LOVE, COURTSHIP &

MODULE MARRIAGE
3 By: EVELYN O. IBIAS
LCM Instructor
 The Concept of
Courtship

 Difference between
Dating and
Courting

 The Art of
Courtship

 Philosophy of
Courtship

 Do’s and don’ts of

courtship

1
Objectives:

At the end of the session, the

learners would be able to

 Explain the concept of courtship

 Differentiate dating and courtship

 Recognize the art of courting

 Discuss the philosophy of courtship

 Determine the advantages and

consequence of Christian courtship

 Relate one’s experience of courtship

and dating to his/her maturity and

personal growth.

2
Concept of Courtship

Let us see the difference between dating and courting.

3
The Art of Courtship

Being courted may sound old fashioned, but when you are the subject of a gentleman
who courts you, the somewhat negative connotations of being “old fashioned” fly out the
window.

Here are some conversations we can learn from-

I had a really interesting conversation with my dad, godfather and brother in law over
the weekend who spoke of their disappointment that I live in an era where courting a
woman is not something that is expected of men.

They often want everything now and, if women don’t offer it up, they move on knowing
that the statistics are in their favor – especially in Sydney.

Many men expect that women will do things that were frowned upon “back in the day”,
like take the reins and organize romantic dates and pay half the bill on a first date (or
the whole bill as I was forced to do a few weeks ago. I was faced with a man who simply
stated, “I have no cash” as I looked at him dumbfounded and paid the bill to save face
at my local restaurant which I had booked when he asked me to plan the date because,
“I was a woman and so I’m good at things like that”. I know…why alarm bells didn’t ring
then?!)

Now I am the type of woman who always offers to pay half, or takes my wallet out to
indicate that I am happy to when I’m on a date with a man. My mum and friends always
tell me I should just expect that the man will pay; they tell me that men want to and it
cements their masculinity as the “provider”.

ears ago when I first visited Egypt, I was proud to hear of the stories people still told of
the romance between the jeweller and the dressmaker and I pictured them sneakily

4
holding hands on the bus to get an ice cream together and sending each other notes in
their lunch boxes to organise a secret time to meet.

My grandmother, an absolute stunner in her day, tells me that she treated him mean not
to keep him keen but because there were so many men that wanted to date her…to
court her…to prove that they deserved her affection more than her future husband.
Lucky lady!

My grandfather won hands down though because he was persistent and he charmed
her like no other man could. That is true love.

That is what I’m waiting for…

I can’t say I’ve been courted before but that is probably because I give in too quickly. I
show my excitement and wear my heart on my sleeve too early in the piece, so the man
doesn’t have to fight for me, he knows I’m interested straight up.

My motto has always been, why play games and why waste time?

If you read books on dating, they all tell you that this is the biggest no no. They all extol
the virtues of treating ’em mean and keeping ’em keen but I just wasn’t built like that. I
have difficulty being the bitch and acting disinterested when really I just want to see
them and talk to them if I’m interested in pursuing something further. It just all seems so
futile really.

That just makes me feel really awkward though, especially if I don’t get “the vibe” from a
guy. I mean if I don’t like them and don’t want to see them again, why should they pay
for me? I would just owe them then wouldn’t I?

5
The most impressive thing a man has done to prove his interest in ‘courting’ me was fly
to Sydney from his home town of Adelaide to take me on our first date! What happened
then? I agreed to exclusively date him the second day into his trip! I know…I’m
disappointed just reading that back! Needless to say, the relationship didn’t last…long
distance wasn’t his forte it seems.

Anyway…back to courting. Let me take you on a walk through the past to Egypt in the
1940s.

I revel in the romance that my grandmother and grandfather shared. If you want to talk
adversity, try being a Jewish girl dating an Armenian Orthodox boy in a Muslim country.
The odds would be stacked against you on so many different levels but, regardless of
all of that, my grandparents were determined to spend their life together.

According to the dictionary…

The verb ‘to court’ implies that the process is a little longer than coming up with the
goods on one date alone though.

Webster’s Dictionary defines courting as follows:

1. To endeavor to gain the favor of by attention or flattery; to try to ingratiate one’s self
with.

2. To endeavor to gain the affections of; to seek in marriage; to woo.

3. To attempt to gain; to solicit; to seek.

4. To invite by attractions; to allure; to attract.

It may all sound very Jane Austen but I want to be courted…like my grandmother was.
For when a man courts you and puts in the effort to win your affection, you have more
certainty that they want to invest time in a relationship…not just a roll in the hay.

So that is my new promise to myself, to allow myself to be courted. Will patience

become my virtue though?

6
Philosophy of Courtship

ETHICS Vs MORALITY

● MORALITY: from the Latin moralitas "manner, character, proper behavior", it is the
conduct or rules that a person or community adhere to, believing these things to be, in
some sense, obligatory. It gives us rules for everyday life (morals= moral rules) and it is
practical.

● ETHICS: critical reflection of “morals”. Philosophical reflection about the nature of the
good life, of right action, of duty and obligation. It is theorical.

Man can learn a lot from history.

Value comes when reflecting on the good/bad examples set before us and how we
learn from them.

It gives us a barometer between our actions and the standard of God’s word.

It provides for us the opportunity to employ wisdom to our current walk in life (making
better anything that is lacking).

Through the history of courtship – Christians can discern and employ a practice in the
transition from being single into a biblically blessed marriage, lesson will focus on:
Historical path of courting and dating. Note difficulties, concerns, and temptations when
faced under certain circumstances.

7
 The importance of romance spurned from the need of the woman to ensure her
financial security since women relied almost entirely on their husbands economically.
Women would even test their new suitors to see if their suitors would remain loyal to
them, regardless of the circumstances. These tests included feigning illness, family
disapproval, and possibly even breaking off the relationship

Dating, generally, transitioned from a philosophy of seeing if their partner would

make for a good spouse. This was a “try and see” practice

DO’S AND DON’T OF CHRISTIAN COURTSHIP

Bisi Adewale

Courtship is the period between the time a lady agrees to marry a man and the
time they eventually go to the altar. Courtship period is very important. It is a period
when intending couples gets to know each other in preparation for a colourful wedding
and glorious marriage. And it is a period when intending couples must be very careful
because many people have fallen into the error of premarital sex.

WHAT TO DO DURING COURTSHIP

Togetherness– Pray, decide, visit, plan, discuss, learn new things, worship, attend
seminars, attend wedding occasions, travel, prepare, study the Bible, Write letters, send
emails, make a phone call etc. continue to communicate. Have a common mentor.

Attend marriage seminars, marriage school, fellowship and other Christian gatherings.

DON’TS OF CHRISTIAN COURTSHIP

Don’t neglect God in courtship

Don’t pretend in courtship- Be yourself, let your partner know who you are.

Don’t have secret courtship.

Don’t double date.

Don’t turn yourself to the brother’s cook or launderer.

Never cohabitate.

8
Never be unfaithful in courtship.

Never have a focus less courtship.

Never have sex in courtship.

Kissing, hugging, pecking, necking and fondling should be avoided.

It is not a period for a joint account or wearing the same clothes.

Avoid holding meetings behind closed doors.

Avoid sleeping in the same room no matter the circumstances.

Avoid holding your meetings in dark places.

Avoid late-night visits.

Avoid staying together for a long time doing nothing.

Avoid prayerlessness.

Activity 2

1. Try asking your parents or guardians about their

own courtship experience. What lessons did you
learn from them?

2. In this time of pandemic, is courtship and dating still

advised? Support your answer.