Nygel Gian Santillan September 1, 2020

EEE1

Insight Paper on the Social Self

Reading and watching the material about the social self gave me quite a lot of insight regarding
the topic. I am a firm believer of the idea of the social self. I always think to myself how people around
me have affected my personality, habits, and overall actions. Just learning more about it just furthered my
initial beliefs and thoughts about the social self.

I would say the most prominent notion that I learned about was the idea that the way people talk
to you can have a massive impact on the self and how you in turn behave in general. If someone
encourages you, your self-esteem tends to increase. The opposite happens when someone puts you down.
My friends always used to congratulate me when I did well in an exam. Most of the time, I felt as though
no one really cared about me, but when I did well, they would all congratulate me. It would make me feel
good about myself and encouraged me to do better. I liked the fact that they went out of their way to
congratulate me as it made me feel like I was cared about. I would push myself just to keep doing well in
class because of them. Sometimes though, I was also put down. I recall a time where me and my
groupmates were discussing our project. We were trying to collate ideas together and I had a few
suggestions. I will admit, I was not well versed in the field of science the project was in but I thought I
still provided solid suggestions. They didn’t even acknowledge my suggestions and I felt quite
discouraged. Next time out, I said I would start work on the presentation which I did. I tried my best to
make a solid presentation and was about half way done when the leader of the group said we should just
start over. He didn’t necessarily say that my work was bad, but I got the impression that what I had done
was not up to his standards. I felt terrible because I already felt like I was a detriment to the group. We
designed a much better presentation in the end but I felt as though I did not really contribute anything to
the project. I told them how I felt, but since they were my friends, they told me that I was not useless and
had contributed a lot. Honestly, I could see through their white lies and the fact they were lying really did
hurt my self-esteem. I always tell them to just be transparent with me because I can take it, but I felt as
though they were lying to me which just made everything worse. I took their words of encouragement as
discouragement instead so much so that I contemplated leaving the group because I just felt as though that
they did not want me there.

I also find it interesting that fellow college students share the same feelings as me regarding
teachers. I notice that when a teacher is jubilant and passionate about what he or she does, I tend to like
that teacher much more. If the teacher is far too technical or borderline abusive, I dislike that teacher quite
a lot. Teachers who are engaging tend to encourage their students to study and listen. Teachers who are
not so, often cause students to be disengaged and disenchanted with the subject at hand. My orchestra
conductor was someone who was feared by everyone in my school. We constantly heard horror stories of
chairs being flung during practice sessions and I thought to myself that I would never join the orchestra.
When I got to know him though, I realized that he was a good person. He was so mightily passionate
about music and wanted to share his passion with me. He became a mentor to me and helped me to come
out of my shell more. I still visit him from time to time in my old school just to catch up and pick his
brain. On the other hand, there was also another teacher in my school who was just hated by pretty much
everyone. She was rather strict and not really engaging. No one liked her, not even the other teachers. I
normally feel sympathy for these teachers but she simply does not deserve it. The things she has done to
students are inexcusable. I had a rather hard time learning from her and it made me hate the subjects she
taught even more.

One of the articles also discusses about how people compare themselves to other people.
Sometimes they compare themselves to people in a downward or upward fashion. Downward is when you
think of yourself as better than someone and upwards is when you think of yourself as below someone. I
do tend to do both from time to time. When I get good grades compared to my classmates, I feel good
about myself. When I have lower grades, I feel bad about myself, but it also pushes me to do better next
time. I try my best not to downward compare because I feel as though that is quite egotistical and
narcissistic at times. It can be a good morale and esteem boost but it could lead to over confidence and
cockiness in my opinion. Upward comparing is almost like a light way of saying self-deprecation. I feel
as though that I do this quite a lot. I always look at other people and say “they are so much better than me
in every single imaginable way.” Sometimes I think of how someone is more intelligent, handsome, and
likable than me. I put myself down on a consistent basis which lowers my self-esteem. I put myself down
so much that at times I feel hopeless and inadequate.

I think that the talk of Clair Marie also gives excellent insight into cancelling out the “no” voices
around us. It’s amazing to think that people have such an influence over a person’s decisions and actions.
Obviously, not all of it is bad. Our parents for example, teach us right from wrong. The law is a set of
rules that everyone should follow for everyone’s safety. Those are exceptions, but think about the people
in your life who have discouraged you to do something you’re passionate in. I have a passion for content
creation. I really enjoy watching videos on the internet and analyzing them. It’s one of my goals one day
to create content online even as a side hobby because it’s something I enjoy. I told one of my friends
about this and his response was rather discouraging. He told me I shouldn’t do it because I wasn’t funny
or entertaining enough. Admittedly, it hurt but I took it on the chin and accepted his criticism, so much so
that I believed him. Maybe he was right; maybe I’m not good enough, was what I thought. Because of his
comments, I decided not to get into it. I realize now that I should not necessarily have ignored his
criticism, but instead use it to fuel myself to become better. I need to break free from social limitations
and focus on myself. I should not let others define me. I should do what makes me happy and not what
makes other people happy.