5 Reasons

Stoicism is
Better Than
nd
Everything 2
Edition
By Jess Whitson
This book is written to brighten up people’s day with some humor and to hopefully make
Stoicism appeal to a larger audience.

I would like to thank the Facebook Stoicism Group (Stoic Philosophy) for putting up with my
torrent of Stoicism is Better than X articles and having to deal with my sense of humor. I
would like to thank the administrator of the Stoic Group Donald Robertson for approving my
posts and making my articles reach a wider audience.

Table of Contents

Introduction to Stoicism

One Important Reason A Stoic Should Love Comedy

Stoicism Is Better than X

5 Reasons Stoicism Is Better than DiGiorno
5 Reasons Stoicism is Better than Platonism
5 Reasons Stoicism Is Better than stoicism
5 Reasons Stoicism is Better than Halloween
5 Reasons Stoicism Is Better than Broicism
5 Reasons Stoicism is Better than Among Us
5 Reasons Stoicism Is Better than Autumn
5 Reasons Stoicism is Better than Disney
5 Reasons Stoicism Is Better than Epicureanism
5 Reasons Stoicism Is Better than $toicism
5 Reasons Stoicism Is Better than a Gender Reveal Party
5 Reasons Stoicism Is Better than Toxic Waste
5 Reasons Stoicism Is Better than a GI Bleed
5 Reasons Stoicism Is Better than Sam Harris
5 Reasons Stoicism Is Better than a Dumpster Fire
5 Reasons Stoicism Is Better than the Shadow Government
5 Reasons Stoicism Is Better than Fox News
5 Reasons Stoicism Is Better than Objectivism
5 Reasons Stoicism Is Better than Kanye West
5 Reasons Stoicism Is Better than The War On Drugs
5 Reasons Stoicism Is Better than Murder Hornets

Cheap Ancient Philosophy Jokes

The Cooking Competition
Stage Fright
Crossing the Road
Determinism
The Divine
Ontologies
Universals

Introduction to Stoicism

Stoicism is a school of Hellenistic philosophy founded by Zeno of Citium in Athens in the

early 3rd century BC. It is a philosophy of personal ethics informed by its system of logic
and its views on the natural world. According to its teachings, as social beings, the path to
eudaimonia (happiness, or blessedness) is found in accepting the moment as it presents
itself, by not allowing oneself to be controlled by the desire for pleasure or by the fear of
pain, by using one's mind to understand the world and to do one's part in nature's plan, and
by working together and treating others fairly and justly (per Wikipedia).

The important thing to remember about Stoicism is that it taught that virtue is the only good and
vice the only bad; everything else external to our character is indifferent and some things are
preferred and some things dispreferred. Stoicism taught that if you could live a virtuous life,
exercising the four virtues of justice, temperance, courage, and practical wisdom, you could live a
happy life (eudaimonic happiness).

I have noticed a lack of humor in the Stoic Internet community so I decided that it would be best to
try to bring humor to it. Also, I thought it would be fun to educate people about Stoicism through
jokes. I have always believed in the object of humor as revealing truths to us that we first find
unacceptable but then laugh at when we realize how absurd our misconceptions of things were
before. Stoicism represents the truth to me so why not reveal what I regard as truth through humor?
I hope you enjoy the jokes as much as I enjoyed writing them.

Let me tell you about three important Stoics that we have surviving works from. The three Stoics are
from the ancient Roman period even though Stoicism began in ancient Greece. The first important
Stoic to remember is Epictetus. He grew up being a slave to a slave to the Emperor Nero.
Epictetus eventually won his freedom, learned Stoicism from Musonius Rufus and taught Stoicism
until his death. There is Seneca the Younger who was none other than the tutor of Emperor Nero.
He wrote many Stoic letters over the years that were later preserved. He was suspected of a failed
coup to unseat Nero as Emperor and was ordered by Nero to kill himself. Most important of all the
Stoics is the magnanimous Emperor Marcus Aurelius. Marcus Aurelius is famous for his Stoic
writings in his journal he kept with him on the battlefield on the edge of Germania which would be
later preserved as the Meditations.

One Important Reason A Stoic Should Love Comedy

Philosophers have long puzzled over the role of humor. The best explanation I have heard so far
is that we laugh at something that does not make sense or the sense of it changes so rapidly our
mind laughs trying to make sense of it. So, humor is just our complex way of figuring things out or
just being momentarily puzzled.

Let us remember how humor is an important part of our rational faculty dealing with the absurdity
of the world at times. Sometimes the best sense of humor is had by the person who laughs at
himself. I leave you with this account of Chrysippus dying from laughter:

One ancient account of the death of Chrysippus, the 3rd-century BC Greek Stoic
philosopher, tells that he died of laughter after he saw a donkey eating his figs; he told
a slave to give the donkey neat wine with which to wash them down, and then,
“…having laughed too much, he died” (courtesy Wikipedia).

5 Reasons Stoicism Is Better than X

Without further ado, I bring you Stoicism Is Better than X Topics.

5 Reasons Stoicism Is Better than DiGiorno

While it is true that DiGiorno might be just as good as delivery and it may take the same amount of
time as delivery takes, there is no possible way that DiGiorno can ever top Stoicism. Here are 5
Reasons why Stoicism is better than DiGiorno.

1. While kids and adults can in theory eat pizza for 365 days and have the variety of different
toppings, even if it’s DiGiorno, it’s just a matter of time before you or your kid is begging for
something different from pizza. This just isn’t the case with Stoicism. The dichotomy of control is
quite difficult to drive in your head and if you forget to keep practicing, it begins to dissolve. It’s
simply not possible to get tired of Stoicism because it just doesn’t last in your mind like bubblegum
pop music does when you stop thinking about it.

2. DiGiorno is not within your power. Try as you might but your car may break down before you
can even buy DiGiorno pizzas. You may get to the grocery store and they are all out. You may even
try to cook it but then your oven catches your house on fire, and you must leave. The world
economy could collapse, and a violent earthquake or asteroid can destroy factories that produce
DiGiorno pizzas. It is obvious that DiGiorno is not in your power. But you know what truly is your
power? Stoicism. Stoicism holds that all we have in our control is our judgment and will and if that
is in your power, then Stoicism is always in your power.

3. Let’s face it, any kind of pizza, say the DiGiorno kind, are ephemeral. If you didn’t have a fridge,
you’d have to eat your pizza within 24 hours because it would be short-lived. Stoicism is not that
transient. Stoicism has been around since 350 BCE and its concepts have probably been around
much longer. Yes, it is possible that human beings could go extinct, and so can their philosophies.
But it is also possible that any kind of Stoic idea could be picked up by any extraterrestrial
civilization, since the concept of Stoic justice is perfect for any rational beings that are trying to
work together in mutual peace and cooperation. So Stoic ideas could be just about anywhere even if
ETs don’t use the word Stoic or justice or courage or cosmopolitanism.

