1

00:00:00,928 --> 00:00:02,986

Mom, we're gonna
miss the movie!

2
00:00:03,071 --> 00:00:05,399
- No, we're not.
- Okay, but we've been here for hours.

3
00:00:05,484 --> 00:00:07,616
I-I don't want to hang out
at the stupid horse hospital.

4
00:00:07,700 --> 00:00:10,135
This stupid horse hospital
puts dinner on your table.

5
00:00:10,220 --> 00:00:12,905
It wouldn't kill you
to take an interest.

6
00:00:14,455 --> 00:00:16,634
W-What's this thing?
I-In the middle of the room?

7
00:00:16,719 --> 00:00:17,945
With... With the hole
in the end?

8
00:00:18,029 --> 00:00:20,331
That's a breeding mount.
The nurses use it to collect...

9
00:00:20,416 --> 00:00:22,550
reproductive material.

10
00:00:24,000 --> 00:00:30,074
Advertise your product or brand here
contact www.OpenSubtitles.org today

11
00:00:34,767 --> 00:00:37,109
Okay, let's go see this
latest piece of Marvel shit

12
00:00:37,194 --> 00:00:38,069
you kids are **** over.

13
00:00:38,154 --> 00:00:40,058
Yeah.
A-About time.

14
00:00:40,143 --> 00:00:42,357
So, d-does your hospital
ever need, like,

15
00:00:42,441 --> 00:00:43,958
after-school
volunteers?

16
00:00:44,042 --> 00:00:46,094
Wow. Who are you and
where did you put my son?

17
00:00:46,178 --> 00:00:47,429
Ha! No, no. Seriously.

18
00:00:47,513 --> 00:00:49,947
I-I'm very interested
in... in your work.

19
00:00:55,321 --> 00:00:57,295
Morty, you dirty little doggy.

20
00:00:58,401 --> 00:01:00,966
Ugh! Come on!

21
00:01:03,608 --> 00:01:04,637
Hey, Rick.

22
00:01:04,721 --> 00:01:06,371
Oh, hey, kiddo.
How's your Saturday?

23
00:01:06,455 --> 00:01:08,373
You know, super chill.
W-W-Whatcha doin'?

24
00:01:08,457 --> 00:01:09,775
Eh, nothing adventurous.

25
00:01:09,859 --> 00:01:11,777
You know that race of
Underground Dwelling Cannibal

26
00:01:11,861 --> 00:01:13,178
Horse People that
we're always fighting?

27
00:01:13,262 --> 00:01:15,185
Yeah, the CHUDs.
W-W-What about 'em?
28
00:01:15,270 --> 00:01:16,821
Well, don't tell anybody,
but I'm working on

29
00:01:16,905 --> 00:01:18,383
a bioweapon
to use against them,

30
00:01:18,467 --> 00:01:20,920
so I got this barrel of horse
semen from your mom's hospital

31
00:01:21,004 --> 00:01:22,321
and I'm just gonna,
you know,

32
00:01:22,405 --> 00:01:24,056
subject it to
some otherworldly forces.

33
00:01:24,140 --> 00:01:26,125
Guess I should test it,
make sure it's...

34
00:01:26,209 --> 00:01:27,860
- Make sure it's what?!
- Horse semen, obviously.

35
00:01:27,944 --> 00:01:29,662
Okay, but it says it is
right on the barrel!

36
00:01:29,746 --> 00:01:31,330
You're not being
very scientific, Morty.

37
00:01:31,414 --> 00:01:33,736
Measure twice, cut once.
Especially with semen.

38
00:01:33,821 --> 00:01:35,517
Did you even ask Mom
if you could have this?!

39
00:01:35,601 --> 00:01:37,827
Morty, if I wanted
to steal horse semen, I'd...

40
00:01:37,912 --> 00:01:40,255
Yes, I asked her.
What is at stake for you here?
41
00:01:40,340 --> 00:01:43,257
Why don't you trust labels?!
All right! Fine! I won't test it!

42
00:01:43,342 --> 00:01:46,328
God damn. Your generation really
picks random hills to die on.

43
00:01:46,412 --> 00:01:47,223
Don't get too close.

44
00:01:47,308 --> 00:01:49,430
I'm running an inhuman amount
of power through this semen.

45
00:01:49,514 --> 00:01:51,419
Should be safe, though,
since the semen itself is,

46
00:01:51,503 --> 00:01:54,422
you know, also inhuman.
Here we go.

47
00:02:08,700 --> 00:02:09,818
W-What happened?!

48
00:02:09,902 --> 00:02:10,844
The sperm, Morty!

49
00:02:10,929 --> 00:02:13,587
They're super monster sperm now!
I blame myself.

50
00:02:13,672 --> 00:02:15,423
Unless there was something
about the sperm I didn't know.

51
00:02:15,507 --> 00:02:17,493
Are you... Are you saying
that to mess with me?

52
00:02:17,577 --> 00:02:18,827
What?
Mess with you how?

53
00:02:18,911 --> 00:02:20,093
Like, trying to get me
to say something?

54
00:02:20,177 --> 00:02:22,095
Morty, I have no idea
what you're talking about!

55
00:02:22,193 --> 00:02:23,008
- For real?
- Yes!

56
00:02:23,093 --> 00:02:25,628
Okay. Good.
Then... Then it's your fault!

57
00:02:54,706 --> 00:02:56,706
<font color=#FF00FF>*RICK AND MORTY*</font>
<font color=#00FF00>Season 05 Episode 04</font>

58
00:02:56,790 --> 00:02:58,107
Episode Title: <font color=#FFc30f>"Rickdependence Sprayn"</font>
Aired on: <font color="#00ffff">July 11, 2021.</font>

59
00:02:58,192 --> 00:02:59,974
Dad, what the hell
is going on?!

60
00:03:00,059 --> 00:03:01,669
Beth, sweetheart,
Can you give me a minute?

61
00:03:01,753 --> 00:03:04,006
I'm trying to steer around
the bodies of our neighbors.

62
00:03:04,090 --> 00:03:05,340
Oh, that felt like Gene.

63
00:03:05,424 --> 00:03:06,808
That's on you, Beth.
Dad, I swear...

