32/ In the Shadow of the Shaman

exactly like a wolf: bushy tail curling around her hind legs. I turned
the stone over. The other side was shaped, unmistakably, like a bear.
As a wolf married to a bear, I felt this was very special. I found later it
meant even more than that.
I had been given the privilege of calling the Great Bear and the
Great Wolf of the Seneca Nation if the need should ever arise. Doing
this calls forth deeper levels than the already powerful vibrations of
bear and wolf. This was not something to be taken lightly or used
casually.! didn't want to conjecture about how I might ever need this
privilege. I just felt honored and filed it in my memories.
Some time later my husband and I returned home, from a much­
needed day out together, to find an ambulance parked in the front
yard. I shall not attempt to convey the horror of that experience.As it
turned out, my daughter, who was barely a year old, had awakened
from her nap with a sudden high fever. She had thrown a febrile
seizure. Thanks to the calm actions of my babysitter and neighbors, it
had not become more complicated.
Still, it was serious enough to warrant a trip to the emergency
room and hospitalization. The swamps around Houston are havens
for mosquitoes and the like. Meningitis, encephalitis, and other frightful
diseases are constant possibilities. What followed were hours of
intense discomfort, frustration, and fear.
Finally, my daughter and I were put in a room in Pediatrics. She
was in a crib with steel bars. I had a chair that folded out into a cot. Still
enraged at what she had had to endure, she fell asleep immediately.!
was far from sleep.
I knew that I had to do something to collect my energies, which
were scattered everywhere.! reached into my purse for some amethyst
to steady my inner hysteria. I pulled out the wolf-bear stone.! hadn't
realized it was still in there, but I was so grateful to have it. My husband
was home alone with our son.
The hospital was still and quiet. By that time everyone but the
night nurses had gone to sleep. I closed the door to our room and
turned off all of the lights. Holding the wolf-bear stone in my hand, I
opened the curtains. Moonlight flooded the room, and I sat in a circle
of it on the floor. I held the stone and rocked myself. Afraid to wake
my baby, I cried silent tears. All of the fear and terror came flooding
out of me and disappeared in the silver moonlight.
I began the ritual of self-blessing to bring that deepest strength of
healing.