4. DiGiorno pizzas are frozen and then you must heat them up. You must put a lot of energy into
them and your oven leaks heat and so it is all just a big waste of energy. Sure, some of the energy
made the pizza cook but it was just a large waste of energy. Stoicism is all about conserving energy
and reducing entropy. Think about it, your negative passions are simply a waste of energy. There is
no need fretting over things that you truly have no power over. You could be spending better time
thinking about actual solutions or if there is no solution, then you might just spend time trying to
get used to the out-of-your-control situation. Simply put, Stoicism does not waste any energy at all if
you use it correctly.

5. Lastly, pizzas can be used for good or evil. But Stoicism can only be used for good. If it is used
for bad, then it is not being applied properly. But I can use a frozen pizza to harm someone. I could
throw it at them hard and that would hurt! Sure, I could throw a copy of the Meditations at someone
but that is not really the same thing as acting Stoically towards someone. If I truly act Stoically
towards someone, then I cannot really harm them. Paradoxically, in Stoicism, you cannot truly harm
anyone anyway since your actions are not sufficient for their reactions. But the point is, I cannot
harm someone when I am practicing Stoicism. But I can certainly throw a pizza at someone, while
practicing being a pizza chef.

5 Reasons Stoicism is Better than Platonism

It is about time the record is set straight that Stoicism is better than Platonism. Here are 5
reasons why Stoicism is better than Platonism.

1. In Platonism, the soul is divided up into three parts. There is reason, then there is emotion, and
then there is desire. It is nice how the soul is a microcosm for Plato’s Republic. Just as reason,
emotion, and desire live in harmony, Plato’s Republic lives in harmony among the ruling
philosophers, the warriors, and the merchants. But Stoicism makes life so much simpler by regarding
the soul as rational through and through. In fact, irrational emotions are based on incorrect
reasoning and all one must do to deal with irrational emotions is to learn to reason correctly about
the world around oneself. Same with irrational desires. So, the soul is simply rational but that does
not keep it from reasoning irrationally at times.

2. In Stoicism, there are no Forms. There is not this necessity to postulate that predicates have a
reality separate from their subjects. In fact, the only real thing that exists for Stoics is matter but
with supervenient properties of life or thought. For the Stoics, mental properties subsist on matter.
It is sort of like how salt is real, but it does not exist. There is no Form of salt. Salt is just a property
of sodium atoms and chloride atoms combining. A world of Forms does not help the situation since
there is not a great mechanism for how the Forms and the material things interact. If everything is
simply material like the Stoics thought, then the mechanism is already there for you to see. Cause
and effect materializing in front of you. Thinking, feeling, and reasoning are just properties that
temporarily emerge from and subsist on matter in flux.

3. It is not clear that Platonists cared as much about natural explanations for human behavior as
the Stoics or the Epicureans. This lack of curiosity could be because Plato already bought into the
Pythagorean view of the soul as immaterial. Also, Plato was far more interested in trying to resolve
metaphysical issues purely through reason alone than to spend time thinking about what was
mechanistically going on around him. So, it seems like Plato missed a real opportunity to observe
human behavior the way the Stoic Hierocles observed animal and human behavior.

4. The Stoics and the Cynics managed to show how philosophy could help one live the good life.
The Stoics spent considerable time not only thinking about philosophical problems but also about
practical philosophical problems of how to calm down our passions and maintain equanimity in the
presence of adversity. The Platonists could have done this, but the Platonists aren’t the ones known
for coming up with mental strategies like the dichotomy of control, view from above, constantly
meditating on adversity, and thinking about one’s death. Believing that the senses are deceiving us,
that the soul is immortal, and that we can reunify with the One is helpful psychologically. The
problem is there is no way to know if it is true. In Stoicism, you could die, and never exist beyond
your death. But there are ways Stoicism prepares us for mortality instead of saying we are made of
magical spirit stuff.

5. Modern history gives the appearance that Platonism and Aristotelianism were the greatest
philosophies in Athens and in Rome, but this is not true. Stoicism and Epicureanism were quite
popular during Hellenistic and ancient Roman times. Despite not knowing much about the
theoretical basis of Stoicism, we know enough from ancient Roman commentaries on the ancient
Greek Stoics that the Stoics possessed advanced theory that went with their practice. We know that
Chrysippus developed propositional logic that had to wait thousands of years to be brought back by
the logician Frege. If one reads just the small fragments of quoted parts by ancient Roman authors
of what Chrysippus and Cleanthes thought, it is easy to see that a lot of their arguments (as
fragmentary as they are) look superior to Plato and Aristotle.

5 Reasons Stoicism Is Better than stoicism (lowercase s on purpose!!!)

As the popularity of Stoicism has grown it has slowly revealed its truths to the public. Unfortunately,
misconceptions about Stoicism since the time of its founding to now are beginning to grow as well.
Some people have this misconception that Stoicism is about being tough and having a stiff upper lip
(this is now being rightly characterized as “stoicism-lowercase-s” among experts in the Stoic
community). I thought I would write why Stoicism is better than stoicism-lower-case-s.

1. Stoicism is a robust philosophy that emphasizes getting to know one’s passions and learning to
heal the negative passions that can cause us to be irrational. Lowercase stoicism is not a philosophy
but just an attitude people express when they are doing unhealthy things like suppressing their
emotions.

2. Stoicism involves having courage, which means doing the right thing despite being afraid.
Lowercase-s-stoicism involves an unhealthy form of courage, usually bravado, which
involves denying that one is afraid.

3. Stoicism involves developing compassion and conquering one’s anger/hatred. Lowercase

stoicism involves a stunted development of compassion and concealing one’s anger/hatred.

4. Stoicism is about being your brother’s keeper and loving everyone and seeing everyone, regardless
of race, creed, and gender, as a brother and a sister. Lowercase stoics usually complain about people
being too compassionate and how they should just be indifferent to the daily injustices in the world.

5. Stoicism is about achieving eudiamonia through virtue which means possessing a state of apatheia,
which means freedom from negative passion. Lowercase stoicism misunderstands this point and
thinks that individuals should be apathetic to the concerns of others and remain unengaged in
society and politics.

5 Reasons Stoicism is Better than Halloween

Halloween is thought to have originated from pagan Celtic harvest festivals like Samhain, although
some historians contest this. Here are 5 reasons Stoicism is better than Halloween:

1. Halloween only happens one day out of the year but virtue being the only good happens 365
days a year. It is obvious that Halloween is completely ephemeral. Not only that but the weather is
not reliable. Fortune determines whether it is even practically possible to go trick-or-treating and
COVID-19 has made it difficult for Halloween festivities. No matter what day it is or what the
weather is like, practicing Stoicism, and having a benevolent character will not be cancelled.

2. The great thing about Halloween is the candy. If you are going trick-or-treating with your kids or
if you are passing out candy, it is nice to treat yourself to candy. Unfortunately, too much candy will
mean that you will have to count the calories and if you do not watch yourself, you and your kids
will have a stomachache. There is no such thing as practicing too much Stoicism. You cannot
overdo justice or courage. Being kind and fair means knowing how to correctly balance everyone's
interests. Being courageous means knowing how to correctly endure adversity. There is no such
thing as too much knowledge or wisdom.

