Martinez Ana Paula. Introduction to Socio Cultural studies. 2018.

Final Paper.

In this paper I would like to show how different concepts such as Subjectivity, Identity,

Gender, and Culture have changed who I am, how I feel, and how I am positioned

nowadays in my life describing a specific moment in which I used to enjoy the best of

myself and at the same time what I thought I was.

First of all, in the text Subjectivity and Identity, “Identity is not as transparent or

unproblematic as we think. Perhaps instead of thinking of identity as an already

accomplished fact, which the new cultural practices the represent, we should think.

Instead, of identity as a “production”, which is never complete, always in process, and

always constituted within, not outside representation. This view problematises the very

authority and authenticity to which the term, “cultural identity” lays claim.” (Hall

1990:222) Paula Martinez. That is me. I have lived here in Santa Rosa for 32 years and

with many things to accomplish. Trying to go back to those happy but difficult years in

which I found myself emerged only on what I have chosen, that for different situations in

my life I have to quit it. Very regretful. Miserable. The best years in my whole life. At first

I stumbled into dancing. I was three years old and completely under my mother and

father’s authority. However, in middle school I separated from gracefully moving my body,

simply and plainly because I was burnt out and I forgotten why I was doing. According to

Butler’s language “...we repeatedly perform modes of subjectivity and identity until these

are experienced as if they were second nature. When they are successfully internalized,

they become part of lived subjectivity. Where this does not occur, they may become the

basis for dis-identification or counter-identifications which involve a rejection of

Martinez Ana Paula. Introduction to Socio Cultural studies. 2018.
Final Paper.

hegemonic identity norms.” During that time off though, I still described myself as a

dancer to everyone I met. Specific moments and situations left a mark in my own story.

This is what perfectly described what I was, What I am now, and what and why I had to

renounce in order to become the new version of myself. Context was and is always

present. The clock was ticking; I had just finished putting on my last layer of clear bubble

gum flavoured lip gloss. I was all ready to go in my costume and full on make-up. My

number was about to start in a few minutes. I walked towards the girls stretching in the

corner of room and slowly fell into a spilt, touching my toes. I had to stretch in order to

avoid pulling a muscle.Butterflies flew all around in my stomach, as I slowly approached

the center of the stage. My heart was pounding, my hands were clammy. So afraid of

making a mistake or freezing, but I knew I had to do this. It was what I loved to do. I have

been working so long and hard for this moment; I could not just turned around and run. I

had to prove what Ihave got. My body was shaking, I was trying to calm down and just

breathe. I prayed to God that things will all turn out well and to help me let go of my

fears.The curtains opened. I looked up and my eyes popped. I stood there looking at over

two hundred faces staring straight back at me. Big mistake, to have had seen all those

people made me even more tense than I had started with. I wanted to run, run backstage

and not have to worry anymore, but there was no turning back now. The spot light was on

me and about five other girls.As the music began, I began to move. I smiled, the feeling of

the rush made me forget about all the uncertainties I just had. My eyes glistened, I was so

happy I was there, being there in that moment, wishing that it could never end. I was in a
Martinez Ana Paula. Introduction to Socio Cultural studies. 2018.
Final Paper.

whole new world and I gave it everything that I had in me. Sharing dance with people is

for me like telling your most intimate secret.

Regarding Gender, Benshoff and Griffin (2004) define this term by dividing it into

masculinity and femininity. They believe that “ we get ideas about what it means to be a

boy or a girl from ideological institutions such as the family, schools, other children, and

the media” (pp203-206) AGREGAR LO DE BAILE REFERIDO A LOS VARONES, TELEVISION,

SHOWS,

Billie Elliot’s movie reflects what

So dance is discipline, my whole world, my momentum, myself… like a full-time job, a

medium to voice my complaints, the special situation. I have my back tattooed with a

dancer… a moving dancer who is completely free only by looking at the circled lines… I am

Paula Martinez. I am a dancer.

Martinez Ana Paula. Introduction to Socio Cultural studies. 2018.
Final Paper.

Bibliography

 ( año)Subjectivity and Identity, pp1-21.

 Peoples and Bailey (2010) Humanity, Culture, and language.

 Daldry (2000) Billy Elliot

 Benshoff & Griffinf (2004). America on film: Race, class, gender and sexuality at the

movies. Malden, MA: Blackwell, pp. 203-206.