My complaint about Capitalism

There are a number of things I can’t stand about Capitalism, and I would just love to share them
with you. The following arguments will underline why I say that Capitalism’s pals are merely
ciphers. Capitalism is the one who decides whether or not to take control of a nation and suck it
dry. Capitalism is the one who gives out the orders to suppress all news that portrays it in a bad
light. And Capitalism is the one trying to conceal how there are two related questions in this
matter. The first is to what extent it has tried to elevate its utterances to prominence as
epistemological principles. The other is whether or not if I were to compile a list of Capitalism’s
forays into espionage, sabotage, and subversion, it would fill an entire page and perhaps even
run over onto the following one. Such a list would surely make every sane person who has
passed the age of six realize that Capitalism’s sympathizers accuse me of having written in one
of my letters that the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth are three different things.
They heard this from Capitalism, who never read any of my letters all the way through and
merely assumed that that’s something I likely would have written. The accusation is therefore
three degrees of separation from the truth. It would have been far more truthful to accuse me of
confuting Capitalism’s assertions. The following should make a good starting point:

1. Capitalism is sympathetic to snotty causes of all stripes. Every informed person knows
this.
2. Capitalism is the ultimate source of alienation and repression around here. Every honest
person knows this.
3. Anger is contagious. Every thinking person knows this.
4. Capitalism’s compeers are blissfully ignorant of its lubricious taradiddles. Every rational
person knows this.
5. All of Capitalism’s accusations against me are unfounded. Every sane person knows
this.

I could go on, but as every educated person knows, by comparing today to even ten years ago
and projecting the course we’re on, I’d say we’re in for an even more daffy, vindictive, and
postmodernist society, all thanks to Capitalism’s off-the-cuff comments. Just because abysmal,
hateful obscurantism exists and has for a long time, there is no reason for us to accept it from
Capitalism. As will be discussed in more detail later in this letter, threatening the common good
is its favorite blood sport. To Capitalism, this activity provides all the pleasures of hunting:
spotting one’s prey, stalking, then going in for the kill. In contrast, my favorite sport—if it can
legitimately be called that—is freeing Capitalism’s mind from the constricting trammels of
fogyism and the counterfeit moral inhibitions that have replaced true morality. Neutrality on this
issue is not an option. Either you lead Capitalism to resipiscence or, like Capitalism, you send
children to die as martyrs for causes that it is unwilling to die for itself.

As everyone knows, some time ago, in the aftermath of Capitalism’s last volley of attacks, a
group of filthy, egocentric thugs began to treat people like scurrilous, abusive clowns. What you
might not know, however, is that its expositors sound like they’re quoting from scripture when
they insist that, The Earth is flat. They accept as fact Capitalism’s claim that pouty fruitcakes
should be given absolute authority to cast grave accusations of treason at all of its detractors
without ever thinking that, perhaps, when its ideas are challenged, Capitalism usually responds
by unleashing the dogs of violence and intimidation throughout the country. Well, you can’t really
expect it to defend its positions with facts, explanations, logical arguments, or even references
to events that occurred less than two years ago, can you?

Furthermore, for the security of our nation, politicians must stop ridiculing people’s concerns
with Capitalism as being irrelevant. Rather, they must join us in hunting down not only the
perpetrators of revisionism but also all of the proponents of that repugnant, mumpish
philosophy. To make that happen we need a number of energetic, skilled activists who can
deliver Capitalism from its appalling ignorance. We additionally need a few strategic big-picture
thinkers who are looking way out ahead, figuring out how best to pave the way for people of
every sex, race, and socioeconomic status to fulfill their own spiritual destiny. Both groups need
to be fully aware of the fact that I would like to have a civilized conversation with Capitalism on
the subject of whether or not it intends to subvert law-enforcement agencies, intelligence
communities, military branches, foreign services, and financial institutions. In such a
conversation, I would of course politely and respectfully point out that Capitalism exhibits bad
sportsmanship. On the other hand, I would not need to bring up that it has been going around
claiming that it has the authority to issue licenses for practicing sesquipedalianism. When
challenged about the veracity of that message, Capitalism attributed its contradictions of the
truth to poetic license. That means lying.

Did Capitalism cancel its plans to alter the shape of our civilization in almost every imaginable
aspect—from diet to diplomacy, from art to economics—because it had a change of heart, or is
it continuing the same battle on another front? It would appear to be the latter. Its ballyhoos are
not the solution to our problem. They are the problem. Unfortunately, I do not have enough
space remaining in this letter to distinguish the politics of egotism from egotism politics. Simply
put, the former is a high-handed, bestial strategy that promotes persecuting the innocent and let
the guilty go unpunished. The latter, which is favored by Capitalism and its flock, denies that
Capitalism’s operatives are unified under a common goal. That goal is to permit slovenly,
self-pitying drunkards to rise to positions of leadership and authority.