3. The fall weather is amazing. Seeing the leaves scatter in the wind in the dark of night on Halloween is
a nostalgic reminder of what it was like to be a kid in a costume ready to knock on a stranger's door and
receive candy. It is nice to have that reminder. Unfortunately, that reminder will not help you through
the other 364 days of the year when you are working at a job to make ends meet. What will help is the
reminder that you will one day die. The Latin phrase for this is memento mori. On Halloween, or any
other day, remembering that you will one day die is a reminder that helps you to not take any event in
your life for granted. When you remember that you are mortal, it will help you remember to treasure
moments with loved ones and moments with yourself.

4. It is super fun to dress up in costumes. It is a great opportunity for adults and children to be
people that they do not have an opportunity to be on any other day. You can be Captain America or
Cleopatra. Stoicism is also about being someone that you are not. The goal of Stoicism is becoming
the Sage. So, you will have to work at becoming a good spirit (eudaimonic). Halloween is great but
Halloween and all the other events on the calendar will become so much more meaningful the more
noble your soul becomes. You will learn to never take any event for granted as you possess true joy
throughout the year.

5. Finally, like all our holidays, Halloween has become overly commercialized. Children and adults
can feel pressured to buy expensive costumes, fog machines, and a whole host of decorations that
are overly priced. Adults need to try to be more deliberate about why they are buying what they are
buying and think harder about their actual budgets. Instead of buying a $100 costume, maybe stitch
together a $5 one. Stoicism also faces some commercialization. The solution though is following the
spirit of Stoicism which can help one revitalize the spirit of all the holidays by resisting irrational
impulses to buy whatever shines in front of one’s eyes.
5 Reasons Stoicism Is Better than Broicism

As feminism has gone more mainstream and has become more popular a counterculture of young
white men has arisen expressing their concern that men’s rights are being overshadowed. Angry that
they no longer feel represented they have banded together to create what is called Men’s Rights
Activism. The counterculture has unfortunately tried infiltrating Stoicism, hijacking it, and
pretending Stoicism is all about being a man and manning up. I like to call their form of Stoicism
Broicism. Here are 5 reasons Stoicism is Better than Broicism.

1. Stoicism was a philosophy progressive for its time because it saw all humans the same, capable of
using reason and being capable of living a virtuous life. Zeno’s Republic mentions women as being
members of his society of virtuous Stoics. The Stoics believed women were equal to men in their
ability to use reason. Broicism tends to try to undo this history or has no interest in this history of
Stoicism. Broicism tends to use quotes from Stoics selectively and ignores the cosmopolitan
elements of Stoicism.

2. Stoicism is about trying to eliminate negative passions such as anger and sorrow and replace them
with positive passions of joy and compassion. Unfortunately, Broicism tries to replace this with toxic
masculinity, the belief that all emotions in men should be suppressed except for violent expressions
of anger/outrage.

3. Stoicism emphasizes Hierocles’s Concentric Circles that there is self-love and out of self-love
comes love for family, then love for community, then love for humanity. Broicism emphasizes self-
love only and thinks that virtue means doing what is in one’s best self-interest. The attitude is
usually, “I got my virtue now screw you!”

4. On Facebook, when a question is asked why there are so few women in a Stoic group, the first
people to pop up and say, “it’s because Stoicism emphasizes rationality, but women aren’t very
rational and are more emotional” are Broics. They tend to think of Stoicism as a men’s only club and
so subconsciously scoff at the notion that women as also capable of being Stoics and using reason.
Real Stoics understand that women have had a history of dealing with such stereotypes and it may
take a while for the culture to change its view of women in the Stoic group and outside.

5. Broics tend to be alt-right or “cultural libertarians”. They tend to see any kind of liberalism as
feminism run amok. Liberal values such as cosmopolitanism, diversity, open dialogue, even free
expression that Stoics should embrace are a threat to their worldview. Stoicism is fine with
feminism. It may not agree with all feminists on all issues, but it is perfectly fine with liberalism and
feminism. In fact, Stoicism tolerates conservative views as well. It is a very tolerant philosophy
whereas Broicism is not. Broicism usually expresses its intolerance through cheap jokes, trolling, and
derailing charitable discussion.

5 Reasons Stoicism is Better than Among Us

Among Us is an online multiplayer social deduction game developed and published by American
game studio InnerSloth and released on June 15, 2018. The game takes place in a space-
themed setting in which players each take on one of two roles, most being Crewmates, and a
predetermined number being Impostors. The goal of the Crewmates is to identify the Impostors,
eliminate them, and complete tasks around the map; the Impostors' goal is to covertly sabotage
and kill the Crewmates before they complete all their tasks (per wikipedia).
Here are 5 Reasons Stoicism is Better than Among Us:

1. Among Us can help kids use logical deduction by figuring out who the actual impostor is. You
know what also helps with logical deduction? Stoicism. Stoicism does not just help you reason better
but it helps you avoid errors in thinking that cause pathos, or suffering. So, while Among Us is great
for kids to reason on concrete problems, Stoicism helps kids evolve beyond concrete operational
thinking into abstract thinking.

2. Among Us will not stop or mitigate Impostor Syndrome. Cynicism and Stoicism, which have led
to the development of Rational Emotive Behavioral Therapy (REBT) and the gold standard
Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, can help treat impostor syndrome. Impostor syndrome relies on the
irrational doubt of one's skills and irrational fear of being exposed as an impostor. The Founder of
REBT, Albert Ellis, inspired by Cynicism, believed that one should dispute these irrational thought
processes. Every time you have an irrational belief that you are incompetent, make sure you write
why this belief lacks credibility. The whole impostor fear is based on an overvaluation of credibility
and reputation. The Cynics taught that one should publicly embarrass oneself in order to get over
attachment to reputation. Albert Ellis would have some of his patients embarrass themselves in
public like the Cynic teachers. Stoicism and Cynicism reach much further than therapies (yes but go
to a trained therapist if you need help) since not only do Cynicism and Stoicism offer therapy but
they also offer lifelong philosophies that tell you that all that matters is being a good person, the rest
(like reputation or credibility) are just details. You can have the worst reputation in the world but if
you have virtue, you are super.

3. In Among Us a predetermined number of players must be impostors, or bad guys, who have the
goal of sabotaging the mission. In Stoicism, despite the universe being determined, it is up to you
whether you are a good guy or a bad guy. Sure, you might be raised to sabotage everyone's
immediate or long-term goals, but it is always possible to change your behavior and become a
better person. This simply is not possible in the game Among Us.

4. While Among Us has been a popular game in 2020, Stoicism has been popular for several
centuries since its beginning in the ancient world. Among Us came out in 2018 CE but Stoicism
came out in 300 BCE. Perhaps there are more people dedicated to Among Us than there are
dedicated to Stoicism. But Stoicism has staying power. Additionally, Christianity, which has
absorbed several Stoic tenets, has more followers than Among Us and has been trending for 2000
years.

