Challenge: Define how a person should live. What is good? What is evil?

How do we derive
meaning?
Date: 7/14/2021
Author: Cheryl Willis Miller
Mentor: Richard Grannon

_________________________

Preface: This topic has been suggested for journaling by my mentor, Richard Grannon,
multiple times, across a variety of courses and lectures I have attended. While I have grappled
with the Good vs. Evil topic some, even creating a daily list for several weeks during the
“Healing the Super Ego” course, I have not fully explored the concept of “How should a person
live.”

I believe if I were to go back into my earlier journal entries, I might find a few pages where I
vaguely addressed this topic, more or less just to muscle through the assigned writing portion of
the course. But, today, my mentor answered my question during the live Q & A session he held
with students online and I got more clarity on his intent. I now feel compelled to try again to
complete this task.

My question, essentially, was regarding whether, in writing, we should determine how we,
individually, wish to live or if he was asking us to consider how we believe others should live. It
was the vague “a person” part that was throwing me off. I’ve always been a firm believer in the
rights and freedoms of the individual. As such, I have felt a sort of moral obligation to not judge
the behavior or lifestyle choices of others. Thus, how could I complete a “thought experiment”
about how others should live if I have never really allowed myself to think about my opinion on
how others should live? If I am a “good” person, and I believe in freedom, which I do, then what
kind of hypocrite would I be if I were to complete such an assignment whereby I am judging the
lifestyles of others?

However, Richard Grannon’s answer to my question was very clear. The assignment is not so
much about becoming a “judgy” person or actually telling others how you think they should live.
He even stated that he didn’t really care what we had to say about it. He’s more interested in
getting us to think about the question philosophically. I think I finally understand. I was coming
from a place of ideology, not philosophy.

To understand what Grannon was suggesting, I looked up various definitions of ideology and
philosophy. I learned that ideology is essentially a system of ideas and ideals that form the
basis of a system, such as an economic or political theory and the accompanying policies. In
other words, a “system” made by someone else (not you) that explains theoretical and practical
ways that people who subscribe to that system should agree to live by. A politician’s wet dream!
My God! My very idea of “freedom” that I had held so proudly was actually born out of an
ideology, perhaps even a system of intentional practicality! I was “shooked.”
 From the United States Declaration of Independence, “We hold these truths to be
self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with
certain unalienable rights, that among these are life, liberty and the pursuit of
happiness.”

I realized that this definition of individual rights is part of an ideology, one that I so
whole-heartedly subscribed to that I actually convinced myself that judging another’s life choices
would be untoward of me. I have taken pride in my own behavior as being, as the Swedish say
“lagom,” neither the best nor the worst. I have lived by this ideology that we are all equal and,
as a result, I have given many individuals an open invitation to enter my life, without any
judgment from me about how they have lived or what may have caused our paths to cross.

In fact, my reason for naming Richard Grannon, a psychologist with a speciality in trauma
healing, as my mentor is based on this very issue. My lack of boundaries led me to be in
several abusive relationships where I experienced trauma. I know one thing, this is not how a
person should live. And, it is not how I will choose to live as I move forward. What Grannon has
asked us to do with his question of “how should a person live,” is to take a philosophical
approach.

Philosophy, I learned, is a theory or belief of an individual or organization that acts as a guiding

principle for behavior. It might have some commonalities with certain ideologies, but a
philosophy is based more upon questions about our own existence, reason, knowledge and
values. It’s more personal and pervasive. I’m still learning, so bear with me on the complexities
of this definition.

I think I am understanding the question a little better now. By judging others, or stating what we
believe is the way one should live, we are learning more about ourselves. By judging others, we
will learn what sets us apart from what Soren Kierkegaard called “the mass man,” in The Value
of Despair. Kierkegaard goes on to suggest that despair exists when one fails to develop the
self. By conforming to the masses, we may lose sight of our own uniqueness, our own
individuality and our own ability to determine for ourselves what is good and what is evil. So,
exerting my individual right to judge others and determine, in my own mind, how a person
should live, is a way of understanding myself on a deeper level as well as where I fit into the
collective. Though “fitting in” should never be the goal of such an exercise. It is a way of
defining our own values as well as “anti-values.”

In Grannon’s “Summoning the Self, Part I,” he states that we all have the right to “judge,
condemn and reject” others. In fact, without exercising this right, he claims we easily fall prey to
the predators in society, including psychopaths, sociopaths and others who see openness as an
invitation to take advantage of our blind spots and lack of defenses. The “self” cannot exist
when one’s locus of control has been handed over to another person or group. Regaining
control becomes a most difficult task when the self enters a state of “codependency.” In such a
state, a codependent person places the perceived good of the group or the “other” over his or
her own needs. Grannon describes this process using a “cave” metaphor where the “self”
actually retreats into a place of hiding, invisibility or shrunkenness.

It is with all of the above information finally in hand that I shall attempt to offer my own line of
reasoning for how a person should live. I may struggle a bit in my attempts to judge or
condemn others, but please realize that my desire to outline my own belief is in no way a
template for how I believe others should live. In fact, that would be a failure of my assignment.
My answer to the question will, hopefully, provide me with a better understanding of how I
believe I should live, where I should live and what kind of people I wish to invite into my life in
the future.

My answer should also help me integrate my own personal values and core beliefs into a
system whereby I can set goals and objectives for myself that will keep me on track mentally,
physically and spiritually. My belief system will help me silently judge and reject others’ who do
not fit into the reality I am attempting to create for my future. It will help me to seek out others
who are a more moral and intellectual fit for how I want to live. It is not a moral judgment that I
choose to cast onto others, but rather it should be a guiding principle for how I wish to live.

Dare I say: Thank you Richard Grannon. I think I finally understand the question. Now, I will
begin to formulate my answer.

~~~~~~ END PART I ~~~~~~~~