64
00:03:06,892 --> 00:03:08,544
Mom, it's... it's not
Rick's fault, it's...

65
00:03:08,628 --> 00:03:10,412
Space Sperm.
What?!

66
00:03:10,496 --> 00:03:11,613
Yeah.
Space Sperm.

67
00:03:11,697 --> 00:03:13,882
I-I've seen em' before,
but n-n-never like this.

68
00:03:13,966 --> 00:03:15,150
<i>Space</i> Sperm?!

69
00:03:15,234 --> 00:03:16,552
Sperm from Space?

70
00:03:16,636 --> 00:03:18,354
Very impressive verbal
forensic work, Jerry.

71
00:03:18,438 --> 00:03:20,556
Holy ****.
How big are space ****?

72
00:03:20,640 --> 00:03:23,491
Don't answer that!
Damn, they must be huge.

73
00:03:25,645 --> 00:03:26,962
Oh!

74
00:03:30,382 --> 00:03:31,833
Oh, ****,
oh, shit ****.

75
00:03:37,789 --> 00:03:38,774
Mr. Sanchez!

76
00:03:38,858 --> 00:03:42,159
The President is very eager
to speak with you!

77
00:03:44,530 --> 00:03:45,945
Morty, look,
you gotta do me a solid here.

78
00:03:45,977 --> 00:03:47,961
Y-you want me to keep the secret
of where these things came from?

79
00:03:48,045 --> 00:03:50,031
Yes, technically, it's a lie,
but I messed up,

80
00:03:50,115 --> 00:03:52,499
and I'm embarrassed 'cause it's,
you know, science.
81
00:03:52,583 --> 00:03:54,702
No problem.
I got your back, dawg.

82
00:03:54,786 --> 00:03:56,904
Really? Okay. Cool.
And thanks, Morty.

83
00:03:56,988 --> 00:03:58,372
I thought that'd be
a harder sell.

84
00:03:58,456 --> 00:03:59,840
Y-You did a shameful thing.

85
00:03:59,924 --> 00:04:01,775
Dwelling on it isn't gonna
help, you know, am I right?

86
00:04:01,859 --> 00:04:03,711
Sometimes you just gotta
wipe it off,

87
00:04:03,795 --> 00:04:06,313
toss it in the trash,
and head back to study hall.

88
00:04:06,397 --> 00:04:08,649
Uh, not getting the metaphor
but I'll take your hall pass.

89
00:04:08,733 --> 00:04:11,052
Sanchez!
Get the hell in here!

90
00:04:11,136 --> 00:04:12,453
Space Sperm?

91
00:04:12,537 --> 00:04:15,188
Jesus, how big are space
****? Same page club.

92
00:04:15,272 --> 00:04:17,524
Well, Mr. President,
the theory of Cosmic DNA

93
00:04:17,608 --> 00:04:19,860
has been around for decades...
Chupacabras, Yeti,
94
00:04:19,944 --> 00:04:21,929
Stonehenge, Ancient Rome.

95
00:04:22,013 --> 00:04:24,131
Are these all myths,
monsters, legends,

96
00:04:24,215 --> 00:04:26,800
or different names
for sperm from outer space?

97
00:04:26,884 --> 00:04:28,069
I'll tell you what I think,
Sanchez.

98
00:04:28,153 --> 00:04:30,003
I think either
<i>you</i> caused this mess,

99
00:04:30,087 --> 00:04:32,073
or it's those godforsaken Horse
People that dwell underground.

100
00:04:32,157 --> 00:04:33,807
CHUDs. CHUDs.
That's them.

101
00:04:33,891 --> 00:04:36,143
Ugh, if they're behind this,
so help me, God.

102
00:04:36,227 --> 00:04:38,079
Morty, you've always been
a straight shooter.

103
00:04:38,163 --> 00:04:40,013
You can't prove that!
Wait, what?

104
00:04:40,097 --> 00:04:41,815
Oh... oh. Right. I can
protect you, little man.

105
00:04:41,899 --> 00:04:43,216
Blow that whistle.
Toot, toot.

106
00:04:43,300 --> 00:04:44,752
Is this
your grandpa's fault?
107
00:04:44,836 --> 00:04:46,019
Here's what I know, sir.

108
00:04:46,103 --> 00:04:47,755
This is the greatest country
on Earth.

109
00:04:47,839 --> 00:04:49,290
It invented apple pies
and lasers.

110
00:04:49,374 --> 00:04:51,625
Mm. Keep talking.
And that sperm...

111
00:04:51,709 --> 00:04:52,760
We don't know
nothin' about it.

112
00:04:52,844 --> 00:04:54,895
Then the CHUDs
just got themselves a war.

113
00:04:54,979 --> 00:04:57,498
And you just dodged
a personal drone strike.

114
00:04:57,582 --> 00:04:59,100
Hello! Hello.
Sorry, I'm late.

115
00:04:59,184 --> 00:05:01,635
This is Professor Shabooboo, the
world's leading expert on sperm.

116
00:05:01,719 --> 00:05:03,704
Thanks for getting here so
fast. My schedule was wide open.

117
00:05:03,788 --> 00:05:06,840
I have been tracking our new
sperm friends since their arrival,

118
00:05:06,924 --> 00:05:08,842
a-and if my calculations
are correct,

119
00:05:08,926 --> 00:05:10,243
they have gathered here.

120
00:05:10,327 --> 00:05:13,447
Why would the sperm
go to the Grand Canyon?

121
00:05:13,531 --> 00:05:16,917
Why are you looking at me
like the answer is obvious?

122
00:05:17,001 --> 00:05:19,252
Oh, you can't be serious.
Are we in middle school?

123
00:05:19,336 --> 00:05:20,921
You think sperm
are instinctively

124
00:05:21,005 --> 00:05:22,856
heading for America's...
Don't high-road us, lady.

125
00:05:22,940 --> 00:05:23,924
It's where they went.

126
00:05:24,008 --> 00:05:25,592
Now, how do we deal
with these...

127
00:05:25,676 --> 00:05:27,995
"Orgasogoblins"?
No takers?

