible, often rely on their ability to improvise and
their verbal fluency.

 ENTP
Quick, ingenious, stimulating, alert, and outspoken. Resourceful in
solving new and challenging problems. Adept at generating conceptual
possibilities and then analyzing them strategically. Good at reading
other people. Bored by routine, will seldom do the same thing the same
way, apt to turn to one new interest after another.

52
  ESTJ
Practical, realistic, matter-of-fact. Decisive, quickly move to implement
decisions. Organize projects and people to get things done, focus on
getting results in the most efficient way possible. Take care of routine
details. Have a clear set of logical standards, systematically follow them
and want others to also. Forceful in implementing their plans.

 ESFJ
Warmhearted, conscientious, and cooperative. Want harmony in their
environment, work with determination to establish it. Like to work with
others to complete tasks accurately and on time. Loyal, follow through
even in small matters. Notice what others need in their day-by-day lives
and try to provide it. Want to be appreciated for who they are and for
what they contribute.

 ENFJ
Warm, empathetic, responsive, and responsible. Highly attuned to the
emotions, needs, and motivations of others. Find potential in everyone,
want to help others fulfill their potential. May act as catalysts for
individual and group growth. Loyal, responsive to praise and criticism.
Sociable, facilitate others in a group, and provide inspiring leadership.

 ENTJ
Frank, decisive, assume leadership readily. Quickly see illogical and
inefficient procedures and policies, develop and implement
comprehensive systems to solve organizational problems. Enjoy long-
term planning and goal setting. Usually well informed, well read, enjoy
expanding their knowledge and passing it on to others. Forceful in
presenting their ideas.

The Myers-Briggs Type Indicator isn’t the only personality test available to
you, but it’s one of the most popular ones and goes beyond career
preferences alone to explore how you function in relationship to information,
decision making, the world, and relationships.

Do you know your personality type according to the Myers-Briggs

system?  Has it helped you find deeper self-acceptance?  Who are you?

6. Which three words describes you best?

53
7. What would I like to stop worrying about?  What steps can I take to let
go of the worry?
8. How do I move past unpleasant thoughts or experiences?
9. When I'm in physical or emotional pain, what are some of the best
things I can do for myself?
10. What drains my energy? How can I remove it from my life or
protect myself from its negative effect?
11. How do I feel about the pace of my life?  Is it too fast, too slow, or
just about right?
12. How do I feel about my last mistake and what did I learn from it?
13. Do I wait for others to solve my problems?  Why is that?
14. Am I holding onto something that would be better to let go of? 
What is it and what’s holding me back from letting go?
15. Do I have unfinished business?  With whom?  What inner work
needs to be done to heal this? What steps can I take to bring
resolution?
16. On a scale of 1 - 10, where am I when it comes to being calm and
centered in challenging situations?  What do I need to do to have more
peace in my life?.
17. What holds me back from being more authentic?
18. How much personal time do I need each week to function well and
feel happy?
19. What limiting beliefs impact my life in undesirable ways? What is
the origin of each belief?  Is each belief still true for me today?  What
positive beliefs would counterbalance each one?
20. How do I feel when I enforce my personal boundaries?
21. What’s behind my hesitancy to set personal boundaries, both in
general and in particular situations?
22. How do I sabotage myself?
23. How do I feel about self-care and how does that effect the quality
of my life?.
24. In what ways do I feel responsible for everyone and everything?
25. How much do I trust myself? Do I listen to others more than
myself?
26. How do I feel about getting quiet, listening deeply and patiently to
my inner wisdom?
27. Do I hold back from asking the big questions?  The hard
questions?  If so, what scares me?
28. How do I hesitate or refuse to take action on what my heart tells
me?.
29. If I could change one thing in my life, what would I change and
why?
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 30. Do I feel supported by my family or friends?  Who supports me or
who doesn't?
31. Do I surround myself with mostly positive or mostly negative
people?  How does that work for me?
32. What are my favorite ways to take care of myself physically,
emotionally, mentally, and spiritually?
33. How do I feel about my relationship with my body?
34. Do I feel comfortable expressing myself?
35. Do I have any regrets about my life so far?  What changes can I
make so I don't continue to live with regrets?
36. How do I feel about accepting my "negative" qualities
(weaknesses)?  Am I able to accept my whole self?
37. What does my inner critic tell me?  How does it stop me from
moving forward?
38. What important needs do I have that aren't getting met?
39. Am I getting too caught up in other people’s problems?
40. What's my biggest dream?