5. While Among Us has short term goals like rewiring electrical systems or refueling engines, it does
not have a long-term goal worth living for. But isn't there more to life? Isn't there something worth
living for? You go to work, come home, maybe you must find an impostor and get them fired, but
doesn’t work seem pointless if it is not for something greater? Well, thankfully Stoicism is there to
tell you that eudaimonia is the life goal. Your goal is to be a virtuous person who helps people through
thick and thin. As you follow virtue, you will also shine with joy. Every difficulty will become a
pathway.

5 Reasons Stoicism Is Better than Autumn

The autumn is the best season. The days are growing shorter and the intensely hot days draw to an
end. All the wasps and spiders go away, and the trees look magnificent with their bright yellow,
red, orange colors shining as the beta carotene shines through the decayed chlorophyll of their
leaves. Here are 5 reasons Stoicism Is Better Than Autumn.

1. Fall unfortunately is just one season and so it is not always in season. Stoicism is always in season.
In fact, if you bought Ryan Holiday’s The Daily Stoic, you’ll find that there’s a quote by a notable
Stoic to help you through the day for 365 days of the year.

2. The Fall reminds us that all things must come to an end. The leaves of the deciduous trees begin
to die, the insects begin to die, as the air cools outside, activities begin to cease, and gardening comes
to an end. Stoicism reminds us throughout the year that all things must come to an end. Everything
is born, sustains, and then dies. Fall only reminds us of the ending of things for 3 months. Stoicism
reminds us not to take anything for granted 365 days of the year.

3. In the late Fall, the air grows uncomfortably cold, especially in late November. Stoicism
teaches you to bear the cold. It teaches you all year round how to learn to bear uncomfortable
truths, hardships, anything and everything dire. When you practice Stoicism after a while, you
begin to quote Queen Elsa of Frozen, “the cold never bothered me anyway.”

4. The Fall is a great season for pyromaniacs. It is that time of the year when you have bonfires,
and you get to stack your wood in the fireplace/hearth and let it burn. The ancient Stoics believed
in a divine fire that existed in each of us that burned throughout the year. Surely Stoicism is the true
answer to all fire lovers everywhere.

5. In the Autumn many throughout the Western world participate in what is called Halloween.
Halloween is a great holiday that celebrates the pivotal point in the year of harvest. While it is a fun
holiday where people dress up like witches and warlocks, it doesn’t compare to Stoicism which
creates joy throughout the year for those who practice virtue.

5 Reasons Stoicism is Better than Disney

1. Disney has come a long way. The princesses do not just save themselves, but they also save China
or their whole island. Princesses even save Queens. Stoicism has also come a long way. In the
beginning, Stoicism was for everyone, but philosophers have a hard time convincing the masses that
people should be treated equally. The problem with Disney though is that it just does not give kids a
realistic view of how things can go south, and, despite everyone’s best efforts, people still die
tragically. What if Anna had died saving Elsa? Yes, that would be tragic, but couldn’t a lesson still be
learned? Didn’t Cato sacrifice his life for the Republic and even that did not save the Republic? But
his actions were still excellent. What if Elsa could not stop her freezing powers so her act of love to
save Arendelle was to drink hemlock? Yes, it would be sad but isn’t that a true act of love? If
Stoicism could make cartoons for children, it could teach children that despite our best efforts,
everything still can go wrong, but we can have our peace in our inner citadel even if no one survives.
If in the end we have eudaimonia, then isn’t that what is truly important?

2. When you learn about Stoicism, you learn about imperfect rulers or influential people who, despite
their best efforts, fail. Often, they are doing their best but bad outcomes occur. Take Seneca. He tried to
get Nero to think rationally and be a good ruler. Unfortunately, it became obvious to Seneca over time
that Nero was unfit to be ruler and would never learn from his mistakes. Seneca distanced himself from
Nero but eventually, Nero accused Seneca of a failed coup and so, Nero forced Seneca to kill himself.
Same lesson with Marcus Aurelius – despite Marcus Aurelius’ best efforts to keep the Roman Empire at
its best, he could not teach his son Commodus to be an effective ruler. So, when Marcus Aurelius died,
Commodus took complete control of Rome and put on ridiculous gladiatorial stunts just to make himself
appear super magnificent. Commodus was not inclined to make a good Empire last. Is the reason why
we never see bad outcomes in Disney movies because we think kids cannot handle that kind of ending?
Sure, I understand not exposing children to over-the-top violence, but can’t we at least prepare them for
situations where things do not end nicely?

3. Disney has never lured children into philosophy. Yes, we see that Disney does inspire children’s
imagination, does use Belle as a princess to inspire a desire to read, does inspire a sense of adventure,
and does help one relate with the good characters over the bad. But it’s a massive, missed opportunity
not to inspire kids to read the classics. How come Belle never had a copy of Plato’s Republic? Why have
none of the Disney characters ever had a Socratic dialogue over first principles? Stoicism does not have
this problem. It wants everyone to become a philosopher, to examine life, and learn to live life correctly
by examining our fundamental principles.

4. Disney is an entertainment monopoly. Stoicism is not an entertainment monopoly nor is it even

a monopoly on ideas.

5. Disney’s Hercules does delete the story of Zeus as going behind Hera’s back and begetting a child with
a mortal. It inserts the more favorable story of Zeus and Hera legitimately having Hercules. It can be
maddening for some that Disney would edit out this myth. Interestingly, Stoicism seems to discuss Zeus
only in a positive light. From the way the Stoics talk about Zeus, you would think he never did anything
extramarital. But I think the Stoics were aiming at making their pantheist philosophy compatible with
the Olympian myths than trying to gloss over unfavorable Olympian mythology. So, while Disney did
cover up a mythological fact so that Zeus would not look so petty, the Stoics were trying to connect Zeus
to their philosophy of pantheism mostly so that their philosophy could still be digestible to Zeus myth
believers. The Stoics knew that Zeus, as a mythology, was committing certain vices and I do not think
they were trying to change the myth of Zeus because they certainly also enjoyed the myth of Hercules
and thought Hercules had admirable qualities. The Stoics knew what they were doing. They knew that
Stoicism is a secular philosophy that would need to appeal to people with a religious background. So,
they took Zeus and made him the Universe but were smart enough not to cut all ties with his
mythological definition. It was basically a way of safeguarding Stoicism from accusations of outright
atheism.

5 Reasons Stoicism Is Better than Epicureanism

Epicureanism is a philosophy founded by the ancient Greek philosopher Epicurus. It believes

that Ataraxia is the highest good and that it could be achieved by avoiding mental troubles.
Ataraxia literally means no anxiety. The Epicureans did believe virtue was important but a mere
means to securing one from mental and physical hardships. Here are 5 reasons Stoicism is better
than Epicureanism.

1. Epicureans had few friends because the prospect of losing a friend would be terrible,
Epicureans did not intend to have kids because the prospect of losing a child would be terrible and
lived in small communes. Stoics believed having kids was fine and that if you ever did lose them,
Stoic exercises would prepare you for the day. Stoicism also did not prescribe that people isolate
into small communes. Stoicism held that practicing a life geared towards virtue would free one of
negative passions and allow one to deal with just about any obstacle. And for that reason, Stoics
participated in their societies.