128
00:05:28,079 --> 00:05:30,464
Okay. These...
"****plestiltskins?"

129
00:05:30,548 --> 00:05:32,933
No? Dumb?
These, uh, "**** Boogins?"

130
00:05:33,017 --> 00:05:34,201
Oh, yeah, yeah,
**** Boogins.

131
00:05:34,285 --> 00:05:35,536
- Really?
- **** Boogins?

132
00:05:35,620 --> 00:05:37,538
We'll use it as a placeholder
and beat it later.

133
00:05:37,622 --> 00:05:38,940
Mr. President, i-if I may?

134
00:05:39,024 --> 00:05:41,142
Luckily, I was able
to secure a specimen.

135
00:05:41,226 --> 00:05:43,944
Now, obviously our first steps
will be to analyze its DNA

136
00:05:44,028 --> 00:05:46,147
and figure out what
these beautiful creat...

137
00:05:46,231 --> 00:05:49,350
Oh, why?!
It-it had a gun!

138
00:05:49,434 --> 00:05:52,219
Are you out of your mind
bringing an armed sperm in here?

139
00:05:52,303 --> 00:05:53,620
But they can't<i> hold</i> guns!

140
00:05:53,704 --> 00:05:55,088
The boy literally
never lies!

141
00:05:55,172 --> 00:05:56,423
Look, if you want
these things gone,

142
00:05:56,507 --> 00:05:58,425
give Rick and me a plane
and some nukes.

143
00:05:58,509 --> 00:06:00,561
We'll wipe 'em out
and leave no trace of them.

144
00:06:00,645 --> 00:06:01,762
Only one way
to deal with it.

145
00:06:01,846 --> 00:06:02,963
- He's right.
- I'm a scientist.

146
00:06:03,047 --> 00:06:04,431
Fair enough.
Blow 'em to hell.

147
00:06:04,515 --> 00:06:05,432
What are people gonna do,

148
00:06:05,516 --> 00:06:07,300
complain we made
the canyon grander?

149
00:06:07,384 --> 00:06:09,970
Jerry, we're being bad parents.
Do something!

150
00:06:10,054 --> 00:06:12,039
I-is this water
for everyone?

151
00:06:12,123 --> 00:06:15,643
Yes, and I'd love a glass.
Comin' up!

152
00:06:15,727 --> 00:06:17,044
What are<i> you</i> doing?

153
00:06:17,128 --> 00:06:19,180
And, Rick, to make sure
you don't screw anything up,

154
00:06:19,264 --> 00:06:20,848
I'm sending
my best men with you.

155
00:06:20,932 --> 00:06:22,383
And women.
It's a fine suggestion,

156
00:06:22,467 --> 00:06:24,718
but I doubt their leader
will be a sexy queen

157
00:06:24,802 --> 00:06:25,919
that needs to be kickboxed.

158
00:06:26,003 --> 00:06:28,204
100% male Marines!

159
00:06:29,274 --> 00:06:31,324
They say cutting
a sperm's throat is like
160
00:06:31,408 --> 00:06:33,326
running a warm knife
through butter.

161
00:06:33,410 --> 00:06:36,063
I'm gonna make these things
pregnant... with death!

162
00:06:36,147 --> 00:06:37,731
No fear!
No humility!

163
00:06:37,815 --> 00:06:40,201
Zero chance of consequences!

164
00:06:40,285 --> 00:06:42,203
Hey, gentlemen's bet... which
of these background Marines

165
00:06:42,287 --> 00:06:43,404
you think will last
the longest?

166
00:06:43,488 --> 00:06:45,206
I'm not betting on
human lives, Rick.

167
00:06:45,290 --> 00:06:46,874
All of these people
are gonna survive,

168
00:06:46,958 --> 00:06:48,876
but obviously that guy
the longest.

169
00:06:48,960 --> 00:06:50,611
Yeah, he's my pick, too.
What's his name?

170
00:06:50,695 --> 00:06:53,280
Blazen? Pretty cool.

171
00:06:53,364 --> 00:06:55,749
Yeah. He's, like, meditating
through turbulence.

172
00:06:55,833 --> 00:06:57,018
Psh. I bet if
something fell,

173
00:06:57,102 --> 00:06:58,619
he'd like, catch it
without opening his eyes.

174
00:06:58,703 --> 00:07:00,153
Totally. Should we
throw something at him?

175
00:07:00,237 --> 00:07:01,555
I-I got a pencil somewhere.

176
00:07:04,509 --> 00:07:06,894
Who-who's shooting at us?!

177
00:07:06,978 --> 00:07:09,496
Oh, wow, that's unexpected.

178
00:07:09,580 --> 00:07:10,964
The sperm made a catapult?!

179
00:07:11,048 --> 00:07:12,366
A-A-Are they getting
smarter?!

180
00:07:12,450 --> 00:07:14,635
No, you're getting dumber
because that's a trebuchet.

181
00:07:14,719 --> 00:07:15,969
Nobody knows
the difference!

182
00:07:16,053 --> 00:07:17,838
They're reloading
that textbook trebuchet!

183
00:07:17,922 --> 00:07:21,775
Time to fly!
Aaaaaah!

184
00:07:21,859 --> 00:07:23,244
Oh!

185
00:07:30,201 --> 00:07:31,384
We gotta keep moving.

186
00:07:31,468 --> 00:07:32,986
So cool.
Not even a scratch.

187
00:07:33,070 --> 00:07:34,588
Okay, girls, and I mean
that derogatorily.

188
00:07:34,672 --> 00:07:38,926
We just took a fat "L,"
and what we need is a fat "P."

189
00:07:39,010 --> 00:07:40,327
A plan.

190
00:07:40,411 --> 00:07:42,796
I take the lead here.
You two watch the flanks.

191
00:07:42,880 --> 00:07:44,732
Blazen, bring up the... Hey!

192
00:07:44,816 --> 00:07:47,268
Please, one person
draws the plan!

193
00:07:47,352 --> 00:07:48,469
****

194
00:07:48,553 --> 00:07:50,003
- ****
- ****

195
00:07:50,087 --> 00:07:52,005
I'm sorry, but what the hell
are we calling them?

