ELC 080

WRITING
REVISION
PRE PARE D BY: MADAM SAFIAH
BELOW IS A MODEL ANSWER ESSAY THAT SCORED AN IMPRESSIVE
BAND 5.
LOOK AT THE FEEDBACK ON EACH PARAGRAPH.
QUESTION 2
The world today is turning more to electronic
communications such as the e-mail, Facebook and Short
Message System (SMS). What is your opinion of this growing

ELC080 WRITING SKILL

trend? Discuss. You should write at least 350 words.

As time goes by, the world is changing rapidly; so are its people
and the technology itself. Technology brings about a lot of
amendments in people’s life. It is getting more advanced from day
to day especially when it comes to Information Technology or in
this case; electronic communications. Back then, mailing was
seemingly to be one of the most vital ways of communication
especially for the world communication. In contrast, nowadays
people are more prone to communicate the easier ways; by
staring on their electronic accounts on their computers or through
their iPods and sending short messages from their iPhones or
Blackberries. Why is it so? In my slight opinion, this growing trend
gives a lot of dominances in today’s life, which are helping people in term of
saving their time and money, creating borderless communication
and making it easy for people to gain prominent information.
Feedback
The student introduces technology as a whole, looking at its
history, from how it has grown from a simple form of
communication through letters to today’s extensive choice of
communication through electronic gadgets. This is a great
way to start your introduction. Based on the question,
explain what the issue is and give a brief background of its
past and present. State your opinion as to why such situation
arises.
2
BODY PARAGRAPHS
First and foremost, the world today is turning more to electronic
communications like e-mail, Facebook and Short Message System
(SMS) and other electronic communications is because they will
prevent people from wasting their time and money. How do these
Feedback
work? As we all know, sending a letter to someone will take a lot of

ELC080 WRITING SKILL

processes and will eventually take a long time and waste a lot of
money. On the contrary, electronic communications entail only the
tip of our fingers so as an electronic device to work with. Then, what
is left for us to do is just, typing! Has that not taken a much lesser
time and money? For instance, an e-mail only requires us to turn on
our laptops, open our accounts on the website and then, you can
start write your letter and send them through e-mails. In short, with
the very unstable economy nowadays, having these kinds of
communications will ease everyone’s burden especially on their daily
expenses and also their valuable time will not be wasted.
State, Explain and then Illustrate. Remember SEI. First, state the topic that’s
been mentioned. In this case, it’s the rise of
electronic communications. Then explain. Explain what
electronic communications entail. Next, illustrate. This
means give examples based on your explanation. The
student illustrates by giving a scenario of the use of emails.

3
Secondly, the growing trend of electronic communications
is making it possible for a borderless communication
which is vital these days. Why is it vital? A lot of things
require borderless communication; in education field,
businesses and even daily activities, especially when
foreigners involved. For example, when trading with
Feedback
foreigners, in order to communicate with each other, they
Structure your subsequent paragraphs like the first one. Add
need Skype or Yahoo Messenger as mediums to interact

ELC080 WRITING SKILL

a new point in the second paragraph and repeat the SEI
and be able to do the trade at a faster rate as compared to
format. It’s important to have a mind map of your points
by using ‘snail mails’ or regular letters. Skype is the
before you start writing.
perfect example of an electronic communication which will
cut the boundary that has separated each country and
make communication between two different countries
from around the world possible. In conclusion, it is crucial
to have these electronic communications in today’s age of
globalization as they make it easier for people around the
world to connect with each other.

4
Last but not least, the dominance of these electronic communications is
people could gain prominent information more efficiently than before. As
there are lesser borders between countries, the efficiency of getting much
more relevant and prominent information is higher. People will have the

ELC080 WRITING SKILL

ability to provide and gain information effectively through Facebook or
Twitter accounts. For example, international artists who have planned to do
a world concert can inform their fans about it through their Facebook
account. Likewise, the fans also can ask just about anything to their
favourite artists regarding the concert. Hence, this explains why people
make these electronic communications as a huge trend these days and in
order to keep the trend ongoing, each person has the responsibility to adapt
with the technology itself.

5
In a nutshell, the growing trend of using electronic Feedback
communications is inevitably vital in people’s lives To indicate that your essay is coming to an end, use
as it gives out a lot of benefits as stated in above words
paragraphs. So, to avoid ourselves from not getting

ELC080 WRITING SKILL

the chance of keeping up with the changing trends,
we have to try our best to adapt ourselves with the
rapid changes. I believe that the electronic
communication trend is a trend which is very
important to be followed as the world is getting
more advanced day to day.
like ‘in conclusion, in a nutshell, in short or to wrap
up.
Summarise your opinion based on all your previous
paragraphs and emphasise your point through
words like ‘I
believe’.
-no rephrase of claim and thesis statement
-no memorable quote

6
INTRODUCTRY
PARAGRAPH
INTRODUCTRY PARAGRAPH
1.Attention grabber
2.General statements
3.Claim
4.Thesis statement
Example of claim and thesis statement
Crime prevention should be the responsibility
of everyone. Do you agree?
I agree that crime prevention should be the
responsibility of everyone because the police
can not be everywhere all the time, criminals
can be nabbed faster with concerned citizens
using technology and professionals from all
walks of life can alert the authorities when
they sense criminal activities.
An increasing number of students are going overseas for tertiary
education. To what extent does this overseas study benefit the
students? Discuss.
As the final aspect of schooling before a person
begins their working life, it is arguably the most
important stage of their education. While there are
some undoubted benefits of this trend, such as the
language environment and improved employment
prospects, there is also a significant disadvantage,
namely the high cost.
Body paragraph
Body paragraph
1. Topic sentence
2. Supporting Sentences
3. Concluding Sentence
Topic sentence
The overview of paragraph.
Main idea.
Discourse Marker + Topic + Controlling Idea

Next, young people are greatly influenced by the

mass media due to the fact that it is so easy to
access.
Example of topic sentence

Firstly, texting while driving can cause road accidents.

Main Subject Controlling Idea

SUPPORTING DETAILS
-3@4 sentences
-facts , examples, quotation, statistics.
-page 39
Concluding sentence
-Overview of the paragraph

Restate

Overview

Hope for the future

Suggestion for future

Stance (should)
Concluding
paragraph
 Rephrase
Restate Give final Offers Memorable
the thesis Give advice
claim thought suggestion quote
statement
 All in all, it is evident that mass media has greatly influenced the
minds of younger generations merely because it is addictive, easy to
access and easy to navigate. While it is true that it brings a lot of benefits
to this generation, proper guidance is needed to make sure that they are
not using it for negative purposes. Parents specifically, should monitor
their children’s media use to control the type of contents exposed to
them. This is also to avoid them from being influenced by any
inappropriate behaviors or misleading message presented in the media,
as the saying goes, “prevention is better than cure”.