How To Heal a Broken Heart

I know what it's like to cry yourself to sleep nights in a row because of your heart being broken. I
know what it's like to sit for hours on social media and follow your ex's every move, to see who they
added to their friends' list or who are they following, to see when they were last online on any of the
social media platforms, to see who tagged them in the pictures, who liked/loved their pictures, etc. I
know how you torture yourself and how you feel that you will have a panic attack thinking that
they've already replaced you with someone else, that they love someone new, that they are touching
someone else. It's an emotional ordeal that doesn't let you sleep, eat, focus on anything else.

I know what it's like to miss them every day. I know you want to write to them, to share all your
experiences, all your thoughts, as you did when you were together. You wonder if your life has any
meaning now without him/her. How will you be able to survive? How will you be able to get over
this cruel pain that destroys your soul, stabs your heart, breaks your whole being into small pieces
and you don't know how to gather them from the ground and how to put them back in place.

I know what it's like to feel so lost and confused, wondering what was the point of that relationship
if it ended? I know what it's like to wonder why is it over, how could you have fixed it, what have
you done wrong, what you could have done differently, why don't they love you anymore, why don't
they want you anymore, how can you win him/her back? I know what it's like to hope that things
will change. To hope that everything is just a nightmare and everything will return to normal soon.

Maybe you were cheated on and that increseas the pain. Or it could happen that your now ex-lover
has replaced you. Something breaks within you. And it hurts like hell. You can't put your head on
the pillow because all you see when you close your eyes is the image of the new person who has
replaced you. You ask yourself: Is this woman/man better than me, more beautiful, more successful,
smarter, funnier, more interesting, sexier, more loving?

You close your eyes and see your lover touching this new person. You see them walking hand in
hand. Having dinner together. Traveling together. You see them happy. Smiling. You're not "the one"
in his life anymore. The one that made him/her laugh, the one that made their day better just by
simply appearing in the room where they were. It's not you anymore. It's this new person now. They
took your place. They now enjoy all that was yours. That is a false sense of ownership, they were
never really yours to begin with, but it sure felt like that. Surely, this new person is better than me,
otherwise my lover would still have been with me. So your self-esteem takes a big hit.

You tell yourself it's unfair. How can he/she replace you? How can he/she get over you so quickly?

The truth is, they can never replace you. Just like you won't be able to replace them. What you had
was special on both sides. And you played an important role in each other's lives. You will always
remain in their soul and heart, even if now they no longer love you, once they did love you and that
love will never disappear, just as you will carry him/her in your heart, forever.

You will move on and you will see your path so clearly. You will love again. You will meet the one
who will know how to love you and keep you close to them and with whom you will experience a
new special kind of love. It will be different, maybe you will not experience this love at the same
intensity as the one you lost, but maybe it will be exactly what you will need.

I wrote this book because I know from my own experience that complete and fast healing of a
heartbreak is very possible. I will share with you every step that I took to get over my own break-up.

THE 5 STAGES OF GRIEF

Break-ups can be brutal and painful. It can cause a lot of depression, anxiety, fear, traumas, and
anger. A lot of you might have heard of the 5 stages of grief, denial, anger, bargaining,
depression, and acceptance.

I know what it's like to go through all these stages of "mourning", the stages of loss. Sometimes the
stages are interspersed. In one day you can have them all or you can experience one for a few days,
weeks, maybe months.

They can be felt and experienced in different orders. It's not a rule that applies here. Let's talk
briefly about each stage to recognize where you are at this moment.

The first stage is denial

You don't want to believe and you can't believe it's all over between you. You can't accept that. We
love each other. We have been together for "n" number of years/months. We are everything to each
other. He/she can't help but love me. I don't think he/she wants to leave me. I don't think he/she
doesn't love me anymore. I don't think he/she doesn't want to fight for us and our love anymore. I
hear what he/she is telling me. But I do not understand. I feel his/her coldness and their distance,
but there is no way, they can't end like this, not now. He/She loves me, I know. They told me, the
proved it to me. Yes, there are some problems in our relationship. But any relationship has
problems. No ...it can't end ...

You refuse to believe that this is happening to you, maybe your partner broke up with you and you
don't want to accept that, you're not even considering that there might be a problem with you two.
Or you broke up with your ex and you think you're completely okay with it, only to discover
sometime later that you're hurting and you're denying yourself the process of grieving.

The second stage is the anger

You are angry with him/her, you hate him/her because he/she wants to leave you because he/she no
longer loves you.

You want revenge, you want to prove that you don't need him/her and you try to replace them
quickly. You are angry with yourself because you don't know how to make the relationship work.

You tell him/her that you don't love them anyway and that you don't want them around you
anymore. That you're fine without him/her. That all the problems in the relationship started because
of him/her. He/She is to blame for everything. It's better that way, let's break up, you say, although
you know very well that what you say is not true, but you say it out of anger and despair.

You're angry at your partner, you could even resent them, you're angry with yourself, you're angry
at God or a higher, divine force, you wonder what you could have done better, you blame yourself,
you blame your ex, you're just furious, you have a lot of bad energy and it is fueled by rage.

The third stage is the bargaining

Ok, things are getting real. You're skating on a frozen lake and the ice can break in an instant. You
know you're on a minefield and you're trying to save yourself.

But wait, maybe I can still do something to make the relationship work, you try to convince your
partener not to leave you because you are made for each other and you love each other and you can
change and be better. You want to keep them close to you and come up with pros and cons and you
do everything to avoid ... the inevitable end.

You try to mend things, you plead and you beg, you try to make it work even though on some level
you are aware that it's not working anymore. There are a lot of „what ifs” in this stage, what if we
do things differently, what if I change myself, what if we move somewhere else? What if I made
more compromises? Or you have questions about what you could have done differently. It's the
stage of negotiations, you negotiate with your ex, with yourself and even with your pain.