196
00:07:52,089 --> 00:07:53,274
Agh! Oof.

197
00:07:53,358 --> 00:07:56,009
Fine. I'm dying,
so I get to pick the name.

198
00:07:56,093 --> 00:07:58,079
Crispy Cremes with a "C"!

199
00:07:58,163 --> 00:08:01,164
Whoa!

200
00:08:04,035 --> 00:08:06,620
Whoa. E-Easy there, little guy.
It's okay.

201
00:08:06,704 --> 00:08:08,938
I-I-It's okay.

202
00:08:10,175 --> 00:08:11,892
Do you... recognize me?

203
00:08:11,976 --> 00:08:13,894
Do you know you
came from me?

204
00:08:13,978 --> 00:08:15,096
I'm Morty.

205
00:08:15,180 --> 00:08:16,563
I'll call ya "Sticky,"

206
00:08:16,647 --> 00:08:19,148
'c-'cause you're sticky
and... and you're stuck.

207
00:08:21,586 --> 00:08:23,570
Oh.

208
00:08:23,654 --> 00:08:24,905
Step aside, Morty.

209
00:08:24,989 --> 00:08:27,040
It's okay.
Y-You don't gotta do this.

210
00:08:27,124 --> 00:08:28,709
It's haploid genetic code,
Morty,

211
00:08:28,793 --> 00:08:30,577
a biological
fertilizing machine.

212
00:08:30,661 --> 00:08:31,845
W-What's gotten into you?

213
00:08:31,929 --> 00:08:33,647
Rick, let him go.

214
00:08:33,731 --> 00:08:35,382
Ugh.

215
00:08:35,466 --> 00:08:36,850
Morty, don't ****
with me.
216
00:08:36,934 --> 00:08:38,251
What the hell's
going on with you?

217
00:08:38,335 --> 00:08:41,722
I think I know exactly
what's going on here.

218
00:08:41,806 --> 00:08:43,991
Kidding.
This shit is totally random.

219
00:08:44,075 --> 00:08:45,993
Let's keep moving.
W-Which way?

220
00:08:47,545 --> 00:08:51,332
When one sense is bound,
the others are released.

221
00:08:52,550 --> 00:08:54,735
Holy ****.
He... He can smell caves?

222
00:08:54,819 --> 00:08:56,269
I'm not trying
to smell anything.

223
00:08:56,353 --> 00:08:59,406
The whole planet's
a dorm room trash can.

224
00:08:59,490 --> 00:09:00,942
Sir, Rick Sanchez
has gone dark.

225
00:09:01,026 --> 00:09:02,409
I knew we couldn't
rely on him!

226
00:09:02,493 --> 00:09:04,077
Well, maybe the pilot
got too horny

227
00:09:04,161 --> 00:09:05,479
as they approached
America's Vagina.

228
00:09:05,563 --> 00:09:07,014
If you're gonna hang out
in my war room,

229
00:09:07,098 --> 00:09:08,482
you can't just
make snarky comments.

230
00:09:08,566 --> 00:09:10,351
At least do something useful,
like Jerry.

231
00:09:10,435 --> 00:09:13,286
Right to the top,
just the way you like it.

232
00:09:13,370 --> 00:09:14,488
Here's our situation.

233
00:09:14,572 --> 00:09:16,623
Rick's gone,
and so are all our nukes.

234
00:09:16,707 --> 00:09:17,959
Now what?

235
00:09:18,043 --> 00:09:19,893
None of you have an idea?
I do.

236
00:09:19,977 --> 00:09:21,495
That's right, me...
The girl.

237
00:09:21,579 --> 00:09:23,430
Gentlemen,
what do sperm want?

238
00:09:23,514 --> 00:09:25,432
The same thing as a lumberjack
in the morning

239
00:09:25,516 --> 00:09:26,634
or a fox at night.

240
00:09:26,718 --> 00:09:27,835
Pants!
Eggs.

241
00:09:27,919 --> 00:09:29,436
Pancakes!
Eggs.
242
00:09:29,520 --> 00:09:31,172
You want to control giant sperm,
you need a giant egg.

243
00:09:31,256 --> 00:09:32,573
W-W-Wait a minute.
Wait... wait a minute.

244
00:09:32,657 --> 00:09:34,775
Sperm are hunters.
And what do sperm hunt?

245
00:09:34,859 --> 00:09:36,309
Eggs.
Exactly.

246
00:09:36,393 --> 00:09:38,379
And what would happen
if we<i> enlarged</i> one?

247
00:09:38,463 --> 00:09:40,581
They'll head right for it!
Get MIT on the phone.

248
00:09:40,665 --> 00:09:43,316
And get this guy
a Nobel Prize.

249
00:09:43,400 --> 00:09:46,119
You became a woman today.

250
00:09:49,674 --> 00:09:52,059
So, Blazen, you got kids?

251
00:09:52,143 --> 00:09:54,061
The battlefield is
<i>my</i> family.

252
00:09:54,145 --> 00:09:55,396
So cool.
Wicked badass.

253
00:09:55,480 --> 00:09:57,398
Go. I'll hold 'em off.

254
00:09:57,482 --> 00:09:58,999
Blazen, you don't
have to do this.

255
00:09:59,083 --> 00:10:00,934
Shh.
It is my destiny.

256
00:10:01,018 --> 00:10:02,803
He's right, Morty.
It's the price of being Blazen.

257
00:10:02,887 --> 00:10:04,071
Let him do his thing.

258
00:10:06,958 --> 00:10:08,141
Blood for blood.

259
00:10:08,225 --> 00:10:10,944
Cream for cream.

260
00:10:11,028 --> 00:10:13,680
Oh, no.
I can't reach that!

261
00:10:13,764 --> 00:10:15,749
Idiot!

262
00:10:15,833 --> 00:10:17,084
What?!
They're comfortable!

263
00:10:17,168 --> 00:10:18,285
You should try them!

264
00:10:18,369 --> 00:10:20,221
Eh, ah! Ohhhh.

265
00:10:20,305 --> 00:10:22,623
That'll do it.
I'm worm food.

