Sacred Care/ 43

didn't seem to fit in my codes.

Something was going on, but I couldn't figure it out. Not even
after I had experienced the jaguar, not even as I sat in the Temple of
Jaguars, could I understand it. I sat for a long time in that ancient
temple. I ran my hands over the weathered carvings and watched the
clouds drift by. I decided that regardless of my uncertainty about the
jaguar, it had already given me one gift and one extremely sacred
experience. I pulled a tiny crystal cluster out of a pouch of stones I had
brought to share. I put my love and gratitude into the crystal and
placed it behind a stone carving inside the temple.
That night my dreams were filled with jaguars again. This time,
they were large and sleek. There was no fear. They rolled and snarled
and played like huge kittens. I awoke feeling that I had tapped into
something quite deep. Indeed, I had. As with many connections on
the path of the shaman, though, I had to wait for it to develop to
understand it fully.

It is sometimes easier to begin relating to Animal World totems

or power animals as babies. This is especially true of the predators.
For one thing, viewing them as babies is a reminder of the develop­
mental nature of the relationship with the totem animal. For another,
it's a bit of an ego trip when these powerful spirit animals begin
making themselves at home with you. On this shamanic path, as with
any spiritual or magical path, it Is wise to remember that the ego is a
good servant-not a master.
When wolves began appearing in my life, on both the concrete and
abstract levels, I was somewhat confused about how to begin relating
to them. In a shop one day, I found a small ceramic wolf with big eyes
and an expression that seemed to say, "I'm a what?" It was very help­
ful to dance with that aspect of the wolf first. Later, the stronger
aspects developed; and, still later, the dark or shadow aspects.
By beginning with the little-wolf aspect, I was building a founda­
tion and a connection most essential to a true totemic relationship
with a power animal. Several years after the wolf and I had begun our
dance together, I found another tiny wolf. This one was pewter with a
very fierce face. It was In a booth at a department store during