The fourth stage is depression

That's very self-explanatory. You may go to sleep crying, you're sad all the time and you're not in
the mood to get out of bed. Maybe you're overeating, or you can't eat at all, can't sleep, or sleep too
much, you can't go to work or focus on work, you're isolating yourself, you don't want to see your
friends or family or you're very needy; you need a lot of support and you need people to hear you
out about your pain. You watch movies that remind you of your ex or listening to songs that you
both liked, you're melancholic, you miss your ex.

The storm has stopped, you're no longer furious, you no longer have the strength to argue, to fight,
to negotiate. You begin to understand and recognize that it is the end of the relationship. This is the
worst stage. And the one that lasts the longest. You feel that you will not see the light of day.
Everything is gray. Maybe black. Nothing else matters. You don't enjoy anything anymore. You
don't want to get out of bed anymore. You have no more tears. You can't cry anymore. When you do
it is liberating and you feel better afterwards. You watch dramatic movies or you look at pictures of
him/her. The memories of you two are slowly killing you, and it seems like absolutely everything
reminds you of him/her. You listen to sad music that reminds you of them, just so you can cry
because crying alone can make you feel better. After a healthy crying session, you can breathe a
little easier, for a few hours. Then that gloomy feeling follows you again, that darkness in which
you fall.

You fall asleep with tears on your cheek and you wake up in the middle of the night with small
panic attacks, and that voice is returning to your mind and it doesn't give you peace, it keeps
repeating.... "it's over, he/she is not mine anymore.” And the worst part is that he/she was your best
friend. You can't call them to tell them how terrible you're feeling. You used to tell them everything.
Now you need your best friend, but you lost your friend too, along with your lover. Painful. I Know.
You feel alone. You don't feel like doing anything. Can't focus on work. You think you'll never love
again, ever. No one will love you anymore.

You indulge in this depression. You feel almost comfortable being wrapped in it. The ego likes this
stage. It keeps whispering in your ears all kinds of negative affirmations: it's your fault, you weren't
good enough for him/her, you didn't behave properly, you didn't love him/her properly, you didn't
show him/her how much you appreciated them, you didn't know what you had until you lost him/her.

Yes, the ego loves these statements. It loves to put you down. To make you feel small, insignificant,
unimportant, ugly, bad, and not at all good for him/her, for the love of your life. With the help of the
ego, depression will make you go crazy, for a long time, it tries with all its power to bring you
down, to shatter you, to destroy you. But if you're strong enough you won't allow it.

You will wake up one morning and say. That's it! I'm done! I won't allow you to keep me in this
darkness. I don't want to sit in bed anymore, with my eyes on the TV, not understanding what I see
or hear. All I hear is him/her ... telling me he/she doesn't want to be with me anymore. That keeps
repeating in my head like a broken record. That's all I hear.

But one morning I refuse to be locked up in my own prison and I get up. It's sunny outside. I'm
going to walk. I am glad to be alive. And my life did not end here. And then you will go out, you
will flourish, you will smile, although it is not your smile, it is just a façade one, which you display
it in society. You try to socialize, to communicate, to see new places, to meet new people, maybe to
go out on a date or two, maybe flirt a little.

Your soul is still carrying the heavy burden and that depression does not disappear completely, but
you feel better and start to take steps towards healing, because you have decided to get out of bed,
to look in the mirror, smile, get up, get dressed and go out into the world. This is the most difficult
stage, but once you reach it, you are on your way to healing.

Finally, the last grieving stage is acceptance

And that is the goal we want to reach. Some people say that to reach that stage it takes about a year
or maybe longer, all depending on the length of the relationship. Certain theories say the healing
takes up to half of the amount of the time you spent together with your partner. But, these are just
theories, the time could vary so much from person to person.

In this stage, you finally, accept that you are no longer together. That you lost him/her. That it wasn't
meant to be. You don't feel very well though. You are not happy with this finding. You are not happy
to accept this end, but it makes you feel lighter. You are willing to live again. You are willing to give
yourself a new sense of purpose. The wound is still quite deep, but you reached this important
stage.

There are some people who never get over a breakup. There are some people who get over it in a
month or even a week. The longer the healing takes, the more you loved this person, and the more it
hurts. And it's good if you loved that much. It's good if you've suffered a lot. Because this suffering
is your foundation for all future relationships.

Now, that we talked briefly, about the 5 stages of grief, I want you to sit in a quiet place for about
10 to 15 minutes and think about each of these stages and ask yourself, what stage am I
experiencing right now? Are the stages overlapping for you? How long do they take?

The steps that I am describing here include some journaling. I believe that it helps a lot with getting
in touch with yourself, analyze what is going on in your mind and your heart and releasing all the
pain to a piece of paper, computer or you can even do that by recording yourself, either video or
audio if you don't like writing.

I am going to end this step by telling you that it doesn't need to take that much time to go through
this pain. And it doesn't have to be that painful at all. On the contrary, this could be a blessing in
disguise and it could be your biggest opportunity to grow, to live to your maximum potential, and
become your best self. Sometimes it takes a bit of pain to wake us up to consciousness, to be able to
live a better and happier life.

So, this is your homework for day one. Write down or record yourself, audio or video and tell
yourself about the stage of grief you're experiencing right now and how does that affect you daily. If
not now, later on, it will offer you a lot of insight and once you're going through a stage, you will be
able to recognize it and deal with it much better.

I want you to revisit what you wrote or recorded, after one week and see what changed. This is an
important step. You may record or write down again after one week if you wish, just to notice the
difference. And, by the end of this course, you can see how much progress you've made.
I will see you tomorrow, for lesson number two.