Although asking deep questions can be a challenging process, it will also be

profoundly rewarding — the catalyst that brings about the best possible
changes in your life.  At the moment, I'm ruminating on #2 - ways in which
I'm not acting in alignment with my values.  I feel nudged in a good way.

I would love to hear which of these self-discovery questions struck a

chord with you, and how you feel they might impact your life.

Below are 20 Questions That Will Make You A Better Person according to
Forbes by Brianna Wiest

What does it mean to be a good person?

Surely we can’t posit what it is to be a better person if we haven’t established

what we’re aiming for. It seems that we all aspire to be “better,” but what is it
that we’re trying to be better at?

For our purposes, we’ll say that “better” is becoming more aware of our
motives, being less judgmental where we could stand to be empathetic, and
becoming more concerned with the wellbeing of the others than our own self-
interested pursuits. To be better is to care for others as we would want to be
cared for, to sow only that which we would want to reap.

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The following questions are designed to inch you further into self-awareness.
They are meant to unnerve you, unleash you, and then perhaps, unstitch you
a bit. They are meant to probe your mind and help you consider life outside
of the vantage point of your temporary wants. They are 20 questions that yolk
a wisdom which, if applied, would make you a better person – or perhaps, the
person you’ve needed to become.

1. What, or who, is worth suffering for?

2. What can my most aggressive judgments of others tell me about myself?

3. Are my opinions of others fixed, or do they evolve? Is that fair?

4. If I could meet the best possible version of myself in an alternate reality,
what would that person be like?

5. Do I more often verbalize what I believe, or what I know others will agree
with?

6. If I were to die next week, what would be the resounding sentiment shared
at my funeral?

7. If I could create anything I wanted in life – be it wealth, romance, or

success – but could never use social media again to show it to anyone, how
would I choose to live?

8. Does my daily routine reflect my long-term goals?

9. What do the things I envy in others tell me about what I really want to give
myself?

10. If I could wake up tomorrow 5 years in the past – knowing all that I do
now – what would I do differently?

11. What do I do to avoid discomfort?

12. What are a few painful experiences I swore I’d never get past? How did I?

13. What would it take to release my anger? With whom do I need to make

amends?

14. What did the people who hurt me most in life ultimately teach me?

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15. Do I embody the qualities of the person that I always dreamed of
marrying?

16. At the end of my life when I look back on all I have done, what will stand
out as having been important? What would I wish I had cared less about?

17. What is the most common way I self-sabotage? What does it tell me about
my unmet needs?

18. If I had to leave the country and could only bring one box, what would I
put in it?

19. What anonymous acts of kindness could I integrate into my daily life?

20. What would it take to become the hero I’ve spent my life waiting for?

30 MOST IMPORTANT QUESTIONS ON SELF DISCOVERY…

It is expected that at least 80% of your answers to the 30 questions based on
how far we have gone are similar.

1.Who Am I? Meaning Who Are You?

2.What Are My Temperament Traits?

3.What Is My Love Language?

4.What Are My Values?

5.What Are My Short And Long Term Goals?

6.What Is My Purpose On Earth? Why Are You Here (Your Purpose On

Earth?)

7.Where Are You Coming From?

8.What Ideas And Things Are Worth Dying For?

9.What If Lost Would Make Life Unlivable?

10.What Is Too Sacred To Lose Or Misplace?

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11.Where Are You Going?

12.Who Do You Want To Be?

13.Who Did You Like To Be When You Were Growing Up?

14.Who Do You Day Dream Of Being?

15.Whose Life Would You Like Yours To Be Like?

16.Who Would You Love To Hang Out With?

17.What Would You Love To Do?

18.What Inspires You?

19.When Was The Last Time You Felt Really Inspired?

20.Do You Remember What Inspires You?

21.Do You Often Go Back To the Same Source For More Inspiration
Insight & Energy?

22.Do You Surround Yourself With The Things That Inspire And Delight
You? Or Do You Save Them For Special Occasions? Or When You Get
Really Blue?

23.What Takes Your Breath Away?

24.What Keeps You Up Late, Talking Through The Night?

25.What Sets Your Feet Moving?

26.Where Are You Presently In Life?

27.Is Your Life Presently What You Desire?

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28.Are Your Goals And Visions Usual Set (S.M.A.R.T.)?