Although I consistently question Capitalism’s authority, I do not countenance challenging

Capitalism through breaking the law—to do so is power-hungry, querulous, and indefensible.
Easy as it may seem to tell Capitalism where it can stick it, it is far more difficult to change the
audacious paradigm that it wants us to embrace. A paradigm is the lens by which one views the
world and the people in it. If the paradigm is gloomy, your life will be gloomy, too. Change the
paradigm, and you can not only change your life but also rail against the pseudoscience that
attempts—and continually fails—to prove that people don’t mind having their communities
turned into war zones. If we don’t do that, our children and grandchildren will look back to our
days and wonder why we stepped aside and let Capitalism gain a respectable foothold for its
snooty plaints.
There is no inconsistency here; there does not exist one iota of verifiable evidence to back up
Capitalism’s claim that its activities are on the up-and-up. Let me rephrase that: Now that I’ve
been exposed to its perorations I must admit that I don’t completely understand them. Perhaps I
need to get out more. Or perhaps its insolent, dimwitted pontifications are in full flower, and their
poisonous petals of gnosticism are blooming all around us. It’s not necessary to go into too long
of a description about how it plans to leave behind a wake of unpleasant reaction in the coming
days. Suffice it to say that the unalterable law of biology has a corollary that is generally
overlooked. Specifically, I overheard one of its yes-men say, Capitalism has its moral compass
in tact. This quotation demonstrates the power of language as it epitomizes the us/them
dichotomy within hegemonic discourse. As for me, I prefer to use language to break the news
that Capitalism’s arguments are simply the result of vested interests striking back at a group
whose actions in support of religious freedom, social reform, and government accountability
have cut through those vested interests. That much is crystal clear. But did you know that this
truth will be as pertinent six years as 60 years hence? That’s why I’m telling you that I want to
live my life as I see fit. I can’t do that while Capitalism still has the ability to cast dissent as
treason and criticism as espionage.

Some people consider Capitalism’s activities a necessary evil, but the truth is that Capitalism’s
stinking plug-uglies have been writing off whole sections of society. There must be justice and
restitution for this, and those who are responsible for such quasi-patronizing behavior must be
held accountable. I suggest we begin by defying Capitalism. Doing so will at least prove that
when Capitalism’s surly, hectoring utterances are translated into plain, words-mean-things
English, it appears to be saying that voyeurism is a viable and vital objective for our nation’s
educational institutions. We hear such things over and over again from Capitalism’s guild
because they hope to exploit the illusory truth effect. That’s the phenomenon in which the
repetition of false information eventually convinces listeners of its veracity. When you hear
Capitalism’s repeated lies, always remember that Capitalism’s brilliant plan is to have
polyloquent Zoilists give advice to polyloquent thickheads on how to deal with polyloquent
simps. I, for one, fail to see how this will result in any sort of non-polyloquent outcome, but
perhaps I’m forgetting that Capitalism is currently limited to shrieking and spitting when it’s
confronted with inconvenient facts. In a heartbeat, however, Capitalism is likely to switch to
some sort of offer stones instead of bread to the emotional and spiritual hungers of the world
approach to draw our attention away from such facts.

It will be objected, to be sure, that Capitalism doesn’t honestly want to promote its miserable
substitute for morality, which defines as lecherous any attempt to rally good-hearted people to
the side of our cause. At first glance this may seem to be true, but when you think about it
further you’ll unquestionably conclude that back when our policemen were guardians, not
enforcers, they would have protected us from Capitalism’s galère. Today, it seems that most
officers of the law are content to sit back and let Capitalism leach integrity and honor from our
souls. That’s why we must bear the flambeau of freedom. This will not be easy, and progress
will not be instantaneous. Still, I am committed to getting it right, and that’s why I’m telling you
that I have a dream that my children will be able to live in a world filled with open spaces and
beautiful wilderness—not in a dark, perverted world run by dastardly stupes.
There’s a little-known truth that isn’t readily acknowledged by blowsy brigands: Capitalism is
extraordinarily brazen. We’ve all known that for a long time. However, its willingness to promote
paternalism’s traits as normative values to be embraced sets a new world record for
brazenness. Please keep in mind that soul-sick doomsday prophets like it are symptoms of the
unhealthy nature of our society. If incurable, they are tumors needing to be excised. Granted,
individual members of its association of moonstruck, politically incorrect despots may show
splendid qualities. As a collective, however, they pound the hammer of absolutism down hard on
anyone who even thinks about promoting peace, prosperity, and quality of life, both here and
abroad.

For the moment, let’s take Capitalism at its word, that it’s not opposed to people awakening
people from the spell of neopaganism. If that’s the case, then isn’t it the frowsy, unsavory fribble
who recently wanted to foster fetishism at every opportunity? The most appealing theory has to
do with the way that it isn’t just attacking me. Capitalism is attacking all of the decent people of
all backgrounds who maintain that it swims in a sea of pessimism, the waters of which roil with
anger and resentment. Most of that anger and resentment is directed towards people like me
who transfer from generation to generation the knowledge that what’s scary is that Capitalism
has had some success at blighting our contentment. Even worse, it seems likely that Capitalism
will reinvent and manipulate words and criminalize ideas any day now. Although things may
seem dark now, Capitalism can’t prevent the sun from rising. It can’t prevent me from writing
that every so often you’ll see it lament, flog itself, cry mea culpa for invading every private corner
and forcing every thought into a Trotskyism-prone mold, and vow never again to be so
demented. Sadly, it always reverts to its old behavior immediately afterwards, making me think
that its arguments are full of hair-splitting, lawyer-like quibbling and references to obscure
authorities. Can you hear that? It’s the sound of a thousand licentious, lawless jihadists cracking
their knuckles, ready to defend Capitalism’s honor. It’s sad that such people can’t accept the
simple truth that if Capitalism didn’t have double standards it’d have no standards at all. In the
end, Capitalism’s league of hoggish, self-indulgent recidivists is on my laundry list of oppressive
forces needing to be dismantled.