266
00:10:22,707 --> 00:10:24,291
Morty, find my wife.

267
00:10:24,375 --> 00:10:26,560
Tell her I wasn't
wearing her thong.

268
00:10:26,644 --> 00:10:28,896
That's a photocopy
of "Sports Illustrated"

269
00:10:28,980 --> 00:10:30,231
swimsuit model
Kathy Ireland.

270
00:10:30,315 --> 00:10:32,033
It's... it's my wife.
We have sex.

271
00:10:32,117 --> 00:10:35,102
Here, hold that picture up so
we can have sex one last time.

272
00:10:35,186 --> 00:10:36,970
I-I know how to
**** myself.

273
00:10:37,054 --> 00:10:39,106
What?!

274
00:10:39,190 --> 00:10:40,307
Ugh, I was so wrong
about this guy.

275
00:10:40,391 --> 00:10:42,175
He didn't even
buy us any time.

276
00:10:43,661 --> 00:10:45,712
Morty, get ready
for some fireworks.

277
00:10:49,667 --> 00:10:51,118
Ugh!

278
00:10:51,202 --> 00:10:52,986
Uh-oh.
Oh, gross!

279
00:10:53,070 --> 00:10:56,123
This is the first time I've ever
regretted being taken alive.

280
00:10:56,207 --> 00:10:57,458
Wait, who the ****
is that?!

281
00:10:57,542 --> 00:10:59,726
Silence in the presence
of me.

282
00:10:59,810 --> 00:11:01,795
I am The Sperm Queen,
283
00:11:01,879 --> 00:11:05,733
and<i> you</i> are of
special interest to me.

284
00:11:05,817 --> 00:11:07,668
Hey, what the **** are you
doing with my stuff?

285
00:11:07,752 --> 00:11:09,670
A-And why do you have
the horse jerk off machine

286
00:11:09,754 --> 00:11:10,871
from my daughter's hospital?

287
00:11:10,955 --> 00:11:13,340
We need it
to create our army.

288
00:11:13,424 --> 00:11:15,609
Well, you need more than that,
dummy. You need a horse.

289
00:11:15,693 --> 00:11:18,411
Oh but our stallion
is already here.

290
00:11:18,495 --> 00:11:20,213
Isn't that right, Morty?

291
00:11:20,297 --> 00:11:22,816
Or shall I say...
Father?

292
00:11:22,900 --> 00:11:25,886
Morty, you nasty, lying,
little world-ending pervert.

293
00:11:25,970 --> 00:11:28,221
I-I-I'm sorry.

294
00:11:28,305 --> 00:11:30,440
What was it like?
Fantastic!

295
00:11:31,909 --> 00:11:33,527
Rick, I'm sorry!

296
00:11:33,611 --> 00:11:35,262
I-I just thought maybe
I could have repeated sex

297
00:11:35,346 --> 00:11:37,063
with a horse machine
without it becoming Armageddon.

298
00:11:37,147 --> 00:11:38,265
I-I realize that's on me.

299
00:11:38,349 --> 00:11:40,067
Yeah, not exactly
accepting apologies

300
00:11:40,151 --> 00:11:41,736
while I'm stuck here
as Handjob Solo.

301
00:11:41,820 --> 00:11:44,338
This is all your fault
for being ashamed of us, Morty.

302
00:11:44,422 --> 00:11:47,674
How many millions went
to their graves for you,

303
00:11:47,758 --> 00:11:49,944
hurling themselves
into the void,

304
00:11:50,028 --> 00:11:52,346
only to discover
a grody sock

305
00:11:52,430 --> 00:11:55,750
or a carefully folded
landing strip of toilet paper?

306
00:11:55,834 --> 00:11:56,817
How do you know all this?!

307
00:11:56,901 --> 00:11:59,954
Oh, honey, because we're
the very essence of you.

308
00:12:00,038 --> 00:12:02,222
We are
your shame incarnate.

309
00:12:02,306 --> 00:12:03,690
And once we're through
with you,
310
00:12:03,774 --> 00:12:06,693
our sperm army
will take over the world!

311
00:12:06,777 --> 00:12:09,029
Put him on the machine!

312
00:12:09,113 --> 00:12:10,965
Rick, do something!
On it.

313
00:12:14,585 --> 00:12:17,104
Wh-what did you do?
I got out of your eyeline.

314
00:12:17,188 --> 00:12:18,839
Oh, no. Oh! Oh!

315
00:12:18,923 --> 00:12:21,776
Yes!
The end is near!

316
00:12:21,860 --> 00:12:23,177
Any last words?

317
00:12:23,261 --> 00:12:25,780
Ohhh!

318
00:12:25,864 --> 00:12:26,913
Sticky!
Gross.

319
00:12:26,997 --> 00:12:28,515
I know you're not a wordsmith,
Morty, but...

320
00:12:28,599 --> 00:12:30,717
No, no, no, my-my sperm friend
is here!

321
00:12:30,801 --> 00:12:32,653
Ugh, never give 'em
a<i> name.</i>

322
00:12:35,606 --> 00:12:37,458
Fools!
You can't beat me!

323
00:12:37,542 --> 00:12:40,243
You didn't bring a woman
that can kickbox!

324
00:12:44,215 --> 00:12:45,848
Is that all you got?

325
00:12:48,753 --> 00:12:51,472
Damn, that's some quintessential
underdog shit.

326
00:12:51,556 --> 00:12:52,807
Kill them!

327
00:13:02,300 --> 00:13:03,484
Yeah! Whoo-hoo!

328
00:13:03,568 --> 00:13:05,219
I-I should've told you
the truth, Rick.

329
00:13:05,303 --> 00:13:06,753
Let's save the world first.

330
00:13:06,837 --> 00:13:08,489
Now, reset those nukes,
and let's turn this canyon

331
00:13:08,573 --> 00:13:10,290
into a can't-yon.

332
00:13:11,910 --> 00:13:14,829
There usually earthquakes
in Arizona?

333
00:13:18,917 --> 00:13:20,301
They're heading for Vegas,

334
00:13:20,385 --> 00:13:24,104
which<i> does</i> track on many levels,
but why now?

