Good or Bad?

Morality always depends on the individual’s perception. Their own view of right and wrong is
based on the culture, beliefs, and norms that they grow up in. There are so many times when I ask
myself if I am a good person. I am someone who is very conscious of her actions and always tend to
think of everything I do in my everyday life—whether it may be talking to someone, feeling negatively,
joking around with others, lazing around or being productive. It is a way of assessing myself. I consider it
as a way of overthinking on how I should act because I have always felt like I do things for the sake of
other people’s approval. But I think this should be traced back to where I came from ever since I was a
child. Growing up, I had spent an equal amount of time between my parents and my grandparents and
so I’ve been surrounded with different people with different values, although we were just one family. It
has been a norm to always mano to the elders as a sign of respect. Calling my older cousins ate and
kuya, even if they are just a month older, is a must and doing otherwise meant disrespecting them. Like
a normal Filipino, “abiding” to those rules has never been a problem. One more important value is
manners. Talking back to the elders, even if it is explaining or responding to their statement, has always
been considered wrong and if one decides to do so, they are considered immoral—and so I think, my
basic moral values were established with the help of the Filipino standards of my family. Being able to
conclude that, it makes me question my humanity. Am I considered a good person?

“Tell me who your friends are and I’ll tell you who you are.” My family is not the only factor
which affects my morality. Another are my friends. I have met most of my friends in school and being in
school means I get to be with them every day and as I have adapted my family’s values, I believe my
friends have influenced the way I am over the years although I do not think they are that much different
from me; after all, they are my friends and we have all grown up in the same culture with the same
beliefs. It has been 8 years of studying in a Catholic school. Being in a Catholic school means attending
masses, regularly praying, and upholding the values of a good Christian. What exactly is a good
Christian? I am not sure either. I always end up doing things I think I am supposed to according to the
standards of Christianity. Does breaking one of the 10 commandments make me immoral? Does not
attending mass in a week make me a bad Christian? I will answer that later on.

Having friends, making decisions around them; if they are good for you, requires the severe
difficulty of choosing whenever you need to keep them in your life or cut them off completely. This has
been one of my worst dilemmas. I have always felt like the friend who tends to get left out from time to
time. This could be the cause of what I said earlier—my overthinking. There have been people who
come to our lives who do not need to stay. They come to our lives in order to teach us lessons. I am one
of the people who have not realized that earlier than I should have, thus confusing myself with what I
should do next. In the end, I have let the ones who are not good for me to leave, and I also have chosen
to leave on the account of them not having to deal with much negativity and feelings caused by toxic
guilt and pressure of having friends. I do not regret having to do what already happened as it has
brought to a new light to things I still need to discover.

Over the years, I consider myself to be living alone as since the end of high school, I have not
been with my grandparents who I grew up under the domestic care of, but rather was living on my
father’s side of the family. This began when I was 12 years old. My parents got separated and eventually
got to the point of divorcing—which I consider was for the best. It became normal for me to move from
house to house as I, along with my sister need to spend time with both sides of the family. Being able to
discover new sides of the family has given me a new perspective in life, allowing me to make my own
realizations which I firmly consider to be right up until now. It has been a famous saying that families
should always stick up for each other no matter what. Rediscovering the people around me does not
mean I found knew positive things but also bad things. One of the most important things I still believe is
that just because a person is one of my family, does not mean I should make excuses for them once they
commit things that are unacceptable to me and that takes great courage.

Having my own principles now makes it easier to judge my own actions although not with a
hundred percent certainty. I still mano to the elders; I call my older cousins ate and kuya; I visit the
church from time to time, which basically means I do not get to attend the mass every Sunday; I wait for
somebody to finish talking before I start; I do what the society thinks is right but that does not mean I do
it for the sake of the society’s acceptance. I make my own choices based on what I think is right. Not
being able to attend the mass does not make me a bad Christian as I still strongly have faith in God, I
disagree with elders who I know are wrong, I try to stay away from others’ businesses especially if they
are not affecting others negatively.

There are so many things I believe are right; I have my own principles now which gives me a
right to judge my own actions but I still have one question to answer. Am I a good person? And the
answer is I am not a good one, nor a bad one. Ethics have taught me that what I am is perceived
differently by everyone as other people have their own beliefs as well. Not just religion, but also the way
of life. What I do can have a positive effect on one and have a negative effect on another, as everyone is
different and also think differently. I have come to accept my own values. My community is still there to
shape them but there is more to morality than the society’s standards and the culture of a group and no
matter where I go, I know that I am willing to make people understand my beliefs as I try to understand
theirs.