2. Epicureanism held that virtue was a means to happiness. Stoicism held that virtue was the
end/goal and if you pursued it like it was the end goal, then you would find happiness. To bring up
this difference seems like splitting hairs doesn’t it? Well, not really. The Epicureans were only using
virtue as a vehicle to not feel mental troubles so that they could be happy. The Stoics did not expect
to do away with all mental troubles. They cared about practicing virtue for virtue’s sake.
Paradoxically by caring more about virtue than their mental pains (or physical pains), it allowed
the Stoics to be happier with their condition.

3. Epicurus was criticized by philosophers during his time for claiming that one should be virtuous
because you might get caught or be troubled by being caught. While Epicurus might not have said
this or later changed his mind, it reveals one of the psychological problems with Epicureanism. It
focuses too much on pain and pleasure and not enough on other human emotions. The Stoics did
not believe that pain and pleasure were our only concerns. The Stoics believed in virtue, but they
were also worried about anger and hate. They knew that people could find pleasure in hate, but it
was not the pleasure itself that was bad, it was the hate. The Stoics knew we needed to treat each
other justly and kindly and focus on better passions that align with virtue like goodwill. The
problem with Epicureanism is it simplifies people to easily into pleasure/pain machines.

4. Epicureanism does not even really prepare you for a life of happiness. Think about it.
Epicureanism wants you to hide in a commune somewhere with a few friends and shut yourself off
from the world around you. Your life is fragile because if you do not participate in the world, the
world can go crazy and destroy your precious commune. Stoics were all the time trying to prevent
the world from going crazy. Perhaps the Stoics were not successful but at least they tried.

5. Finally, Stoics already allow for pleasure as a preferred indifferent. That means in Stoicism you can
pursue pleasure so long as it does not come into conflict with virtue. The Epicureans were smart in
that they did not just pursue pleasure but avoided pain. But the problem is their philosophy still did
not prepare them sufficiently for the pain that will always come creeping in no matter how many
ways they try to prepare themselves for it. The Stoics knew you will feel pain and sometimes it is
best to just let it happen and then let it pass. Virtue is its own reward. Do not let the pain be the
problem. Let it be part of the solution.

5 Reasons Stoicism Is Better than $toicism

Stoicism has really grown in popularity over the years. The Facebook group Stoicism Group
(Stoic Philosophy) has grown to 85k members and is still growing. Stoicism is pretty much the
largest growing philosophical school on the Internet. But as Stoicism grows so does making
money off of Stoicism. Also, Stoicism is being branded as a lifehack that will help you succeed in
the business world. I call this kind of Stoicism “$toicism” and I explain why Stoicism is superior
to $toicism. Here are 5 reasons Stoicism is better than $toicism.

1. Stoicism is a philosophy that helps you remain resilient in tough situations. $toicism uses this feature
to try to sell you success. In fact, $toicism tells you if you try living by the wisdom of the Stoa, you will
likely be successful in the business world and you can have the Stoic insights to build your business from
the ground up into a mega corporation. Stoicism does not get your hopes up like this. Stoicism tells you
that it is ok to be poor and you are not a loser for being poor, sometimes shit happens. Stoicism just
teaches you how to deal with your circumstances and make the best of them.

2. $toicism tries to sell you Stoic merchandise with notable Stoic quotes. Real Stoicism only tries
to sell you wisdom with the only price being that you try. If you try at achieving the virtues, you
will have a more just, wise, and benevolent character.

3. $toics care about the preferred indifferent wealth. The $toics think that this means greed is a good
passion to have in such circumstances. But greed is just another negative passion that grows from the
wrong judgment that wealth is good. Marcus Aurelius and Epictetus clearly tell us that little is required
for happiness in this life and wealth does not make you good, it just makes you wealthy.

4. Since $toics only care about Stoicism as a means to a successful life, only for themselves and
nobody else, they tend to downplay the virtue justice. Stoicism emphasizes the role of justice, in fact,
Marcus Aurelius believed that justice was the chief virtue among the four virtues. It is important to
cooperate with others and not merely compete with others in the greater society.
5. $toics cannot figure out why Ayn Rand is a bad guy. They think her philosophy of Objectivism
is completely compatible with the philosophy of the Stoa. But little do they realize that Objectivism
is a selfish philosophy. I have pointed this out to $toics but they are in denial. Finally, I pointed out
that Ayn Rand specifically wrote a book called The Virtue of Selfishness and they are still in denial.
Denial is not a Stoic mindset for those people to have.

5 Reasons Stoicism Is Better than a Gender Reveal Party

A gender-reveal party is an event or celebration had during pregnancy. The primary goal of
this event is the eponymous "reveal" of the baby's expected gender based on the sex expected
to be assigned at birth to the expecting parents, family, and friends. Here are 5 reasons
Stoicism is better than a gender reveal party.

1. Gender-reveal parties are a misnomer. It is not actually gender that is revealed but the sex of the
baby. Gender is impossible to reveal medically. Stoicism is not a misnomer and specifically refers to
the belief that virtue is the only good and everything other than virtue or vice is neither good nor
bad.

2. Gender-reveal parties are problematic because they only concern male-female binary divisions of
gender, which also erroneously assumes that a child will not be intersex. Stoicism does not rely on
male-female binary division and instead assumes that everyone can live a life that is rationally
conducive to virtuous and eudaimonic living.

3. Since gender-reveal parties reinforce sex and gender assignment and gender essentialism, including
minimizing transgender identification, then this can cause mental and emotional health issues.
Stoicism helps individuals fix their problems with negative emotions like anxiety and anger. The
more one develops in their Stoic practice, the easier it becomes to resolve emotional difficulties with
adverse circumstances. This often means helping one become courageous and more temperate in
character.

4. Gender-reveal parties cause forest fires. If you practice Stoicism, then you can help prevent
forest fires.

5. Gender-reveal parties are, as mentioned earlier, predicated on male-female gender dualism.

Dualism is a problem for many philosophical theories, for example, Platonism. The idea in
Platonism is that the rational self must learn to conquer the emotional or appetitive self. Stoicism
undoes duality by defining humans as wholly rational creatures that can learn to live a eudaimonic
life. In Stoicism, there is no distinction between emotions and reason. Unhealthy emotions like
hate are merely emotions that occur when a person is not reasoning correctly about the world and
are undervaluing virtue.

5 Reasons Why Stoicism Is Better than Toxic Waste

1. Toxic waste in science fiction or fantasy can do a lot of amazing things when, for one example,
turtles or a rat are exposed to it like in the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. It basically gives anyone
superpowers; well, when it is the right toxic waste, usually it glows green. Stoicism though says the
only thing truly in our power is our judgment, opinions, goals, aversions, and desires. In fact, since
they are really the only thing in anyone’s power, Stoics have become much greater masters of their
rational faculties and thus have the real superpowers.

2. In real life, toxic waste can make you sick. Stoicism does not do that. Stoicism might make you
practice some discomfort but generally does not require you to go overboard and certainly would
not make you expose yourself to toxic waste by eating it or swimming in it.

