Rap God

written by

Luke Georgecink

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EXT. SIDE OF THE STREET NEXT TO A BURNING BUILDING IN
DOWNTOWN MANHATTAN.
We see people running, screaming, panicked.
FRIGHTENED WOMAN
Where's the fire department?!
Someone call 9-1-1!!
The guitar riff from Lose Yourself starts to play. Eminem
walks up to her, hood up, ready to go. Calm, cool, in the
zone. The music stops.

EMINEM
Yo! Glad I was nearby.
FRIGHTENED WOMAN
Eminem?
EMINEM
We don't need the fire department,
my bars can save lives.. I'm a Rap
God. I'll stop this fire with my
rhymes.
Eminem looks deep in thought, super serious.
Stand back ma'am. I'm bout to
fuckin'- destroy this fire.
FRIGHTENED WOMAN
What?
Eminem starts pacing back and forth in front of the building.
EMINEM
Yo.
Eminem stops in front of the building.
EMINEM (CONT’D)
Fire. Invadin' this building like
an alien lighter. Brighter it
glows, higher it grows, stoppin' it
now like frogger dead IN THE ROAD!
Before it even gets its toes on the
road. Turn em to fodder. Grab my
hose, hold ya nose, say ya woes,
bout to drop my load on this bitch
and I don't even need WATER! I'm
gettin' hotter and hotter, might as
well be casting spells like fuckin'
Harry Potter. Takin' to water like
a fish or an otter.
(MORE)
 2.
EMINEM (CONT’D)
Guess I just hit a lotta lotto's,
after a couple Tito's, drowning
this bitch that ain't shit, I'm
chewin' em up like flammin'
CHEETO'S!
A beat. Like Em is waiting for something to happen.
FRIGHTENED WOMAN
Call the damn fire department!
Eminem is really getting into it now. Starting to get wild
eyed. The building is completely ablaze now.
EMINEM
This lady's hyping me up! Don't get
me started. This fire's pissing me
off, like Tiger's ex playing golf
with the windshield of her
husband's car, worse than Adolf at
par with the Tsar, a big wad of
tar, in a jar, really FAR! In
between cycles of a triangle
tricycle tire sale, a Chrysler
dryer mail, a fire trail in the
director's chair while eatin' SALTY
KALE!
FRIGHTENED WOMAN
You're speaking gibberish! Please!!
The roof is on fire!!

EMINEM
The roof! The roof! The roof is on-
Poof! Manical, diabolical,
popsicles, nautical tops of
tropical follicles under
crocodiles' flop-a-diles, with the
chronicles of happy PILLS! Feel
another freezer chill in a Weezer
mill with an old geezer till, in a
teaser wheel, with a CAESAR HILL!
And there's still more blood I
gotta SPILL!
The building has burned down to the ground. The frightened
woman has dropped to her knees in tears.
FRIGHTENED WOMAN
Whhhhhhyyyyyy!!
BLACKOUT.
WE CUT TO:
 3.

INT. A HOSPITAL ROOM

A sickly man is lying in his hospital bed. He's got stage
four cancer and things are not looking good. He is buzzing
his buzzer for the doctor. His vision is blurry. He looks up
and sees a shadowy figure.
SICKLY MAN
Dr. Perkins..? Please.. I don't
think I have much time.
His vision clears and he sees Eminem standing over him.
EMINEM
Glad I was nearby.
SICKLY MAN
Eminem?
EMINEM
Look pal, I'll beat this cancer
with my bars.. I'm a God. A Rap
God. I'm about to knock this
cancer- the fuck out.
SICKLY MAN
Can you get the doctor?
Eminem flips his hood up and starts to pace around the bed.
EMINEM
Cancer.. Dancer and Blitzen, fixin'
to send this shit in to REMISSION!
Dishin' ill rhymes in dope time
with rope climbs and yoke mimes
while givin' woke dimes for POPE
CRIMES! While suckin' on joke
limes.. You got a new fate with
fish bait on the re-take of the
crew make of a MILK SHAKE! This
Joker's got a bad tell in a hell
game of a card shame gettin'
slammed on by D. Wade in a weak
fame of JELL TAME!
SICKLY MAN
Joke limes?
EMINEM
Rebounding a monumental
consequential sharpened pencil
jogging central transcendental
HOGGING MENSTRUAL! ROCKIN' TINSEL!
(MORE)
 4.
EMINEM (CONT’D)
And I got more bars than a cancer's
MENTOR!
We hear the heart monitor go BEEEEEEEEP. The sickly man has
flat lined.
BLACKOUT.
WE CUT TO:

EXT. AN OIL RIG IN THE GULF OF MEXICO

There has been a massive oil spill. Workers on the oil rig
are running ragged trying to escape and figure out how to
stop the leak.
PANICKED WORKER
We gotta get below the surface and
figure out how to stop the leak on
the ocean's floor!
We cut to the ocean's floor. We see Eminem scuba diving
toward the pipe's leak. He approaches the leak. He begins
trying to freestyle through his oxygen mask. He flips his
hood up underwater.
EMINEM
Mmmurr murr murrr murr bluuu blluuu
hhhhuuur mmmmuuurr muurr lummm
MUURR!
All we see are air bubbles coming out of Em's mask.
We cut back to the oil rig.
PANICKED WORKER
(Shouting at the ocean)
This rig is gonna blow!!!! Save us
Eminem!!!!
We cut to a wide shot where we see the oil rig suddenly
stabilize and all of the fires and chaos ceases.
PANICKED WORKER (CONT’D)
He did it!!!!
BLACKOUT.