29.What Is The Relationship With Your Mother And Father Like?

30.How Often Do You Seek Knowledge?

Who Are You?

AN EXAMPLE OF WHAT THE ANSWERS TO THE 30 MOST IMPORTANT

QUESTIONS ON SELF DISCOVERY SHOULD LOOK LIKE … (From One of
Our Participants)

1.Who Am I? Meaning Who Are You?

I am (Name, age range, what you do for a living, gender, marital status,
religion/belief etc) I am an introvert. I am a believer of the gospel of Christ. I
place a lot of value on hard work, dedication, determination and honesty. I
am a perfectionist with a very sensitive emotional nature. I enjoy a quiet,
solitary environment than hanging out with people. I easily get discouraged
and develop a negative thinking pattern.

2.What Are My Temperament Traits?

I am MelPhleg. Predominantly Melancholy, secondary is phlegmatic 

3.What Is My Love Language?

Quality Time, Words Of Affirmation

4.What Are My Values?

I pride myself on hard work and honesty. I function best when people are
direct and honest. I make it clear in conversation that truth is necessary no
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matter how painful it is. Hypocrisy is deadly in my world and this core value
reminds me to integrate honesty and sincerity into my life.  

I place a lot of value on punctuality, meeting up with lectures and

appointment at the set time, returning phone calls and e-mails within the
hour or at least the day whenever possible. I hear screaming in my head if I
have left anyone hanging.

5.What Are My Short And Long Term Goals?

Short terms goals that are achievable in the shortest possible time. Long term
goals in 3 – 10 years

6.What Is My Purpose On Earth? Why Are You Here (Your Purpose On

Earth?)
My purpose on earth is to live a life of humanitarian service committed to
helping the less privileged and medically challenged individuals by providing
a means out of their difficulties.

To live consciously and generously, to be committed to helping those in need,

to build people up and expose them to the best of their ability.

7.Where Are You Coming From?(Basically about your Past)

I am coming from a place where little value is placed on hard work, honesty,
and sincerity. A place where the man with money gets what he wants and the
other man who has toiled all night, worked hard is left hanging.

8.What Ideas And Things Are Worth Dying For?

(This is about your beliefs e.g) I will love to see every broken marriage
amended and restored, Help People Manage their lives

9.What If Lost Would Make Life Unlivable?

My self worth, my values, and the ability to help marriages.

10.What Is Too Sacred To Lose Or Misplace?

My integrity

11.Where Are You Going?

I want to go into the world where my talent, potential, ability speaks for you.
A world where everyone is placed as equals and given the same opportunities

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irrespective of their sex and how connected they are. A world where the
blessed one are always in need of helping the less privileged.

12.Who Do You Want To Be?

I want to be a person who is committed to helping those in need. A kind of
person who is able to build someone up and expose them to the best of their
ability/potential. A kind of person who resonates love and compassion
around.

13.Who Did You Like To Be When You Were Growing Up?

Professor Dora Akunyili

14.Who Do You Day Dream Of Being?

Professor Martin Anthony Aghaji

15.Whose Life Would You Like Yours To Be Like?

Professor Martin Anthony Aghaji

16.Who Would You Love To Hang Out With?

T. D. Jakes, Dr Kathy Magliato

17.What Would You Love To Do?

To join the research institutes for cancer and HIV/AIDS and make
contributions academically.

18.What Inspires You?

The word of God, Christian messages

19.When Was The Last Time You Felt Really Inspired?

3rd March 2016 (during the WhatsApp Training)

20.Do You Remember What Inspires You?

Yes

21.Do You Often Go Back To the Same Source For More Inspiration
Insight & Energy?
Yes

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22.Do You Surround Yourself With The Things That Inspire And Delight
You? Or Do You Save Them For Special Occasions? Or When You Get
Really Blue?
When I get really blue

23.What Takes Your Breath Away?

The wonders of God

24.What Keeps You Up Late, Talking Through The Night?

Medical facts, Academic work

25.What Sets Your Feet Moving?

My Vision, goals, aspiration and the fear of failure.

26.Where Are You Presently In Life?

Living partly purposefully

27. Is Your Life Presently What You Desire?

50% of it

28.Are Your Goals And Visions Usual Set (S.M.A.R.T.)?

Yes

29.What Is The Relationship With Your Mother And Father Like?

30.How Often Do You Seek Knowledge?

Everyday

Who Are You?

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