3. Toxic waste, when not stored properly, can really harm the environment. Though ancient Stoics
did not discuss the environment (that I know of), in the modern age Stoics, using their reason,
would find it important to preserve or conserve natural environments and resources.

4. Toxic waste usually contains elements like arsenic or mercury or molecules like cyanide or PCBs.
These elements and molecules can harm you if ingested or harm the environment. But if you ingest
Stoicism through your mind, it tends to heal your mind and provide benefit. Also, if you release
Stoicism into the environment, for example, you tell a tree or a river about Epictetus, the tree does
not get harmed nor does the river’s aquatic wildlife.

5. Toxic waste does not feel particularly good. If you get it on your skin, you will likely feel
yucky, but you could also feel like your skin is on fire as the chemicals eat away your epidermis.
Stoicism never feels yucky or eats your skin. You cannot even bathe in Stoicism or drink it. But
you can consume it. Using negative visualization wrong can have ill effects. But if you use
negative visualization right, you will find a lot of benefit.

5 Reasons Stoicism Is Better than a GI Bleed

I was once in the hospital because somewhere inside of my gastrointestinal tract I had a bleed. So, I
would like to share why Stoicism is so much better than a bleed in your long ass digestive snake
organ.

1. You can die from a gastrointestinal bleed. You can also die from practicing Stoicism. But
dying for Stoicism will make you a badass martyr.

2. Gastrointestinal bleeds can be exceedingly difficult to locate and fix. You can easily find Stoicism
with a quick google search and if you find Stoicism’s metaphysics to be broken you can easily replace
the metaphysics with modern scientific materialism. Its ethics adapts well to a variety of possible
metaphysics.

3. GI bleeds are sometimes painful. Stoicism can sometimes mean enduring discomfort. But man is
the eudaimonia worth it!

4. GI bleeds often means staying in the hospital which can be quite expensive. Stoicism is
only somewhat expensive if you buy all that ridiculous memento mori merchandise and spend
money covering your body with Seneca quotes.

5. GI bleeds often happen unexpectedly. Stoicism is all about expecting the unexpected. It usually
means preparing for the worst. In fact, GI bleeds are not even the worst. There are so many
worse things you can imagine happening to yourself while you imagine yourself unperturbed.

5 Reasons Why Stoicism Is Better than Sam Harris

1. Sam Harris used to spend a considerable time attacking Islam. He behaves as if he dislikes the
religion more than any other religion. He has unequivocally stated that Islam is not the religion of
peace. Stoicism does not despise or attack any religion. Stoicism wants to focus on virtue which is
the only good. Stoicism is compatible with Islam and its followers and hopes that everyone can work
together to become more virtuous human beings.

2. Sam Harris admits that he is bored by philosophy and ignores it. Stoics spend considerable time
thinking about other philosophies and learning from other philosophies and adapting. The Stoic
philosopher Seneca frequently quoted Epicureans and learned from their philosophy.

3. Sam Harris stole his ethics from utilitarianism and does not credit any of the utilitarian thinkers
for his ethics. Stoicism credits other thinkers and does not steal their ideas and make them worse.

4. Sam Harris, because he does not care about philosophy, wrongly asserts that free will is not
compatible with determinism and so he rejects free will. Stoics on the other hand agree with a
significant number of philosophers who have convincingly argued well for the compatibility of
free will and determinism. Stoicism has always held that free will is compatible with determinism.

5. Sam Harris has fervent followers who defend him no matter what he does wrong or thinks
wrong. Stoicism is an open philosophy with many of its own followers critiquing it and its
thinkers. Seneca, for example, is critiqued a lot as being a Stoic hypocrite and out of touch.

5 Reasons Stoicism Is Better than a Dumpster Fire

Whether it is a dumpster fire in a literal sense or a dumpster fire in a figurative sense, Stoicism is
better than a dumpster fire. Here are 5 reasons why Stoicism is better than a dumpster fire.

1. While dumpster fires are only a small set of fires, Stoicism is predicated on the belief that
elemental fire is the primordial element of the universe. The universe had a fiery beginning, and it
will have a fiery end. Literal dumpster fires are severely limited in their spatial and temporal scope
(especially since dumpster fires have only been around since dumpsters have been around). Stoicism
concerns every form of fire and is also useful as a metaphor for energy. The universe began with
energy that quickly expanded and cooled forming matter (matter is thought of as frozen energy).

2. Dumpster fires can be created for good or for evil purposes. Stoicism is an ethical philosophy that
helps you develop a good character which lives in harmony with nature.

3. When someone says a situation is a dumpster fire, it is usually meant that there is a disastrously
mishandled situation. Fortunately, Stoicism allows us to be coolheaded in a dumpster fire
situation. Stoicism allows us to realize that externals are beyond our control and gives us the ability
to deal with the situation as best as we can. If we can fix the situation, then the fates allow it, and if
we cannot fix the situation, then the fates do not allow it.

4. Dumpsters were invented in 1935 CE, which means that dumpster fires could have only occurred
as early as 1935. Stoicism has been around since 300 BCE, so it is obvious that Stoicism has more
staying power than dumpsters and dumpster fires.
5. Sometimes dumpster fires can be, well, dumpster fires. Firefighters must take dumpster fires just
as seriously as structural fires because it is unknown what is burning inside of a dumpster.
Firefighters can sustain serious injuries without the proper precautions or PPE. Similarly, it is
important to take Stoicism seriously and apply it carefully since many people get it wrong. But if
you mess up at Stoicism, it is not going to make your life any worse than your life was before you
started applying it. That is the cool thing about Stoicism: if you mess up applying it, learn some
more and apply again. You will not get 3rd degree burns from that.

5 Reasons Stoicism Is Better than the Shadow Government

I have no real evidence of any shadow government operating behind the scenes of any
legitimate governments in the world but there are some who swear they exist, so I have decided
to write 5 Reasons Why Stoicism Is Better than The Shadow Government.

1. Shadow governments are illegitimate governments. Stoicism is a legitimate philosophy. If shadow

governments exist, then they are unaccountable and are ruled by a few global elites who are probably
nefarious. Stoicism is an accountable philosophy that is not interested in power. Stoicism tells us
that the only things in our power are our desires, opinions, goals, and judgments.

2. If shadow governments exist, as unlikely as it seems, it is probably equally unlikely that they
are ruled by Reptilian aliens. So, if they exist, then they are probably ruled by Reptilians or the
Bilderbergs. Reptilian aliens are pure evil, they intend to enslave all of humanity. The Bilderbergs
supposedly want to cull humanity to the point that only a few million remain. Stoicism is a
benevolent philosophy that does not believe in enslaving humanity nor does it believe in mass
homicide. Stoicism holds that we should follow virtue and be our brother’s keeper.

