Sarah Rose M.

Linas HUMSS 11

Hi, I am Sad and Lonely

I am here at school. I am here at school because I am sad. I am sad because nobody is in

love with me. Nobody is in love with me but everyone loves me. Everyone loves me because I

make them feel good which is of course, I am very good at because I had a lot of practice on

myself. I had a lot of practice on myself because I feel sad, a lot. I am sad all the time that’s why

I am right here at school, making people feel good because that makes me feel good as well,

though temporary. And after that, I feel lonely. So when I feel lonely, I try to go to school.

As I enter this school with my head up high, I remember, I am sad. But I don’t want to be

sad because being sad makes me cry and crying gives me a headache and a headache wants me

crawl in my bed. Crawling into bed is what sad people do. What sad people do when they are

lonely looks a lot like me in school. So I walk with my head up high and act like a regular

person. Because that’s how a sad person acts right? You look like every other regular person in

school.

I think that’s the problem with being sad and with being lonely all of the time because

you don’t remember what’s it like not to be sad and lonely at all. It’s like having a cold and your

nose is all clogged up that you’re almost so sure that you can’t breathe ever again. The only

difference is, you can call in sick at school when you have a cold and have these all soup

shebang and get-well-soons. But you can’t call in sad. So when I wake up and I feel sad and

lonely, I go to school and do what every other student does: listen to teachers, socialize, take

exams, eat, go home, study, sleep, repeat. Like a regular student.

So I meet my friends in school and ask them if they are okay? Because science says

asking people if they are okay immediately makes them feel a little better, I told you I’m good at
Sarah Rose M. Linas HUMSS 11

making people feel good because I do that to myself like a lot. Only the difference is when I ask

myself, it just makes me realize that I am sad and I am lonely. Thank goodness for the ballerina

in my music box which swoons me every night as I waltz in the kitchen at 3 am lit with low

stove-light. Oh yes, that ballerina who makes me realize that maybe I am sad and I am lonely is

because nobody is in love with me because I don’t look like a ballerina which makes perfect

sense. So the ballerina inside my throat is spinning again and I reach out every after dinner with

the water running down the bath, hoping to even get a bit of her grace. But it hurts yes, but at

least I don’t get to crawl in bed and be reminded that I am sad and I am so lonely. I guess all this

morning sessions helped me turn sadness into lonely, the lonely into busy, so when I tell you that

I’ve been super busy lately, it means I’ve been falling asleep on the couch watching Netflix

because I don’t want to face the empty side of my bed because I am lonely.

So when I am at school, I act like I am not sad and I am not lonely because who would

want to love a sad or a lonely person right? In my lonely, I go to school, not as a sad person who

seems to have a hard time trying not to cry. I stand in front of the toilet inside the cubicle

because at least the door is closed and no one knows what’s happening inside. I ask my friends if

they are okay and normally, they’ll say they are okay and wave goodbye. Goodbye is the saddest

word I know next to almost. For example, I almost cried at school. I almost broke down while

eating bread on the cafeteria. Or he was almost inlove with me except I wasn’t pretty or he’s gay.

The saddest word you know is my name, and it becomes less sad because when I am in school,

atleast nobody knows that nobody is in love with me.