335
00:13:24,188 --> 00:13:25,506
What the?

336
00:13:25,590 --> 00:13:27,508
Let's hear it
for Professor Shabooboo

337
00:13:27,592 --> 00:13:29,443
and his brilliant egg.
Um, hello?

338
00:13:29,527 --> 00:13:31,578
Aren't you forgetting
someone? Oh, good point.

339
00:13:31,662 --> 00:13:34,381
Big thanks to the cast
of Cirque Du Soleil's "Zumanity"

340
00:13:34,465 --> 00:13:36,517
for the impressive
and erotic routine.

341
00:13:36,601 --> 00:13:38,452
Mr. President,
Rick Sanchez is on the line.

342
00:13:38,536 --> 00:13:40,721
Good.
Put that asshole on speaker.

343
00:13:40,805 --> 00:13:41,722
Well, well, well.

344
00:13:41,806 --> 00:13:43,790
No thanks to you,
we're luring the sperm

345
00:13:43,874 --> 00:13:45,592
with a giant human egg,
even though,

346
00:13:45,676 --> 00:13:47,728
symbolically speaking,
Vegas should be enough.

347
00:13:47,812 --> 00:13:48,929
<i> A human egg?</i>

348
00:13:49,013 --> 00:13:50,397
<i>Where-where-where
did you get it?</i>

349
00:13:50,481 --> 00:13:52,333
Glad you asked.
It's your granddaughter's,

350
00:13:52,417 --> 00:13:53,868
so at least you contributed
<i>something</i> to this.
351
00:13:53,952 --> 00:13:55,469
<i>Mister President!
It's Morty!</i>

352
00:13:55,553 --> 00:13:57,204
<i>It's my sperm!
I-It's all mine!</i>

353
00:13:57,288 --> 00:13:59,406
What?! <i>I'm a dirty
little perverted maniac.</i>

354
00:13:59,490 --> 00:14:01,608
I spent a week pleasuring myself
with animal equipment,

355
00:14:01,692 --> 00:14:03,744
and my sperm got turned
into monsters on accident

356
00:14:03,828 --> 00:14:06,413
because I kept lying about it
because I was ashamed!

357
00:14:06,497 --> 00:14:07,614
<i>You should be!</i>

358
00:14:07,698 --> 00:14:09,015
<i>My God, man,
we were all 14 once</i>

359
00:14:09,099 --> 00:14:10,751
<i>but it's called
self-control.</i>

360
00:14:10,835 --> 00:14:13,220
Don't let them reach my
sister's egg, Mr. President!

361
00:14:13,304 --> 00:14:15,271
You'll be making a giant...

362
00:14:17,308 --> 00:14:18,292
Incest baby.

363
00:14:18,376 --> 00:14:19,626
What?
Who told you that?

364
00:14:19,710 --> 00:14:21,295
What?
I-I was finishing his sentence.

365
00:14:21,379 --> 00:14:23,297
Oh. Right.
Come with us.

366
00:14:23,381 --> 00:14:24,765
The sperm is Morty's!

367
00:14:24,849 --> 00:14:27,501
We're about to make
a giant incest baby!

368
00:14:27,585 --> 00:14:30,371
Aw, well, now we're<i> all</i>
in our darkest hour.

369
00:14:30,455 --> 00:14:31,972
Launch the egg!
Launch it now!

370
00:14:32,056 --> 00:14:34,174
B-But that'll take 30
minutes. What?! Why?!

371
00:14:34,258 --> 00:14:36,243
That's how long
every space launch takes!

372
00:14:36,327 --> 00:14:38,045
No one realizes because
they only show you

373
00:14:38,129 --> 00:14:40,381
the last 10 seconds!

374
00:14:40,465 --> 00:14:41,782
Uh, uh, help me out here.

375
00:14:41,866 --> 00:14:44,384
Hey, it was your idea,
right?

376
00:14:44,468 --> 00:14:46,921
Okay, okay, n-no need to panic,
everyone.

377
00:14:47,005 --> 00:14:48,923
I have a simple solution.
378
00:14:49,007 --> 00:14:51,258
See you all in hell!

379
00:14:51,342 --> 00:14:53,327
I don't see
how <i>that's</i> going to help.

380
00:14:53,411 --> 00:14:56,463
Form a perimeter!
Protect that egg at all costs!

381
00:14:56,547 --> 00:14:58,733
I always knew your hormones
would cause a world war

382
00:14:58,817 --> 00:15:00,735
between humans
and Cannibalistic Horse People.

383
00:15:00,819 --> 00:15:02,669
I just didn't know
it would be like<i> this.</i>

384
00:15:02,753 --> 00:15:03,938
I can't change my nature.

385
00:15:04,022 --> 00:15:06,006
What are you, a scorpion
in a Navajo fable?

386
00:15:06,090 --> 00:15:07,742
Everyone can change
their nature, Morty.

387
00:15:07,826 --> 00:15:09,476
It's what defines
our species.

388
00:15:09,560 --> 00:15:10,677
Look at Iron Man.

389
00:15:10,761 --> 00:15:12,212
That actor was an animal
in the '90s,

390
00:15:12,296 --> 00:15:14,080
literally waking up
in bushes.

391
00:15:14,164 --> 00:15:16,751
His agent had to catch him
with a butterfly net. Silence!

392
00:15:16,835 --> 00:15:19,286
Rick Sanchez,
you know why you're here.

393
00:15:19,370 --> 00:15:20,687
Yeah, it was
my grandson's fault.

394
00:15:20,771 --> 00:15:22,957
You slept with
my daughter! I did?

395
00:15:23,041 --> 00:15:24,491
Oh, ****, I did.

396
00:15:24,575 --> 00:15:25,892
Forgive me,
Your CHUDness.

397
00:15:25,976 --> 00:15:27,494
I'm a changed man
starting now.

398
00:15:27,578 --> 00:15:30,564
You come to the Kingdom of CHUDs
for forgiveness?

399
00:15:30,648 --> 00:15:32,699
CHUDs don't forgive humans.

400
00:15:32,783 --> 00:15:34,501
CHUDs<i> eat</i> humans!