3. The shadow government (if it exists) is amazingly terrible at keeping many people from calling our
attention to it. There are millions of conspiracy theorists out there that constantly tell us to look for
all the patterns they see that prove the existence of the shadow government. Oddly enough none of
these conspiracy theorists end up dead. Alex Jones still has his web show. David Ickes is still at large.
Stoicism performs much better than a supposed shadow government. Stoicism intends to help those
who suffer from negative passions overcome those negative passions and achieve a state of
tranquility. So far many of the practitioners of Stoicism have only found good results.

4. Shadow governments can only survive by remaining secret. Once enough people wake up
(WAKE UP SHEEPLE!) and realize they are being governed by unaccountable extraterrestrial
shape-shifting bureaucrats, people will revolt against the shadow government and it will be
destroyed. Stoicism can survive in secret or openness. In fact, Stoicism thrives better in the
open where people can practice it and become educated practitioners.

5. Shadow governments recycle the same old unoriginal public policies. Their public policy tends to
be 1) distract people from the existence of the shadow government, 2) murder people who know
the truth, 3) get ready to cull humanity, 4) reuse the same crisis actors, and 5) stage false flag
operations. Stoicism does not recycle the same old philosophical ideas. Stoicism grows and adapts to
new concepts. Stoicism also is highly creative. If Stoicism has bad metaphysics, it will replace its
own metaphysics with an updated metaphysics.

5 Reasons Stoicism Is Better than Fox News

1. Fox News has a conservative bias. Stoicism does not have a conservative bias. Fox News
specifically runs news stories and commentaries designed to promote laissez-faire capitalism, anti-
immigration policy, the military industrial complex, and a whole host of conservative issues. Stoicism
just tells you to try to observe the world without morally judging it. As Shakespeare wrote, “nothing
is either good or bad but thinking makes it so.”

2. Fox News has been around since 1996 CE. Stoicism has been around since 300 BCE. Stoicism
has proven it can stand the test of time. Sure, Stoicism merged with Christianity during Medieval
Times, but it came back on its own during the Renaissance. Stoicism has influenced many great
thinkers during the ancient Roman times, Medieval times, Renaissance times, Age of Enlightenment,
and current.

3. Fox News, along with many other news networks, drummed up a lot of jingoistic passion in the
United States to go to war in Iraq in March of 2003. Stoicism does not drum up negative passion
e.g., jingoism. In fact, Stoicism tries to calm down negative passions and increase compassion. If
Stoicism were more largely practiced in the US, the US would never rush into war. In fact, the US
would try to be much more diplomatic than it is now.

4. Fox News has Sean Hannity. Great Stoic thinkers, ancient and modern, do not include Sean
Hannity.

5. Finally, Fox News commentary is all about pointing out negative attributes of Democrat
politicians and pointing out positive attributes of Republican politicians (unless they are not
conservative enough). Stoicism ignores partisan divide and tries to help anyone realistically assess
people’s character. So, a Stoic is only going to judge politicos based on what they know of their
virtues, particularly their justice and wisdom.

5 Reasons Stoicism Is Better than Objectivism

1. Objectivism is a selfish philosophy. You spend all your time thinking about your self-interest.
Sure, it is enlightened selfishness, so it is not like you are pure evil. But, at the end of the day, you
only care about yourself. Let us face it, it gets kind of lonely thinking only about yourself and what
you get out of any relationship. Rather, why not practice Stoicism where you care about other
human beings enough to sacrifice yourself for team humanity? You will feel much better thinking of
yourself as part of a greater whole and people may love you for your sacrifices.

2. Objectivism cares too much about externals like productivity and even makes productiveness a
virtue. Sometimes in life it is difficult to be productive. You might have a physical disability or a
mental illness that makes it hard to be productive. Rather than cry yourself to sleep at night about
not being productive, maybe you can try Stoicism. In Stoicism you do not need to meet external
goals to be happy, you just need to meet internal goals of trying to be a good person. In Objectivism
if you cannot be productive, you are a sad human being. In Stoicism if you are not productive, it is
completely fine.

3. Objectivism stresses its own virtue of independence. But let us face it, in life, you will be
dependent quite often. Sometimes you will have to ask your friend for money or get so poor you will
need welfare. Objectivism would tell you that you are a parasite for needing help. But let us not
forget that Stoicism looked up to Diogenes who was a complete beggar. Human beings are
interdependent animals. We are not atomistic individuals who are completely self-sufficient,
and Stoicism says that is perfect.

4. Objectivism defines justice way too selfishly to make anyone happy. An Objectivist would say
justice is achieved when everyone pursues their own selfish interests and no one else interferes with
their pursuits. Unfortunately, if we allowed for this to be the case, the rich would just own
everything and, the majority, the poor would be living on breadcrumbs and sick and dying.
Fortunately, Stoicism wants you to be your brother’s keeper and so demands that you sacrifice a lot
of your own interests for the team. In a Stoic society, the rich may not be as happy as they would
be in an Objectivist society, but, hey, the poor will be a lot happier and not as dead.

5. The most obvious reason why Stoicism beats Objectivism is that Objectivism only uses its own
virtues as a mere means to happy selfishness. Unfortunately, as we have seen Objectivism requires
never being dependent or always being productive and that is implausible in many people’s lives.
Stoicism, on the other hand, just wants you to mean well. In Stoicism, you may be paralyzed from
the neck down, but if you have a benevolent heart, you are a good person. And for a Stoic virtue
is its own reward. So being benevolent in itself will lead one towards eudaimonia (true happiness).

5 Reasons Stoicism Is Better than Kanye West

1. Kanye Omari West was born June 8, 1977. Stoicism was born from the mind of Zeno of Citium
in 300 BC. Stoicism has been around a long time and has waxed and waned and been through the
philosophical grinder. Stoicism has made its mark in history; it has staying power. It is not clear
Kanye West will have nearly as much staying power. In 100 years, Kanye West may be forgotten.
Basically, Stoicism has proved itself as an important idea and Kanye has yet to prove himself as an
important idea.

2. Kanye West has compared himself to Jesus Christ, the most important figure in Christianity.
Stoicism has influenced, shaped, and created a large amount of what we know today as
Christianity. Kanye West might still think he is Jesus, but Stoicism and its concept of the Logos is a
lot closer to Jesus than Kanye may ever be.

3. Kanye West may have Kim Kardashian but Stoicism has Marcus Aurelius, the great
magnanimous emperor of Rome.

4. Kanye West rudely interrupted Taylor Swift while she was receiving an award at the VMAs in
2009. Barack Obama famously called him a jackass for this stunt. Stoicism does not interrupt people.

5. Kanye West criticized Obama and praised Trump claiming that the mob cannot make him not
love Trump. Stoicism is much more loving than Kanye. Stoicism is about brotherly and sisterly love
of everyone be it the mob, Obama, Trump, immigrants, gold-diggers and is universal and impartial
love. Stoicism also does not care about fame or the limelight except as possible means to virtue.

5 Reasons Stoicism Is Better than the War on Drugs

The War on Drugs is the name given to the campaign by the US Federal Government of prohibiting
drugs and the military aid and intervention to disrupt the illegal drug trade. Here are 5 Reasons Why
Stoicism is better than the drug war.

