Myself, how’s your life?

“There is no glory without sacrifice”, a quote from my mother’s yearbook that gave me
strength and courage to face the hurdles that life has offered me. My name is Carina Mae, my
family and friends calls me “Mae”. My first name is derived from my mother’s and father’s
name and it also means “love” in Spanish. I am 19 years old and I am the eldest among my two
younger siblings. I currently reside at Gordon Heights, Olongapo, and I live with my relatives on
my father’s side. I stand 5 feet in height, yet I still feel like I’m the shortest person alive. I cry
easily and I am a sensitive human being. I am from a Spanish-Chinese-Filipino descent which
explains why I have a fair complexion and unique features. My favorite subject is Science and
I’ve always wanted to become a medical doctor someday, because I want to help others as much
as I can. But for some reasons, I cannot pursue pre-med course since I need to be more practical
for now, but hopefully one day, I will be able to achieve it.

I love cats. In fact, I have four cats right now and they are very playful and they gave me
headaches, but I love them very much. I like reading books, especially those with fantasy genre. I
know how to sing and dance, has a little knowledge in playing a guitar, yet, I can’t even draw a
decent circle because I don’t have any talent when it comes to art. I was originally known as a
social butterfly-- I make friends easily, even though, I just met that person a while ago. But for
some reasons, I became very quiet and socially awkward person, maybe because I learned how
to be more self- reflective and to love my solitude.

I was born here in the City of Olongapo, but I spent my entire childhood and some of my
teenage life in Davao. I live there with my grandparents and cousins from my mother’s side. My
father went there when I was on my 9 th grade in high school, and he brought my brother and I
back here in Olongapo to continue our study. So far, I enjoyed staying here in Olongapo because
I’ve met a lot of people and it changes the way I see things. I never had any memories about my
childhood, though and if there is some, I can say that I never really had a wonderful time back
then.

Growing up, I was always told by my friends and acquaintances that I act mature for my
age. Little did they know, I need to act like that because I am the eldest and was told by my
family that I should be a role model for my younger siblings and cousins. I never had a time to
enjoy life before, especially when I was in my high school years. I was pressured in my studies
by everyone who surrounds me. It was my fault, though, because I have set a standard for them.
It all started when I was on my 7 th grade. I was this top 1 student overall. Everyone expected me
to maintain my ranking up until I graduate. But things happened, and I only got to be on top 2. I
was devastated that time, I was shamed. I was so disappointed on myself that I even became
suicidal. But now, I can say that I am almost healed and I learned it the hard way that everything
happens for a reason.

I want to have a family of my own, someday. However, I don’t really want to have a
child because I have these unresolved issues in my childhood and I don’t want to bring another
human being in this cruel world just to incur pain and let him or her suffer. Maybe someday,
something would change my mind, but for now, this is what I envision as myself in the future. I
want to have a successful career, fund a charity that supports those people who really need a
help, as well as support a foundation where the stray animals stay after they are rescued. I want
to do these things probably someday because as I’ve mentioned earlier, I want to help as much as
I can.

I have a boyfriend, and we’re actually in a relationship for two years now. he is my best
friend and my lover. We respect each other’s boundaries. I admire him for being such a smart,
kind, supportive, and soft-spoken person. He knows how to cook, do household chores, and he is
also family-oriented. We both have big dreams in life, and we’re working together to achieve
everything we dreamt. I also have a lot of friends, but I considered them as more of an
acquaintance. However, I have four people whom I can call as my “home buddies”. These four
people are very smart, unique, talented, goofy, and they ooze a lot of charisma. I admire them
very much for being such a good people to me, even though they hated me for being impulsive
and indecisive, still, they are there to support every event in my life.

Aside from my lover and home buddies, there are another four people whom I admire the
most. First is my mother, who is a strong independent woman, a very workaholic person yet my
number one supporter and a cool mom. Next is my father who is also a very workaholic person,
yet a happy-go-lucky and a cool dad. My brother who teases me a lot yet secretly cheering me up
whenever I feel down, and my sister, who explicitly claim that she loves me so much. These
people are the reason why I’m doing my very best in everything that I do because I also want to
give them a comfortable lifestyle someday.

Lately, life has been so hard for me because of this pandemic, well, all of us are affected.
I have a lot of plans that were deferred, a lot of detours and re-route has happened. A loved one
died and it causes so much pain in my family. Challenges has been recurring all the time,
especially in this online learning setup. It drains and exhaust energy in everyone. But despite of
that, I have been a fighter and a survivor of difficulties in life; all of us do. And as of now, I still
keep exploring my capabilities and loving myself more. I have a strong support system that
inspires me to go on in life. And I know someday, all the tears and sacrifices we’ve made, will be
worth it, as I reckon that everything will fall into its rightful place, in time.

Forward, always keep moving forward…

Carina