401
00:15:34,585 --> 00:15:36,170
This is out there,
even for us.

402
00:15:36,254 --> 00:15:37,504
They can hear you, Morty.

403
00:15:37,588 --> 00:15:39,239
Boil him up!
Yum, yum!

404
00:15:39,323 --> 00:15:41,375
Spice him right!
Oh, boy!
405
00:15:41,459 --> 00:15:43,510
Eat the flesh!
Yum, yum!

406
00:15:43,594 --> 00:15:45,379
Not the bones!
Oh, no!

407
00:15:45,463 --> 00:15:47,581
Belly ache!
Ouch, Ouch!

408
00:15:47,665 --> 00:15:49,916
Father!
Stop this at once!

409
00:15:50,000 --> 00:15:52,853
Princess Poñeta!
You can't kill Rícko!

410
00:15:52,937 --> 00:15:54,521
I... I love him!

411
00:15:55,806 --> 00:15:58,325
Right! I-I love you, too,
Princess Poñeta.

412
00:15:58,409 --> 00:15:59,994
This love is forbidden.

413
00:16:00,078 --> 00:16:01,528
My daughter,
you are a CHUD.

414
00:16:01,612 --> 00:16:04,264
Rick is a human
and age-inappropriate.

415
00:16:04,348 --> 00:16:06,066
Then you leave me
<i>no</i> choice.

416
00:16:06,150 --> 00:16:08,869
By the 17th Article
of the CHUD-stitution,

417
00:16:08,953 --> 00:16:11,872
I offer Rícko Sanchez
horsemunity
418
00:16:11,956 --> 00:16:16,543
and demand a equestri-truce
between all CHUDs and humans!

419
00:16:16,627 --> 00:16:18,813
On what grounds?

420
00:16:18,897 --> 00:16:22,483
On the grounds that Rícko
is the father of my child.

421
00:16:22,567 --> 00:16:23,684
I have an heir.

422
00:16:23,768 --> 00:16:25,619
I have a substance-abuse
problem.

423
00:16:25,703 --> 00:16:27,754
The Prophecy has come true!

424
00:16:27,838 --> 00:16:29,756
Also, did someone drop
a scroll?

425
00:16:29,840 --> 00:16:31,958
- Here we go. Over here.
- Sorry.

426
00:16:35,780 --> 00:16:37,231
Where did you get
all that?

427
00:16:37,315 --> 00:16:38,699
- It's Vegas.
- Sir!

428
00:16:38,783 --> 00:16:39,900
The Strip has been evacuated,
but I'm worried

429
00:16:39,984 --> 00:16:41,568
we won't be able
to hold the perimeter.

430
00:16:41,652 --> 00:16:43,037
Then deputize
Las Vegas regulars.

431
00:16:43,121 --> 00:16:44,371
Everyone's a patriot today.

432
00:16:44,455 --> 00:16:45,772
Even me!

433
00:16:45,856 --> 00:16:47,441
Take three steps back,
Amazing Johnathan.

434
00:16:47,525 --> 00:16:49,844
Men and their guns.
Metaphorical and not.

435
00:16:49,928 --> 00:16:51,778
Tell me about it.

436
00:16:51,862 --> 00:16:53,980
Get ready, boys!
The last thing this world needs

437
00:16:54,064 --> 00:16:55,782
is a giant incest baby.

438
00:16:55,866 --> 00:16:57,718
- Oorah! Here they come!
- Nice!

439
00:16:57,802 --> 00:17:00,987
Do not let a single sperm
get through to that egg!

440
00:17:04,875 --> 00:17:07,528
Um, should we be concerned
about that scary bomb-laden one?

441
00:17:07,612 --> 00:17:08,863
Honey, let the men
handle this.

442
00:17:08,947 --> 00:17:11,414
I think we know
a thing or two about...

443
00:17:13,818 --> 00:17:15,936
Ugh! Ready for
all the responsibility

444
00:17:16,020 --> 00:17:17,271
with none of the credit?

445
00:17:17,355 --> 00:17:19,740
Let's Nancy Reagan
this bitch.

446
00:17:19,824 --> 00:17:21,542
Ah!

447
00:17:32,837 --> 00:17:34,354
Dammit!
We can't stop them.

448
00:17:34,438 --> 00:17:35,556
We don't have the manpower!

449
00:17:35,640 --> 00:17:37,091
What about horsepower?

450
00:17:38,776 --> 00:17:39,960
Sweet Lady Liberty.

451
00:17:40,044 --> 00:17:41,628
That sonofamare Rick has ended

452
00:17:41,712 --> 00:17:43,230
our centuries-long war
with the CHUDs.

453
00:17:43,314 --> 00:17:46,033
- We made peace with the CHUDs!
- The CHUDs are our buds!

454
00:17:48,519 --> 00:17:50,637
Rícko! The hoofless...
They need us!

455
00:17:50,721 --> 00:17:53,440
Let's do this.
CHUDily dudily, ho, ho, ho!

456
00:17:53,524 --> 00:17:55,976
CHUDily dudily, ho, ho, ho!

457
00:18:03,802 --> 00:18:06,787
Mom, I promise to use condoms,
even when it's butt stuff.

458
00:18:06,871 --> 00:18:09,656
Okay, we have a<i> lot</i>
to talk about tonight.

459
00:18:28,893 --> 00:18:30,210
Is this your heart?

460
00:18:30,294 --> 00:18:31,612
It's a play on,
"Is this your card?"

461
00:18:31,696 --> 00:18:33,013
You don't have a heart,

462
00:18:33,097 --> 00:18:34,548
uh, but this is probably
some kind of organelle,

463
00:18:34,632 --> 00:18:36,016
in charge of pumping
endoplasmic reticulum

464
00:18:36,100 --> 00:18:37,884
throughout your membrane
and therefore,

465
00:18:37,968 --> 00:18:39,820
relative to you,
functions<i> as</i> a heart.

466
00:18:39,904 --> 00:18:43,690
So, I ask you again,
is<i> this</i> your heart?

467
00:18:43,774 --> 00:18:45,025
Morty, look!

468
00:18:45,109 --> 00:18:47,161
I won't just be thrown away,
Rick!