1. Stoicism is not a philosophy that sells an effort that is ultimately futile. The War on Drugs is
usually criticized because it does not appear to be helping people stay off drugs. Instead, it might
be exacerbating the situation and is costing the US taxpayers $500 million dollars per year.

2. As mentioned the US War on Drugs costs taxpayers $500 million/year. Stoicism costs less than
$500 million/year. Stoicism not only costs less than the War on Drugs, but it provides surplus
value such as education in virtue. A life of virtue means a life of flourishing.

3. In the 1980s, while arrests for all crimes rose 28%, the number of arrests for drug offenses rose
astronomically at 126%. The War on Drugs has significantly led to an effect of mass incarceration of
people who simply enjoy drugs and like profiting from selling them. Stoicism does not incarcerate
anyone, in fact, it frees the soul from being attached to externals, no matter how pleasureful they are.
Stoicism is a better way of getting people off drugs than threatening people or arresting people for
drug use.

4. Stoicism says we all equally lack perfect virtue. In Stoicism, no one is truly perfectly good
except for the Sage (a theoretical person that all Stoics try to become). In the US War on Drugs,
people who do or sell drugs are painted as evil compared to those who do not. Stoicism is a lot
nicer to everyone morally than the War on Drugs.

5. The US War on Drugs has disproportionately locked up the poor compared to wealthy and
has disproportionately locked up Hispanics and blacks compared to whites. The War on Drugs
has a history shrouded in racism. Stoicism, historically, has been cosmopolitan in nature believing
that everyone regardless of race, ethnicity, gender, or creed is deserving of dignity.

5 Reasons Stoicism Is Better than Murder Hornets

The Asian giant hornet (Vespa mandarinia), including the color form referred to as the "Japanese
giant hornet", is the world's largest hornet. It is also known as the murder hornet. Here are 5
reasons Stoicism is better than murder hornets.

1. While the murder hornet lives in in East Asia, South Asia, Mainland Southeast Asia, parts of the
Russia, and now the Northwest United States, it is has not travelled as far as Stoicism. There are
now contemporary Stoics throughout the world who meet up in local groups or online. Also,
Stoicism is not limited to low mountains and forests like murder hornets.

2. The magnanimous Stoic Emperor Marcus Aurelius famously wrote "what is not good for the
bee-hive is not good for the bee." He never once mentioned murder hornets. Probably because they
simply did not matter.

3. Murder hornets can deliver a sting that can make you feel like you got hit by a truck. That kind of
sting can sound intimidating. But the sting of pathos (suffering) is more powerful and has much
greater longevity. It turns out that Stoicism can help us conquer the intense stings of our regrets and
anxiety by changing our orientation towards eudaimonia (inner happiness) and away from hedone
(outer happiness).
4. Western honeybees have no defense against the murder hornets, which can quickly destroy their
colonies. None of the tenets of Stoicism demand that beehives are to be destroyed. That is a win
for Stoicism and a win for bees.

5. Murder hornets have many weaknesses that can easily be exploited. Murder hornets get locked
into bee-hunting phase or bee-slaughter phase, and when this happens, they do not counterattack, so
it is easy to kill them with flathead sticks. Stoicism, as a philosophy, does not have any weaknesses.
Stoicism is a complete and coherent worldview with all its essential tenets being true.

Cheap Ancient Philosophy Jokes

Now that we are done with 5 Reasons Why Stoicism Is Better Than Everything. I thought I would
share some old jokes I came up with that exemplify Stoic humor.

The Cooking Competition

Why was the cooking competition so terrible to watch between a Platonist, a Stoic, and
an Epicurean?

The Epicurean made an excellent chicken Marsala, but she started dividing it up into its constituent
atoms since she reasoned that everything really was atoms and the void. She spent the rest of the
competition just slicing and dicing, trying to get to the indivisible atoms.

The Stoic had the job of making BBQ chicken wings. This seemed manageable at first, but the Stoic
could not do it because it was not in his power. He judged the BBQ chicken wings as a preferred
indifferent. But since it was not in his power, he could not make it. But he was virtuous.

The Platonist was making crab salad but every time she was done making it, she would take it back
to her table and try to perfect it until it was the Form of crab salad. Eventually she just threw it away
and served the judges her recipe, which she said represented the true Form of crab salad not a cheap
imitation.

Stage Fright

How did the ancient Greek philosophers get over their stage fright?

How did the Sophist get over his stage fright?

He imagined the crowd naked.

How did the Epicurean?

She imagined the crowd was just atoms and void. How can mere atoms and void be scary?
How did the Platonist?

He imagined that the crowd was just shadows on the wall of the cave. The crowd is just a less real
version of the World of Forms.

How did the Stoic?

She just imagined the crowd as mean, judgmental, coarse in language, and throwing fruit at her while
she imagined herself indifferent to this. After the brief visualization, the crowd before her seemed
much tamer and more manageable.

How did the Cyrenaic?

He just drank from his bottle of wine between lines he had to recite.

How did the Cynic?

She imagined herself naked and then proceeded to get naked. The crowd yelled, “you have no
shame!” and began throwing fruit. She then responded by peeing on the stage floor. She took
a quick bow and threw her menstrual rag into the crowd and exited stage right.

Crossing the Road

Why did philosophers of different schools cross the road?

Why did the Epicurean cross the road? Atoms randomly swerving made her do it.

Why did the Stoic cross the road? Because of rigid determinism.

Why did the Cynic cross the road? To go to the marketplace and shamelessly publicly masturbate.

Determinism

Why is it so hard for Epicureans to be Stoics? They lack the determinism required!

The Divine

Each ancient philosopher proposed his concept of God or divinity.

Plato: There is the Divine Good (or the One), which is the greatest of the Forms. There is also the
Demiurge which fashions the imperfect material universe.

Aristotle: There is the Unmoved Mover, a completely Formal being that is completely
actualized that all objects in the universe attempt to emulate.

Epicurus: The Gods exist and are made up of atoms. Everything is made up of atoms and the void.

The Stoic Zeno of Citium: There is a completely material universe with a fiery reasoning
substance called Logos that pervades all of it. In short, you can call the Universe God.

The Cynic Diogenes of Sinope: did someone mention DOG? I like dogs. We must each become a
dog!

Ontologies

The ancient philosophers describe their theory of reality:

Stoics: there is only the fiery Logos and its providence

Epicureans: there is only the atoms and the void

Aristotle: there is exactly five elements and earth is at the center of all the elements.

Plato: there is only abstract entities and matter is an illusion.

Skeptics: it is impossible to know what is

Diogenes the Cynic: there is only this barrel. It is a nice urn; it keeps me sheltered at night. It
is made of the finest ceramic.

Universals

The ancient philosophers described their concept of universals/properties:

Plato: Properties like white and red are universals that exist beyond material objects, but they
do participate in them.

Aristotle: Properties like white and red are universals that exist only in material objects.

Stoics: Properties like white and red are just words we give a collection of white and red objects.
At best they exist in the mind.

Diogenes: I pissed off Plato the other day. I plucked a chicken and took it to the Academy and said,
“this is your featherless biped.” His face went from white to red.

Fin