Oh, my Shin!

:
When I was a kid, I was always excited to learn new vocabulary. When I was in Grade One, my
teacher taught me that “shin” was another word for leg.
Later that day, I was walking with my mother, when I fell and hit my leg on the ground really
hard. I yelled out “OW, MY SHIN” although my mom heard “OW, MY SHIT.” She started yelling
about how that was a bad word and we didn’t say that word, and she was going to wash my mouth out
with soap. I was crying, sobbing mess of a child, to the point I was doing that weird cry, stutter,
hiccup noise. She paused in scolding me and said “Who taught you that word?!” Of course, I told the
truth and said “M-m-my teacher t-t-t-taught me that word!” and she started ranting about how she
was going to call the school and get that teacher yelled at.
I tried to explain, “T-te-teacher said that shin meant leg I’m SO SORRY ILL N-N-NE-ne-
never say it again.” My mom got quiet and realized her mistake. “…What did you say?”

Why my Parents Can’t Take Me Seriously?

So one time I was home alone and it was around dinnertime when I decided to make myself
something to eat. I opened the freezer and dug around until I found what appeared to be chicken
nuggets in an unopened plastic bag that for some reason, didn’t have any cooking instructions.
Thinking that my parents must have thrown away the box for box tops, I called my mom to ask how
long and at what temperature to cook chicken nuggets. She told me both of them, I laid out about 20
on a tray and stuck it in the oven, setting the timer before I walked out of the kitchen. When it was
almost time to get my chicken nuggets, I walked into a cinnamon scented kitchen. I searched all over
that kitchen, trying to find the cinnamon scent, leading me to the oven. I decide to turn on the oven
light to see if maybe my mom had stuck some cookies in the oven and forgot to bake them, but
instead, I find that the tray my chicken nuggets were on has cookies on it instead! As I’m trying to
process what just happened, I hear the front door open and my mom shout delightedly, “Ooooo
what’s that smell?” She walks into the kitchen and catches my confused expression. That’s when the
spark ignited and she realized exactly what had happened. Somehow in some form, I had accidentally
baked snicker doodles. And that is why my parents can never take my cooking seriously.

The Toilet Phase

When I was younger, around 3 or 4 years old, I had a phase of flushing things down the toilet.
I would flush McDonald’s toys I didn’t want any more or change I had found in my room. The biggest
and most hilarious thing I ever dumped was a gallon of milk. One day I was bored and was looking
around in the fridge low and behold there it was, a new gallon of milk. My tiny body dragged the
bottle on the floor all the way to the bathroom. I opened the cap, let it go into the toilet and
flushed. I thought I was smart enough to let it go unnoticed but I’ll never forget what my dad yelled
out when he walked in. “Why in the hell is the water white?!“ my mom found the empty carton and
just watched at me.

Little Thief
When I was around four or five I was with my mom at this store buying some Christmas gifts.
As we were leaving I saw these little plush dinosaurs that fit perfectly in my hands. I grabbed two of
them and stashed one in each of my pockets. My pockets were so small that they made me look like I
had two remorse on each of my hips. I still remember the rush of energy I got from actually leaving
the store undetected. Well, when my mom and I got to the car, she found them and called the store
back and made me apologize. I had the absolute worst social anxiety when I was a kid so I was a
absolutely sobbing, telling this poor employee how horrible a person I was. I was like having a mental
breakdown, it was so bad my mom apologized to me afterwards and bought me a nice milk shake!