469
00:18:47,245 --> 00:18:49,363
The egg is<i> mine!</i>

470
00:18:49,447 --> 00:18:51,298
Sticky!
It's all you, bud!

471
00:18:54,652 --> 00:18:56,837
Noooo!

472
00:18:56,921 --> 00:18:59,906
Sticky!

473
00:18:59,990 --> 00:19:01,908
****

474
00:19:01,992 --> 00:19:03,778
We got a heartbeat.
Screw that!

475
00:19:03,862 --> 00:19:06,580
That's a human life,
and this is an election cycle.

476
00:19:06,664 --> 00:19:08,449
You have to do something!
Nope.

477
00:19:11,870 --> 00:19:13,988
It's space's problem now.

478
00:19:14,072 --> 00:19:15,722
Oh, this sucks.

479
00:19:15,806 --> 00:19:17,858
You're "Sports Illustrated" 's
Kathy Ireland.

480
00:19:17,942 --> 00:19:20,060
You were with my husband,
Blazen, when he died.

481
00:19:20,144 --> 00:19:23,930
Please tell me...
was he wearing my thong?

482
00:19:24,014 --> 00:19:26,601
He probably told you
not to tell me.

483
00:19:26,685 --> 00:19:29,604
He was ashamed of it,
but he didn't need to be.

484
00:19:29,688 --> 00:19:32,139
I hope he<i> was</i> wearing it.

485
00:19:32,223 --> 00:19:33,474
Always be honest.

486
00:19:33,558 --> 00:19:35,009
Sometimes it will
hurt people.
487
00:19:35,093 --> 00:19:38,212
Sometimes it will help.
But always be honest.

488
00:19:38,296 --> 00:19:41,215
Huh. Yeah, yeah,
he... he<i> was</i> wearing it.

489
00:19:41,299 --> 00:19:44,084
Ew!
That gross animal pig!

490
00:19:44,168 --> 00:19:45,820
So, trying to boil this
all down,

491
00:19:45,904 --> 00:19:47,221
I-I want to say
it's import...

492
00:19:47,305 --> 00:19:48,889
Shut up, Morty,
I got my own epilogue.

493
00:19:48,973 --> 00:19:51,425
Oh, Rícko,
I love you.

494
00:19:51,509 --> 00:19:52,693
Prove it.

495
00:19:54,378 --> 00:19:56,763
Oh, I love kissing those
big ol' horse teeth.

496
00:19:56,847 --> 00:19:58,299
It's like lickin' tile.

497
00:19:58,383 --> 00:20:00,100
Oh!
I swear...

498
00:20:00,184 --> 00:20:02,036
it's time someone made
an honest man out of me.

499
00:20:02,120 --> 00:20:03,904
Whatever you need,
the whole nine yards,

500
00:20:03,988 --> 00:20:05,039
you got it.

501
00:20:05,123 --> 00:20:07,708
The thing is, Rícko...
it's time.

502
00:20:07,792 --> 00:20:09,576
Oh, ****, oh, shit.
It's time!

503
00:20:09,660 --> 00:20:10,911
Oh, my God,
it's wonderful.

504
00:20:16,000 --> 00:20:18,985
Oh, wow. So we don't have to,
you know, r-raise it?

505
00:20:19,069 --> 00:20:20,987
Nah. They're ready to go
right out of the box.

506
00:20:21,071 --> 00:20:23,990
Cool, cool.
So... bye?

507
00:20:24,074 --> 00:20:25,392
Yep.
Take care of yourself, Rick.

508
00:20:25,476 --> 00:20:27,610
Yep. Same.

509
00:20:31,482 --> 00:20:32,733
<i>That was easy.</i>

510
00:21:04,115 --> 00:21:06,567
Houston, permission to open
the starboard panel.

511
00:21:06,651 --> 00:21:07,834
<i>Permission granted.</i>

512
00:21:07,918 --> 00:21:10,971
Firing breach now.

513
00:21:11,055 --> 00:21:13,374
<i>Explorer, our readouts
show a pressure spike.</i>
514
00:21:13,458 --> 00:21:14,709
<i>Everything alright?</i>

515
00:21:14,793 --> 00:21:17,244
Honestly, sometimes
staring back at Earth

516
00:21:17,328 --> 00:21:20,114
makes me think about
the people I left behind...

517
00:21:20,198 --> 00:21:23,117
My wife, the son she had
to anchor me there.

518
00:21:23,201 --> 00:21:25,252
I tried to be a parent,
I really did,

519
00:21:25,336 --> 00:21:28,723
but I've come to find I'm only
suited to be a spaceman.

520
00:21:28,807 --> 00:21:30,057
The nicest part
of being up here

521
00:21:30,141 --> 00:21:31,926
is there are no reminders
of the guilt

522
00:21:32,010 --> 00:21:35,061
I sometimes feel about
abandoning my family.

523
00:21:36,414 --> 00:21:38,665
Sorry, Houston,
I thought I heard something.

524
00:21:38,749 --> 00:21:40,066
<i>Negative on our end.</i>

525
00:21:40,150 --> 00:21:41,802
<i>No, wait,
there's something big</i>

526
00:21:41,886 --> 00:21:43,604
<i>and it's coming right at you!</i>
Goo, goo, gah, gah.

527
00:21:43,688 --> 00:21:46,407
Dear God.
No! You can't be real!

528
00:21:46,491 --> 00:21:49,343
<i>Explorer, what is it?
What the hell do you see?!</i>

529
00:21:49,427 --> 00:21:50,877
My conscience.

530
00:21:50,961 --> 00:21:52,479
<i>Explorer! Explorer!</i>
Aaah!

531
00:21:52,563 --> 00:21:54,348
<i>Are you there?</i>
Aaaaaah!

532
00:21:54,432 --> 00:21:56,883
<i>Geez. Not gonna
miss that guy.</i> Aaaaah!

533
00:21:56,967 --> 00:21:58,935
<i>Right? So dramatic.</i>

534
00:22:00,638 --> 00:22:02,022
<i>Did you get any of that?</i>

534
00:22:03,305 --> 00:23:03,788
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